My State of the Union Tweets Weren’t About Politics

I’m basically the worst person to follow on Twitter during serious events because I’m really only there to tweet frivolously and give very little content-relevant commentary. To be fair, I warn people beforehand that I don’t be on nothing but shallowness and I direct them to better accounts to follow.

I’m that troublemaker in the back of the class distracting folks from learning because I left my notebook at home. SMDH.

state of the union gif

Summary though, John Boehner should lay off the tan for a long while (like forever), Joe Biden is the dude I wanna go bowling with, and Michelle Obama’s hair is here for all of us and we will pay #AMISH to it.

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  1. January 29, 2014 at 10:55 am

    We were talking mad shit the entire time. I wanted Joe Biden to fist pump and throw a PBR can at Boehner

  2. January 29, 2014 at 10:57 am

    Girl! I was just there for our Auntie (oshe oshe oooo), but since she decided to come correct and not slay her nieces for no damn reason like she usually does, I was stuck wondering about whyyyyy I have never noticed Uncle Barry got satellite dish ears before! Gosh golly. I no go fit.

    • Joe Beau
      January 31, 2014 at 1:32 pm

      That secret’s been out awhile. At the 2012 White House Correspondents’ Dinner, aka Nerd Prom, Jimmy Kimmel delivered the following line regarding the Secret Service Colombian prostitute scandal:

      “Mr. President, I know you won’t be able to laugh at any of my jokes about the Secret Service, so cover your ears if that’s physically possible.”

  3. Cm
    January 29, 2014 at 11:01 am

    I cracked up at beets and carrots.

  4. January 29, 2014 at 11:01 am

    Now this looks funny as hell, ya’ll were talking mad shit for real. lol lol lol

  5. January 29, 2014 at 11:14 am

    How can a man go that far with tanning beds? He must be sleeping in one every day. Each to their own…

    • Joe Beau
      January 31, 2014 at 1:45 pm

      He was on TV the other day saying his color is because his mother was dark-skinned (for a Caucasian) and that he plays a lot of golf and gets sun that way. He claimed he’s never been in a tanning bed, ever… he didn’t confirm or deny the use of bronzer, though.

      I’m just embarrassed he comes from my home state. Then I remember that amongst House Republicans, he’s the REASONABLE one. All things being relative.

  6. January 29, 2014 at 11:19 am

    Looks like the Congressional Tanner was open during the shutdown…your tax dollars at work!

  7. MarvyMds
    January 29, 2014 at 11:59 am

    I watched and would like to know why Jill Biden was wearing a sleeveless dress as cold as it was last night. She did have a wrap, but still.

    Most of these women on daytime tv are also dressed like it’s summer rather than the dead of winter.

  8. Absurdist
    January 29, 2014 at 12:39 pm

    My unsolicited and incredibly tacky opinion is that Boehner is chapped that his credit rating is so high.

  9. January 29, 2014 at 6:51 pm

    ha ha. True. The big talk of the evening around here was how Obama was dapping everyone up as he approached the podium, Michelle Obama’s looking like money in her green dress, and Boehner’s perpetual screwface. We are also talking about how the Black female politicians are always dressed like they’re ready for Sunday morning service at a Baptist church.

    • Jen Jen
      January 30, 2014 at 8:25 am

      Yes! Led by Prophetess Sheila Jackson Lee of the First Emmanuel Solid Rock of David and the Evening Star Tabernacle Incarnate Baptist Church of Houston, TX (of course!).

      • RavenJ
        January 30, 2014 at 10:20 am

        …right off MacGregor crossing Scott in the Tre!!!!! 😉

    • Joe Beau
      January 31, 2014 at 1:54 pm

      Or as Fox News called it in June, 2008, a terrorist fist jab. Then again, they also called Aunty Shelley, “Obama’s baby momma.”

      It would be hilarious if they weren’t still on that same tip.

      *Chapelle voice* “This racism is killin me.”

  10. omoobanta
    January 31, 2014 at 5:17 am

    i=I think we all know John Boehner is black passing for white…