My Life

Insomnia is a Hater Bish And I Need to Quit Her

There’s this ugly trollop I met in college named Insomnia. I don’t know how or why we became such BFFs but we were closer than close. But she was terrible for my life. She was a bad influence and we’d hang out all night doing nothing and then I’d blink and it’d be 7am. And I had class at 8:30. THE HELL? Although she did keep me company as I wrote that 10-page research paper and knocked it out in 5 hours. Insomnia was cool for procrastinating. She’d get me water and snacks. Me and my BFF would kick it with her, kiki’ing through the night, then looking like raccoons come morning.

However, after college, I changed my life and I had to leave old things behind. I stopped talking to Insomnia because she wasn’t good for the post-college adult responsible life. I couldn’t skip on work to catch up on sleep like I could skip class so I told Insomnia not to call me again. I sent her an email that said “Listen. We can’t be friends anymore. It’s not me, it’s you.” And you know, she ain’t reply. I didn’t expect her to but I figured she understood. I was acting like a regular adult and hanging with people who were good for my life. She was only supposed to be in it for a season of hoodrat things I call college and I recognized it.

Insomnia sucks

Anywho, me and Insomnia ain’t speak for about a year. My life was better for it. I was getting decent sleep because I didn’t have to kick it with her throughout the night. Then one day, I ran into her at the club. She looked nicer. She had lost some weight and her hair was freshly done. I said “Hey girl!” and before I knew it, me and Insomnia started talking again. She said she missed me because I was a blast to hang out with. I mean, I know. I’m a walking party. Slowly, I let her back into my life.

But before I knew it, me and Insomnia were kicking it tough again, but not like we were in college. We’d chill til like 4am and she’d finally go home. And I’d know damb well I shouldn’t be hanging with that fool but I kept on. So much so that I’d fall asleep in meetings at work. Well, that was when I had an office job, an office and health insurance. The good ol’ stable days.

Now, we’re BFFs again and I’m not that happy about it. She’s back in my life fulltime and I see her everyday. We’ve been kicking it til 7am now, just like old times, even though I’m not the same young whipper snapper I was in undergrad. So these perma-bags under my eyes are only added to with her presence and I’m just about sick of it.

I can’t say no to that heffa. She knows how to get me. It never fails that every time I have something important to do, she knocks on my door asking me to come hang out with her.

InsomniaInsomnia’s my vice. She’s my bottle to hit when I get stressed out or overwhelmed. She’s my crack. She knows me too well because when my mind isn’t at peace, she knocks on my door, ready to occupy my time. She sounds like a good friend because she’s always there. But she’s really an opportunist who doesn’t want me to get rest. She thoroughly enjoys seeing these bags under my eyes. The nights where she holds my eyelids open without allowing extended blinks in the form of slumber, I want to fight her. She’s the reason why the sun rises before I lay down every night and gives me the side-eye. She’s why my nights are everyone else’s mornings.

But sometimes, I do know I’m the problem. If I have work to do and a deadline, I hold on to Insomnia and tell her not to go home. I ask her to kick it with me for a few more hours. I beg her to tell me stories. But the times I tell her I’m ready for her to go home, she sits on my couch filing her nails and taking up space. She goes to the kitchen and gets some food, usually chicken. Then she’ll watch my TV, all while I’m wondering when she’s gonna get her stuff and bounce. She’ont give a damb though. She’s all disrespectful like that.

I want Insomnia to pack her Dereon duffle and leave. She needs to stop spending the night at my house because this isn’t the Motel 6. She’s overstayed her welcome. But I don’t know how to kick her out. All I do know is she’s bad for me and the worst influence EVER. I need to quit her asaptually.

Oh. And that hater bish owes me money. (-__-)

Do y’all know Insomnia too? Where’d you meet her?

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  1. SoundsLikeRamona
    July 5, 2012 at 8:19 am

    I know her trifling behind. As a matter of fact, we hung out til 2:30 or so this morning and I had to be up at 5.

    We’ve just become acquainted in the past few months and I already don’t like her. I loves the hell out of some sleep but this chick always seems to pop up when I got real ish to do the next day.

    Luvvie, I’m begging, come get ya friend’s cousin!

  2. whatupdoe
    July 5, 2012 at 9:47 am

    Yea…I know Insomnia. I, too, met her in college. We had a good time and kicked it HARD senior year. She was cool, interesting, and honestly, sexy. But there was this girl back home that I had real feelings for – Sleep. Whenever I came home, Sleep and I would have magical affairs. We were cool before I left for college and I forgot how great she was. Whenever I came home though, she reminded me of what I was missing.

    After college, though, it seemed like I was juggling both. Insomnia loved to chill and Sleep didn’t mind who I was friends with as long as I spent time with her. It was ok, until I got a job. I had to re-prioritize my life and unlike Sleep who was pushing me to be better, Insomnia wasn’t good for me.

