iCan’t Run. I’m Allergic
So in my last post, I talked about my addiction to the web and how I’m trying to break the
gift curse. When I asked for tips on how to stop my addiction to the web and gadgets as a whole, a couple of people commented that I should go for a run to clear my head. I am very thankful for your suggestions, but there’s an inherent problem in that.
I’m a bum who hates running and hasn’t done any kind of substantial exercise in years!
Me going for a run is not gonna happen. Running makes me itch (literally).
Picture it, Chicago… a long time ago… I decided to go for a run randomly and I put on my gear and everything. I was pumped and rest (yes, rest, not ready) to recreate a gatorade commercial of a woman on a mission, going for a mind-clearing jog. I looked all cute in my woven Nike Presto’s with matching fitted tee and shorts. I even had my MP3 player on. I surely looked the part.
I started running and got to about block 3 when my legs started to itch. They weren’t dry either. I had just slathered on a layer of the finest vaseline this side of Lake Michigan before I left the crib. Yes, the Johnson & Johnson’s kind, not the kind that has a label that just says “Petroleum Jelly”. So I didn’t understand. I stopped running to scratch my legs and the itching stopped after like 10 seconds. I decided to keep running and my legs started itching again! I stopped & scratched. Tried for the 3rd time and when I felt like my legs were going to give way from the itching and people I was passing were giving me major side-eye o_0 as I did a move where I ran a little and scratched a little, I finally quit. Me, my legs (that now had white streaks from all the scratching), and my deflated ego had to walk back home in a PG13 walk of shame.
So yes, that is all to let you know that iCan’t run. I am allergic.
Oh and I forgot to say I was wheezing by block 3 too. None of it bodes well for me. I MUST get into someone’s GIME (gym, a la Homer Simpson) very soon.
I’m a fatty in a runner’s body.
These legs weren’t made for running —->
I’m so out of shape that when I went shopping, I tried on a pair of very tight leggings, and got a Charley Horse in my calves (no lie. I told the story before but in case you missed it, here it goes:)
I’ll be damned if someone doesn’t tell me shopping is a sport. Went shopping with my girl VEG and we were trying on leggings. Well while I was trying mine on, and they were extra tight so I had to really stretch to get into them. All of a sudden, I got a very painful Charley Horse in my calves. I was hopping around the dressing room screaming “Ow ow ow! Crap, this hurts!” as VEG laughed at me and told me how ridiculous I was. PSHT that ish was painful. What also didn’t help was that I looked like I was gonna go long distance sprinting in them leggings. Anyway, 5 minutes later, my calves stopped looking like I was standing on my tippy toes. They hurt for 2 weeks afterwards. Oh, and yes I bought the leggings.
So… yeah I need other tips for breaking my addiction and spending my time away from technology. Just nothing like exercising or, you know… doing stuff.