My Life

iCan’t Run. I’m Allergic

So in my last post, I talked about my addiction to the web and how I’m trying to break the gift curse. When I asked for tips on how to stop my addiction to the web and gadgets as a whole, a couple of people commented that I should go for a run to clear my head. I am very thankful for your suggestions, but there’s an inherent problem in that.

I’m a bum who hates running and hasn’t done any kind of substantial exercise in years!

Me going for a run is not gonna happen. Running makes me itch (literally).

Picture it, Chicago… a long time ago… I decided to go for a run randomly and I put on my gear and everything. I was pumped and rest (yes, rest, not ready) to recreate a gatorade commercial of a woman on a mission, going for a mind-clearing jog. I looked all cute in my woven Nike Presto’s with matching fitted tee and shorts. I even had my MP3 player on. I surely looked the part.

I started running and got to about block 3 when my legs started to itch. They weren’t dry either. I had just slathered on a layer of the finest vaseline this side of Lake Michigan before I left the crib. Yes, the Johnson & Johnson’s kind, not the kind that has a label that just says “Petroleum Jelly”. So I didn’t understand. I stopped running to scratch my legs and the itching stopped after like 10 seconds. I decided to keep running and my legs started itching again! I stopped & scratched. Tried for the 3rd time and when I felt like my legs were going to give way from the itching and people I was passing were giving me major side-eye o_0 as I did a move where I ran a little and scratched a little, I finally quit. Me, my legs (that now had white streaks from all the scratching), and my deflated ego had to walk back home in a PG13 walk of shame.

So yes, that is all to let you know that iCan’t run. I am allergic.

Oh and I forgot to say I was wheezing by block 3 too. None of it bodes well for me. I MUST get into someone’s GIME (gym, a la Homer Simpson) very soon.

I’m a fatty in a runner’s body.

These legs weren’t made for running —->

I’m so out of shape that when I went shopping, I tried on a pair of very tight leggings, and got a Charley Horse in my calves (no lie. I told the story before but in case you missed it, here it goes:)

I’ll be damned if someone doesn’t tell me shopping is a sport. Went shopping with my girl VEG and we were trying on leggings. Well while I was trying mine on, and they were extra tight so I had to really stretch to get into them. All of a sudden, I got a very painful Charley Horse in my calves. I was hopping around the dressing room screaming “Ow ow ow! Crap, this hurts!” as VEG laughed at me and told me how ridiculous I was. PSHT that ish was painful. What also didn’t help was that I looked like I was gonna go long distance sprinting in them leggings. Anyway, 5 minutes later, my calves stopped looking like I was standing on my tippy toes. They hurt for 2 weeks afterwards. Oh, and yes I bought the leggings.

So… yeah I need other tips for breaking my addiction and spending my time away from technology. Just nothing like exercising or, you know… doing stuff.

Previous post

You Know You're Too Plugged In When...

Next post

Dear YouTube, You are the Enabler of Unproductivity


  1. GOODENess
    June 17, 2009 at 12:58 am

    I love you…but you only have a runner's body from the waist up! them chicken legs ain't running you NOWHERE! perhaps a walker's body…you know, one a dem there really FAST walkers!!

    LOVE the company pic at the bottom…I am SURE you were mid-hair battle w/ Alise! I'd bet money on it!

  2. Luvvie
    June 17, 2009 at 1:02 am

    iHatechu, Goodie! You leave my chicken legs be, you hear????

    When have u seent track starts w/ big legs? Big thighs? Yes. Big legs… no. See: Kenyans. LOL

  3. TheBeez
    June 17, 2009 at 3:43 am

    Sounds like one of my stories: My freshman year, I started trying to run, and on the track one day, I started coughing and didn't stop for hours. A later doctor's visit informed me that I had exercise induced asthma. My first thought (which was said out loud) was "So, I'm allergic to exercise? Fmylife. (incidentally, this was the first usage of the phrase ever documented)"

    After a 4 year hiatus, I have started back (trying) to run, inhalers in hand. 🙂
    Verification word: matedit! Mens on Film, yo.

