The Bossiest Birth Certificate You Ever Did See
Folks have been all up in Kate Middleton’s Love Pocket since she got married to Prince William and it only got worse when she got pregnant. A couple of weeks ago, she finally had the Royal Baby, and the world cheered collectively. Because apparently, we all got a nephew we won’t ever see or know.
I can’t blame those who were excited though. Because you know doggone well folks threw parties when Blue Ivy was born. She’s the closest we have to a royal baby in the U.S. right now.
Anywho, the baby’s birth certificate was just released (Huffington Post got it), filled out by pops William and his chicken scratch handwriting. And I must say that this birth certificate’s content is pretty bad ass.
His Royal Highness Prince George Alexander Louis of Cambridge
The only way this birth certificate could be anymore BAWSE is if the ink used to print it was molten 24K gold. Seriously.
First of all, the baby’s name is LEGALLY “His Royal Highness…” You can’t just walk around calling him “George Alexander.” NAWL. If he was to ever have a resumé (laughable but go with me here), he has to put “His Royal Highness Prince George” at the top. That’s pretty damb dope.
Let me take this moment to side-eye all those fools and hoodrats who’ve named their children based on their wishes to be royalty. Names like “Jermajesty.” I’m looking at YOU, Jermaine Jackson, the biggest and greasiest hoodrat of them all. If you ask the mirror mirror on the wall, I’m pretty sure it’ll confirm this.
Another cool thing is that Prince George’s parents’ jobs are “Prince and Princess of the United Kingdom.” SIR WELPINGTON OF WELPCHESTER! How awesome is that?? The only thing I can claim is Princess of My Blog. Dang. Their jobs are basically to just be. They exist to just do what they wanna do and have fancy dinners with their non-smiling Granny who happens to be the Queen.
These parents are basically the folks Disney draw up for their fairy tales.
Lil Royal George, you are winning. Especially since your address is a damb palace. The address should be “10 W. That giant epic house where the Queen lives Avenue.”
But yes. I just had to comment on how dope this birth certificate is. Just aristocratically (or Gone with the Wind) fabulous.
Now wave. And wave. *twirls like Kenya Moore*
P.S. A lotta folks are tripping about William’s handwriting. Did they expect him to pen this in calligraphy? Also, this is a generalization but I will roll with it – most men I know write like their fingers are broken. I know some who can’t even read their own handwriting. This is why God invented keyboards.
P.P.S. So their last name is basically now “Of Cambridge?” Man… the royals are strange and I’m intrigued.
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39 Comments
Ha!!! Actually, for occupation Wills could have put “We run this S**t”… now that would have been the epitome of hilarity…
PRETTY MUCH! “We run this town” should clearly be this baby’s lullaby song.
This will lead to a number of children His/Her Royal Highness. Give i time. Give it time.
I am biting my fist at the thought. Because you’re correct. Dambit!
I just love this so much! Occupation…PRINCE and PRINCESS!! He just signs “William” HA!
Right. Like “I’ont e’em need to put nothing else.”
He don’t have a last name! He cant sign one! Lmao!! Just like Kate just lost her last name. Its essentially Duchess of Cambridge now!
Right! And when your fake surname has a preposition in it??!?! Yeah, you’ve won
@Sequoia, oh Lord NO!lol!
I straight up GUFFAWED @ “Jermaine Jackson. The biggest and greasiest hoodrat of them all.” <——-THAT alone made me forget what the hell I was reading about!
But for real. That greasy fool. lol
“First of all, the baby’s name is LEGALLY “His Royal Highness…” You can’t just walk around calling him “George Alexander.” NAWL. If he was to ever have a resumé (laughable but go with me here), he has to put “His Royal Highness Prince George” at the top. That’s pretty damb dope.”
You a Bawse and you barely a week old….Sir, you have won for many lifetimes……
RIGHT?!? Baby outchea epic already.
Damn, and I thought I was cool because my job description is “executive assistant.” I just got shot down by a baby legally named “His Royal Highness.”
I am so having a chocolate shake to console myself….
Girl. i’ma go eat 3 bowls of rice and a cupcake to get my wits back.
With butter (or maybe in this case Imperial margarine) and bacon, I hope.
Ikr….This baby made me realize that I am a mere peon *grabs a big tub of Ben and Jerry’s and a tequila bottle*
Hands down the best birth certificate ever. And yes…Jermaine Jackson can go sit in a corner with that crazy mess. SMH
That’s Jacksun. This pretentious fool changed his named legally.
