I Have Many Questions About the 2014 GRAMMY Awards
The 2014 GRAMMY Awards were so long that when they started, gas prices were $1.56. Why? WHY WAS IT SO LONG?!? This is my first question but I have many more. And check out BuzzFeed’s 34 Best Moments From This Year’s Grammys post. I got most of these GIFs from there.
* Why was it real suspect that Madonna brought her Black son with her on the red carpet? I ain’t seen Madonna and her son together since he was a baby you could put on your hip. ALLASUDDEN, he’s her date to the GRAMMYs after her #DisNigga fiasco. Ok, girl. (-_-)
Oh.
* Why was Beyonce’s performance so boring? Well, maybe it was to show us all that she is indeed human. It’s ok, Mrs. Carter. You can have an off night. The stringy wig she was rocking did look like she left her hot oil treatment in too long, doe.
* Did LL Cool J finally stop going to his plastic surgeon? Because I’m pleased by how he looked last night. Him (and Samuel L. Jackson) remain the only men who can rock a Kangol with a tux and look decent.
* Why did I just realize that Lorde is what woulda happened if Daria Morgendorffer knew how to sing? It’s been right there in my face ALL this time. When she won an award, I was pretty sure she was gonna get on stage and say “I hate everyone. Thank you.” And what she said wasn’t that much different. TOTES DARIA!
* Who told Hunter Hayes that he could get on stage and hit all them struggle notes? I was wondering if homeboy was gon bust a vocal chord straining like he was.
* What magical powers does Juicy J have that he e’em got Katy Perry on a pole?!? Must be the same ones he has that got him that Academy Award. Every time we’re reminded that he has an Oscar and Leonardo DiCaprio does not, an angel sings a sad love song.
* Am I a bad feminist because I actually tap my feet to Blurred Lines?Will I be excommunicated?
* Why am I the youngoldest person ever? When John Legend came on and crooned All of Me with that silky voice of his, I was all “THIS SONG IS AMAZING!” because it was my first time hearing it. All of Twitter told me it was at least 6 months old. SHARRAP AND DON’T JUDGE ME! Still, Johnny had me throwing a handkerchief at my TV.
* Why must we always let Taylor Swift finish? Because ONE music award show can’t go by without a Taylor performance. She got up there and headbanged through another scorned love song and got a standing ovation at the end. Award shows have totalty cheapened standing Os. You read a teleprompter right and you might get one nowadays.
* Why am I always so impressed by Pink?
I know this ain’t the first time she did her Cirque du Soleil performance but anyone who can hang upside down and twirl and still hit all her notes gets props from me. I breathe hard and get dizzy if I go through a revolving door too fast. Chile… WERK!
* Was it a good idea (on paper) to have Ozzie Osbourne help introduce Ringo Starr? Sure. Could anyone understand what he was saying? No.
* Why was Ringo Starr’s performance like him doing a bad karaoke impression of himself? It was so cute though how he swayed back and forth. It was like when you tell your 4 year old to come dance for everyone even though it’s their bedtime but you wanna prove they got it.
* Why did Jay-Z have me rolling when he came on to tell the GRAMMYs that their award was basically about to be Blue’s sippy cup? I HOLLERED! So shady and so awesome.
* Why did Kendrick Lamar come through and SLAY with his performance? I don’t e’em know his music like that and I was getting my life on the couch. It was the dopest performance of the night. And Taylor Swift was in the audience looking like the whitest girl that ever white. It was cute.
* Why did the GRAMMYs go so swiftly from Kendrick to some country girl who told us all TURN UP FOR WHAT? She was definitely the person brought there to bring the crunk down and get folks’ blood pressure regulated to normal. They set her up for the okey doke.
* I like her a lot but why was Julia Roberts at the GRAMMYs as a presenter? She don’t e’em GO HERE!
* Why was Paul McCartney’s hair LAID like mine was at prom 2002? Those feathers were so together. I was into it.
* Why has Willie Nelson been SUPER OLD years old for so long? I’m pretty sure he’s older than the first clock. He prolly created time when he was interning for God. Bless him.
