The Fired Nanny Who Won’t Leave: The Real Life Consuela from Family Guy
You hire an older woman to help you watch your kids in exchange for her living in your house. Two weeks after she’s living with you, she disappears for hours in her room, leaving your kids unattended and you frustrated. Just in case you didn’t make yourself clear enough, you write her a note with a list of her expectations. In response, she writes you one telling you that she ain’t gotta do shit and she’d appreciate if you (and the kids) leave the house to her from the hours of 8am to 6pm every day.
GIRLLLL WUT?? O_O
You fire her and she says not only is she not leaving but she will sue you if you try to lock her out.
That is what Marcella and Ralph Bracamonte are dealing with when it comes to Diane Stretton. The full story is on Daily Mail. That poor couple just wanted childcare so the wife would start a business. What they ended up with is a real life Consuela from Family Guy. Remember her?
At least Consuela lemon pledged a couple of surfaces. This Diane Stretton lady is just squatting in their home like it’s her birthright. WHO DOES THAT??
What sucks for them is that the police told them they have to go through the legal process of eviction. If they lock her out and they’re found liable for something wrongful they could lose their livelihood so for now, they just gotta deal, lock their refrigerators, their room doors and live like prisoners in their own home.
Diane’s old ass deserves a dropkick to the face. I ain’t lying. I know we’re supposed to respect our elders but not if they’re on boolsheet like this. The Bracamontes ain’t got no crooked cousins somewhere who could just see her in these streets and yank her ponytail one good time? I mean… I’m not saying. I’m just saying.
This betch.
Apparently, she’s been involved in 36 lawsuits over the years. She’s a overly-litigious lumpwad. Some people weren’t born to prosper and she seems to be one of them.
She got the unmitigated gall to squat in these folks house AND make demands. She is strong and all the way wrong and she’s so committed to it. That takes some balls. I know old people have no dambs to give but she just took that to a whole new level.
I would have so much trouble maintaining decorum when some old bitty is in my house eating my food and refusing to leave. I’d have to ask Jesus to take the wheel, hold my mule and be a fence!
#SecureItSonofMan. #LaminateItLambOfGod. #HealItHolyGhost
This is such a nightmare but there are lessons to be learned here.
1. Think twice about live-in nannies and you better check 25 references.
b. Make people sign contracts when they start working for you. Lay out all the terms. ESPECIALLY if they will be living in your house. PROTECT YOUR ASSETS (and diversify your bonds).
iii. Old people REALLY don’t give a damb.
She basically Columbussed their house! RUDE AS HELL!
What would you do if this happened to you?
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113 Comments
Whoop her ass! That’s what I would do… I’d kick her ass so good she would have toes for teeth. Go to jail because I’m ’bout it, ’bout it when it comes to my homestead!
“…yes for teeth!!”…I dun died!!!!*hollerin……*
Dumb auto correct! !
“…toes for teeth!!”….*closes casket!*
This gave me LIFE!!!
What in the entire world???
If nothing else this post allowed you to utilize (and for me to save) the Jesus take the Wheel meme.
I saved it too!
Me Three!
Mrs Doubt-i’m-fired!
EL. OH. EL
Breathed my last good breath right here! I QUIT lmaoooo
Msdoubt-I’m-Fired….Flatlined!!!! LMBO
LOL!!! You have won!!! Take your prize and leave!!!
Hahahaha!!! This is hilarious!!!
No way in hell would she be staying in my house after I asked her to leave – even if some things had to happen accidentally once I took my chirren and left town for a few days.
How do you entrust a stranger with your children and let her move in your home without doing a basic background check? They could have easily found out about those lawsuits before letting her in the door and avoided all this confusion.
I would be calling her relatives to come get her, and if that didn’t work, I would take the door off the hinges, padlock the fridge and call some prayer warriors to travail around the clock to get that lazy demon out of my house. #AdjudicateitAlphaandOmega.
Crackin up at “lazy demon”. I got a visual in my head of a demon chillin with his feet up, drinking a cool beverage!!
OMG Lazy demon lol. Is there a lease that she signed? What does her work contract say? serve that chick a 30 day notice and keep it moving.
