KimYe, the Heat, Occupy Wall Street, Ocean Stans, Viacom: 5 Things I’m Not Here For
The homie SteenFox posted 5 Things I’m Not Here For on her Tumblr the other day and challenged folks to blog about 5 things they are not here for. So below are mine.
* Viacom and DirecTV’s beef – When I was watching “Love & Hip Hop Atlanta” on Monday, and saw warning on my TV screen saying DirecTV might be dropping VIACOM’s channels by midnight, I didn’t take it seriously. I really thought “eh. They’ll figure it out before then.” I WAS WRONG AS HELL! because the next day, I turned on my TV and VH1 was all “NAWL.” So was MTV. And BET. And Nickelodeon. Ain’t that a bish??? Listen. I’ont gibbadamb who pulled whose ponytail or who stole the other person’s lunch.
I need them to WORK THIS OUT! Innocent people are suffering from lack of foolery at the hands of VIACOM and DirecTV’s pettiness with this whole bill disagreement. WHY MUST WE SUFFER??? They can’t take away all my ratchet channels like this. Like for real. I can’t watch Snooki’s munchkin life, I can’t hate on BET for no reason and VH1’s ratchetness gives me the tea for my fever. I need them to figure this out and fix it ASAPtually because I’m not here for this.
I demand you fix this RAHT NAH. Well, at least do it before Monday. I got a job to do. And that is to watch Joseline and her team of fools.
* Frank Ocean Stans – Before last week, I had never listened to Frank Ocean nor could I pick him out of a lineup. And then he wrote the poignant letter about how his first love was a man and everywhere I turned, folks were talmbout Frank Ocean. Then I finally saw his pic for the first time. Now I can probably pick him out of a lineup with 65% accuracy and I have still not listened to his music.
Many kudos to him for coming out because it took strength and I have much respect for him for that. However, I didn’t have interest in his music before then and I still don’t have interest in it now. I don’t doubt he’s talented but lately, people have placed him on this pedestal that’s been a bit annoying. Folks have been on hyperbole overload when it comes to him and I’m not here for it. Like Global Grind:
Really? But it just came out 2.3 days ago. Is this not a bit premature, to say the least? Also, when did “exclusive” start meaning “The opinion of our editors?” Folks gon stop misusing words all willy nilly. People are almost calling this man the second coming of Tupac. He’s officially the Love Jones of music to me.
Frank Ocean stans are no different from other stans with their enthusiasm of him but I’m not here for them. Not right now. Also, they make me even more disinterested in his music. He seems like a nice enough fella though.
* This Oppressive Heatwave – Man, I was really looking forward to the summertime but I had no clue I’d be placed in the 7th level of Beezlebub’s vacation home. This 105 degree heat we’ve been dealing with in Chicago and across the country has been beyond oppressive. It’s been so hot that I just want to go sit in a pool of holy water and ask the Lord for forgiveness for ALL of my sins.
It’s been hotter than the underside of Rick Rawse’s titties while he on stage jigging w/ a velour suit on. In Arizona. At high noon. I need Adele to get her smokes, put her hair in that side ponytail, sat on that stool and sing a song called “Bitch it’s hot.” There are few times I’m actually glad my thighs are strangers. This is one of em. I can’t imagine that struggle in this 102 degree heat. This heat is oppression, racism, prejudice and sexism ALL AT ONCE! I am offended and appalled and I am not here for it.
* KimYe – Ok I wasn’t here for Kanye West and Kim Kardashian since I heard they’d combined their attention whoredom into a couple. However, I didn’t realize they’d be so ridiculous with it. Well, by they, I mean, Kim. Apparently, being with Kanye has changed her style. If you’ve noticed, Kim only rocks earth tones and neutrals now. Nowadays, she only steps out in black, white, ivory and the occasional gray.
Whatever happened to the bright-colored body-con dress loving Kim Kardashian we’ve all grown to know and not love? Yes, I’m glad she doesn’t wear a bandage dress everywhere anymore but she also rocks white tees all the time now. Before she started dating Kanye, I’d NEVER seen a picture of her in a white tee. Now it’s her daily uniform, with leather leggings her and Kanye seem to share, of course. I don’t half understand why they’ve been dressing alike lately. No one man should have all that power on you, Kim. Chile…
It seems to ME that Kim K is losing herself in Kanye and I’m not here for it.
