Famous folksLetters

Dear Rod Blagojevich

I got on Twitter on Monday morning to see a hailstorm of tweets from people talking about Rod Blagojevich making some foolish statements about President Obama. So HE has the honor of being the recipient of my first sternly-worded letter in 2010.

Oh, and this is what he said, by the way: “I’m blacker than Barack Obama. I shined shoes. I grew up in a five-room apartment. My father had a little laundromat in a black community not far from where we lived. I saw it all growing up.” (Quote from NYTimes)

Dear Blago,

Well congratulations. You shined shoes growing up. Where should I send the Gold Medal of Suffering that you clearly think you deserve to get? Where should I send the documentary filmmakers to shoot the epic named “Blago: The Struggles of Childhood?” I’m not sure what your point was in spewing that ignorance you did. In fact, you had no point. Why? Let me break it down to you.

I had no idea someone had made you some kind of expert on the Black experience, and Negro-hood. No really. Who died and made you the spokesperson for Blackness? I bet it wasn’t Rosa or Martin. Last I checked, you were from Serbia, lack melanin, and haven’t spent a DAY of your life as a Black man. Am I wrong? Did I blink and miss the day your lineage was set free in the Underground Railroad by Araminta Ross the gun-toter (aka Harriet Tubman)? Naw I didn’t.

Also, I didn’t get the memo that one of the criteria for being Black (besides being melanin-blessed) was suffering. In THAT case, my middle-class African self better go turn in some kinda Black suffering waiver because my Colored-ness may be up for debate. Do I need to go appear before the Council of Black Verificators? So I gotta live Celie’s life, not Claire’s (Huxtable) to be Black. Please stop the madness.

BlagoLegoHehe! This made me cackle. From TotallyLooksLike.com. @Mdrwhitener sent it to me on Twitter. She’s clearly a foolery enabler.

Blago, what it really comes down to is this. I’m about sick of you and everyone else acting like Black people are a monochromatic folk. Hell, our skin tones range from tar black to milk, and our experiences are just as variant. We may have “Precious” (poor, illiterate and just downtrodden) on one spectrum but we also have Lisa Gay Hamilton on the other (Juilliard alum). We have our DMXes and Bobby Browns (longer rap sheets than Tupac’s unreleased collection), but we also have our Will Smiths and Don Cheadles.
Please accept your “FOOL SAT THE HELL DOWN” gift basket, along with your “Stick your foot in your mouth” shoe polish I’m throwing in for good measure. You’re a belligerent dummy. Next time you want to tell me what being Black looks like, go lick a leather shoe so you can simulate the taste of a boot that goes so far up your throat, you can taste it.Before you fix your mouth to tell Barack that he’s not Black enough, I suggest you walk a mile in his all white Air Force Ones and see if you’re MAN enough for them.
P.S. Oh, and next time you want to say something about someone, do it AFTER you get your Yaki 51 hairhat laying right. *rolls eyes*
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  1. @ThePBG
    January 13, 2010 at 7:51 am

    His hair hat ain't never gon' be right, Luvvie!! NEVER!!

    He is just mad because every black person he knows is stylin' on him in every way imaginable. President Obama being the main one. Blago thinks he should have the life the President is living.

    I'd like to donate the entire seasons of both "Good Times" & "The Cosby Show" to his gift basket. Dumb politicians need educatin'!! That should help.

  2. ladebelle
    January 13, 2010 at 3:30 pm

    i mean, what can you really say after such a well stated letter?

    aside from i clearly should have emptied my bladder before reading this as i damn near peed on myself!!!! lmao!!!!

  3. miss t-lee
    January 13, 2010 at 3:34 pm

    Seriously…the legoman comparision was icing on the cake.
    He's such an idiot.

  4. Omar
    January 13, 2010 at 4:16 pm

    Since when is living in a 5 bedroom apartment poor, unless you got more kids than the Jacksons, Blago's only got one brother that's like 2 extra rooms!!

  5. Uche
    January 13, 2010 at 6:32 pm

    A 5 bedroom apartment? Why does his apartment have more bedrooms than my own home?!! GTFOOHWTBS Rod. If one more person (black, white, or whatever) swears that they're "blacker" than me, based on their level of suffering, they better jump off a bridge before I push them. Eff his lifespace.

  6. amymay117
    January 14, 2010 at 4:51 am

    He is an embarrassment to the state… and white folks.

    On a serious note, can you send me the html code for the banner? amymay117@gmail.com

  7. […] Dear Blago […]