TV and Movies

Mimi’s NoLex and Kirk’s Smackdown from Shirlene: LHHATL Episode 9 Recap

The people of Love and Hip Hop Atlanta can’t have nice things and it’s because too many of them are Team Bad Decisions. The Queen of that club is Mimi, of course. Last night’s episode had me shaking my head and wanting to shake her shoulders because she doesn’t wanna win. Let’s get into it.

I Own You – Stevie and Joseline meet to discuss her invisible contract for the umpteenth time. He tells her that she doesn’t have a record deal, to teach her a lesson. Her way of asking to be treated right is by reminiscing about the time her and Stevie had sex for 20 hours straight. The chick can barely pronounce consonants but she knows tantric sex. Ok. Stevie tells her that he owns her for the umpteenth time.

I Own You

Building a Bridge – K. Michelle decides to go meet with Karlie Redd to take the advice of her record company because her reputation is basically in shambles. “I’m very emotional. I’m very passionate. And I don’t know how to talk to people all the time.” That is crazy person talk for “I don’t know how to behave and be a well-adjusted person.” Karlie tells her they can have a clean slate, but warns her of the diss record she already put out. Meanwhile, I want her to know we still don’t curr bout her.

Moot Meeting – Stevie J meets up with Ariane to ask about Mimi and she starts crying and saying how much he hurt her friend. I’m perplexed about this whole meeting because if you screwed my friend over, the most I’ma give you of my time is a Google Hangout. Me: “Oh you wanna meet and talk about my friend whose heart you broke? We can GChat. I ain’t gon come see you in person, doe. NAWL.” My petty aside, Stevie J opened his mouth to tell Ariane he never wants Mimi to be hurt and he’s a good guy. It was clearly opposite day.

M.A.D.E. Maid – Mimi is doing a photoshoot for the launch of her new clothing line M.A.D.E., which stands for Making a Difference Everyday. If Mimi ain’t the SIMPLEST and SHALLOWEST crayon in the hoodrat box! I try to root for her but LAWD she makes it so hard. Anywho, her Waynehead looking ass boo, Nikko, was there. And as she’s tryna take pics, he’s making suggestions like she ain’t got a director there. Shut YO ASS UP! Mimi is dating Stevie all over again and we thought she emancipated herself from Aint Shit slavery. Proof of that? He tells her he bought them matching Rolex watches, and when he presents hers, it is diamond-less, while his is blinged out. He’s talmbout he thought hers would look better without. EVERYTHING looks better with diamonds! I might e’em rock a FUBU jersey if it had diamonds on it. Nikko is terrible.

Tacky and I Hate You gif

Bromance Rebooted – After the argument that Stevie and Benzino had about the whole “I smashed Joseline” incident, they’ve been on the fritz. Well now that Steebie and Joseline aren’t speaking, Ratface wants to mend fences with his homie. Zino tells him all is well because he doesn’t hold a grudge. Of course you can’t hold a grudge, Benzino. You ain’t got no neck/shoulders to hold one on. Ugh. Master Splinter and SpongeBob Zino rekindle their bromance and I gagged. Especially when the latter told the former that he’s lonely and thirsty for a woman. Well maybe you’d be attractive if you didn’t live in a pineapple under the sea. (-____-)

Deja BOO – Stevie J and Mimi meet up and he apologizes to her for hurting her, something he’s done countless times before and should be tired of already. It’s the dumbest version of deja vu ever. They need to just keep it moving. He sees she’s covered up her old tattoo of him and she says she did it because she didn’t wanna be reminded of him every time she looked at her arm. Umm.. what bout your daughter? Mimi gotta go on Iyanla Fix My Life. Beloved, you must move on for your own good and find your own closure in this.

Birthday Shenanigans – It’s K .Michelle’s birthday and she invites Erica, Ariane and Karlie Redd to the festivities at a club. As the girls are kiki-ing, in walks Benzino. She invited him too, knowing doggone well that is homegirl’s ex. Anywho, Spongebob hands her a box and she opens it to find a diamond necklace. Karlie Redd exclaims in her confessional “Benzino gave K.Michelle a diamond necklace with diamonds.” She is salty and redundant.

