Whose is this?

Whose Cousin is This with the Jolly Rancher Barrettes?

Parents, hug your kids

*blinks twice*


Who’s ol’ cousin is this?!? I saw this picture and wanted to go kick every trashcan in a 5-mile radius. There’s sooo much tomfoolery in this picture that I don’t even know where to start. Fine, I guess we’ll work our way down from the top.

First, this mess got on colored contacts. iHate them with the virility of Weezy’s marching soldiers. People, please let’s give up the colored contacts. Everyone isn’t meant to have hazel and green eyes. The Lawd knew what He was doing when He didn’t give us all light-colored eyes. Take your baby browns and rejoice in them. Revel in the fact that when your pupils dilate, people don’t have to know. Just STOP with the colored contacts!

Then, this fool put jolly ranchers in his braids as beads. *deep sigh* iBlame the parents. I feel like a good solid upbringing would keep one from doing such a thing. Jolly Ranchers + Braids + Beads = EPIC fail ALL around. Nothing about those 3 nouns should have anything to do with a man. For starters, he’s too grown to still be rocking braids. TOO. GROWN. Then, he decided he wanted adornment for said braids. Double WOMP. And for the cherry (rancher), he wove jolly ranchers around each one.

iCan’t. iWon’t. iRebuke it.

So someone tell me? Is this your cousin? No really. You can admit. We won’t judge you completely. We may just give your lineage the side-eye. We’re family here on AweLuvv. Well unless that IS your cousin. Then, we may not claim you.

Whatcha’ll think about homeboy & his sweets?

P.S. AND he’s biting his lip like he’s segzy?!? LAWD… somebody don told HIM wrong!

P.P.S. Getcho cousin!

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  1. whit
    May 17, 2010 at 7:45 am

    I mean… on the bright side…dude has snax 24/7.

    • Cheekie
      May 17, 2010 at 12:06 pm

      lol, I hatechu for this.

    • SimplisElegance
      May 17, 2010 at 8:35 pm


    • May 17, 2010 at 11:51 pm

      LMAO!!! you’re rude for this. Rude but right.

    • ladyscellz
      May 6, 2012 at 4:32 pm

      good God help me,i was gonna say the same thing lmfao

  2. whit
    May 17, 2010 at 7:45 am

    I mean… on the bright side…dude has snax ON DECK 24/7.

  3. May 17, 2010 at 8:14 am

    So….no, he’s not my cousin. He looks like he could be related to Bow Wow though. For fear of offending folk, I’ll just say that I just hope that he doesn’t run with a crew that does this collectively. The fact that he’s biting his lip tells me that someone made him feel confident about his look at some time or another. Someone needs to bust that bubble though.

    • May 17, 2010 at 11:52 pm

      Even Bow Wow cut off his braids. But the sad part is that I bet he does run w/ an equally foolish crew. Ratchet fools of a feather usually flock together.

  4. Monk
    May 17, 2010 at 8:52 am

    I blame the lack of his father’s presence in his life. One may say that I’m wrong for making such an assumption, but fugg it, I KNOW that this young dude does not have a father in his household. No responsible father would allow this. Fathers may let some trendy shyt slide but this isn’t even trendy. I hope this young lad don’t have girls gassing him up with shyt like this cause that will only perpetuate it. *smh*

    • Lite Bread
      May 17, 2010 at 2:14 pm

      I do know Exactly what you mean! My son EVA’ come out his room lookin’ like that, the police will shortly be involved, with his siblings callin’ 911 … “Daddy’s gone OFF! He’s got Sissors!!! (screams in background)”.
      Family pride would render me innocent.

      • May 17, 2010 at 11:54 pm

        LOL Litey. I’ont wanna see you on the news about the white man that went off on his kids.

    • May 17, 2010 at 11:53 pm

      Yeah… iBlame his upbringing. Children need boundaries otherwise they turn into adults that think it’s ok to put candy in their hair as beads. Let’s pray for him.

  5. May 17, 2010 at 10:03 am

    (in my riley voice) that nigga gay.

    • Nicole
      May 17, 2010 at 11:29 am


    • May 17, 2010 at 11:54 pm

      BWAHAHAHAHA!!! anything in Riley’s voice is hilarious.

