Whose is this?

Whose Wayward Sister Is This And Why Did Her Parents Name Her This?

Y’all already know how I feel about the names we all have. I believe they set the tone for our lives and they can predict what path we go down (see my post on “Yoruba Names“). In the case of the lady below, you must agree that her name set her up for failure from start.

Crystal Metheny

Her name is Crystal Metheny and she ended up on the news for doing something wayward. Who is shocked? Where are her parents and can we relay the message to them that they’re petty as hell for naming this woman “Crystal” when her last name is “Metheny?” Was it a particularly hard labor? Why’d they set her up for a life of trolling through this moniker? Why didn’t they want her to have nice things?

Of course she was meant for a life of breaking bad. BADUMTSS! I’m here all night, folks.

I googled it and found out that Crystal fired a “missile” into a car. Now missile doesn’t necessarily mean a giant weapon and it could have been a rock. So she’s not automatically a hardened criminal or monster (she was also arrested on weed charges in 2012).

This also happened in Florida, the state that is hellbent on being the boil on the yansh of America. Fugging Florida.

SMDH Anderson gif

But the moral of this story and others is: parents, quit naming your kids foolishly.

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  1. Angela
    July 29, 2014 at 2:16 pm

    I’m wondering why she didn’t just change it? Why grow into a bad tulip just bcuz your parents had a buzz going! o_O

  2. Jazz
    July 29, 2014 at 2:34 pm

    Maybe she’s murried? (in my Lil Mo voice)
    Maybe her parents weren’t completely petty?
    Maybe there’s a Mr. Methany at the crib?

    Iono. *shoulder shrug*

    • Marra
      July 30, 2014 at 1:13 pm

      Leave. lol exit stage right. Mr. Methany? I REFUSE.

  3. Kamesa
    July 29, 2014 at 2:46 pm

    I am here for the Anderson Cooper GIF! That has given me life! Now that school is about to start again, I wonder what ratchet names await me and my colleagues.

    • July 29, 2014 at 2:53 pm

      Please report back and let us know.

      • MrsABSdeux
        July 30, 2014 at 1:54 am

        Luvvie, there is a ghetto gourmet on Facebook named Felicia A. O’Dell. It would give me breath of you wrote about her videos. Thanks in advance.

        • MrsABSdeux
          July 30, 2014 at 1:55 am


        • July 30, 2014 at 2:18 am

          Omg I just discovered this ghetto gourmet you speak of. Her videos brought me to tears today I was laughing so hard. And just like with Luvvie’s posts, no work was done on my end today.

        • Cliff
          July 30, 2014 at 2:28 pm

          I just saw a video of hers the other day. I can’t with her

    • kenny manning
      July 29, 2014 at 6:11 pm

      Your name is kamesa….

      • Denise
        July 29, 2014 at 6:43 pm

        And your name is Kenny! Congrats on your reading comprehension. Now have a seat \_.

        • dawn
          July 29, 2014 at 7:10 pm


          Denise, your reply tickled

  4. Aleece
    July 29, 2014 at 3:21 pm

    The Anderson Cooper gif is Everything!!!!!!!!

  5. July 29, 2014 at 5:14 pm

    I have someone at work who prefers to be called “pickles”. I’m relatively new and don’t know anyone, but what horrible name do you have that you PREFER to be called Pickles?!

    • miss kate
      July 29, 2014 at 11:24 pm

      I’d have a hard time calling anyone who does not have four feet and an affinity for Whisker Lickins “Pickles”. Like, I’m not sure my mouth would be able to even form that.

  6. mary burrell
    July 29, 2014 at 5:35 pm


  7. Annette
    July 29, 2014 at 8:21 pm

    The Anderson Cooper Gif too precious. One of my favs now!

  8. […] the Awesomely Luvvie FB page | The post Whose Wayward Sister Is This And Why Did Her Parents Name Her This? appeared first on Awesomely […]

  9. notconvincedgranny
    July 30, 2014 at 12:24 am

    She arrived too late to meet up with Edward Cocaine.

  10. July 30, 2014 at 10:13 am

    Sad – I used to think my Father was nuts giving me (my real name) a double dip with both first name and second name being forms of angel – Latin and German. I now thankfully am glad that he put some thought into my name and have no problem being “Angel Angel” – this girl’s parents should be ashamed of what they did to this poor girl. Very narcissistic of them

  11. dmcmillian72
    July 30, 2014 at 11:27 am

    Ummmm… Serious question here… Has crys.tal m.eth been around for decades and I just never heard of it? Because I’ve only been aware of the crack-like problem of this drug in the last…10 years…? And if this is the case, how could her parents foretell that this drug would come to be when they were naming their daughter?

    Now, if I’m the only person new to this and this drug was around when Miss Metheny was named then a definite pox on her parents. Otherwise… Well… #KanyeShrug… Because that is a messed up name, regardless!!!

    • Prettydarkskinnedgirl
      August 4, 2014 at 12:24 am

      I wondered this too! Thanks for saving me all the typing and, you know, words lol

  12. branston pickle
    July 30, 2014 at 2:08 pm
  13. Mathmommy
    August 5, 2014 at 11:16 pm

    In print, her name does seem really messed up, but I have friend whose maiden name is Metheny. She pronounces it /muh THEEN nee/ so maybe her parents weren’t totally loony. As a teacher, I would still roll my eyes if I came across that name combination on my roll sheet.

  14. Silk!
    January 26, 2016 at 9:42 pm

    In her defense, it wasn’t called crystal meth when she was born. She should sue. 🙂