A Studio in New York is Doing Naked Yoga And I Can’t Even
The only time I’ve ever done yoga is on the beach in Puerto Rico with my girl Renisha of Renewed Fitness. We had a blast and I was all “I totally wanna do this when we get home.”
That was three months ago. My only progress in the area is that I downloaded a yoga app on my phone. I’ma get my life together and do it for real one of these days because I know I could use the benefits of yoga, like more flexibility and more zen.
Last week, the Daily Mail wrote about how a studio in New York (called Bold & Naked) is now offering naked yoga classes, both co-ed and separated by genders. The studio’s website says:
“While many equate being naked with sex, this couldn’t be further from the truth in a naked yoga class. It’s about being comfortable in your own skin and the amazing confidence that comes with it. Practicing yoga naked frees you from negative feelings about your body and allows [you] to be more accepting and deeper connected with yourself and the world around you.”
That’s nice. On paper. I get it. It’s not a sex thing. Yes, let us celebrate our nakedness and be comfortable with our bodies. YAYYY HOORAY! BUTT (ha)… I would not be able to e’em do it. At all. No ma’am.
Shannon Stapleton / Reuters
How am I supposed to find my center and concentrate on my inner zen when someone’s ass crack is 5 feet away from me? The downward dog will seem less relaxing when I’m staring into someone’s yansh. I’d be so damb mad.
And how will women who have big boobs work this out? What’s the logistics in that? You turn down and you might get slapped in the face with your bewbage because there’s nothing holding them down. That’s a health hazard. And for men… those inversions poses. How will they be elevated in zen-dom when their twigs and berries will be by their chin? I haz questions.
Also, how must that room smell with no clothes to wick away moisture and serve as a barrier between natural odor and the world as you sweat through all your orifices? All that sweat just goes straight to the mats. Ew. I imagine the room reeks of corn chips, feet, broccoli and bad decisions. I shiver at the thought and I rebuke it.
I know. I’m a prude and I lack the need for adventure. I’m fine with it. I’m hella comfortable with my nekkidness but I’d like my yoga (whenever I go to a class) to be with people who have on underdraws OR at least some shorts. Topless yoga wouldn’t be awful but when your yansh is all out, the visuals just won’t be so pretty. I admit I’m shallow.
But I’m not hating on anyone who does it. To each his own and if you like it FIST PUMP! Sooo who’s down for some naked yoga? Would you try it? Let a G know.
BTW, BuzzFeed has an article with pictures and GIFs of the nekkid yoga in action.
It is time to write that book. Come into The Book Academy and learn how to go from IDEA to INK.
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51 Comments
I would totally try it. I never have to see these folks again if I don’t want too. Plus, we’re not eem supposed to be looking at other folks during Yoga, supposed to be focusing. No lie though let a fine man mandingo be in there and I would totally be distracted lol Is that weird?
Ash, I think this would be the ultimate test of concentrate. My yoga instructor spends a lot of time reminding our class that “your practice is your practice”. It’s not about what the person next to you is doing. If you could get through THAT class without distraction and worrying about the kibbles and bits of your neighbor, you should get an award for reaching some kind of true enlightenment. Namaste, y’all!
*concentration
Think I said it in that same Cleveland voice homegirl.
Nope. I can imagine what it would be like, and it’s an image that wish to scrub out with bleach, ammonia, pine sol and holy water!! UGH!!! **in my Cleveland voice** That’s just nasty!
I’ll scrub with you.
No, thank you. I will pass on this one.
I have enough concerns modifying certain poses when practicing yoga due to flexibility, boobs, and injuries. I will defer from practicing naked yoga UNLESS in the privacy of my own home.
No. No. No. And NO. There is no way that class room is sanitary. And what if some chick’s Aunt Flow comes during class? I need people to exercise with their clothes on around me. I’m already mad at the girls who come to Zumba class wearing boycut pantydraws trying to pretend they’re shorts, the last thing I need is to see someone’s Miss Lucy peeking out during the downward facing dog. I am never here for that. I feel like getting my brown Lysol and Clorox just thinking about that class. . .
Oh god, the BROWN Lysol?? That’s as bad, if not worse, than the brown Listerine.
And now I’m picturing tampon strings and am going to go lobotomize myself.
YOLO. I would do it.
In the immortal words of our girl, August, “no, kank you.”
I own a yoga studio. And hell to the no. I ‘get it’. I really do. But that’s just a world of NOPE in my book! I know a guy in town who teaches naked men’s yoga and if you want to go to that class, rock on. I’ll keep my bits jammed into my sports bra and Green Apples thankyouverymuch!
YEEESSSS!
Ummm, in my most zen and blissful voice, that would be a h-u-g-e “NO, NOPE, NAH, NAY, NEG-GA-TORY.” I teach and practice yoga, my students are the absolute BEST but, I do not want to see any of their “fine china” and only my husband gets an aerial view of this tropical paradise. Namaste, friends.
P.S. “bew-bage” flatline funny!
I tend to get a little gassy and naturally I try and hold it in if I’m in yoga class, can you imagine how obvious that would be if I’m fully nekkid? No, thanks but to each his own.
That reminds me of one of Erica Ash’s bits in the “Chicago Style Pilates” sketches.
Try it? – Hell No! Don’t want to participate or witness. And your blog had me LOLing at work!!! Too funny – but TRUE!
“Also, how must that room smell with no clothes to wick away moisture and serve as a barrier between natural odor and the world as you sweat through all your orifices? All that sweat just goes straight to the mats.”
EXACTLY!
THIS was my first thought! All I could think about is the stench!