  6. May 17, 2010 at 10:17 am

    What in the PANK GLITTAH’D HAYLE!?!
    *blinks hard*
    My people, my people…

    • May 17, 2010 at 11:55 pm

      “My people, my people…”

      I’ont claim this fool. But since you do… O___O

  7. May 17, 2010 at 11:35 am



    • May 17, 2010 at 11:55 pm

      Pretty much

      • May 18, 2010 at 12:51 am

        I was gonna try again…
        but naw.

  8. Cheekie
    May 17, 2010 at 12:09 pm

    Aiight so anyone who knows me knows I LOVE me some candy.

    But this dude right ‘chere?

    Wins in the contest of “Who Loves Candy Da Mostest.” He doesn’t win at life however. Because Jolly Rancher ain’t givin’ him n’an dime for this follicle advertisement. I bet he go to Job Corps.

    Bottom line: NO ONE should love candy this much. It’s unhealthy. And not just for your teeth, weight, and blood sugar.

    • May 17, 2010 at 11:56 pm

      Yeah, he’s a FAIL right now. I’ont care if your blood is made of jolly ranchers melted. This is a bit murch. Yes, murch.

  9. May 17, 2010 at 12:59 pm

    Oh no, please no, my mind is playing tricks on me. The percocet is making me see things. Does he really have jolly ranchers in his hair. I can see folks yanking their off, one by one talking about they are hungry and need a snack. Ewwww, it might have a hair stuck to it.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate

    • May 17, 2010 at 11:57 pm

      Unfortunately, the percocet is not to blame. *sigh* I just can’t. This ain’t our future, is it?

  10. Caspercutie
    May 17, 2010 at 7:26 pm

    Not only is this a lack of parental guidance, but a lack of true friendship as well.

    • May 17, 2010 at 11:57 pm

      *nods head solemnly*

  11. May 17, 2010 at 8:05 pm

    Why do I have “Candy Girl” in my head right now?
    iCant, iWont, iShant…

    • May 17, 2010 at 11:57 pm

      And now you’ve passed it on to me. iHatechu.

    • May 18, 2010 at 12:53 am

      iHatechu for that so much right now…
      Go to your room, Alice, post haste!

  12. May 17, 2010 at 8:16 pm

    If anyone ‘fesses up to being his cousin, they are guilty by association. This is that ONE cousin everyone has that’s always DOING THE MOST. I’ll add him to the prayer list at church.

    • May 17, 2010 at 11:58 pm

      Maybe you can also get the church elders to fast in his honor. He needs all the help we can muster for him.

  13. May 17, 2010 at 8:32 pm

    There’s no way he actually went outside like that and he can’t really think he’s sexy can he? SMH

    • May 17, 2010 at 11:58 pm

      Au contraire. I bet he was strutting down the street. He just KNOWS he’s doing it! O___o

  14. asetdevine
    May 17, 2010 at 8:37 pm

    0_0….the Jolly Ranchers in the hair…I can’t….just…. 0_0

    • May 17, 2010 at 11:59 pm

      Join the club

  15. Tee
    May 17, 2010 at 8:39 pm

    But wait….the colored contacts as well? This fool is quite zesty.

    (now wanting a watermelon jolly rancher)

    • May 17, 2010 at 11:59 pm

      I could go for a cherry Jolly Rancher. Them my faves. I’ll just take one off the braid by his ear.

  16. SimplisElegance
    May 17, 2010 at 8:39 pm

    You know what? I hope he has kids.
    Not grown ass kids but little babies or toddlers. Let him get near a little kid and he’ll regret that sh!t QUICK

    • May 18, 2010 at 12:00 am

      “You know what? I hope he has kids.”

      No. I hope quite the opposite. Spreading his genes around may not be his smartest decision. Until he learns not to put candy in his head

  17. limah
    May 17, 2010 at 8:41 pm

    He looks like what you call around my way…..a “HOMOTHUG”….and his friends are NOT real friends.

    • May 18, 2010 at 12:00 am

      But the gays have better judgment than this. Well, some do.

  18. May 17, 2010 at 8:46 pm

    Posts like this complete my day. You are officially my favorite blogger. And you are a fool. I don’t think I’ve laughed this hard in a minute. Thanks girl. (whew!)

    • May 18, 2010 at 12:01 am

      Thanks Kesha!!! ‘Preciate it! Glad to have you. 😀

  19. May 17, 2010 at 9:01 pm

    i WAS NOT prepared for that! iDied.

    • May 18, 2010 at 12:02 am

      I’ll give a nice eulogy at ur funegro. I’ll even wear my favorite red slingbacks and matching red church hat. Folks gon be jealous.