Omgee I told my husband that I would call every prayer warrior in my family and in my church to oray that demon OUT of my home! They would lay hands on her until she was either ashamed or terrified LOL.
Okay? All they need is some of those old school travailing mothers to command her to get out in the name of the Jesus. I’m talking about the ones who wear all white and carry lace hankies. By the time they got to dancing and shouting with their advance praise, it would be a wrap.
#EradicateitElohim
Sweet Jesus, I’m crying. “Advance praise” has me about to fall out of my chair.
I know quite a few women like that.
Hmmmm…..
Shoot, I got a cousin who can hook me up with some quarter machine parts Put a quarter machine on errything, the toilets,the shower,the cabinet,the fridge, the bed if you got a posture pedic she’ll go broke messing with me. then have me and all the cousins pay up the house burning incense and frankincense and such.
LMAO AT LAZY DEMON. Yeah my sis, mom and I discussed this yesterday. I would have pad locked the fridge, locked the cabinets and bathroom door. I would have removed that bed and light bulb from her room. I’d let her keep the door b/c frankly Ion want to see her naked lmao. Trust after all that she’ll leave.
I won’t share trade secrets but after suttle encouragement to find alternate housing she’d wake up with a horse head in the bed.
Damb straight, and a headless chicken hanging from her ceiling fan. We AIN’T playing.
LMAO!!
I’d have to get shankilicious on a heffa. I mean, come on, son! But yes, definitely do a background check AND make her sign a contract stating this aintcho house and when you’re fired you gets the hell out. I cannot imagine. Hope she gets bounced soon.
I hate to say this, but I would resort to biological warefare. Yes, I would feed my daughters… BEANS! There is no hell like being stuck in an enclosed space while they sing “Let It Go” and let it fly!
She’d be out within an hour. There is no one alive who can survive Deathbutt and her twin sister!
I don’t see why folks are suprised. White folks been moving into peoples houses and calling it theirs since…um…well here we are in America…. This kind of stuff always happens to other white folk. My cousins from Tasker projects would have handled this already. See this is why people can’t stay at my house….ever…
Somebody find me a defibrillator right this second! I’m about to go into cardiac arrest!
DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhahahah
Shout out to Tasker Projects. Philly up in here! Back on topic.. Yeah, she would’ve done better not to report this at all. 1) Because the police don’t give a damb and 2) if Crazy Nanny has an unfortunate accident, all eyes are on the wife. My question is is she an employee or a tenant? Because if my employer tells me “that’ll be all”, I damb sure don’t get to negotiate an exit date. Now if she’s a tenant, there are eviction rules that must be followed I suppose.
You know what sad? You said Tasker Projects and I knew just what you meant. Germantown resident that I am.
i got a good laugh at >>>>”well here we are in America.” i died at >>>>>”My cousins from Tasker Projects would have handled this already.” bbwwahahahahahahahaha!
I mean think about it…this country was built on this actual concept. Europeans showed up acting like they were good and proper. Next thing Pocohontas and nem know, white folks talking about they “discovered” ish and claimed it for their own. SMH.
And yeah, ya’ll do not understand how my family was DEEP in Tasker. Like three generations DEEP. Nope, no sir, this would NEVER happen to some Black folk.
“Pocahontas and nem.” I am done for the day!
I wonder if they have consulted a lawyer. Interesting how she has “established residency” at a place after only 60 days. In any event, I’d have to black out for 10 minutes. Wake up with her and her things out my place, my hair disheveled, and my muscles sore.
In Baltimore City, residency is established after one night. I dony give a damb how tired, drunk or far u are away from your home…u gotta get the hell outta mine.
Gurlll, hollered at black out, hair disheveled & sore muscles! Ooo-wee! Truth!
I know a chick who has been with her other (can’t say significant, you’ll know why in a sec) for a lifetime. Dude NEVAH paid a penny of rent. Girl got tired of givng the free p♡$$y, grub and roof and wanted him out. NO CAN!! Residency established after 28 days. BUT!! Let someone rent a condo and decide they want it back for their elderly mother in law, then TENANT has to vacate. Only gotta give 2 weeks notice. Now how’s that for some boool sheeeet!!!!
