My Life

WebMD is a Dramatic Hypochondriac. And I Might Have Gout

The Information SuperHighway aka The Innawebs is a gift and a curse. Remember when you had to go to the library to find out something? And then we got computers in the crib and Microsoft Encarta was the joint! (Yes, we fancy, huh?) Anyway, now that we have Google, all types of information is at our fingertips. This is good because I can read up an all types of random topics that otherwise I may not know about. The bad is that the internet can give us TOO murch information.

Like yesterday. I woke up with my right elbow hurting. Not hurting when I move it, but when I put it on my computer desk. It hurt throughout the day and I decided to check WebMD. LAWDDDD!!! This is where I made a mistake. Y’all know I’m dramatic ALREADY. I went to the Symptom Checker and what did WebMD come back with? A list of ailments. And at the top was…

Gout WebMD


I GOT THE GOUT!!! *WALL SLIDE* Whatcha’ll gon wear to my funegro??? Because CLEARLY, goodbye cruel world! Of ALL things at the top of the list, WebMD? Lawd. My joints have aged in dog years and are 150. As you see, also on the list is sickle cell.

iCANNOT! WebMD is trying to ruin me before my time! So I took it to Twitter and after my Twitfam laughed at my for my hysterics and overdramatics, they proceeded to tell me what they WOULD wear to my funegro. Here are the different outfits:

“A bedazzled south pole jumpsuit with dereon glitter tennis shoes and gucci knock-off shades.” – @BigDeelight

“I’d wear leggings and a Another Bad Creation concert tshirt & pass out click clacks with your face on it & sing “gangsta lean” – @BeautyinTheGeek

“I’m going to wear nothing but GLORY to Luvvie’s funeral.” – @SaeedJones

“Me and my hubby gon’ be FLY in Steve Harvey Zoot Suits in LIME GREEN. With Stacy Adams gators. For me matching wig, him: fedora – @BBMolasses

“What can anyone wear to your funegro but a Dereon onesie??” – @MaxFab

Them jerks don’t understand my struggles. I just got diagnosed with the gout from a 5-minute symptom checker and all they’re doing is planning outfits. HMPH! But apparently, WebMD is a hypochondriac, because it’s good for telling folks they have the worst diseases EVER. You sneeze three times and check them and they’re likely to tell you that you have the Ebola virus. Or allergies. Semantics though. WebMD’s a hypochondriac.


Welp… No thanks WebMD

So me and my gouty arthritic fractured elbow will use some Ben Gay and keep it moving. Folks gon REALLY think I got the gout using some Ben Gay and smelling like a nursing home.

Have y’all ever used WebMD’s symptom checker? Did it tell you that you got gangrene? Sharing is caring folks. Leave your thoughts.



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  1. manda
    July 14, 2010 at 7:05 am

    YAAS! I actually went to the doctor and asked him about a symptom and the dx WebMd gave me. He told me to me log off of Google University. That website scares me to know in. I had to back away before I sent my self to a mental institution.

    • July 14, 2010 at 9:10 pm

      LMAOOO @ your doctor telling you to log off Google University. Yeah WebMD ain’t for the weak. Gon have you questioning your entire life.

  2. July 14, 2010 at 7:06 am

    Ok, so about 2 yrs ago, I used WebMD for a self-diagnosis…and guess what…

    it was

    Not that I wanted to deal with Rheumatoid Arthritis, but it definitely saved me money on a co-pay or two, b/c instead of going directly to my primary dr…I went to specialist.

    But I won’t go into the story where they diagnosed my grandmother as being

    • July 14, 2010 at 9:10 pm

      Umm… I really wanna hear the story about your granny being diagnosed as pregnant. PLLEEEAAASSEE share!!!

  3. Drea823
    July 14, 2010 at 7:15 am

    LMAO!!! How in the heck they get Gout, from elbow pain??? Ok, it’s too early to be crying like this!! I can’t breathe from all this foolery. Those outfits took me over the edge. Did she say “click-clacks”? iCan’t!! *DEAD*!

    But seriously though, WebMD will have you writing out your Last Will and Testament and getting your life in order..smh.

    • July 14, 2010 at 9:11 pm

      Chile them outfits they tryna wear to my funegro… I’mo have to have security at the door. None of them will be allowed in.

      Well, maybe Saeed. I wanna see what glory looks like.

      • TeeNikki
        July 3, 2013 at 8:27 pm

        How you gonna see…….. never mind.

