Insomnia is a Hater Bish And I Need to Quit Her
There’s this ugly trollop I met in college named Insomnia. I don’t know how or why we became such BFFs but we were closer than close. But she was terrible for my life. She was a bad influence and we’d hang out all night doing nothing and then I’d blink and it’d be 7am. And I had class at 8:30. THE HELL? Although she did keep me company as I wrote that 10-page research paper and knocked it out in 5 hours. Insomnia was cool for procrastinating. She’d get me water and snacks. Me and my BFF would kick it with her, kiki’ing through the night, then looking like raccoons come morning.
However, after college, I changed my life and I had to leave old things behind. I stopped talking to Insomnia because she wasn’t good for the post-college adult responsible life. I couldn’t skip on work to catch up on sleep like I could skip class so I told Insomnia not to call me again. I sent her an email that said “Listen. We can’t be friends anymore. It’s not me, it’s you.” And you know, she ain’t reply. I didn’t expect her to but I figured she understood. I was acting like a regular adult and hanging with people who were good for my life. She was only supposed to be in it for a season of hoodrat things I call college and I recognized it.
Anywho, me and Insomnia ain’t speak for about a year. My life was better for it. I was getting decent sleep because I didn’t have to kick it with her throughout the night. Then one day, I ran into her at the club. She looked nicer. She had lost some weight and her hair was freshly done. I said “Hey girl!” and before I knew it, me and Insomnia started talking again. She said she missed me because I was a blast to hang out with. I mean, I know. I’m a walking party. Slowly, I let her back into my life.
But before I knew it, me and Insomnia were kicking it tough again, but not like we were in college. We’d chill til like 4am and she’d finally go home. And I’d know damb well I shouldn’t be hanging with that fool but I kept on. So much so that I’d fall asleep in meetings at work. Well, that was when I had an office job, an office and health insurance. The good ol’ stable days.
Now, we’re BFFs again and I’m not that happy about it. She’s back in my life fulltime and I see her everyday. We’ve been kicking it til 7am now, just like old times, even though I’m not the same young whipper snapper I was in undergrad. So these perma-bags under my eyes are only added to with her presence and I’m just about sick of it.
I can’t say no to that heffa. She knows how to get me. It never fails that every time I have something important to do, she knocks on my door asking me to come hang out with her.
Insomnia’s my vice. She’s my bottle to hit when I get stressed out or overwhelmed. She’s my crack. She knows me too well because when my mind isn’t at peace, she knocks on my door, ready to occupy my time. She sounds like a good friend because she’s always there. But she’s really an opportunist who doesn’t want me to get rest. She thoroughly enjoys seeing these bags under my eyes. The nights where she holds my eyelids open without allowing extended blinks in the form of slumber, I want to fight her. She’s the reason why the sun rises before I lay down every night and gives me the side-eye. She’s why my nights are everyone else’s mornings.
But sometimes, I do know I’m the problem. If I have work to do and a deadline, I hold on to Insomnia and tell her not to go home. I ask her to kick it with me for a few more hours. I beg her to tell me stories. But the times I tell her I’m ready for her to go home, she sits on my couch filing her nails and taking up space. She goes to the kitchen and gets some food, usually chicken. Then she’ll watch my TV, all while I’m wondering when she’s gonna get her stuff and bounce. She’ont give a damb though. She’s all disrespectful like that.
I want Insomnia to pack her Dereon duffle and leave. She needs to stop spending the night at my house because this isn’t the Motel 6. She’s overstayed her welcome. But I don’t know how to kick her out. All I do know is she’s bad for me and the worst influence EVER. I need to quit her asaptually.
Oh. And that hater bish owes me money. (-__-)
Do y’all know Insomnia too? Where’d you meet her?