* Is it safe to say that Pharrell and Daft Punk won the night? Between Pharrell’s hat and the robots piquing everyone’s interests as they went up over and over again for awards, they definitely won without shade.
* Why did I miss one of the best performances of the night, with Pharrell, Daft Punk, Nile Rodgers and Stevie Wonder, because I was crying laughing? Stevie’s hairline ain’t even visible from the front no more. I thought he had finally shaved his hair when I saw the front shot. But when he turned to the side and those brocs (braids + locs) were still there, I as finished. THRU! I fell into the cackles for 30 good minutes. I could not control myself.
And then @CThagod said Stevie looks like Jeezy coming and 2Chainz leaving and I almost pissed myself. Plus @Alneezy said “stevie wonder is on cbs and his hairline is on the food network” and I basically had to tell myself to breathe.
I already wrote a sternly-worded letter telling Stevie to fire his team because they don’t wish him well. I need him to take control and let them things go because they are unable to edge. We are here for him. We will support him through it. But whoooo.
* Why does Steven Tyler now look like someone’s aunty, post-menopause, and post facial hair you got used to. When he got on stage with Smokey Robinson to presented, and he bust out singing, he looked like everyone’s Aunty Beulah when she insists on singing praise before Thanksgiving dinner. Chile… his macho fetch ain’t happening with that moustache. But the side-eye that Smokey gave him, doe?? I DIED!
* Why was Yoko Ono jigging for her life all night? She was just bopping to the music with no worries.
* Why am I so not here for Macklemore? Like, every time I see him on my screen, my eyes roll so far back I need eye drops to get them back. During that “Same Love” performance, I was just annoyed and wondering why the dude is getting all these props when all he did was some mediocre spoken word while using his hands a lot. MEH.
* Why did Madonna emerge looking like Colonel Sanders on a diet? I guess she’s really into suits now but there’s a way to rock an all white suit and that wasn’t it. @MissZindzi said she looked like a dapper overseer and I cried.
* Why was the ONLY thing cute about the entire Macklemore/Madonna/Same Love set Queen Latifah and the 34 couples she married by the power vested in her by the state of California? THAT was cute.
DAAAAWWWWWW!! <3
Everything else felt cheap. And over-pandering. And just blah. And I’m a GLEE fan so that’s saying a lot.
And then I basically quit the show at that point. When it started, I was 29 and I had already spent 6 years watching that show. I wanted to go enjoy the rest of my 30s (-___-).
Long as hell for no damb reason. The GRAMMYs out-bored itself, which is a bit of an achievement.
Oh and Macklemore and Ryan Lewis won 4 GRAMMYs. Kendrick Lamar got 0. I don’t know either’s music well so I won’t say who was deserving of what. However, for Macklemore to send a text to Kendrick after the show talmbout how he knows he didn’t deserve to win the “Best Rap Album” and then Instagram it was waccccckkkksauce!
“Hey guise. I wanted to show you how awesome I am so I text Kendrick to tell him he’s awesome and I Instagrammed it.” – Macklemore. That’s some fake sincere shit. And that’s why I laugh at this Gawker piece called Macklemore is a Ho Bag (best headline ever, btw).
But yeah, another show and more meh. What was your favorite performance? And share your thoughts on the show in general.
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52 Comments
It was horrible, and I am mad at myself for watching. I kept flipping channels and then turning back thinking that I might have missed something good – wrong.
My favorite part was Smoky’s reaction to Steven Tyler’s warbling. He was so tickled that he couldn’t get it together.
Why do Madonna’s cheeks look like chicken cutlets?
Jared Leto and Bruno Mars should have won for best hair.
I still would like to touch Bruno’s hair…among other things. But I digress. That is my music husband. Judge me.
No judgement. Just send me the secrets to that luxurious mane if you can. lol
Kendrick and that Dragon Group (I am so sorry, because they sounded god) was a highlight. I don’t listen to them like that, but I was rockin’ out.
My favorite moment was when Taylor Swift and crew celebrated too early for Album of the Year. Made my entire night!