    While we don’t hang out anywhere as much, she does like to come around every now and then. And Sleep is serious about her quality time with me, making it a hassle to get to work in the morning. *sigh* One of these days, Insomnia has to get to stepping, ’cause Sleep is too important to me to lose.

  3. carla
    July 5, 2012 at 11:34 am

    OH MY GOODNESS….Y’all talking about my lil sista. She is just misunderstood. Tried to put her on meds, the heffa was cheeking them Ambien like a squirrel does nuts. Nia(her nickname) refuses to be ignored I just try to handle her nonsense as best I can.

  4. Hattie
    July 5, 2012 at 3:12 pm

    Yes indeed, I know the tramp. Left her butt behind after college, but she showed up again after I had kids. She picked up some ugly ways since the last time we hung out, especially when my teenager decides to miss curfew and not call to let me know his butt is still alive. She sat up with me cracking jokes until he came home. After I checked him, I put her out.

  5. naturalista88
    July 5, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    Why do I have the feeling that someone out in this universe will name their child “Insomnia?” Only, it’ll be spelled “Enshomnya” (the h will be silent and you will deal)*lol*.

  6. JessesLaw
    July 6, 2012 at 3:51 am

    She has been staying with me for almost one month. I have given her three different prescription sleeping medications. She does not feel them at all. I look forward to crashing and enjoying a marathon sleep session sometime in the future. I hope.

    I have these moments during the day where I feel as if I’ve had a pre-operative injection when I can’t go to sleep. Thank you Jesus for Twitter and your blog posts. I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t engage with another human being in some way.

  7. Marsha S. Haneiph
    July 6, 2012 at 6:08 am

    Oh yeah, I know her. She gets around like sound, but as my Mom says, “Those who don’t hear, does feel.” Put your well-heeled foot down and kick her out. 😉

    Yours in sleeplessness…

  8. RR
    July 6, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    Ok, Luvvie…since you quit your girl and kicked her to the curb, she decided to hop a red-eye flight to Southern CA last night. She had the audacity to come knocking on my door at some ungodly hour and my dude – ZZZ’s (cousin of whatupdoe’s girl, Sleep) – was not impressed! She needs to be checked – quick, fast and in a hurry. If memory serves me correct, I think we met through a mutual friend, Restlessness or Stress (I can’t really recall), years ago. However, when one had to go, they all to go. I don’t even remember the last time we kicked it, but if she thinks “Happy Days Are Here Again,” she’s got another thing coming. She must be feelin’ herself a bit as it seems she has become #internationallyknown. She better go ‘head with that and sit down somewhere.
    (Side note: LMBO @naturalista88’s comment. #dead)

  9. July 7, 2012 at 12:08 am

    I HATE THAT TRIFLIN HEFFA INSOMNIA! I’ve even had to take prescription sleeping pills, and the bish said #yolo and kept me up anyway. I’ve tried a few glasses of wine at bedtime, then that h0 wants to do the tootsee roll across my bladder and I stay awake.

    Have a \__

  10. Elle
    July 10, 2012 at 9:04 am

    I know Insomnia. She’s been staying rent free everywhere I go since 11th grade. I kick her out every couple of months, but she comes back whenever I’m stressed. Acupuncture helps keep her away.

  11. July 11, 2012 at 11:02 am

    At least yall met that heifer in high school and college. I met that broad in junior high and we been kickin it since then. I’m almost 30 and that heifer still hanging around. One time that chick kept me up for 72 hours and nothing i did could get her to leave. I hat that bald headed gutter butt trollop!

  12. July 12, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    Insomnia is the reason I have 4 blogs and 8 websites. I met her after I loss my job and promised that I would never rely soley on corporate America for a paycheck. Haven’t had a good night sleep since getting laid off.

  13. PurpleAfroPuffs
    July 12, 2012 at 7:31 pm

    That snag-a-tooth, bad invisible part weave wearing chick gets no love from me. She had me up 1 night putting 2 strand twists in knowing that I have to be at work at 7. Can’t she just hang out at Super Walmart or something?

  14. rickysyfee
    July 14, 2012 at 2:39 am

    Yeah, I know her, she’s here now! I let her in thinking it will be a short visit, then she stays all night AND just like ninjas do, she will bring her worrisome behind back THE Next day!

    I cant lie I used to love her, got straight A’s in school but she is just like having a ”play” cousin @ 30, nobody understands why you are still riding with that! She gotta go!
    So I …
    Bought some valerian root…she hates it.

    @RR, funny I been diggin a dude named Z too. He is the best, so warm, and snugly, probably wont be sharing him with you. Lol

  15. milaxx
    October 18, 2012 at 7:52 am

    yeah I know her. I met her in high school and I’m nearly 50! She also tries to tell me to ignore my doctor ad drink coffee knowing full well that coffee will keep me up for days!