* Occupy Wall Street – They’re STILL occupying Wall Street? LAWD. I’ve totally forgotten about it until someone RTed them into my timeline today. And I was all “Wayment. They’re still in tents in the middle of New York?” I guess… When OccupyWallStreet first kicked off, I was cheering them on. The 99% and 1% tagline generated great conversation. It shed light on the important issue of economic and financial disparity and young folks showed they do have an attention span. But when the OWS folks couldn’t identify a cohesive message, the lost me.
It’s been 10 months now and to me, it seems like a glorified summer camp. Methinks some of the people and their iPhones need to go #OccupyASeat indoors, then #OccupyMonster #OccupyLinkedIn #OccupyAnInterviewSuit #OccupyCareerBuilder. They need to occupy some other things besides a public park. I’m just saying.
Are you here for any of these things or is it just me? What are the 5 things you’re not here for?
Oh but before I go. One thing I AM here for?
YESSS!! Twerk something, Velma!
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25 Comments
DEFINITELY not here for the heat. I’m glad it broke here in DC ’cause prior to? Not ok.
While I like Frank Ocean and his music, I’m not here for the exaggeration either. His CD was good, but it ain’t the second coming of Jesus. Whenever you DO give Frank a chance, listen to his mixtape “Nostalgia, Ultra” first. Better than “channel ORANGE” in my opinion.
Couldn’t give a rat’s ass about #OccupyMyNerves or KimYe. And Viacom Vs. DirecTV doesn’t phase me (Verizon FiOS FTW), but Viacom IS being petty trying to raise their prices.
* Every girl Kanye dates changes her style for him. I was surprised with Kim K since she can buy her own clothes. #TheyMarried. Or wait…you’re still here, Kris Humphries?
*I never thought I’d be happy to be overpaying for Comcast. But are folks going to get a lower bill? Or or they going to make a a reason to make you pay the same/more?
* Speaking of the heatwave, you know how they ask folks to conserve water cuz there’s a drought and they’ll have to raise rates since there’s not enough water to go around, but folks conserve so much water that the utility company goes broke and has to raise rates anyway? I’mma need for that not to happen
I don’t even understand that Kimye beast. They are just the oddest creation ever. She looks bored & playing the role & he looks all Kanye’d. It’s strange.
I did not know OWS was still actively avoiding work. Hmm.
So, is your Viacom-less DirecTv somewhat like my lame Netflix only Tv? Nevermind, probably not.
The Viacom and DirecTV’s beef: I don’t have either but I understand because I LOVE my cable channels.
This Oppressive Heatwave: I grew up in Texas and visit family there every summer. Can’t believe it was cooler there this year when everyone else was dealing with a heatwave. We need to chat with Mother Nature.
That video of Velma makes my day. Do it!
I just dropped Directv a month ago – looks like it was perfect timing.
I’m not pressed about OWS, y so serious? Many people were annoyed about the start of the civil rights movement, and that was slow to get going… yes there are some hipsters with iPads, but that’s irrelevant compared to the good they’ve done in cities like Atlanta at foreclosed homes. Free speech, gotta love it, keep it moving.
I am certainly not here for this heat we been having here in the DC/Baltimore area. Heat and Humidity tend to dry out my hair and have me walking around like I’m fresh off the cotton fields. But I digress…
I’m, also not here for this DC officer having the audacity to come for my first lady of these United States. I mean, she’s black, get over it. She stuntin on all o dem and they hating it. I bet none of them other FLs had to go thru this ish
I know right. Whatever happened to the concept of ‘treason’ in these U States? I am not here for these stark-raving racists.
I’m also not here for bad neighbors and the rain that’s planning on ruining my pre-planned beach day tomorrow.
But I am here for Frank Oceans music though and always have been. But I too am not here for the raging fandom. 🙂
I just can’t with this pic of Velma twerking! HILARIOUS!!!
I’m not here for:
High ass college costs which is making it take a lot longer for me to finish!!!!
Trifling ass parents!!!!!!!!!!!
People who are duplicitous and deceitful!!!
Stevie J and Joseline-WTF!!!!!!
My ex husband
Go Velma! It’s your birthday!
Um, Velma on the twerk? I’m DONE.