      • Mo
        August 27, 2010 at 4:08 pm

        I’ll give a nice eulogy at ur funegro. I’ll even wear my favorite red slingbacks and matching red church hat. Folks gon be jealous.

        U. IZ. A. WHOLE. FOOL. ooooweeee too friggin funny!

        • August 29, 2010 at 9:32 pm

          I’m dumb. lol

  20. May 17, 2010 at 10:53 pm

    This ish is beyond triflin’ but oh so great. I’m forwarding this to all my homies. I mean, even they need a break between studying for boards. This negro is just done.

    Lawd! I just can’t!

    • May 18, 2010 at 12:02 am

      WOO HOOO!!! Spread the wealth!

  21. Dee Dee
    May 18, 2010 at 10:39 am

    This is just a straight up hot mess! You are the only person I know that properly roast him Luvvs lol!

  22. Cheekie
    May 18, 2010 at 1:18 pm

    Aside: I’m mad you got this mofo as your Twitter background right nah. lol

  23. bogart4017
    May 19, 2010 at 1:21 pm

    Da’ain’t no cu’un of mine!
    Jolly ranchers cost money chile!
    Seriously–tell me this cat is from another country. I don’t see him walking down Main St, Hood, USA without getting clowned (or stoned)

  24. May 20, 2010 at 11:01 pm

    hey, lay off! i was just tryin to give him some self esteem.
    kids love candy. this negro got candy *IN HIS HAIR*
    by default, kids will love him and he’ll finally have some friends.

    or they’ll just beat him up and take his candy & leave his hair f#cked up. i clearly didn’t think this through.

  25. […] “Whose Cousin Is This???” A much deserved roasting of someone’s wayward relative with a questionable hairstyle, by Luvvie […]

  26. May 20, 2010 at 11:57 pm

    This angers me. I LOVE JollyRancher Candy. ESPECIALLY the cherry ones. That’s like the best candy on the entire Earth and this genetic anomaly is stilling up there with an entire pack in his braids!! I could’ve been eating those!!

  27. May 21, 2010 at 7:47 am

    […] Somebody call Aunt Edna & tell her come get her son.  [Awesomely Luvvie] […]

  28. […] AwesomelyLuvvie: “Who’s cousin is this?” – Jolly ranchers in his head as beads? […]

  29. rainebeaux
    May 26, 2010 at 8:07 pm

    Luvvie, I know it’s been a while since I’ve passed through here, so uh, here goes….


    *Abe Vigoda face*

    also, O_o

    aaaand >_<

    DAMMIT, MAN! C'MON, SON!!! UGGGGGH! Effin' gadzooks.

    woo, chile, if this jive emu ain't more dense than a brick wall made of stale granola and frozen marshmallows…just who…how…what…*sputtering Crazy Howard McGee style* the HAYLE!?

    (also, not my cousin.)

    • June 3, 2010 at 12:33 am

      WHATUP Rainebeaux!!! LMAO @ all them faces you made. I feel you. I made worse. You sure that ain’t Ty-Ty from down the way? Well, aight.

  30. Sub-rosa
    June 10, 2010 at 4:57 pm

    I’m laughing even harder thinking about him gently tucking each braid into a shower cap because he CANNOT get that mess wet! LOL

  31. March 31, 2011 at 5:43 pm

    Maybe he’s a sugar daddy

  32. Caroline
    April 3, 2011 at 4:19 pm

    I dont think that it is right to criticize his individuality like that. He IS grown, like you yourself said, and if he wants to put candy in his hair, then why should you care, and don’t criticize someones upbringing, its downright wrong. And maybe he does have hazel eyes, who are you (the one who just doesn’t know this guy or his situation) to tell him what is and is not part of his anatomy. You should stop and check yourself before you talk like this about other people, because it will come back to haunt you, and you will not be able to keep nice respectable people in your life

  33. ariel
    October 14, 2011 at 6:35 pm

    Luvvie, I’m new to your site but I’ve been reading your posts for the past 20 minutes while i should be working on some homework. (I’m currently in my college’s library) but instead I’m rollin…gotta try and stay quiet.

    okkkayyyy, what in everything that is sensible????!!!! ohhh HEELLLLAAA NAWWWW man. straight up, he THOUGHT this was a GOOD idea???? somebody test his IQ cuz clearly???? too much..someone get some scissors.