A Handy Guide to Disrespecting JD Vance aka Eyeliner Earl

Awesomely Luvvie — April 30, 2025

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I do not subscribe to the notion that we must treat everyone with kindness. Because some people are cartoon villains and they truly do not deserve nice things, like compassion and empathy. One of those people is JD Vance (born James Bowman) the puppet of white supremacy and a piss poor prototype for personhood.

Cartoon by Dave Gralund of PoliticalCartoons.com

When he became Marmalade Mussolini’s Vice Presidential candidate, everyone really got introduced to the slimeball that he is, and between his eyeliner and his distinct grotesque aura, which you can detect on any screen and picture, I was outdone. Like… have you met someone whose face reminds you of melted butter? Yeah… that’s JD. This is a dude who just 4 years ago, dragged Sweet Potato Saddam and called him “reprehensible.” Because what is integrity when power is what folks thirst after. Imagine hating somebody and then standing next to them on a podium less than a decade later, probably hating every single thing about yourself.

Then somehow he became Vice President of the United States and now we’re stuck with dealing with him in the media and he’s even more gross. Apparently, he’s a member of Opus Dei, the type of organization that Batman would spend many movies fighting because it’s full of christo-fascist, nihilist douchebags who want to ruin the world and have billionaires rule everybody. Again, the type of group that makes you wonder where the Avengers are, to beat each of their asses.

We also learned that he may or may not try to do illicit things to couches. Is it true? Doesn’t matter. Let’s use it against him regardless.

And then, Grim Veeper went and met with Pope Francis. Less than 12 hours later, the Pope died.

Like… BRO. Not you actually being the last public figure to see the leader of the Catholic Church, and promptly after, he left this plane and went to the next. The Pope was basically like “I gotta go tell on you myself!” and got out the earthly paint! A holy zoom call wasn’t enough for this. The Pope said he needed a 1:1 with Sky Daddy expeditiously becuase whatever he saw in JD had him that disgusted. Mans said “Ok my work is done here.”

IF THAT AIN’T THE WORST LEGACY TO HAVE.

The Pope’s side-eye is enough but if this ain’t proof that this misfit toy needs to be utterly disrespected every day of his miserable life? I don’t know what is.

Aren’t you embarrassed, Mascara Minion? Ain’t you ‘shamed before God and every other divine being? Whew.

So… I am here, to enable the verbal annihilation of a man who proves that whiteness is the key to rising up in the world, no matter how unhinged you are. And the thing that bullies cannot stand, is being made fun of. The thing that soulless dustbuckets do is cower when faced with opposition and resistance. Sometimes, resistance looks like ensuring they know we do not fear them, we do not respect them and we do not take them seriously.

Below are some nicknames you can use to refer to him, compiled through a Thread where I asked people for suggestions. Cuz it takes a village to bully the broligarchy.

Eyeliner Earl. Grim Veeper. Dim Reaper. Temu John Wayne Gacy. Hillbilly Vanilli. Vladimir Futon. Shady Vance. Sectional Offender. Coucho Marx. Just Don’t Vance. Dr. Evils Mini Me. Dingleberry McGee. Sectional Predator. Under His Eyeliner. Fold Out Boy. JD “My Sectional Romance” Vance. JD Ruxpin. Appalachian Depeche Mode. Vance Vance Devolution. Justkilled Dapope Vance. Couchfuck McGee. Evil Teddy Ruxpin. Pushin’ Cushions. Hick Himmler. Milk Mussolini. Captain Eyeliner. Smokey Eye Chucky. Puffy the Pope Slayer. Irrele-Vance. Evil Maga Mr. Magoo. Mascara Menace. J(USTA) D(IPSHIT) VANCE. The Couch Casanova. Sofa pillow cheeks. The Marquess of Mascara. Shillbilly. Wish Garbage Pail Kid. Teddy Fuxpin. Jadolf Ditler Vance. The Couch Shagger. VD (Veneral Disease) Vance. Guyliner Gestapo. Mascara Minion. Sephora Steve. Killer Carebear. Papal Pestilence.

Pick your faves. Use them often. Call him everything but a child of God.