Famous folksFashionMusic

Chris Brown’s Fail

Ok so I don’t usually blog on Thursdays, but I had to today because of the Chris Brown/Larry King interview. Not because it was interesting. In fact, it was quite the opposite. I could have spent that hour watching grass grow, or an English comedy. However, it was entertaining because of the roast factor of Chris’ outfit. There was too much material for me to pass up.

I’m not gon’ talk about how much he was lying through them large teefs of his. Nor am I gonna harp on the fact that they didn’t prep Chris for this interview. He was talking like his lips held the weight of the world. Just dragging. He is the most inarticulate fool ’round these parts. I ain’t even gon’ roast the fact that he compared him and Rihanna to Romeo & Juliet. I know Shakespeare rolled in his grave and said “Thou needeth to SATTETH DOWNETH”. iCan’t w/ him & his FAIL team.

I’m not standing on my soapbox about how wrong Breezy was, because there’s going to be enough of that in blogosphere. We ALL know. However, his attempt to deny it was laughable. If Chris Brown doesn’t remember Ponning Rihanna’s fo’head then he must not remember his tangerine apology blouse o_O. Chris Brown got worst memory than an Old-timer’s (Alzheimer’s) sufferer. Bet he’ont rememba how that tight ass bow tie got ’round his neck.

First, we got the burnt sienna/tangerine apology blouse. All it was missing was some glitter and a splash of sequins. It woulda been part of Dereon’s Fall ’09 Collection. Methinks he needs to apologize for his apology blouse. Because it was RUDE.

The moment I saw Chris Brown’s outfit, I cackled. Loudly. Not only does he need to fire his ENTIRE Public Relations team for their horrendous crisis management skills, but he needs to fire them for their penchant for making bad clothing decisions for him. First the apology blouse, then they decide to put him in a powder blue sweatah with a matching bow tie O__O (*blank stare*). Why do they ALWAYS got Chris Brown in these pastel colors? Did they study some color chart? I bet the blue was s’posed to be calming. FAIL. Just… FAIL! That terrible bow tie. I just wanted to ask him how much his bean pies were. He looked like he belonged on 85th and King Drive hawking them in the heat of summer.

This is what happens when Papa Smurf & Louis Farrakhan have a love child

Chris’ Brown’s Bow Tie’s epitaph: “I came. I saw. I choked him.”

I could barely pay attention to anything he was saying because that bow tie kept distracting me.

Then to cap it all off, #ChrisBrownsBowTie became the #1 Twitter trending topic (for those non-twitterers, it means it was the most talked about subject on Twitter at that time). There were my additions.

  • #chrisbrownsbowtie wasn’t bout that freedom like Harriet. It was ’bout that beat down¬†
  • #chrisbrownsbowtie slayed Voldemort. #AvedaKedavra
  • Rihanna prolly still wishes #chrisbrownsbowtie would hold her like a spanish guitar
  • #chrisbrownsbowtie drop-kicked @drakesknee through the goalposts of life. Right down the middle. It’s RUDE
  • #chrisbrownsbowtie crashed GMail
  • They chose #chrisbrownsbowtie because it sang “Hello, is it me u’re looking for?” And they said YES
  • #chrisbrownsbowtie made a sextape w/ Supahead’s throat
  • #chrisbrownsbowtie wakes up & pisses excellence and bail money. It’s trapped in a glass case of emotions
  • #chrisbrownsbowtie knows where Stevie’s hairline is & where Whoopi’s eyebrows are hiding

If Twitter was a school, I’d be in the Principal’s office for these #chrisbrownsbowtie tweets. In-school suspension.

Previous post

Dear GMail, Never Crash Again

Next post

I'm Lemony Snicket and I Ruined My Blackberry

1 Comment

  1. June 11, 2010 at 5:41 pm

    […] In spite of that, I still haven’t gone hard on you (apart from the time I roasted your bowtie). I’ve left it to the rest of the world to roast you endlessly. But it seems you’re […]