There was noooo way I was going to watch this snooze-fest. I didn’t even know it was on until my Twitter feed started blowing up.I did manage to see Beyonce’s performance on some site(that claimed it was supposed to be “raining” on her on stage) and I really enjoyed it. I thought it was sexy and not too over the top. It was also really cute when Jay-Z joined her, Power-Couple Alert! Madonna and the cane: lay off the high-heels for a bit, honey. Why can’t she age gracefully?? *SIGH* Also, I totally agree with you about Kendrick vs. Macklemore!
Dead dead dead at the willie Nelson clock reference! I’ve been waiting all day for your commentary. I saw Beyoncé and said I won’t be watching the rest. Why is her husband on stage fully dressed and she got her ass out you ask? New version of pimps up hoes down. I’m just saying…
Whew chile. So MANY questions. This chick Madonna called her son the n-word last week. THEN “sorry, so not sorry-ed” her way out of it. Then brought her black son. Then came on stage with a suit and cane. I COULD NOT. THEN Macklemore Elvised his way into the awards and “sorry, not so sorry-ed” Kendrick. I just. Sigh. Heavy sigh. You know how your mom used to say if you roll your eyes too much, they will get stuck like that? Well. I feel like just based on last night, my face is in a permanent, forever, stuck side eye. Stuck.
If Mackleless don’t get his trying to hard arse outta here!! That text was so over the top. Plus the fact he has him as “Kendrick Real” on his phone. Like it’s an official Twitter account, not his personal friend. He’s just so… disingenuous about everything.
Lawd help me I cried while reading this ctfu. When you said that Madonna came out looking like “Colonel Sanders on a diet” that did it for me. I did that silent “wait for it the sound will come” laugh. After I caught my breath lol
Oh sweet by and by I have HOLLAD so that the back part of scalp is TIGHT!! I literally cried and everytime I tried to explain the part of Stevie Wonder my insides shook so I couldn’t speak! Ooh LAWD help your faithful servant who has *died* here along with them edges!!!
Shows you could’ve watched on Youtube instead of Grammy’s Tired Ass:
Between Women
Anacostia
The Skorpion Show
Black and Single
I left the show for about an hour to watch Downton Abbey, turned back it was like I never left.
ditto
KENDRICK & Imagine Dragon was the very best performance it was hot and fun. I was ROCKIN like Taylor n her nobody friend. John Legend was beyond but his delivery is ALWAYS flawless. But Beyonce was really givin us a KMA I will do WTF I want and dare anyone to speak ill of it!! – I am finally a Beyonce Fan she is human- I love human. I love the new album ( for my adult time only) – I love the new Beyonce that just dont care about the image anymore but being so snaky does not suit her well. – I am hating on everyone who is claiming it was such a loving performance – NO MAN that loves his wife or woman that loves herself gets PIMPED out for the world. JMO Pimps UP HOES paid – I guess. AGAIN IMAGINE DRAGON & Kendrick get a new fan!
Pffft. I didn’t know what a Macklemore is before today and I wish I didn’t know now.
This whole “I robbed Kendrick” thing just seems soooo gratuitous and self-serving. Oh you froze when you had your chance to say that on national TV but you definitely had the wherewithal to post your text to show you’re such a good guy, right? Pfffft.
Oh – and if you really feel so strongly that the award went to the wrong person, you could have refused to accept it, right? No one put a gun to your head and said “accept this undeserved accolade or die”, did they?
GTFOH.
I’m crying right now at Lorde/Daria, Colonel Madonna, and Stevie’s hair.
ALL of that!
I love Mrs. Carter and the Velma Kelly she was serving me but I really wish she’d done “Blow” instead of hoodrats favorite “Drunk In Love.”
I can’t wait for that Imagine Dragons/Kendrick Lamar Radioactive to hit iTunes! That was the best performance of the night.
Kenny was robbed…Macklemore isn’t that great. I don’t get the hype and how an album with three good songs keeps winning.
First sentence had me rolling. Love the post.
*note to self* Dear Self: please go pee before you e’en think about contemplating the notion of reading Luvvie’s foolishness.
My struggle to find some can is really real…….
Why come in the gif with all the married couples the two handsome fellows in the white suits look like identical twins except one had hair and the other didn’t?!?!