  4. sarahPUFFY!
    June 17, 2009 at 7:22 am

    Damn, I don't get the leg itch until the very end of my jogs. Its a shame – first time it happened, I was in high school and almost fell out on the ground in front of everybody. It didn't help that I had mosquitos biting me too. It was the Itch From Hell. I even alternated between running and walking to avoid the dreaded Leg Itch! I looked a fool but better than nothin n.n'

  5. Anonymous
    June 17, 2009 at 8:51 am

    Glad Im not the only one that gets the leg itch…Its traumatized me for the longest.

  6. Peyso
    June 17, 2009 at 9:15 am

    the leg itch? hahahahahaha

    u look like how I would have pictured u looking. and u do have a runner's body, a very long distance runner

  7. Luvvie
    June 17, 2009 at 9:24 am

    Beez – Dang! Exercise Asthma. Hmm… maybe I oughta look into that. Another excuse to explain my bumminess is always welcome

    Sarah – YES! U feel my pain! That ish is NOT fun at all. Trying to run while scratching is a dilemma

    Anon – Another person who is a kindred spirit. Thank you *tear*

    Peyso – Iunno whether thats a good or bad thing o_0

  8. Tunde
    June 17, 2009 at 10:34 am

    sometimes you have to force yourself to run. fight through the pain. you know what they say. no pain, no gain. try running on a treadmill or something. lol.

  9. The Dutchess
    June 17, 2009 at 11:10 am

    Due to the enlargement of the mammary glands that I have, running is hard. It is the last place a sista can lose fat, so Im working up to it. I think I got a full 90 seconds of running at a time, before my back begins to curse my existence! But Im still pushing to run a whole mile before 2010!


  10. Luvvie
    June 17, 2009 at 11:48 am

    Tunde – Fight thru the pain?? EEK! No, I'd rather quit lol

    Dutchess – Oooo u gots them respectable jugs eh? I don't 🙁 Love u too!!!

  11. Anonymous
    June 17, 2009 at 12:10 pm

    Both my mother and I get the leg itch. I can even get the leg itch from walking briskly. I learned that I gotta keep running on the regular. Usually the itching subsides after a few runs.

    I HATE running with he passion of a thousand pornos. That's y i got me some walk away the pouind DVD's.

  12. Peyso
    June 17, 2009 at 12:49 pm

    I read up on it. "It usually occurs during exercise performed after a long period of inactivity. The itching is not on the skin, it's inside the actual limbs. There are millions of tiny capillaries and arteries inside our muscles which expand rapidly due to the demand for more blood that is brought on by exercise. When fit, these capillaries remain open allowing maximum blood passage, but when unfit and inactive they tend to collapse, allowing only minimal blood passage (which is sufficient for a sedentary person however). The rapid expansion of these vessels causes adjacent nerves to send impulses back to the brain which are interpreted as an itch. That's why after a few sessions the sensation tends to go away. Just another indication of increasing fitness levels."

  13. Lite Bread
    June 17, 2009 at 1:42 pm

    Yer (Once) High Awesomelyness,
    Ya all a bunch of Wimps, lol! I think you (and yer commenter’s) covered about all the normal excuses used, lol. So, as that famous (?) line in Top Gun goes, “Well, that’s about enough for the Fly By’s (i.e. Excuses)”.
    Luvvie, you don’t know how blessed you are to be born with a natural runners body. You look just like all those beautiful, beautiful East African women (from Ethiopia/Eritrea to Uganda) who kick white girls a@@’s all over the place in any World level competition longer the 400 Meters. It’s all in yer head girl. And the highly UN-developed heart-lung cardiovascular setup. That can all be easily changed. The leg itch? Like most things, the body will adapt that right outta here, once you let it know yer serious about this. Has to do with blood flow.
    As far as the ‘big jugs’ go for one commenter, no prob again. Knew a girl (yes, she was chocolaty, chocolate A/A) that ran Cross Country through college who was, shall I say “Well Endowed” and she used two Sports Bra’s and for competitions added a first layer of Duct Tape, to hold it all in (some kinda) place. (And DAMIT, that beautiful girl did the same thing to me as always “Lite Bread, you’re so nice and such a good guy, I couldn’t screw it up by, like, Dating you!” Sheesh, story of my life, lol).
    And fer god sakes, just WHY does everybody start out WAY too hard, die inside of ½ mile and then conclude runnin’s not yer thang? OK, here’s the deal. I’ll Coach you. For free (don’t tell anybody I said that, OK?). You’re just doin’ it all wrong.
    Oh, and you want to look like that character Jim Carry used to do on In Living Color (the only time he was any good), you know, the lady bodybuilder? The gym is a great
    supplemental type thing. Unless you want to be Ronnie Coleman (Google him). What most people need is to move and circulate that blood a little, get the heart working and burns some (Popeye’s) calories.
    And, Yer High Awesomelyness, you are real close to ultimate Beauty – (See photo. To the right … to the right … in the box to the right. Hey, didn’t someone already use that?)

