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Dear Liza Minelli. No to “Single Ladies”

Liza Minnelli at the Sex and the City 2 premiere

Whatchu got on, Liza?!? Is that an adhesive bra? Is that saran wrap? iCANNOT!

I hate Miss Jia for introducing such foolery into my life. Dang it ALL to Dereon Hell.  Did y’all SEE this??? Liza Minnelli did a version of Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” for the Sex and the City 2 soundtrack. I’m murked. Just let me lay here for a minute. I’m here to write her a short letter. But watch this first.

Dear Liza,

Hey girl hey. How’s your arthiritis doing? I hope your gout isn’t acting up. And your sugars? Well i’m glad to hear you’re alright.

Liza, if you don’t getcho geriatric, eau de Ben Gay self and go be qwat somewhere! What are YOU doing singing “Single Ladies?” The only “Rings” on you are the ones around your trunk to count how only you are. Ain’t nobody putting NOTHING on it either. Not a doggone thang.

“Uh oh oh” gon have a new meaning if you tried to gyrate to this song. Liza, I know Queen Yawnce ain’t want injury to come from her song. Just leave it ‘lone. And if I catch you in a onesie, touching one or even THINKING about one, I’mo send you on the next train to Shady Pines Nursing Home to hang with Sofia an’ em. Just NO.

Yours in care,


P.S. But thank you for making me laugh so hard, I hiccuped.

Sidenote: Speaking of old, I’m getting my pupils dilated today so I won’t be able to read for 7-8 hrs. I may come back tomorrow with a post about that experience.

Thanks to Gabi for linking me to that pic of Liza.

Edit: So I saw Sex and the City 2 and I take it back. Liza MURKED “Single Ladies” in her geriatric fashion. She went up there and WERKED! Carry on, Ms. Minnelli

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  1. May 25, 2010 at 2:32 am

    How does one sing off rhythm the whole darn song?

    How can I tell the backup singers were not any kind of invested in this project, just by hearing?

    Where did the Broadway takeover come from at the bridge?

    Who approved this? Who told her to stop at the end with that “Oh!” I thought she cracked something.

    And to put the topper on the Splenda based (for those who are sensitive to the) diabeetus cake, it’s on the SATC2 soundtrack? Yep… sounds about right.

    I quit old people, all over again.
    .-= Beez´s last blog ..I’m Still Working… =-.

  2. Klover
    May 25, 2010 at 3:45 am

    The whole entire song had me in utter disbelief, and left me laughing harder then Ikes fist to Tinas face. The part that killed me was the break down at the end, and that epic ” Oh…….ohhh……….ohhhhhhwwwhhoooooooo” I laughed so hard for so long #Icant. Clearly I thought she was dying, but its in the song so I guess she felt the need to say it lmao. Liza just don’t wanna be in that senior citizens building with them tapioca cups, and bed pans thats all lol #Icant.

  3. Roxy
    May 25, 2010 at 8:57 am

    I got as far as 17 seconds and walked away.

  4. May 25, 2010 at 9:39 am

    Ah naw Liza, what is that fabric. It’s like she bought the cheapest stuff she could find and said wrap me up in this. Ah what the hell, no, no, no, no.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate
    .-= Tiffany´s last blog ..Feeling Stationery =-.

  5. May 25, 2010 at 1:31 pm

    As you can see from the screen grab, Liza pioneered the “no pants” trend, so this was inevitable. And Luvvie, to test your eyes, just look Uncle Slickfront from yesterday (I take no responsibility if it makes your eyes worse)

  6. Lite Bread
    May 25, 2010 at 2:06 pm

    Yer Most Excellent Awesomelynessis,
    (On a personal note – first and foremost; hope the eye thing goes well. Glasses time? And be careful you don’t accidentally say “Yes” when that cute whiteboy asks you out afterward, ‘cause you can’t tell he is!)

    I must Condemn you for this! MY eyes dilated (and rolled back into my forehead) all on their own the minute they could focus on that … uh … that … What IS That?!
    Please MY Old People’s! Know, yes, Know when you are old enough uCan’t DO THIS anymore! OK? Liza, Liza, girl, maybe there was a day, many moons ago, when somebody (but not me) thought you were Hot. But them days are Gone. And ain’t coming back, Ok girl? I don’t need to see drooping Boob’s, surgery-thighs or facial stretch-marks. I don’t think it’s either flattering OR Segy. I’m quite sure I’m not alone in these feelings.
    There is Nothing Wrong With Acting Your Age. Doesn’t mean you gotta give in to the Grim Reaper yet, but, Dang! Can’t we all acknowledge we ain’t youngsters no more? That there is something called “Aging With CLASS”? And Dignity? And an understanding of ‘where you are in life’ at this moment?
    What in the ‘ell has happened to my older peoples? Why we gotta act like we “Hip Forever!” NO We Ain’t!
    Woman, put on some nice Martha Stewart apparel and act your age. Please, be a Grown-up; and show the youngster’s how it is done Right, and leave this foolish mess alone.

    Ms. Awesomelynessis? See, this is why I have a Standing Order, all signed up in Wills and Medical Directives and like, that should I ever go Delusional, start dressing like either HuggyBear from Starsky and Hutch or decide to “get my inner Kanye on”, go down to the club and think I’m hot and gonna chat up women half my age …

    My kids get to go Dr. Kevorkian on me. Put me outta my misery. Because acting like that IS an End of Life event. Nice, peaceful lethal injection. So I don’t Shame the family and such.

    I gotta go wash my eyeballs out now.

    And she’d have done better singin’ “Moon River” or something. What next Tom Jones does Lil’ Wayne?!

  7. Drea823
    May 25, 2010 at 4:14 pm

    I can’t breathe!!! El Oh damn EL !!!!! I can’t tell you how much I love this site, it’s always good for my funny bone.

  8. May 25, 2010 at 4:29 pm

    So many things wrong here! 1) the sheer see-through trash bag outfit at the SATC2 premiere. 2) the lack of rhythm in the video. 3) her age. 4) the fact that she decided to to a Single Ladies remake at all.

    Sad, all just so sad.

  9. Caspercutie
    May 25, 2010 at 9:33 pm

    Umm… Miss Liza, you cannot sing with an old lady warble in your voice. I wasn’t surprised when it went Broadway. And to be real honest, I had to fight the urge to do jazz hands while sitting at the computer.

  10. May 26, 2010 at 11:30 am

    What is she, like a hundred-forty-lebbn or somesuch nonsense?? She’s gonna break a hip with this kinda foolery. Make her say “OOOHHH” when I put that leg in 7# Buck’s traction…

    *that was probably only amusing if you happen to be a nurse*
    .-= amymay´s last blog ..The Biggest Kitten I’ve Ever Seen =-.

  11. May 31, 2010 at 6:38 am

    What am I goin’ to do with you Luvvie?! OMG!!! O_O *MUERTA*

  12. June 11, 2010 at 9:12 am

    People are mean and can’t spell; She is 64, has won every award in the industry, and is dearly loved by Beyonce; so go to school all you mean people and at least learn to use spell check before you trash Liza with a Z or anyone else with class and heart and talent.

  13. bogart4017
    June 14, 2010 at 12:36 pm

    …I can’t…

  14. ABG
    January 12, 2011 at 4:10 pm

    …just found your blog (great site)…LMBO at the memories from when my friends and I saw SATC in Arizona while on vacation. It takes one of my friends to mimic LM; it will have you on the floor crying from laughing so hard.

  15. Marsha S. Haneiph
    June 18, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    Love the shout-out to Sofia in the Shady Pines Nursing Home. Brilliance.