I Got Busted Brows
Aight, so since I’m so quick to roast folks, I have been pretty roastable myself lately. I haven’t had my eyebrows done since like July, and although I did not have a unibrow, I was walking around these parts looking like there were 2 centipedes taking a nap above my eyes. It wasn’t cute, and had someone called me out about it (to my face), I woulda hung my head down and accepted it, because it was well earned.
My busted brows were partly because my eyebrow lady has MOVED. Losing an eyebrow threader (or even worse, a hairdresser) is like:
- Trying to find a new dip after you’ve been in a long relationship. You just can’t trust nothing, not even your own reflection.
- Leaving your brand new green shoes in a hotel in Dallas (I cried)
- Losing your organizer (I lamented for days and missed at least 4 meetings. What did you expect me to actually KNOW my schedule off the top? PSHT!)
Basically, it is traumatic. So I go to the mall with my sis because there is a cart of eyebrow threaders there. I was desperate. I sit down in the chair and the ONLY thing I say is “I don’t like my eyebrows too thin.” Ol’ girl responds with “Ok.”
Good. We have an understanding. Or so I thought.
Well she threads my eyebrows (and don’t judge me cuz I shed tears every time. They are involuntary and that ish is painful. I’m still a G!), and I check the mirror. What the hell do I see?? I go from centipedes to needles.
The wench plucked my eyebrows too thin! THE ONE THING I TOLD HER NOT TO DO! I got irate, and went OFF on the chick. Although I don’t remember what I said verbatim, since I swear I blacked out momentarily and wanted to punch her in the face (but I’m an effing sweetheart so I wouldn’t do such a thing).
Me: “You made them too thin. And I INSTRUCTED you that I did not want my eyebrows thin. This is wack and ridiculous!! WTF?? I should not have paid you. I want my money back! This is crap!”
Then my sis intervened and said “They don’t look bad.”
Me: “I don’t care! It’s the principles! I TOLD HER ASS I didn’t want thin eyebrows! What the hell??”
Sis: “It’s not bad, I promise. Go get some food and walk it off. They got Great Steak & Potato here.”
Me: “HMPH! Fine! I will go get some Great Steak!” *One mo’ ice grill and side-eye to the lady for the road* *walked off in huff and puff*
ARRRGHH! That doggone steak and cheese sammich may have saved her life. I needed some appeasement. I still shake my fists vigorously every time I walk past a mirror. My brow liner game must be tight as I wait to grow back my centipedes so I can go somewhere reliable.
Let me know if you feel my pain.