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I’m not here for:
1. That Elle Varner “Refill” song. She is pretty and has a nice voice, but that song…I wanna tuck and roll outta my car. “REEEEEEEEEEEEEEFILLLLLL” get this woman some WATER!
2. These weekly random MMG signings. Who is Stalley, who is Rockie Fresh, and why is Teedra being pushed aside for these nobodies? Also, Omarion. Why?
3. Kanye and Kim make sense to me, but their persistence in wearing leather leggings in this global heatwave is not. Kim probably needs to borrow Diamond’s Massengil at this point.
4. Mitt Romney. For so many reasons.
5. Ashiness. Our ancestors did not go through slavery, Jim Crow, Reagan, and everythang else so you could scoff at lotion. I know its hot, but ash is an abomination.
I really want to see Adele sit on a Derle plastic milk crate, on the stoop of a brownstone and with her bouffant/side ponytail. And I want her to belt out a song called “Bitch, It’s Hot!” I have the entire video treatment imbedded inside of my head.
It’s probably just me.. But Frank Ocean’s singing voice drive me nuts. Like you Luvvie, I had no clue who he is. Then I heard his song “Thinking of You” and now I understand why dogs go apesh*t when they hear a dog whistle being blown. I hate his singing voice! There, I said it.
Dead @ Frank Oceans voice=dogs whistle.
Oh and my kid asked me if he was Billy Oceans son.
I’m not here for:
1. El Derecho: This is that rat bastage that came through the east coast with rabid crackhead wind. It knocked folks power out for DAYS. WHILE IT WAS 735672 degrees. Thank the good Lord above I was spared. Me & heat are not cool.
2. Apple v. Samsung: Seriously? Stop whining.
3. Student loans: Sooooo, you tell us we can’t get a job without a degree, or two, but then you raise the price of tuition to get said degree so that you have to get a student loan, THEN when you finish and get the job, you have to live in a homeless shelter and work 2 MORE jobs to pay off the student loans. I’m not seeing how this make sense.
4. Pic in the mirror with your phone: This makes me itch every time I see one. EVERY. TIME. If you just HAVE to have a pic of yourself RAHT NAH and you can’t wait for a friend, relative, booty call, hobo to take it for you, THEN YOU GOTS A PROLLEM!!! You need to have a seat on this couch (\____ ____/) and tell somebody what’s wrong because you all look retarded. ERRY LAST ONE’A YOUSE!! Especially the public bathroom pics, and the “I need to clean my bathroom and take down that Spongebob shower curtain” ones. OR get a phone with a front facing camera.
5. Pink Slime: That ish is nasty, and once I heard about it, I check alllla my meat, because that’s nasty. #TeamChickenBreast #TeamChickenWing
OOh and I am also here for Steen fox’s #5…she said that now!
I have gon on to glory; bury me a G cause Velma is twerking for her LIFE!!!
Velma twerking slayed me dead!
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: I don’t see the hype with Frank Ocean. He actually annoys the hell out of me, because he’s over-hyped. I can’t stand his voice, and his songs are just like everyone else’s. So are his basic ass videos! I know good music. It gives me a rush and a funny tickle on the inside. HIS brand of monotony over a hot studio microphone makes me angry. And it makes me even more angry that people (including other really good musicians) are hailing his work. WTF?!
Maybe I should pull out my book of poetry, throw some trashy contemporary beats over it and fake coming out the closet. I can be a hit too!
[…] over the blogosphere, people are putting up posts called “Five Things I’m Not Here For.” I’ve decided to jump on the […]
I had a comment, but lost it after I fell off the couch from laughing at Velma twerking. lol
I gots nothing.
*resumes laughter*
LOOOL, that gif of Velma just throws my whole childhood outta the window! *dead* I’m done. Wake me up in the worning…
I’m not here for
1.Frank Ocean,
2.His stans,
3.Spit on the floor when I’m trying to go about my business
4.This cold + wet weather when it’s supposed to be JULY! (London)
5. I got nothing else…
I am not here for:
1. The fake/phony folks I work with. You think I don’t notice how you single certain folks out when introducing new staff? Right.
2. This system we rely on to do our work that never works! Really?
3. The message my backside is clearly NOT getting! I am working out and sweating real hard, why does my behind not get the message??? WTH???
4. Folks who are always unavailable until they have something negative to add. Go head wit dat!
5. These vacancy announcements that aren’t providing any great opportunities. I gots to go!