Whose is this?

Whose Sharpie Ink Beard is This?

The internet is the den of iniquity. Why? Because I find things like this:

Ink beard

My dude. MY. DUDE. What is that??? Is that an inked on beard? How does one go to the barbershop and ask for a beard that looks like someone glued black construction paper on your face? Your goal is life should not be to look 2-dimensional about the face.

I wonder if Sharpie had anything to do with this. Are they a part of this? Does this face come off every night? How much laundry does he have to do to maintain this? Is his pillow pissed off at him? When he sweats, does it drip? I just have so many questions!

And his “hair” is made of the same paint. I hope it’s at least non-toxic. Homeboy could NOT be caught in anybody’s rain. Imagine that visual. Were his follicles busy? If he couldn’t grow a proper beard by himself, he better learn to live with a bare face.

For members of the Beard Gang, do y’all claim him? I don’t even understand this. But I DO wanna know. Whose beard is this and why would you let your friend walk out the crib like this?

Hot mess Strategic gif

Takes one to know one.

It takes a village to let people know when they look a fool. Outchea looking like Jermaine Jackson’s understudy. I’m unable.

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  1. BJ
    July 7, 2014 at 8:51 am

    His beard is on point…LITERALLY!

    • a
      July 7, 2014 at 1:15 pm


    • July 7, 2014 at 5:51 pm

      I just fell over…

    • Khanya
      July 29, 2014 at 12:51 pm

      hahaha!! I’m just not strong enough :’)!!!!!

    • Empress
      March 13, 2016 at 2:26 pm

      You meant chisel tip. Bahahahaha!!!

  2. Carla M
    July 7, 2014 at 9:07 am

    His beard is literally a lesson in geometrical shapes. All he needs are the equations written around his face to figure out the degree of the angles, the circumferences & the medians.

  3. Joan
    July 7, 2014 at 9:30 am

    I see this look in ATL sometimes and wonder who is the man who first thought this Sharpie-face look was a good idea? And who is the fool who saw it on somebody else and thought, hey, I’m gonna do that, too?! And who is the damb barber who agreed to do it???

    • July 8, 2014 at 7:01 am


      • Joan
        July 9, 2014 at 8:31 am

        I wouldn’t say common, but sadly it is a thing.

  4. July 7, 2014 at 9:40 am

    I swear that’s a tattoo’d beard AND hairline. Either way tho…

    • Absurdist
      July 7, 2014 at 2:07 pm

      I’m with you on that. Scarier still because it’s not unique in that respect.

  5. RavenJ
    July 7, 2014 at 9:49 am

    Okay…so right when I saw this I was taken back to elementary math class. It would happen every other week or so, but at the tables there would be a clear container filled with different shapes and my heart would race because I knew what day it was: TANGRAM PUZZLE DAY!!!!!!

    • nichelle
      July 7, 2014 at 10:51 am

      LOL! not tangrams, tho… 😀

      • RMG
        July 11, 2014 at 12:28 pm

        NOT TANGRAM DAY!!! (i wasn’t ready)

    • Gloria
      March 13, 2016 at 1:33 pm


  6. Serenity
    July 7, 2014 at 9:53 am

    I do sharpie tattoos all the time because I cannot commit… They last about a day or two. It comes off in the shower. They could last up to 4 days if they didn’t get wet or I didn’t use lotion on them. Also I run a Black sharpie through my hair to cover the gray. I don’t have that much and can’t see a reason to cover my entire head with dye vs. spot sharpie use. That seems to last longer since I wash my hair every other week. And if I want highlights… just use a different color

    • Coquinegra
      July 7, 2014 at 12:48 pm

      So DEAD right now

    • mschan
      July 7, 2014 at 11:03 pm

      I tee hee uncontrollably

      • October 20, 2014 at 6:12 pm

        Oh Lord you have me on that comment!lo! ROFLMAO….I had no idea sharpie users were this creative!lol!

  7. July 7, 2014 at 10:18 am

    This member of the Beard Club does not claim him. If he would at least grow a scruffy, patchy one, I will be happy to provide him a letter of recommendation for full membership.

  8. DrFabulous
    July 7, 2014 at 10:35 am

    You know how I know this is a hot mess? My 5-yr old niece walked past and said “is that a tattoo?” I hollered! This is too much for a #fixitjesus! I say #leaveitlambofgod

  9. Prettydarkskinnedgirl
    July 7, 2014 at 11:39 am

    Looks like somebody went at dude’s face with a bottle of shoe polish…

  10. LegalEase
    July 7, 2014 at 11:51 am

    And… I think…. Yep. He might have in some colored contacts. #iCant

  11. Angela
    July 7, 2014 at 12:03 pm

    I just checked the website. Mr Sharpie is just the tip of the iceberg! Heavy sigh…

  12. Creegal
    July 7, 2014 at 12:26 pm

    Hmmmmmm…just don’t make no common sense!

  13. July 7, 2014 at 1:24 pm

    I absolutely loathe when beards are this dayum neat anyway, but this is just… no. Sharpie ain’t become the leaders of permanent markers so that you ninjas could use your face as construction paper. Nope.

    • RMG
      July 11, 2014 at 12:30 pm

      “Sharpie ain’t become the leaders of permanent markers so that you ninjas could use your face as construction paper. Nope.”

      OP: Is it wrong that I can hear you actually say this, shaking your fist in indignation? Yes. Yes I can.

  14. isonprize
    July 7, 2014 at 1:28 pm

    Shade “Takes one to know one.”