She then hands K a CD of her diss record. For her birthday. Theo, that is the dumbest thing I ever heard. Ariane, being the Messy Molly she is, takes the CD and runs it up to the DJ to play. Cuz we know that’s gon end up well. The ladies were jigging to the record until the line where Karlie insinuates that K’s mentor, R. Kelly (the Pied Piper of Pee) might have golden showered K before.


Drinks were thrown, party was over and the confusing hoodrats hugged it out on the sidewalk. I will never understand.

Yes New Friends – K. Michelle and Joseline run into each other in the parking lot of the studio and they start chatting. They realize they don’t have beef and ultimately see that they have some things in common. Joseline: “She gotta fat ass. I gotta fat ass. She got a good voice. I got a segzy voice.” This could be the beginning of a ratchet friendship.

Shirlene’s Smackdown – Rasheeda told her mother, Shirlene, about Kirk’s antics in the past couple of months, including him asking her to get an abortion. So her mama asked him to come see her. She then proceeded to lay a verbal smackdown on him while he looked on like the deer he is.

The face of someone who ain't here to take your shit.

The face of someone who ain’t here to take your shit.

And he was rocking a patchwork chambray shirt that made it really hard to take him seriously. As he pulled off in his car, Shirlene went “I should have kicked that damb car like I shoulda kicked his ass!” YESSSS!!! Go IN for your baby girl. I love Black mamas who ain’t Momma Dee. Kirk ain’t the right type of bitch though. He found his courage but lost his brain. Like a hoodrat Wizard of Oz story gon uber wrong.

Rolexes, Beemers and Control – Mimi and Erica go over to Ariane’s to pregame before Nikko’s video premiere party. Mimi tells them that she invited Stevie, and they give her an epic side-eye, which I appreciated.

At the party, Waynehead gets up and gives a wack intro to the video, saying it featured “his lady.” The vid plays and Mimi is shown for like 2 seconds wearing the cheapest in chinchiNAH fur, and she’s upset because her leading lady role is nonexistent. What she didn’t understand was that Johnny was the video’s leading lady. OOP. Plus, the video looked cheap and terrible. And Mimi was NOT pleased!

The girl who cried tough.

The girl who cried tough.

Right as it ends, Stevie walks in and sits at the table across from Nikko, and next to Mimi. He peeps her Rolex watch and she says it’s a gift. He looks at it, laughs and says real Rolexes don’t tick. Then he pulls out a key to a BMW and says he has a gift for Mimi outside. It’s a brand new white beemer! Stevie J is a pimp because that is what someone who is used to pimping women will do. He’s tryna keep Mimi in his control, and like the goofy she is, she accepts. She is clearly a pawn in his twisted game and she keeps making the wrong moves.

And Nikko is an idiot. Your girl just accepted a BMW from her child’s father and ex that she is CLEARLY not over. Sir, you’re stupid. But I am cracking up at how much Stevie J clowned that NAWLex/NOlex Mimi got, talmbout it was ticking like a bomb. SHADE!

We shall see how this gifting ends up. Well is not something I’ma bet on.

What did you think of last night’s ep? Nikko can’t be trusted, right? Would you have accepted the beemer if you were Mimi?

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  1. Sharday
    June 18, 2013 at 3:18 pm

    I was weak at how Stevie pointed out that Nikko gave Mimi a FAUXlex. But…Nikko could have given Mimi a nice Michael Kors watch instead if that’s more in his price range. He didn’t have to lie to kick it.

    • June 18, 2013 at 3:20 pm

      LMAO!! Not he didn’t have to lie to kick it!! Based on that video he only has Fossil money.

    • Lina
      June 18, 2013 at 3:30 pm

      I hollered the whole time Steebie was talking about that watch. Nikko was mad salty.

      • Sharday
        June 18, 2013 at 3:34 pm

        It wasn’t enough for Stevie to point out that the watch was fake…he had to go and explain WHY it was fake!

        Lawd..I was laughing so hard that I was crying!

        • June 18, 2013 at 4:01 pm

          Girl he is so petty but in that moment, I was here for it.