Time to whoop ass and clean house!
Yeah… .now we SEE why Kandi added that “we divorce you get the hell out in 30 days or less” clause to that prenup huh?
Also… couldn’t be me. All you need is cousin Durant, his girlfriend Meikatanaka and their crew. After 30 minutes, a Lil Wayne cd and a bottle of Henny,you know you in your living room yelling like the woman from the exorcist “THIS HOUSE IS CLEAN”.
EXACTLY…………………We all have ‘those’ cousins that we can call on in time of need!!!!!!!!!!!
See, the way my life it set up, i probably would have taken down the door and dragged that bitch out my house.
I can’t with that “Jesus take the wheel” picture. I had to leave my office.
Chile, I have feels for these poor folks… But, I’m sorry, you can tell this is not a Black household.
I’ont care how uppity you make act, every Black got them cousins your granny calls just for these kinds of emergencies. They working with 2 and a half strikes and have, by this time, learn how to avoid the last half. They don’t ask questions and don’t need much information and if you smart, you’ll just pretend like nothing is wrong after the job is done #ijs
working with 2 and half strikes and learned how to avoid the other half…..aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhahahahahahahahahahaha *DOA*
*Fell all the way out at that 2 and 1/2….* Lawd!
Literally in tears!!
We all have a cousin Pookie (real or play).
Shoot, I used to mess with an Italian guy, their version is a Crazy Paulie or Sal.
They love “blanket parties” just sayin’
No and Mam. Not T’day. I got a couple of crackhead/alchy uncles and cousin nems just waiting to go back home (aka the big house). All them official papers would be served to her at St. Francis Medical Center and Rehabilitation. Where this chicks chirren at?? My granny came to stay with us 2 times in my youth. My daddy made situations SO uncomfortable for all beings breathing oxygen she ALWAYS left way earlier than planned….and us kids wished we could go too.
No sirahh…this foolishness here…..I wisha bytch would!!!
tears…just TEARSZZZZZZ!
I don’t think that I’ve laughed this hard in a long time. You slayed this thread.
Lumpwad!! I have to add that to my vocab.
They went hella wrong by not vetting this woman. A simple Google search would pull up some of her other lawsuits and legal issues. Shame on them.
Cali has some f’d up laws in place that pretty much protect squatters. Even if a home is attained illegally.
I would just have to take one for the team and go to jail that night for assault. No way you gon have me living like a prisoner in my own home AND THINK you gon eat MY food. My house will instantly turn into the Hunger Games. Be ready to die.
May the odds be ever in your favor.
YAAAAASSSSSSS!!!!!!! Set Johanna on her ass with that knife! Get Snow up in there. Shoot her ass with Katniss’ bow and arrows and then play crazy as Peta. Ain’t no way she would be living in my house making demands. You ain’t got to go home , but you gone get the hell up outta here by any means necessary!!!
Ambar P I was already on the floor…”May the odds be ever in your favor” had me howling…and then here comes Miss MeMe with Johanna, Snow, Katniss and Peeta’s crazy ass and I was done!!! I kept picturing Mags mumbling and Wiress over in the corner plottin’ on that ass”Tick, Tick Tock”!!!! Countdown to the foolywang that was about to commence with this betch up in mine!
OOOOH, I WISH AN OL’ BISH WOOOOULDD!!!! i’d set offa ROACH BOMB and let loose a gang of rabid ‘coons in her room and lock the doors and windows from the outside!!
You from NOLA?
I tried to get an ex to move out. He kept tryna be nice so I would back down and work it out with him. I called the cops & 911 explained that if I invited him to stay and we been living together for ___ months – we were common law married. AND THERE WAS NOTHING THEY COULD DO TO MAKE HIM LEAVE. He messed up one good time and left me. I was so happy to have him gone that I moved so he could never find me again in life! #TexasDontPlay
#EvictherEverlastingOne
Oh this heffa would have to go. Id turn the outside if her room into a damn obstacle course, leave legos and hot wheels on the floor eveynight and park the diaper genie outside her door, all while leaving playing the damn Despicable Me minion songs on loop all day. I mean you are hear for the kids right. Not to mention cancelling her aarp and stocking the fridge with nothing but Ensure and applesauce nad moving shit around the house so she thinks shes crazy. If her body won’t go, her mind will.
