Mimi’s NoLex and Kirk’s Smackdown from Shirlene: LHHATL Episode 9 Recap
The people of Love and Hip Hop Atlanta can’t have nice things and it’s because too many of them are Team Bad Decisions. The Queen of that club is Mimi, of course. Last night’s episode had me shaking my head and wanting to shake her shoulders because she doesn’t wanna win. Let’s get into it.
I Own You – Stevie and Joseline meet to discuss her invisible contract for the umpteenth time. He tells her that she doesn’t have a record deal, to teach her a lesson. Her way of asking to be treated right is by reminiscing about the time her and Stevie had sex for 20 hours straight. The chick can barely pronounce consonants but she knows tantric sex. Ok. Stevie tells her that he owns her for the umpteenth time.
Building a Bridge – K. Michelle decides to go meet with Karlie Redd to take the advice of her record company because her reputation is basically in shambles. “I’m very emotional. I’m very passionate. And I don’t know how to talk to people all the time.” That is crazy person talk for “I don’t know how to behave and be a well-adjusted person.” Karlie tells her they can have a clean slate, but warns her of the diss record she already put out. Meanwhile, I want her to know we still don’t curr bout her.
Moot Meeting – Stevie J meets up with Ariane to ask about Mimi and she starts crying and saying how much he hurt her friend. I’m perplexed about this whole meeting because if you screwed my friend over, the most I’ma give you of my time is a Google Hangout. Me: “Oh you wanna meet and talk about my friend whose heart you broke? We can GChat. I ain’t gon come see you in person, doe. NAWL.” My petty aside, Stevie J opened his mouth to tell Ariane he never wants Mimi to be hurt and he’s a good guy. It was clearly opposite day.
M.A.D.E. Maid – Mimi is doing a photoshoot for the launch of her new clothing line M.A.D.E., which stands for Making a Difference Everyday. If Mimi ain’t the SIMPLEST and SHALLOWEST crayon in the hoodrat box! I try to root for her but LAWD she makes it so hard. Anywho, her Waynehead looking ass boo, Nikko, was there. And as she’s tryna take pics, he’s making suggestions like she ain’t got a director there. Shut YO ASS UP! Mimi is dating Stevie all over again and we thought she emancipated herself from Aint Shit slavery. Proof of that? He tells her he bought them matching Rolex watches, and when he presents hers, it is diamond-less, while his is blinged out. He’s talmbout he thought hers would look better without. EVERYTHING looks better with diamonds! I might e’em rock a FUBU jersey if it had diamonds on it. Nikko is terrible.
Bromance Rebooted – After the argument that Stevie and Benzino had about the whole “I smashed Joseline” incident, they’ve been on the fritz. Well now that Steebie and Joseline aren’t speaking, Ratface wants to mend fences with his homie. Zino tells him all is well because he doesn’t hold a grudge. Of course you can’t hold a grudge, Benzino. You ain’t got no neck/shoulders to hold one on. Ugh. Master Splinter and SpongeBob Zino rekindle their bromance and I gagged. Especially when the latter told the former that he’s lonely and thirsty for a woman. Well maybe you’d be attractive if you didn’t live in a pineapple under the sea. (-____-)
Deja BOO – Stevie J and Mimi meet up and he apologizes to her for hurting her, something he’s done countless times before and should be tired of already. It’s the dumbest version of deja vu ever. They need to just keep it moving. He sees she’s covered up her old tattoo of him and she says she did it because she didn’t wanna be reminded of him every time she looked at her arm. Umm.. what bout your daughter? Mimi gotta go on Iyanla Fix My Life. Beloved, you must move on for your own good and find your own closure in this.
Birthday Shenanigans – It’s K .Michelle’s birthday and she invites Erica, Ariane and Karlie Redd to the festivities at a club. As the girls are kiki-ing, in walks Benzino. She invited him too, knowing doggone well that is homegirl’s ex. Anywho, Spongebob hands her a box and she opens it to find a diamond necklace. Karlie Redd exclaims in her confessional “Benzino gave K.Michelle a diamond necklace with diamonds.” She is salty and redundant.
She then hands K a CD of her diss record. For her birthday. Theo, that is the dumbest thing I ever heard. Ariane, being the Messy Molly she is, takes the CD and runs it up to the DJ to play. Cuz we know that’s gon end up well. The ladies were jigging to the record until the line where Karlie insinuates that K’s mentor, R. Kelly (the Pied Piper of Pee) might have golden showered K before.
Drinks were thrown, party was over and the confusing hoodrats hugged it out on the sidewalk. I will never understand.
Yes New Friends – K. Michelle and Joseline run into each other in the parking lot of the studio and they start chatting. They realize they don’t have beef and ultimately see that they have some things in common. Joseline: “She gotta fat ass. I gotta fat ass. She got a good voice. I got a segzy voice.” This could be the beginning of a ratchet friendship.
Shirlene’s Smackdown – Rasheeda told her mother, Shirlene, about Kirk’s antics in the past couple of months, including him asking her to get an abortion. So her mama asked him to come see her. She then proceeded to lay a verbal smackdown on him while he looked on like the deer he is.
And he was rocking a patchwork chambray shirt that made it really hard to take him seriously. As he pulled off in his car, Shirlene went “I should have kicked that damb car like I shoulda kicked his ass!” YESSSS!!! Go IN for your baby girl. I love Black mamas who ain’t Momma Dee. Kirk ain’t the right type of bitch though. He found his courage but lost his brain. Like a hoodrat Wizard of Oz story gon uber wrong.
Rolexes, Beemers and Control – Mimi and Erica go over to Ariane’s to pregame before Nikko’s video premiere party. Mimi tells them that she invited Stevie, and they give her an epic side-eye, which I appreciated.
At the party, Waynehead gets up and gives a wack intro to the video, saying it featured “his lady.” The vid plays and Mimi is shown for like 2 seconds wearing the cheapest in chinchiNAH fur, and she’s upset because her leading lady role is nonexistent. What she didn’t understand was that Johnny was the video’s leading lady. OOP. Plus, the video looked cheap and terrible. And Mimi was NOT pleased!
Right as it ends, Stevie walks in and sits at the table across from Nikko, and next to Mimi. He peeps her Rolex watch and she says it’s a gift. He looks at it, laughs and says real Rolexes don’t tick. Then he pulls out a key to a BMW and says he has a gift for Mimi outside. It’s a brand new white beemer! Stevie J is a pimp because that is what someone who is used to pimping women will do. He’s tryna keep Mimi in his control, and like the goofy she is, she accepts. She is clearly a pawn in his twisted game and she keeps making the wrong moves.
And Nikko is an idiot. Your girl just accepted a BMW from her child’s father and ex that she is CLEARLY not over. Sir, you’re stupid. But I am cracking up at how much Stevie J clowned that NAWLex/NOlex Mimi got, talmbout it was ticking like a bomb. SHADE!
We shall see how this gifting ends up. Well is not something I’ma bet on.
What did you think of last night’s ep? Nikko can’t be trusted, right? Would you have accepted the beemer if you were Mimi?