All hail Luvvie, princess of this blog! I love it…
I want to undo my husband’s vasectomy just to have another child and name them Royal Highness.
I was just talking with a coworker about how the royals do not have last names. This birth certificate is the best ever. I sure wish I could just exist for a living.
“The only way this birth certificate could be anymore BAWSE is if the ink used to print it was molten 24K gold. Seriously.”
“Another cool thing is that Prince George’s parents’ jobs are “Prince and Princess of the United Kingdom.” SIR WELPINGTON OF WELPCHESTER! How awesome is that?? The only thing I can claim is Princess of My Blog. Dang. Their jobs are basically to just be. They exist to just do what they wanna do and have fancy dinners with their non-smiling Granny who happens to be the Queen.
These parents are basically the folks Disney draw up for their fairy tales.”
(cues the resemblance)
I know plenty of people that are just being and not getting paid a dangnabbit dime to do so. This baby is laid for the rest of his life. And so are the parents……If you find our he needs a massage therapist to keep his muscle loose from all that free time he will have, email a sistah.
Just think, they sign all of their official documents with “His/Her Royal Highness”…that is boss!
U think if I sign official documents with just ‘Q’, it will stand up in a court of law? Will using the argument that its my ‘mark’ work? Lol
I got an interesting name for you…Quinte’ Sential, yes it is a real person. *smdh*
And, no, it is NOT me. Lol
The handwriting is that of the registrar. Only the signature is Wills’.
@W. Nicole – the royal family has a surname. It’s Windsor.
Ahhh thanks for clarifying!
They changed it to Windsor during WW1. Their real name, Saxe Coburg Gotha, was too German.
It’s Mountbatten-Windsor. Queen Elizabeth changed it to add her husband’s name (Mountbatten) to hers.
Actually, (and don’t ask how I know this) William and Harry used their father’s title (Prince of Wales) as their last name, so they are William Wales and Harry Wales. William could continue using it, or use his title (Duke of Cambridge–which he received when he got married) as his family last name if he would like. As Luvvie has pointed out, however, they don’t NEED last names.
“most men I know write like their fingers are broken. I know some who can’t even read their own handwriting.”
Haha my daddy he called me in one time to read what he wrote. That is a damn shame…and I couldn’t read it.
This child is the sh*t and I fully endorse them throwing a ball when he turns 16 just so I can see a recreation of one of my favorite movie moments: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8l_rBI7rhVg
YAAAAASSSS!!!!!
Oh Kwan, not the WHOOPI Cinderella!!! All those songs are straigh cuts.
His name is a name and a title all in one (took that from Donna on Suits). Also William’s last name would also be Wales as in Prince of Wales, he has many options. And yes these fools will go and misguidedly name their poor infortunate children royal titles, causing people to laugh rather than bow and curtsey respect.
And Kwan thanks for the Cinderella link, yes its super cheesy but I love that movie and the prince was hot.
Actually his title is His royal highness, it isn’t his name, it just happens to be present on his birth cert. It will get changed at some point to His Royal Majesty when he becomes king.
As someone said earlier, the official surname is Mountbatton-Windsor, or Windsor for short, it is never used though, they don’t need it.
I love your blog 🙂
This post is hilarious. I love your take on it…
I have to admit..the best parts of the entire thing are..
residence: KENSINGTON PALACE…no need for an actual address….
and William just signing.. ‘WILLIAM’…
no last name
and its gotta be 50 trillion williams in england. but he doesn’t even need/have to distinguish. hope he’s the pappy. don’t know if this will hold up in the court of maury.
I love reading your site Luvvie, but there is nothing Bawse about a family that “inherited” its status via bloodshed and theft.
I agree Jermajesty is a pretty ridiculous name but let’s compare the two families very quickly:
The Jacksons
Came from nothing and built a DYNASTY.
Millions of records sold
Millions of people influenced
Millions donated to charity – MJ has Guinness record for his philanthropy
And if we’re going by worth the Kate and William and their family is only worth something because they hoard the world’s wealth. Last I checked the Jackson’s never committed mass genocide nor enslaved people. This is the legacy that William inherits.
What is BAWSE is descendants of enslaved Africans (who may even have some Yoruba blood) who came from the poorest city in America, from nothing and who built a dynasty. Not English so-called royals who come from guarded gates and well-polished lawns who basically have the world at their fingertips…by force.
I’ll take Jermajesty’s family any day of the week over those so-called royals in Europe.