#MediateItJesusOnTheMainLine
Yasss!
I’m sorry, but this is hilarious.
I imagine that she greets each and every family member with a great, big smile when she sees them in the morning.
RIGHT. Goodmorning, kids. What’s for breakfast? 😀
I’d beat her ass into the ground. Then I’d go to confession…
BOLDFACE old bat!
Ain’t no way this would happen in my house at all. Me and hubby would scare the shizzle out of that old bitty. I would put shackles on her bed with the dominatrix ball on her mouth, and straight up tell her that if she wanted to stay in my GAWTDAMN house, she had to get the Kunta Kinte treatment, like it, and then have sex with all my gandaddy’s homies, and bring me back 90% of the profits. Oh bish, everyone in this house works, and if you gotta sell nah-nah on the GAWTDAMN corner, you ‘gon pull your weight.
Then I’d invite my aunt from the Projects (who gets off on beatingold bishes with tire irons sexually) to give her the “royal treatment”. That bish would leave 30 seconds after she sees her lube that tire iron to molest her with it.
As you can see, I’d never have this issue.
*dusts off hands*
*beating old bishes
Also, if that doesn’t work, I’d get a little help from nefariousjobs.com
“Me and hubby would scare the shizzle out of that old bitty. I would put shackles on her bed with the dominatrix ball on her mouth, and straight up tell her that if she wanted to stay in my GAWTDAMN house, she had to get the Kunta Kinte treatment, like it, and then have sex with all my gandaddy’s homies, and bring me back 90% of the profits.”
*throws phone into Lake Michigan and quits existance*
Ma’am….Madame…WE ARE DONE HERE!!!!!!
D.E.A.muthaphukin.D!!!!!!!
These people on the bus lookin at me like I’m a straight fool.
This is exactly the shit I would do to this dusty ass beeeyach. Her existence would be of disdain and misery. I’d send my kids away temporarily cause we don’t want to add any undue trauma. We would be like 50 Shades meets War of the Roses and Home Alone in this piece. There would be fly paper with tacks outside her door, strategically places turantulas in her bed, all the utilities would be shut off…..this will not be a pleasant experience!!!
This wynch would come up missing in my house!!! The neighbors may have seen her come in, but they’ll never see her leave (piece-by-piece) on garbage pick-up day! Problem Solved! Carry on good people!
I love it… Hilarious!
Wayment? Did this old lady tell them to leave the house during work hours?! I would have play dates at my house ERR DAMB DAY! I’d feed the kids Snickers and Starbucks for breakfast, lunch, snack and dinner, and let them run into her bedroom. I’d take old girl’s door off the hinges (hey, IT’S MY HOUSE) and start remodeling stuff. I’d cook chitlins, cabbage and saukraut every week. I’d buy a dog and train it to hate her everlasting guts. I’d find out what music she hates and make it my life’s soundtrack. #YankHerYahweh because if I do it, bail money would be required.
And apparently that’s what she’s been doing.
https://www.facebook.com/marcella.ibarrabracamonte?fref=ts
I see what happened, Ol’ girl saw Marcella’s Facebook likes. Mitt Romney? The family is being punished by Democratic Angels. Republicans assassinate with bullets, Democrats plant crazy (as a fox) old ladies. No crimes committed!! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
I may have to let her stay in my house until I finish the eviction process, but it didn’t say I would have to make her stay comfortable. I would turn all the power off while I’m gone and play loud filthy rap music right by her door when I’m home. I would have noise canceling head phones for me and the kids while it is playing. If all else fails, I would have to offer up one of the kids as a sacrifice to take one for the team. I would have them irritate her to the point that she hits them and I would call the police and press charges.
