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#ThingsMoreHurtThanDarrenWilson, Like Papercuts and Ovulation: Twitter’s Roast

Yesterday, I cussed more than I ever have in my life. I was dropping all types of F-bombs. I kept yelling “FUCKKKKK” at random intervals after learning that Darren Wilson would not be getting indicted. FUCK EVERYTHING. FUCK IT ALL. ALL OF IT.

fuck-this-thing-cat gif

This cat is my spirit animal

I mean, I KNEW it was coming. I KNEW it was happening but bracing myself for the impact didn’t stop it from hurting like hell. I wrote more about that for my column on TheGrio, talking about the rage I feel. Check that out.

America wants to play Global Captain Save-A-Hoe and help citizens of other countries find freedom. Meanwhile at home, Ferguson is happening. Oh ok. Makes sense.

ANYWAY, Darren Wilson, Michael Brown’s murderer was said to have been acting in self-defense. Apparently, he was attacked and beat up by Mike, even though Darren himself is a grown ass man at 6’4 and 210 pounds. Pictures of Wilson were released showing his “injuries” and let me tell you. I’ve been more hurt when I missed a good sale at Target than Darren Wilson was on the morning of August 9, 2014.

Darren Wilson injury

WHAT?!?! I don’t see any injuries here. Dude looks like he might have scratched his head before he got a perm or something. I’ve injured myself more trying to do a face scrub more than this hapless hoodlum got hurt when he was killing an unarmed Black boy. UGH!

Anywho, I took to Twitter and started the #ThingsMoreHurtThanDarrenWilson hashtag, which trended in the United States because we all have so much shade in our spirits to throw right now. Below are some of the tweets. If you cannot see them, read them on Storify.

Sometimes, you gotta laugh to keep from weeping.

My love to the people of Ferguson, to Mike Brown’s parents and to everyone who is feeling some righteous rage right now.

FUCK Darren Wilson and FUCK the injustice system for failing us.

Tried to Bury Us didn't Know We Were Seeds

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  1. Tabitha
    November 25, 2014 at 4:01 pm

    Naomi Campbell’s edges #thingsmorehurtthandarrenwilson

  2. missypedsrn
    November 25, 2014 at 4:04 pm

    This post is CPR-certified!! Gave me life! Today has been a D-A-Y. I needed this laugh. Thank you!!!

  3. Michele
    November 25, 2014 at 4:17 pm

    Of course now the lame Darren Wilson apologists are trying to hijack the thread, so you must have hit a nerve. For the rest of us though, much needed shade and a way to blow off steam.

    • Michele
      November 25, 2014 at 4:18 pm

      Meant to say hashtag instead of thread.

      Hate it when I get my social media platforms mixed up.

  4. November 25, 2014 at 6:00 pm

    The tip of my ear from steam burn when getting my hair hot-combed. #thingsmorehurtthandarrenwilson

  5. November 25, 2014 at 6:06 pm

    When the back of my ear is burned from the steam when I am getting my hair hot-combed

    Peter Griffith’s knee after he fights the giant-assed chicken

    My elbow when I hit the funny bone

    My dog’s tongue when he tries to eat a sizzling hot pork chop

    The nerve in my tooth when I accidentally bite down on foil and it contacts one of my fillings


  6. Erin
    November 25, 2014 at 6:11 pm

    My feelings when I had to have a inch and a half of hair trimmed due to poor conditioning.

  7. November 25, 2014 at 7:50 pm

    When I heard the Grand Jury’s decision.

  8. November 25, 2014 at 8:52 pm

    Brave people of all colours reading and writing here,
    I salute your courage and slightly envy your resilience. I wish I could laugh off the great pain I feel when I see this kind of injustice in my own country and the country where I am living. Here (in Brazil) you get to see this sort of criminal behaviour on a daily basis. Only yesterday, or the day before, I saw a picture of a police officer who, as he was supposedly looking for a thief who’d got away and vanished in São Paulo’s richest neighbourhood, stood all authoritative among a small group of (pre-)teenaged homeless kids and stuck his gun in the mouth of one of the boys. Just because he felt like it. Just because he could.
    These scenes take place every single day in many parts of the world, and they make us all lose hope in justice, fairness and respect for one another. Once again, I applaud your wholeheartedness and valour in the face of this scandalous decision/situation.
    Peace always

  9. notconvincedgranny
    November 25, 2014 at 11:12 pm


    Trimming my hair.
    Filing my nails.
    Inhaling and exhaling.
    Listening to white people talk about a dream world where 3 black people don’t die at the hands of the police every gat damn day.
    Then having to live with that reality.
    Having to raise a young black man in a different way so he can merely survive, much less thrive.

  10. Mary Burrell
    November 26, 2014 at 1:22 am

    WE need laughter right now.

  11. Mary Burrell
    November 26, 2014 at 1:22 am

    WE need laughter right now.

  12. Liza B.
    November 26, 2014 at 2:52 am
  13. Lala
    November 26, 2014 at 7:28 am

    I love that cat so much!

  14. howlingbanshee
    November 26, 2014 at 2:21 pm

    A genocidal bigot’s feelings when you call them out for being a genocidal bigot

  15. DeutschMerica
    November 26, 2014 at 6:48 pm

    That cat exemplified my attitude to the T! I live in Germany and I didn’t hear about the verdict until the following morning. After sending my kids off to school, I turned my tv on, grabbed my phone (to check the notifications from social media), and started to make myself breakfast before I got started with my day. As I’m simultaneously watching TV and scrolling through my news feed I see the grand jury’s decision…..I became sick!
    Suddenly, I was like, “f*ck breakfast!”
    …….*Looking at my timeline*…….
    “F*ck your selfies!”…”F*ck your thanksgiving… turkey”…. “F*ck your vacation pics!”….”F*ck what you ‘like’!” “The f*ck you posting videos of dance crews at a time like this?! F*CK THAT DANCE CREW!!” I was a mess, and cried real tears multiple times throughout the day.
    Nothing became interesting anymore. Nothing mattered more for me in THAT moment, but the anger and rage I felt. And I also wanted to say a “F*ck you!” to whomever wasn’t as angry as they shoulda been (in my opinion). Man!…smh…

    I allowed myself to wallow in those emotions all day. I gave myself the right to feel them. I felt like I lost my brother. I know Mike Brown wasn’t my family, but I felt like he WAS my family. I was depressed. I tried not to let it show around my kids as best i could.
    This is going to change. I can’t leave this world until I do everything in my power to contribute to change somehow.
    In other words, ” I feel you Luvvie!” 🙂

  16. cafegirlspress
    November 27, 2014 at 12:46 am

    #ThingsMoreHurtThanDarrenWilson Princess Kate when Armani criticizes her #alphet.

  17. […] did it come out in full-effect. Black Twitter is my solid go to for such things and it was perfect. Awesomely Luvvie had the genius to craft […]

  18. Luke Basile
    December 8, 2014 at 1:22 am

    Looking at these pics, my first thought was, “Oh no, someone messed up on applying Mr. Wilson’s blush!”