  15. KayMac
    July 7, 2014 at 1:49 pm

    I remember when my uncle and cousin came through with this hot mess-they got talked about so hard…them must have seen the err of their ways, because the next time I saw them, they didn’t look like a art project. I wouldn’t be surprised if this was tatted on his face, especially since it’s females (well, and I guess males) outchea tattooing eyebrows on their face…#HelpHimHolyGhost

  16. mary burrell
    July 7, 2014 at 5:42 pm

    People actually do this? Really. This is just as bad as Jermaine Jackson’s hair. This is nutty as squirrel poop.

  17. MzBhavn
    July 7, 2014 at 6:24 pm

    I immediately thought, “must be Jermaine Jackson’s offspring”. I would stomp a ‘mud-hole’ in my son if he came home with this mess.

    • deprogrammed
      July 7, 2014 at 9:28 pm

      Same here. The fellas have nothing to say about the ghetto fresh ladies until they stop this madness, especially the ghosting.

  18. Tish
    July 7, 2014 at 8:13 pm

    Are we finna ignore those SNATCHED eyebrows???

  19. Christie
    July 7, 2014 at 8:57 pm

    They outlined it to make sure it was precise. No coloring outside the lines here.

  20. Rina T.
    July 7, 2014 at 9:50 pm

    Meet the mascot for “Black Sweat” by Prince 0.o

  21. Silk!
    July 7, 2014 at 10:04 pm

    It’s like a cartoon!

  22. Cynthia M
    July 7, 2014 at 10:13 pm

    Maybe he’s Hunger Games extra.

  23. Cynthia M
    July 7, 2014 at 10:14 pm

    Maybe he’s a Hunger Games’ extra.

  24. Barbara
    July 7, 2014 at 10:31 pm

    Why is only the front of his head “crisp and precise”? Did he run out if ink and say bump the back? Why do I want to want to watch The Return of Jafar? I haz questions but no answers…

    • Lynzhi
      July 7, 2014 at 11:00 pm

      RETURN OF JAFAR?! I can’t. Like, I could at one point, but its late and I’m old and i just CAN’T.

    • LadyLarke
      July 8, 2014 at 11:15 am

      I had to repress much laughter after reading that. Return of Jafar, though??? LMAOOOOO

  25. July 8, 2014 at 1:32 am

    i cannot scrub my eyeballs to get that pic out of my mind Luvvie, I blame u…ROFL

  26. July 8, 2014 at 5:03 am

    I don’t know but don’t people go to the barber ’cause they want to look good? I mean the guy is a hot mess. The fashion police on the street be like what’s tat thing around his chin O_O?

  27. shadylady
    July 8, 2014 at 11:09 am

    It’s the same claymation pigment Jermaine Jackson’s hyper oily ass uses so I doubt it comes off. It can withstand the most torrential rains. And his hairline from this angle is giving me Nintendo 64 controller tease…….

  28. shadylady
    July 8, 2014 at 11:11 am

    I lied. It’s giving me the Batman logo.

  29. bmichelle
    July 8, 2014 at 1:12 pm

    Back away from the Bigen in Oriental Black my dude!

  30. AC
    July 8, 2014 at 1:48 pm

    So like the inquisitive person I am…I carried my happy behind over to the website on the photo (WHY didn’t someone stop me or at least take the keyboard).

    I put in Bigen into the search field…there’s a whole section of pics dedicated to not only bigen beards, but bigen hairlines too…. *Slow wall slide* under my desk


    Barbers – STOP IT! All money ain’t good money.

  31. Rampage3
    July 8, 2014 at 10:55 pm

    I am gonna piss my son off tomorrow by offering him 100 dollars for the area of the rhombus on dude’s cheek.

    • RMG
      July 11, 2014 at 12:32 pm

      *screams silently at the area of a rhombus reference*

    • Khanya
      July 29, 2014 at 12:57 pm

      hahahahahaaaa But I just can’t! We have misplaced the chill!

  32. Kim
    July 9, 2014 at 10:13 pm

    Jermaine Jackson’s understudy? Please…make it stop.

  33. Shay
    July 10, 2014 at 12:39 pm

    He is auditioning for the role of Kiwi Black Shoe Polish Man! #WipeItCleanLawd

  34. […] Whose Sharpie Ink Beard Is This? * 3 Lessons From the Potato Salad Kickstarter Campaign That’s Raised Over $22,000 (now $50,000) […]

  35. Choc
    July 16, 2014 at 2:44 pm

    I wonder if his barber knows the Pythagorean Theorem, because must be a geometric genius!

  36. […] Whose Sharpie Ink Beard Is This? * 3 Lessons From the Potato Salad Kickstarter Campaign That’s Raised Over $22,000 (now $50,000) […]

  37. classic city T
    December 23, 2014 at 8:44 pm

    barbers are getting lazy as hell. lol. How the H,E, double hockey sticks you paint a n!**@ a haircut and dat s#!+ don’t even connect. Am i the only one that see the outline of the beard he drew on before he colored it in. o.k. when someone says it looks like your edge up was done with a paint brush, it’s a metaphor man!

  38. ImUrHucklbry
    January 11, 2015 at 3:08 pm

    Are those brush lines in the beard where it was colored in?

  39. March 13, 2016 at 2:50 pm

    Does Sharpie know of this foolishness? Who is his crew? And why would they let him do this?

  40. Sc
    March 13, 2016 at 4:44 pm

    Got this dude looking like the first black Lego man.

  41. Tracy Monroe
    March 14, 2016 at 7:00 pm

    His beard looks like decoupage