I have limits on my sympathies with these folks. First of all they posted the ad on Craig’s list. The literal den of inequity. These fools’d should have signed with a nanny service. A licensed agency who’s job it is to vet folks you want to trust with your children. Secondly they obviously didn’t run any background checks. I worked in social services with children for years. I always had to do 2 – 3 levels of checks. I did a child abuse check, a state police background check and after I lived out of state I also had to do a inter-state background check. No one and I mean not a single job would touch me without these and no new job would accept any background checks over a year old even if I was leaving a previous job with no incidents.
They took one look at this old lady grifter who probably put on her best Mary Poppins for the interview and thought they hit pay dirt. You don’t go cheap when you are talking about letting someone in your home or around your kids.
Tasker Homes – South Philly all day
I would pull her blanket back…and shit in her sheets and put the blanket back…I would piss in her house shoes…I would fill her shampoo bottle up with hair remover.
Genius!
I would nuy all the foods she liked and then rub it all on the toilet bowl…steaks? Once around the bowl…oreos?… twice around the seat…
Your 2 comments above though. I had to walk out the room and do a slow approach to my phone again. I literally have tears streaming down my face as I type this. Yes! I am a fan of your evil ass.
Cut off the air conditioner. Lock the refrigerator. Buy the kids a drum set. Get a pet snake.
Get some blessed oil and slang it round the house and in her room; yes I said slang it. Call Elder Smith; Brother Jones and The Mount Holy Rood deacon board for a prayer vigil and shut-in; after they finish holding the side of their heads and stomping and rebuking satan, sister girl would be packed.
Talk to Pookie, he got a friend in the county who know people.
These is the bestest (yep, bestest-on purpose), funniest, most hilarious, posts I have ever read.
I would be SO charged with a RUN-BY-FRUITING
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BmPrt_gn-eM
-_________________________-
How the hell you gon hire somebody to TAKE CARE A YO KIDS and don’t vet her? How you gon invite this person to LIVE IN YO HOUSE and don’t know her entire life’s history, down to the name of her first ancestor to live on American soil? No. Just no. The family was caught slipping and this woman is a pro. I wish them well in getting her out. Let’s just say she wouldn’t wanna mess with this Jamaican.
Empty out ALL of my cupboards, and the fridge, and the closets… I would even go as far as to hollow out the living room…No furniture, tv, stereo, computer–NOTHING! I would ask my friends/family to store ALL of my EVERYTHING! Or, move it all (including the fridge) into the other rooms in the house and put a double-bolt on all of the doors. She would have access to the bathroom and the kitchen (although nothing would be in there). The whole house would be bare. She wouldn’t be sitting on my furniture kicking her feet up. I would also secure the thermostat and hot water heater, so that I would be the only one that could access those as well. And, get a code for the garage…NO ACCESS! ALL DOORS LOCKED..ALL OF THEM!
The I would get a Hoodoo priestess and exorcise her ass right up on out of there. *waving sage smudgestick*
Smudge. Cleanse. Balance.
This woman has done this before….
I was waiting to see who was going to do the hoodoo on the bish. LOL.
I deaded at 2 1/2 Strikes … these post are too funny. This could not be my household. Cousins from the Marcy projects don’t think through stuff like most of us. They would get that 1/2 strike before the smoke from their doobies disappeared…#poof Stretton…
The hashtags—- I gave up my last breath tonight. (X__x)
My shotgun would have a rather frank discussion with her kneecaps.
Not today Satan. Not today. (S/O to BiancaDelRio)
Not today, Satan! Lol shout out to fellow drag race fan 🙂
She get winch for body. That’s the only explanation.
She would be out, no doubt about it. I would escort her. hands on if needed. Then she could sue me. But she would be out out out! I would not have had this person in my home taking care of my most precious children without a background check in the first place though. Hmm….
HOW DARE SHE?! I’d beat the brakes off that old lady & just have to take a charge. #HesALawyerInTheCourtRoom #CorrectItChrist
I would move out of the house, or make sure I have the gas and the power switched off and bam!! Go on holiday for a month..
i’d put dog piss on everything she owned. cant take pictures of that. can always get the room cleaned….live in that!
Genius!