    • Kamantha
      June 19, 2013 at 9:58 am

      In the immortal words of Ye: Rollies that dont tick tock! LOL

  2. June 18, 2013 at 3:19 pm

    Girl!! Stevie gave me my whole life with the ticking time bomb line. I was very happy he called out that fake watch.

    Also…I gave my TV the most serious side-eye when that fool Karlie said “a diamond necklace…with diamonds” REALLY KARLIE…REALLY!!!!! And that diss track. She really expects that to be played huh. Rasheeda the only one who has somewhat told her she’s whack. lol

    This episode was it! I can’t wait for Joseline and K to skip around together. Joyous.

    • JazzT
      June 18, 2013 at 3:25 pm

      That rachet friendship will not last past 2 episodes. LOL The only reason this gully Voltron has formed is because of the mutual beef with Mimi.

      • June 18, 2013 at 4:01 pm


    • Shavon
      June 19, 2013 at 7:05 pm

      Joseline & K.Michelle skipping around together!!–KML…gonna be a hawt mess!!

  3. Toun
    June 18, 2013 at 3:28 pm

    Said it last week and I’ll say it again Oluremi Faust purchased a pair of defective balls from Wal-Mart. Kirk has disappointed even deadbeats. Mama Shirlene yassss!!! K.Michelle -_-.

    • June 18, 2013 at 4:01 pm

      YESSSS to all of this!

  4. JazzT
    June 18, 2013 at 3:37 pm

    There is no rooting for Simple Simon aka Rent-a-Backbone aka Mimi. She will try to have you believe she is a changed woman who finally got it but she continues to choose the Monopoly Chance card that has her going back eighty-leben (8,011) steps. Mimi, go straight to jail, do not collect $200, do not pass Go. You are so out of order there’s no blaming Stebie. As messy as Ariane is, I’m glad she made it known that you get what you ask for. I just can’t even with that car…

    • June 18, 2013 at 4:00 pm

      LMAO at Rent-a-Backbone. She’s all talk and no action. Mimi needs an intervention.

  5. June 18, 2013 at 3:37 pm

    I think the K. Michelle/Joseline friendship will be the best thing for the show! I am here for all of their possible ratchet fuckery!

    Did you see the way Karlie Redd leaned alllll the way into K. Michelle’s gift, and then shot Benzino the ugliest look? She was not lying when she said he NEVER gave her anything that nice! A diamond necklace… WITH diamonds!?!

    Mimi got skinty and let the stupid just take over! I hope she realizes that Stevie just stole Joseline’s advance money to put down on that car, and the repo man will be coming to pick that up asaptually! Put all the miles on that ride while you can girl!

    Stevie pulled the straight pimp move, and I kind of love him for it. Luvvie called it, Johnny was the leading lady, and deep down Mimi knows it. Meanwhile, did she ask Nikko and ‘nem why they are rapping about penthouses, but they are roommates? Something ain’t adding up!

    Great recap as usual Luvvie!

    • June 18, 2013 at 3:55 pm

      I’m looking forward to a K.Michelle/Joseline friendship b/c the epic blowout is something to look forward to. 2 crazy people like that can’t be friends for long so the fallout will be interesting to watch.

      And LMAO that Nikko and Johnny are roomies. FAH WUT?!? Yall are two grown ass men in a city that isn’t e’em expensive. SMDH

      • Chiq
        June 19, 2013 at 12:01 pm

        Ummm… me thinks they’re roomies for the extracurricular benefits that come along with their “arrangement.” Hmph…

  6. BE
    June 18, 2013 at 3:40 pm

    What’s up with Mimi and lack of respect for personal space. She annoys the heck out of me with her fake ass, in your face, toughness.

    • June 18, 2013 at 3:54 pm

      Yeah she STAYS getting in folk faces. Barking and whatnot. But she’s the woman who cried tough so nawl.

  7. God'sGift_to_ratchets
    June 18, 2013 at 3:49 pm

    I get my life everytime you use that school of rock gif.

    • June 18, 2013 at 3:54 pm

      I just love that GIF. It says all I need to sometimes.

  8. Pilar
    June 18, 2013 at 3:49 pm

    I’m convinced that Mimi wanted someone else to break her and Nikko up, and that’s why she set that whole thing up with Stevie J. Also- huge mistake in accepting the car! Why does she accept anything but child support from him!