1) It was way too long. #12yearsagrammywatcher
2) Kendrick was definitely robbed, as were all the other rappers who lost to Roger Klotz, I mean Macklemore
3) My favorite performance was Kendrick & Imagine Dragons. Loved the energy
4) I’m so over Taylor Swift and her whole shtick
5) I think Stevie Wonder and Fred Hammond go to the same loctitian
Roger. Klotz.
Congratulations, you won the internet today!
Sigh.
I was going to be okay with Bey’s performance until her arse was all up in my face. I don’t want to know her like that. Then Jay Z came out with that Barney’s stamp on his forehead, placed his hands on said arse and I was officially done.
Promptly changed the channel at 9p to watch True Detective on HBO. Best decision of the night, except I missed Kendrick Lamar live. Saw the performance on YouTube (during the awards show) and agree it was the best of the night.
Daft Punk, Nile Rogers and Stevie looked so awesome, on paper. Live, somehow, it seems as if a couple of notes were this/close to making it. I watched the whole thing through my fingers. Sorry, not sorry. ***shrugs***
One other minority opinion, Metallica and the pianist were awesome. Yeah I said it. Go ahead and judge.
Mackelmore is a hoe bag, but he learned from the Queen Hoe Bag, Madonna. This trick out here calling kids “ni@@as”, then pimps her black kid on the red carpet. Ugh 2x.
Agreed! Metallica was the ish! Kendrick Lamar, Daft Punk, Stevie Wonder, Nile Rodgers, and Pharrell, and Metallica were my favorite performances.
I hadn’t watched the Grammys in years, but was happy to tune in. Yes, it went on FOREVER!!! and I was on the West Coast, so I ended up watching it ‘live’ so no fast forward… and it was already late.
Anyways, too many funny quotes in your post to name them all again, but agreed!
I want this moment to be noted.
I want us to remember the day that a Black female entertainer went out and made her money on the up and up with her husband who is the father of her child.
And then we hated. On the performance…her outfit…her hair… everything.
When did a man touching his wife’s behind become a pimp move? Who here has a husband to ask that? Because I saw what he did and having a wife myself, I did not see anything untoward in the least. I have probably done that a time or a THOUSAND. Sheesh.
Did she wear something revealing? Yep. But it was far from the worst we’ve seen. FAR from it. And while the performance is fair game, the rest sounds like the same hateration I see all too often from Black women towards Black women. And that to me is a shame.
Solidarity is indeed for white women.
My hubby assured me all men cop a feel on their wives from time to time. He even reminded me of the time the POTUS gave the FLOTUS a pat slightly lower than her waist. And then he told me to turn around so he could pat me on my behind 😉
In all seriousness I do wish there was less Black on Black meanness.
Weird. You must have read something else because surely this comment isn’t about my 3 sentences about Beyonce here. SURELY.
It is not for the most part. I will admit, though, that I was less than impressed with you dissing her hair ESPECIALLY when she wore it in a way that MANY women of color wear it every day. We have enough white folks pretending that people of color and their funky hair deserve scorn and snide comments thank you very much. Having seen pictures of you Luvvie I expected you to be more cognizant of that.
I made a point to say that critiquing the performance was in bounds which is what you primarily did. But reading some of the comments really bothered me, especially the pimp references from some people when referring to a married man touching his own wife’s bottom.
Long story short, I wish that I had come here and spied a bit more support FOR a Black couple FROM Black people. If we keep sniping each other out a Grammy show in the VERY near future will be all Macklemores and Taylor Swifts and we will have no one to blame but ourselves.
Soooooooo I get that you were reacting to the comment section and not Luvvie’s BUT Bey’s hair was just wet. It was supposed to be raining on/around her during her performance and that did not work. So she was out there with wet hair and no context.
If you saw the DIL video it made since but the majority hadn’t so it looked…off.
The Wet-n-Wavy look is great and many women wear it. Bey’s hair was just ….wet. In this space…. for this performance…. it looked strange.
Fair enough on the hair I suppose, just understand that Taylor Swift does not go through this with her peeps.
