I’ve Gone Shopping Crazy
*Stands Up* “Hi, I’m Luvvie and I’m a shopaholic.”
Everyone: “Hi Luvvie!”
Yeah I’ve admitted this problem but I’ve been stuck on Step 1 since forever. I have been acting a good fool for the past month, ever since Black Friday. I’ve bought 3 pairs of boots, countless shirts, many pairs of jeans and four silk dresses since then. I blame the spectacular sales that have been going on. I NEVER buy anything retail price, and I’m a lover of bargains and a coupon connoisseur. I am fluent in CLEARANCE and conversational in SALE. Lately, with the trashcan economy, stores have dipped their prices so low that I’ve had no other choice BUT to buy.
I use Mint.com to manage my finances (it effing ROCKS) and they send me text messages anytime I go over my budget. Let’s just say that Mint has been CUSSING me out for 4 weeks. Sending me text messages complete with CAPS and exclamation points saying “UNUSUAL SPENDING!” (Translation: “YOU’VE BEEN ACTING A HOT MONKEY FOOL! GO SAT DOWN!) Whenever I see that I have a text from Mint, I leave it unopened. Ol’ Howling Ass Mint.
My poor debit card is about to quit me. I swear I heard it cough and smoke a little the last time I used it. I just KNOW it is about to quit my lifespace and say “You don’t pay me enough for this abuse!” I fully expect it to hide itself in my wallet behind other cards next time I go look for it. Po’ thang.
People, I have a problem, and I need help. Yes, it keeps me young, fly and flashy. Yes, my argyle and houndstooth habit is being supported. Yes, my shoe game is better than yours. Wait what’s bad about this again? Oh yes, the ECHOING bank account (Hellooooo, helloooo, lloooo, loooo, looo). And my closet is busting at its seams. Despite the fact that I give away at least 1 trash bag worth of clothes every 3 months, it is still about to implode.
I blame my shopaholism on the innanets, which give me 24- hour access to my favorite stores. You know, in the good old days (in 2000), you could only shop from 9am – 9pm. But now, I sit down at the computer, and get to adding. KABLAMO, before I know it, I’ve shopped myself into guilt. *shakes fists at the Googles*
The worst part about all of this is that I have still only purchased 3 christmas gifts out of the 15 I am planning on buying. Shame on me! I just… spoil myself. I do need to sat down, and think bout my financial life.
SAVE ME FROM MYSELF!!! *wall slide*
Edit: If Steve Madden or Victoria’s Secret sends me ONE more email about their 30% off coupon code, I’mo be NO good! How am I supposed to say no to that? Huh?? HOW???