So I Went Paintballing For the First Time
Last month, I went paintballing for the first time ever. It was my friend’s birthday and he wanted a big, fun group activity and he thought “PAINTBALL!” I won’t lie. I was half excited and half scared crapless. You mean we’re all about to get in a ring and shoot each other with balls of paint from guns from across a huge room. That sounds hella painful but still kinda fun.
I didn’t know what to expect going in. All I knew was that I should bring a change of clothes for afterwards. I also expected us to have jumpsuits to rock on top of our outfits. But I guess not.
When I showed up rocking a red t-shirt, knee length leggings and red Toms, the boys went “Oh you don’t look ready.” My boy, B, had on a black turtleneck, t-shirt on top of that, and jeans. AW CRAP! My boy, Yinks, had on a hoodie and jeans. NO ONE TOLD ME!!! I was so vulnerable. My arms and legs were open. *wall slides*
All we were given were masks as protective gear and the dude told us to keep them on the entire time we’re in the ring because we could shoot our eyes out. And he also went “Do not shoot anyone at close range if you like them. Don’t do it. If you want to remain friends with the people you came with, keep that in mind.”
Game face ON.
And notice that thing that says “rental” on the gun? We called that the gun condom. It was to make sure you don’t shoot anyone when you’re not in the paintball ring. That thing was a lifesaver because many of us accidentally shot our guns while getting ready. Imagine if that wasn’t on the gun. I can’t e’em. I CANNOT IMAGINE THE PAIN!
So we split into teams beforehand and went in the ring. My heart was beating fast because I didn’t know what to expect. All I knew was I didn’t want to feel the pain of paint coming at me at 100 miles per hour from across the room. At that moment, I wished we had gone to lasertag.
We all took our places behind the rubber barriers across the room from the other team. I had NO plans to come out in the open. I was planning on staying back there and just pointing my gun out and shooting in the air, hopefully hitting someone. We all agreed that two hits and you’re out of the game.
Chile, listen. For that first round, all I needed was one hit and I was voluntarily out. While peeking out from behind the barrier, I got shot in the upper thigh from across the room and my leg started burning in that spot. OUUUCCCHHHH!!! Summabish, that hurt! OWWW!!!! *clutches chest* I’M COMING, ELIZABETH!!!
Yo, they got me mayne. It was my boy, B, who was gunning for me. He saw me peek out and went for me and got me in the THAH!.
I raised my hand and walked out the game. That was ALL I needed.
I was the second person out of the game. Everyone else came out one by one with paint on them like “Ok that hurts.” But that was just round 1. We were gluttons for punishment and we went back for 4 more rounds. I got shot again multiple times but nothing hurt as much as that first time.
Despite the pain, paintball is soooo fun. You get to shoot at folks and be violent. And roll around on the ground and get dirty and be a fake ass Rambo. Good times.
But ummm I definitely learned some lessons.
1. Wear many many layers next time. And capri leggings do not count as layers
b. Rock shoes you don’t mind never wearing outside again.
3a. Try not to go with so many men who are violent and bigger than you. Ok I lied. They made it fun. But still… OUCH!
IV. Laser tag might be a blast, after all!
5. That welt on my thigh is a war injury. FACT.
6. Hiding behind the rubber barriers is not a good tactic. At all. Bob and weave. Bob and use your weave! lol
VII. Do not wear bright colors because it makes you an easy target. You better stick to gray or black.
Ever went paint-balling? Whatchu think?