Oh my goodness. Reading this has made me so happy because you’ve made MANY valid points! Now while I do realize that Beyonce is not perfect, she’s damn good at what she does and there’s a reason why she’s on top, plus she does illustrate the “damned if you do – damned if you don’t” point very well. Because if she weren’t married yet did a sexually charged performance, she’d be called a hoe. But she’s MARRIED, and the song was about sex with her own husband/father of her child and she STILL gets slandered??!?! It’s disgusting, and yes you’re right. Solidarity is for white women all the way.
Lately, I’ve been trying to avoid the music awards show because folks act a hot mess. But last night was a bit different. I like having the infusion of old school performers but they really DON’T have to perform with the new ones. Their stuff has staying power. I think that was to try to bring back people like me who often ask “who is that?”
My thoughts:
~ Beyonce is a great performer and has a great work ethic but her performance last night made me uncomfortable. Having not seen too much affection between she and Jay-Za all this years, I felt like I walked into a very intimate moment.
~ Blurred Lines is a song that you move to so I don’t feel guilty. I just keep my top on when it’s on.
~ Pink is incredible and continues to show people that she is a musician, singer, and hell of an entertainer.
~ We all know Blue has a cabinet full of gold sippy cups.
~ Loved Queen Latifah’s dress.
~ Madonna wasn’t fooling anyone. Plus, she needs to admit, her time is over. Bless her heart!
~ Can we just admit Pharrell is the new Jimmy Jam & Terry Lewis AND Babyface and LA Reid? I’m thinking about contacting him to help me find an apartment. Everything he does is right on target. Vision
~ I’m happy for Nile Rodgers but not surprised. He’s been awesome for so long. I can’t believe he has an Unsung coming up in this new season.
Overall, a better show. But I could use a break from a Taylor Swift performance. I guess if they don’t have Taylor it would be Rhianna.
Luvvie, this post had me rolling. I stayed up too late to watch all that my DVR recorded (and I’m assuming the show got cut off because that’s what they always do), and my thoughts pretty much match yours. Top of the night for me, though, was Kent Knappenberger getting the Music Educator’s award. I sang in choirs in high school where he was the accompanist, PLUS he played the organ at my mom & stepdad’s wedding. He’s amazing, very deserving of the award.
This post gave me life! I don’t watch award shows but I love to read the recaps and this was the best I’ve read.
Madonna is not only suspect, she’s accused and convicted of using an Olivia Pope wannabe.
Kwaaaaa i fell out! Have y’all ever stopped to wonder
that maybe Stevie’s hairline ain’t ever got an invite to any award show or maybe it was still greeting the fans outside.
*grabs shovel, digs grave* this is that shit I’m talkin about. No. Damn. Chill. ctfu
—And then we hated. On the performance…her outfit…her hair… everything.—
Love the album, love Bey, wasn’t here for the performance. Drunk In Love (IMO) is not a performance song. I get it, you’re owning your sexuality, you want to show your body, but opening the Grammy’s (at 8 or 5PM depending on where you were) with that?!?? Really? Bey kept saying sh!t, Jay toned down his lyrics. He comes across as “over” the shock value, she comes across as just getting into the fact that she can do it, so we are about to see a LOT of this.
Solidarity doesn’t mean loving everything you do just because you’re a woman or you’re black.
We HAVE seen worse, but usually at the VMA’s, or the BET awards, not the Grammys.
Great post, Luvvie! And don’t feel bad. I’d never heard John Legend’s “All of Me” before, either.
I love all of me. Y’all been missing out.
Luvvie!! Did you see the Macklemorgan Freeman pic in the comments of the Gawker article? #RealTears
Haven’t watched an award show in almost 20 years and I guess I’m not missing much. Back then I thought Madonna was an award-winning idiot and I guess she’s still majestically sitting on that throne.
PS: I also thought Kendrick Lamar was a basketball player
PPS: ALSO thought Macklemore was some teenage white boy band. So he’s a he not a they huh?!
Well Luvvie another awesome post! Pharrells hat/buff said, Stevie’s hairline/same lol Beyoncé I don’t care WHAT the Beyhive sez that was not a cute look she’s lost all of her voluptuousness and looks generic. Wonder what Pops Knowles thinks about what’s become of his darling dear daughter completely devoid of tact and class for a thug husband or not! Kendrick don’t worry about it. Everyone knows you were completely robbed. Madonna please like a prayer go away!