I would call Rev Not Enough Money from the All Others Going To Hell Church to come and lay hands on the old heifer, Deacon lose A lot would would come to raise the offering, and old MOther Pray A Lot would lead the prayer.
I saw this on msn. i was looking for a link to the onion or something this is just too much!!! Consuela got an american cousin!!When i read nanny won’t leave that was the first thing i thought #idustnow #inoleave #istayhere
This is absolutely hilarious – the comments.
TAKE HER AND ALL HER STUFF ACROSS A STATE LINE OR TWO,THROW ALL HER STUFF OUT THE CAR. DON’T FORGET TO THROW HER OUT FIRST..WIPE ANY FINGERPRINTS IN YOUR HOUSE AND ESPECIALLY YOUR CAR. OH WEAR GLOVES WHEN TOUCHING HER STUFF. REMEMBER THIS,
YOU WOKE UP THIS MORNING AND SHE WAS GONE, MUST HAVE FOUND ANOTHER JOB OR SOMEONE WHO HAD MO M O N E Y.
Please (snorting..can’t breathe…) take my Jesus off the Price is Right wheel. I really can’t read the article because that was too dumb funny!
I’m not sure who pisses me off most – the old crepe paper bag full of fuck-yous or the dummies who hired someone not only to take care of their most precious assets, but to share their home FROM CRAIG’S LIST. I don’t buy furniture on Craig’s list. And then no background check, no references, no nothing? Start the damn eviction process before someone starts the process to take your kids from you, ya jackasses! Whining to the press ain’t gonna fix it. Right now, Jesus, Krishna, Mohammed and a couple of Genies in a Bottle are doing a collective face palm.
I would find somewhere to stay for a week and turn my gas and electricity off.
It would appear that the family is also doing this for the money… A quote from the mom’s FB page…
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Abc network has exclusive right over my story till the 11th. So abc will have all the latest about our family only till then. 20/20 will have a hour long segment on our story on the 11th of July.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
https://www.facebook.com/marcella.ibarrabracamonte?fref=ts
Me & my lil loves (children) would be banging pots all day like Tanisha from Bad Girls Club. We would clean out the fridge, take a vacation and have all the power, gas & water turned off. Come back & spray cans upon cans of lysol and leave for another vacation! We would fumigate her tail right on out.
Breathed my last good breath right here!
I read this post the other day and laughed so hard….I literally could not breath. Luvvie you have some crazy fans! Remind me to never set up residence in somebody’s house! I immediately reposted My Jesus Taking The Wheel!…..(iCan’t!)……but I must say The first thing I said after reading this crazy story was ……these are not Black People! Ain’t no way in hell!!!!
I slid down the wall with ====>”My cousins from Tasker Projects would have handled this already.”
====> I’ont care how uppity you make act, every Black got them cousins your granny calls just for these kinds of emergencies. They working with 2 and a half strikes and have, by this time, learn how to avoid the last half.
literally a case of who in the hell left the gate open. that wench needed to be in Shady damn Pines years ago.
I LAVE ME SOME YOU LUVVIE!!
I must be the only one outchea not really feeling sorry for “chad and becky”. If’fn you got enough money to hire LIVE IN HELP, you have enough money to hire someone who do an FULL and EXTENSIVE background check on the person you bring into your HOME to take care of your CHILDREN.
In the stories I’ve read about this unstable hag, not one stated she used an alias or whatnot.
So this is a case of people with too much $$$ and not enough sense.
They got got. This woman is unstable and they moved her in, these same folks probably clutching their purses and locking their car doors when my sons get too close to them. BUT they found crazy and dangerous, allowed into their home ’cause she looked like them.
Stupid is as stupid does.
This dumb family posted the ad on Craigslist. Don’t we know enough foolishness happens on Craigslist to know only trouble will happen if you post a “job” on there? and from what I saw on the news, their ad was hella vague.
We need someone to love our children, like a grandma. No pay..just room and board.
You basically said “Live in my house..free…love my kids…we got you”
DUMB!!!!
They musta ddone somethin in a former life.jus sayin God has ways. ‘Vengance is mine…sayeth the Lord’ bible