    • June 18, 2013 at 3:53 pm

      It’s clear that Mimi knows Nikko ain’t the right dude for her but instead of breaking up with him, she’s putting up with the nonsense.

  9. Justlikehoney1
    June 18, 2013 at 4:08 pm

    Nikko’s sweat shorts in the shiteo, shark mouf & Dumb Donald’s beanie, though

    Rasheeda’s mama was one eye roll away from slapping Kirk’s pansy ass like a mosquito. She is my shero!

    • Yadi
      June 19, 2013 at 10:03 am

      I was on pins and needles cuz I thought she was going to slap him too. And I don’t put it pass Kirk to fight an old lady especially after he called himself checking K.Michelle. Clearly, he will fight a woman.

  10. Jasmine
    June 18, 2013 at 4:19 pm

    I need for Iyanla to have a sit down with Mimi, K Michelle, Joseline, & Shay!! Every other episode Joseline and Steebie are over! Girl boo! How you get your man is how you will lose him, duh! I try to root for Mimi too but damn she is playing for loosing team right now!

    • Shavon
      June 19, 2013 at 7:12 pm

      Iyanla will start smoking cigarettes trying to counsel these fools!!

  11. Jabari
    June 18, 2013 at 5:12 pm

    Mimi, why don’t you love yourself, dear heart?

    And, yes Luvvie, all these ladies (I’m really using that word lightly) are the chairmen of Team Bad Decisions and I hate that I love them for that.

  12. Tadra
    June 18, 2013 at 7:22 pm

    Coach Nikko has really gone hard – pressing for airtime (put me in coach) …. Well Mimi , thanks for giving him playtime. He trying to build houses and all while MiMi betting on the other team. She doing her “thang” trying to get Stevie’s attention. I’m tripping because she looking real soft ….angry but Getty when she getting. Her dayum tear, that single tear, she purposely, let race down her mouth was begging for Stevie to cliche. Well he came with his pinched rat face and she gave him the que—- with that extra long hug as she switched her broad shoulders through the door.!. Who’s playing the game? Nikko who? Stevie supposed to be the man, right? Well why he trying to out shine chapped lipped Nikko– he shouldn’t have to do anything….. Mimi knew that watch wasn’t anything but a Seiko and Nikko knows he is wack!

  13. Kennie
    June 19, 2013 at 1:27 am

    Am I the only one who thinks that thing on the side of Nikko’s face looks like a kaposi sarcoma spot? -_- Ok bye

  14. kwan
    June 19, 2013 at 1:10 pm

    Idk why folks keep trying to find ways to root for Mimi. I left her sympathy corner last season when she tweeted both Joseline and Steebie “let’s get this money”, Clearly she plans on being a permanent passenger on Steebie’s bus. Can’t help folks who don’t want to be help and Simpleton don’t want help.

    I swear Arianne is my spirit animal with her messy side. She was sitting there doing exactly what I would have been doing during the FauxLex reveal… cackling.

    I just really want Mona to replace Mama Dee with Ms. Shirlene, I was hoping for her praying hands to meet Kirk’s face with swiftness.

  15. Morgan
    June 20, 2013 at 2:49 am

    I admit Stevie J ain’t shit but even a broke clock is right twice, and he was right when he walked in iced the fuck out! and Nykkos ain’t ‘eem have a damn toe ring on. And then gave her an All white Benz (albeit with Joseline’s money but I don’t think MiMi minds.) I cackled! and Ariane ain’t shit cus she cackled in that mans face.

  16. Lisa
    June 20, 2013 at 7:50 am

    Luvvie, you DID that post!! You are hilarious!! I loved it! I find it hard to find words to address such blatant ratchetness, but you took it all right outta my mouf!! I was dying laughing at you. Just the entertainment I need to start my day….keep up the good work, Luvvie!

  17. Randomly Jazzy
    June 24, 2013 at 2:51 pm

    “Beloved, you must move on for your own good and find your own closure in this.” twirling around in my chair laughing at that one. I could actually hear her voice saying that to Mimi. lmao
    *back to reading*