People smell already WITH their clothes on when they do physical activity. I don’t care how many showers they’ve taken before they left the house, their natural chemical/hormonal smell will come off of them, especially when moisture is introduced. We naturally release waste from every pore and opening of the body all day long. I’m not trying to be in a room full of hot bodies releasing different versions of the same waste at the same damn time! YUK!
Just the sight of these people sitting spread eagle, open-cheek on a yoga mat…*gag*
Just one word…NAWL!
I would try it … but I really need to do what you are doing, Luvvie, because your legs are on point!!! For you not to practice, your downward dog looks great!
🙂
I. CANNOT. STOP. LAUGHING, Luvvie! I swear you need to be on tv. (Corn chips, feet and broccoli had me lmao!)
But this is a definite HELL NO! I’m sort of a germophobe this would send me running for the hills! GAG! *let me go wash my hands*
I took a yoga class a few semesters ago. We were fully clothes. We did the downward dog. Someone farted. Ion’teem wanna know what goes on in THIS class when someone farts.
Just. No.
Your comfort level is what it is; don’t apologize for that.
Taking a Tantric yoga class, on the other hand…
Naked yoga in physical contact with another naked person. I could see how that could push buttons for people.
I’ve done work in erotic ecstatics. I had to get past a lot of the very things you talk about, and I can’t say that I was entirely successful, but I got through it.
What, pray tell, is erotic ecstatics?
I get it.
I don’t want any parts of it.
From multiple angles at which I would see multiple private parts to the farting to the sweat dripping from various places to the smell to the possibility of those without cute Naked bodies sitting right in front of me (Ugly naked bodies come in all sizes by the way, I don’t want to count your ribs while I’m supposed to be focusing) to the fact that prolonged nakedness at any time besides SEGZY time was ruined by that one episode of Seinfeld….no nope niet nawl nine non UH HUH!
“.no nope niet nawl nine non UH HUH!”
LOL. I second that emotion. Fudge no, hell no!
You know how nasty yansh-crack sweat, jingle bell sweat and punkananny sweat is? And you gon combine alla dat in one enclosed heated room? And YOU KNOW there is going to be that lack of couth nucca/kracka who didn’t bathe before the class or who comes with their tampon string hanging out like a Christmas decoration!!!! HAY-ELL. TO. THE. NAW.
Aaawwwwwwwgggggghhhhh
*throws up in mouth* Ewwwwww!!!
Ugh- but you know you are right about that tampon string. I am now officially ill at the thought of this class.
I thought the same thing. It’s people who ride public transportation and don’t even have the decency to bathe or put on deodorant knowing they’ll be in closed quarters w/ others. Ain’t no way in I’m gonna risk that with naked folks and folks get gassy and sometimes those rooms are heated too that AWW HELL NAWL!
‘punkananny’ and ‘nucca/kracka’ = #iDied!
Ah man! You need to come and clean the vomit up off my carpet.
I’m very comfortable with nudity, but I am NOT comfortable with the thought of the various odors that would be wafting around the room. No stank you.
Oh thank you for pointing this out to me O.o So I strolled on over to Buzzfeed to ummmm read the articule (which I couldn’t believe at first) and low and behold on the little side bar “COCKS IN SOCKS” men with socks on their peckers to bring awareness to cancer. *sigh* it was worth it 🙂
I mean….nawl cause what if you have that one dude that has 2 peta wackas hanging all over creation? I can’t clear nothing with buddy having an extra dollar to go along with the other dollar and fifty cents he came with.I’m asking questions: Does it hurt? How do you pee? Which one is the dominant sperm shute? How many folks can you impreginate at on time? Nope…definitely not for me!
Nope. I ain’t gone do it. I went to a yoga class faithfully at the Y for all of a month. Once in class I looked up and this lady had no draws on under her shorts. I saw everything. I packed up my ish and never went back. It smells like funions in a fully clothed class.
Most places let you use or rent a mat. How about them? It may have a tight, curly cemented to the mat for you to observe while in child’s pose. Mouth feeling tacky at the thought.
I can’t. Simply can’t.
Naked yoga?
No.
Skidmarks galore…..front and back. Class dismissed. Eeeeeeeessssssshhh.
… And why are their cracks pixilated in this pic? I know I saw/smelled this article a few days ago and the cracks were open.
Eww, no mam. A person should know her limitations, and I know mine.
Even if we were separated from the men folk, it would be just too funky and too strange for me to be bending and posing in a roomful of nekkid women. That room must reek of funk and regret toward the end of the class.
Some little shorts and a top are not all that confining – how free do you need to be?
What kind of hazmat procedures must they have in place to get this past the Health Department? And I pity the unfortunate person who has to clean up after class. Ick.
I invest in quality sports bras because I don’t want my DD’s bouncing and slapping me in the face. Imma pass on this one.
Yeah. …hell to the no. I shall stick to leggings and a tank top
I certainly sweat like a pig to look like a fox AND the world would only be so lucky. Real talk though ladies, and I mean *REAL*: Those clothes provide an appreciated sound barrier against queefs. (((drops the mic)))
“…corn chips, feet, broccoli and bad decisions.” Dead.
Taints all over the place.
Ain’t gon’ be aaaany nekkid time with exercise for me, EVER. And I sure as heck don’t need to roll up in a nude yoga class, and end up seeing/smelling anybody’s anything at any time. No ma’am! Hot yoga–cool. yoga with the heavy breathing and the windchimes and the grass juice–we groovin. Yoga wit a pet or a baby–emotional bonding.
I’m with you. I don’t want to see twigs, berries, lady biz. I mean, I be pervin’ and such, but not multi-tasking a workout. I will fool around and pull something trying to avoid or perv watch. Naaah!
…..and there go my Honey Nut Cheerios! #barffest
When I read about this all I could think about was the fartage with no barrier…NO SIR, NO MA’AM, NO THANK YOU