So i’m gonna sound like a Bey Stan I am not.
Why does dancing with her husband make her a ho?
Why is it assumed that Jay LET her do anything?
Ya’ll know she owns her OWN COMPANY right?
Meaning she decide to do that performance and wear that outfit all on her own.
If the performance made YOU uncomfortable say that but don’t put labels on a woman that followed her dream, quietly dated her man, got married and THEN had a baby.
That does not make her a ho.
I thought the performance was a bit much but I also think she was thrown off by the water treatment not working. She was just out there winging it.
*I am not shaming people that are in loving relationships and have babies without marriage whether it’s on their radar or never gonna happen. Do you. Marriage isn’t everything.
…..”And then I basically quit the show at that point. When it started, I was 29 and I had already spent 6 years watching that show. I wanted to go enjoy the rest of my 30s (-___-).”
Baaaaaaawawawa! Where do you come up with this stuff! I am unable. LOL
LOL at “Why did Madonna emerge looking like Colonel Sanders on a diet?” Not as harsh as Price Peterson saying “And then an albino vampire crept onstage and sang an old Madonna song.” http://us.tv.com/shows/the-grammy-awards/community/post/the-2014-grammys-photo-recap-a-curse-fulfilled–139084528885/ Your questions have made me glad I haven’t watched the show. Great post.
HA! Am I the only person who thought Queen Latifah was about to OVERTLY come out of the closet during that entire performance though?
Between Luvvie’s questions and this guys bitter, bored and just TAHD-of-it-all review, I nearly choked laughing. The albino vampire though? *falls out* The Grammys lost me AGES ago. The last time I happened upon it was when Esperanza Spalding won Best New Artist and I was puzzles because I’d known about her a few years before, but I was still glad she beat Bieber. I just catch the interesting performances on Youtube the next day. I only care about the acting awards during this silly season anyway. Let’s hope the Oscar producers were watching and chop at least 30 minutes from whatever they’ve been organising. I plan to tune out after Lupita wins her statuette anyway (if she’s not robbed again, that is.)
*puzzled
Struggle notes!!! XD I was wondering the same thing about that boy, and now I know he has a name-o…Hunter Hayes! Bless his lil can’t sing live heart.
I turned from a lot of this after Daft Punk, Stevie, and Niles came on. I missed the wedding, and was already not here for WACKlemore for a multitude of reasons. He’s somebody I have issues with, being an “ally” to LGBTQ folk, but not giving credit where credit is due…and…other stuff. Not gon’ rant about it! o_o
I disagree about Bey tho! She was on fire! Sexy, smouldering. Tumblr was straight trippin about her performance and within 6 minutes, we already had HD GIFS. LIKE WHOA.
Kendrick did indeed get robbed, but the Grammys themselves are super funked up with the entire Rap and Hip-Hop scene as it is, so they’re not even in a place to credit anymore. Kendrick speaks for himself time and time again.
Madonna was a non-factor to me, and using her son as a damn prop after her N-word fiasco just made it worse. She was out there looking like Kane off Poltergeist, and the oatmeal guy who used to freak Chuckie out. XD Alla them hard drugs she did messed her face up big time.
OH OH OH!!
Steven Tyler was grooving extra hard tho! I was here for that. I love me some Steven. The DP performance was my issssh. Love me alla Daft Punk!!! I was here, there, and everywhere for that. I was praying I’d get home from the SGI Center just to see!
iCackled for Pharrell and his hat, and after when Arby’s came for him on Twitter, LOL.
Other than that…yeaaah it was too long. I was done with it, watched AHS: Asylum, and took my arse to bed.
“…dapper overseer…” #cryingrealtears
“Everything else felt cheap. And over-pandering. And just blah. And I’m a GLEE fan so that’s saying a lot.” You had me spitting my tea out of my mouth because I am a GLEE fan too and I know when showbiz folk are pushing it down your throat….
This recap has given me so much life! I had to work on Sunday and missed the Grammys. This was the best thing I’ve seen today! You rock in so many was… thank you