  4. July 14, 2010 at 7:29 am

    Miss Luvvie girl I owe you an apology! I thought you were just asking a hypothetical question…I didn’t know you were dying from the gout! Sorry girl!

    • July 14, 2010 at 9:12 pm

      *clutches chest* *stumbles* “I’m coming, Elizabeth!”

  5. July 14, 2010 at 8:50 am

    The sad thing is that I have had to school some doctors on some of my symptoms. It just reminds me that you an have a doctor that barely graduated from med school trying to diagnose your problems. Scary.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate

    • July 14, 2010 at 9:13 pm

      I’d have to get a new doctor.

  6. Roxy
    July 14, 2010 at 9:26 am

    WebMD reminds me of this episode of The Simpsons, when Lisa tricked Bart & Homer into thinking they had leprosy. They typed their symptoms into the WebMD like program and the doctor “diagnoses” them and runs off the screen.

    Lay off the chicken liver sandwiches Luvvie!

    • July 14, 2010 at 9:14 pm

      LMAO! Yes! Back when The Simpsons used to be good… *reminisces*

    • JN
      July 18, 2010 at 9:47 pm

      And the Ludefisk. That was from ‘King of the Hill.’ Bobby came down with the gout from over-indulgence in the Scandinavian delicacy.

  7. Heaven
    July 14, 2010 at 10:00 am

    LMAO! Web Md is the debil! It had me thinking I was pregnant. I was ready to start planning my shower & evathang! I went thru 2 days of being Web Preggers. Web Md knocked me up & didn’t wanna pay no child support!

    • July 14, 2010 at 9:17 pm

      “Web Md knocked me up & didn’t wanna pay no child support!”

      A… HOT… MESS! LMAO!

  8. IamDrika
    July 14, 2010 at 11:07 am

    Gurrrrrl. I stay using WebMD. I got a job, and I can’t be using all my 20hrs of medical time/fisical year when I got the aches and pains which frequently happens to this injury prone athlete. So I cross check with WebMD first to see if my ass NEEDS to start deducting from my medical time.

    Just last week I was tweeting bout having CARPAL tunnel from too much mufuc*in writing. Only to find out (thanks to WebMD) that it was CUBITAL tunnel. It was the other nerve in my hand that I don’ effed up.

    I STAY USING WEBMD. I’m addicted.

    • July 14, 2010 at 9:18 pm

      Cubital tunnel, you say? Don’t let me go look this up before I get diagnosed with it.

  9. Cheekie
    July 14, 2010 at 12:21 pm

    LOL! I never used WebMD symptom checker but I’mma have to do it for fun.

    And YES, I thought I was thee sh*t when I got Microsoft Encarta. My eighth grade papers were the bees effing knees (while the bee was praying…it was so glorious). I used to have cover pages with pictures swiped from Encarat’s articles…please, you don’t tell me nuffin!

    • July 14, 2010 at 9:20 pm

      OMG1 I used to OD on Encarta. Waiting til the day before paper’s due and get all my info from there. KILLING. THE. GAME!

  10. bogart4017
    July 14, 2010 at 3:04 pm

    This is one man that does not mind going to see a real doctor about my aches and pains. The doctor is a good one and the coverage is tight. Dude don’t even charge me a deductible. His people know how to get it from the insurance company like they’re suppose to!

    • July 14, 2010 at 9:21 pm

      Your doc sounds on point. Maybe he can work part time for WebMD. lol

  11. July 16, 2010 at 10:08 am

    Aw LAWD not the gout! I shall prepare my Coogie sweater dress and fiercest lacefront in the event of your funegro.

  12. July 16, 2010 at 9:23 pm

    Oh man, yeah WebMD is great for fueling the fire that is paranoia. It’s definitely had me feeling like I was terminally ill. Then I thought about it, like “Wait, I feel pretty much fine, it’s just these few minor things. Shouldn’t dying feel much worse?!” lol

  13. JN
    July 18, 2010 at 9:52 pm

    Hell. I might just come to your funegro to check out the ladies stylin’ n profilin’. Keep us posted on your condition. lol

  14. August 3, 2011 at 4:31 am

    I know I’m late as allllllllllllll hell, but that dayumb WebMD had me thinking that my random leg cramps/pain were due to a blood clot (deep vein thrombosis) that could break loose and travel up to my lungs and snuff me out like a candle! I was pressed!

  15. Deja
    July 3, 2013 at 2:01 pm

    what if it really is the gout? …or hiv?