City Pigeons are Gangsta

Hood pigeonsI don’t know whether it is just Chicago ones, but city pigeons are gangsta as hell. Coming to work today, I encountered at least 5 tough ass pigeons who I was about to defer to. When did it become that you actually have to say “excuse me” to some little rodent birds because they stay in the way?

The pigeons were walking on the sidewalk like they belonged there, and downtown Chicago sidewalks during commuting time means there already isn’t a lot of maneuvering space. So add some strolling birds to it and you have pedestrian gridlock. The birds even waited for the light to turn green so they could cross the street. “Mofos, can’t you fly?? Eff you in MY way for when you could be airborne?” Ol’ dusty ass, gangsta ass birds!

In fact, I was getting on the El (elevated train) once, and on the platform was a pigeon who was clearly also waiting for the Orange line. He looked at me like “Ain’t this late train some bullshit?” I did agree though. Anyway, the train came, and this little fool got on it, and got off at the next stop. I coulda sworn he also gave me that head nod.

*Sigh* The natural order is being shaken up.

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  1. Monk
    November 17, 2008 at 10:00 am

    Them gangsta birds irks me too. Seems like everytime I get a so fresh and so clean, clean carwash, them n*ggas gang up and do a drive by on my whip. Without fail, the next day it always looks like one of ’em had the bubble guts and just let loose on my car. I hate that shyt…literally.

  2. im_da_sweetest
    November 17, 2008 at 11:17 am

    I too agree with you ire of hood a** pigeons! They are sooo gross. I had a press conference take place downtown last week, to my great surprise and anger a gang (prob. the Crip of chicago, as they were all blue and gray) took to the middlie of the crowd trying to get their 5 mins of fame. They did everything but pick up picket signs!

  3. The Pretty Brown Girl
    November 17, 2008 at 11:18 am

    Luvvie, they’re nothing but winged rats! I hate them! Their righteous indignation sickens me! Damn pigeons think they’re people! They need to fly themselves right on back down the Animal Kingdom’s food chain!

  4. NaturallyAlise
    November 17, 2008 at 1:59 pm

    Those birds grind my gears, along with their play cousins the seagull when you go to the beach…. Now I know why they call unfortunate looking and acting girls pigeons….

  5. kamakula
    November 17, 2008 at 4:29 pm

    I knew it! This started with the VSB post! See what happens when you mess with the natural order of things!

  6. Chuck St*r
    November 17, 2008 at 4:31 pm

    I would have just kicked em, lol!

  7. joshlos
    November 17, 2008 at 6:10 pm

    Funny stuff. Your gangsta pigeons remind me of some pretty hardcore squirrels that inhabited my college campus in Fort Wayne. They would hang out all over the lawns on campus looking for food. Eventually they started hanging out on the sidewalks, where soon enough they didn’t even really get scared off by the people walking by.

  8. Intellectual Hedonist
    November 18, 2008 at 3:20 pm

    I needed this laugh today..unfortunately I have seen these gangster creatures in New England as well

  9. Shannon
    November 19, 2008 at 9:03 am

    You are perhaps one of the funniest people I know via blogging. You have a way with words and humor. The birds are totally cozying down for the winter on the sidewalks. I had a huge flock blocking the sidewalk downtown the other day and they would not move. So gross.

  10. ListenToLeon.net
    November 19, 2008 at 10:54 am

    I despise pigeons…but not as much as people who feed them!


  11. Elle
    November 21, 2008 at 4:23 am

    Pigeons are *evil* and conniving with their shifty, beady eyes, making them look like they know something you don’t …

    Fab post! :0)

  12. Luvvie (aka Queen IG)
    December 6, 2008 at 9:50 pm

    I love that you all feel my pain. These pigeons r straight reckless. We must get our power back, humans!!