  14. Luvvie
    June 17, 2009 at 1:51 pm

    Anon – LMAO @ running w/ the passion of a thousand pornos. So… no passion, just acting?

    Peyso – Wow did you wikipedia that? And I'm even more disturbed. It's like ants are crawling in ur limbs. EEEK!!! So whatcha tryna say is that I need to work out for the itching to stop? But how do I get past the itching??

    *wall slide*

    Litest of Breads – iHeart the thorough comment. You be making me blush and ish. Yes, us chocolate folks CAN blush. We turn slightly red bout the cheeks. It's faint but it's there.

    But umm bout that training. Can we do it without any running? Can I do the elliptical or something? I'm saying though… cuz you know.,, I hate running but I'll EFF up someone's elliptical!

    AND iDied as I remembered the lady bodybuilder Jim Carrey used to play. In Living Color was that business!

  15. True2me
    June 17, 2009 at 2:25 pm

    you are too funny


    yeah thats your muscles working..that itching

  16. Lite Bread
    June 17, 2009 at 3:32 pm

    Yer Most HIGH Awesomelyness,
    OK. Well, it’s like this. People lose brain cells working out on “cardio” equipment Indoors. I think I last about 15 minutes, total max, before iDONE and looking for a KIT KAT Bar (Registered Trademark) to sooth the emotional pain of it
    And all those mirrors!!! Eeeekkk! I hate looking at myself. What I look like, that’s the rest of the world’s problem. I don’t want to see that!
    When you can take an activity you can learn to really like (yes, running is one; do it for 4 – 6 months, race a 5K, yer hooked for good), you’ll stick with it, ‘cause it’s more than “a workout”, it’s an activity you find extra enjoyment in. Running is just cheap, totally accessible and no Member Fee’s required. Just step out the door.
    I WOULD offer to go cycling with you. That’s a great, fun alternative. But, I think I remember something KindredSmile “Chuck Norris’ed” you on – YouCan’t Ride?! Awwwww. Well, I’ll learn ya. (Secret reason: Luvvie all outfitted in that skin-tight Lycra, “no undie’s” cycling shorts, skinny legs stickin’ out in the breeze an’ all. I just passed out thinkin’ about it …)

  17. TheBeez
    June 17, 2009 at 4:23 pm

    *typing on the Centro, so please excuse the errors. Kthxbai.*

    Oh yeah, if you're trying to ease back into the running (or just had never been that into it in the first place), I suggest the couch to 5K plan. You can download these podcasts that tell you when to walk and run, and in 9 weeks you should be running a 5K like it's nobody's business.

    I'm on week 2 right now, so pray that I don't *cough hack wheeze* and quit anytime soon!

  18. 1984thickchick
    June 17, 2009 at 5:41 pm

    Hi e'rebody *waves* Um, I too get the itches when I run, but only if I don't stretch/warm up first. Did you stretch? O_o lol.

  19. […] to BET after their awards show that was supposed to be a tribute to MJ. They FAILED, I ranted. *iCan’t run. I’m allergic – Running makes my legs itch. Literally. So I figured that I’m just allergic to it. And […]

  20. […] Walk and Run in Chicago on Saturday (needless to say, I’m walking. Remember that I’m allergic to running). I’d appreciate it if you would donate a coupla dollars to my Red Pump AIDS Walk Team. Our […]

  21. Colah
    June 27, 2011 at 11:50 pm

    she’een eem skretch!

    vaseline is NOT your friend Luvvie. Use the buttas!!

  22. Sunny
    February 2, 2013 at 6:37 am

    HAHAHA ok this is going to sound weird but Yoga is your friend. Now I’m not talking bending backwards and kissing your bum – but something gentle. I use a video I got from the library. Also dancing is a good form of exercise – Belly & Poi are what I started to use. Yes I look crazy but every little bit helps. Especially when I do it at home and my 3 yo son does it with me.