Kreayshawn Sold 3,900 Albums and It Went Toilet Paper
Some of y’all are probably saying “Who is Kreayshawn?” and my response is “Exactly.”
She’s a white girl from the Bay area who thinks she can rap and got on YouTube to show her skills. Of course, she was terrible at it and did the most with the least. She wasn’t terrible because she was white. Nope. She was terrible because she made it her schtick, but without any of the self-awareness and the talent to back it up.
She made sure to be a caricature and exactly what you’d think she would be. Her song “Gucci, Gucci” was a mess and then some but it brought her mad attention and soon, some people were talmbout her. I’m mad to those people for bringing her to me.
Ever since I learned of who Kreayshawn was though, I’ve done my best to ignore the hell out of her. I figured she’d go away soon, but two years later, the fool is still here, and on Twitter with a verified checkmark.
Ennehweighs, she released an album last week (I had no idea) and apparently it didn’t do so well. How bad was it? WELLS, Kreayshawn’s album sold 3,900 copies.
Lemme repeat.
3,900 copies.
Word on the street is that she set the record for worst sales in the history of a major record label’s album releases.
If that ain’t a FAIL, I’m not sure what is. I mean, on the bright side, she did sell more than Chingy did 2 years ago when he sold 693 albums and went credit score. Yes. She did better than that. Kreay sold 3,900 and went toilet paper. But not the fancy 2-ply. This is the 1-ply that gives your yansh paper cuts.
Her album went blunt butter knife and I’d be sad for her if she had talent. But when your work goes tofu, you might wanna sit back and re-assess whether you should be in that industry. No reason for your album to go unsharpened pencil and you’re still confident about your abilities. NAWL.
Oh and she got the nerve to be on the Twitters all defensive and whatnot. She’s talmbout how she doesn’t care. Ma’am! How are you not gon care that you sold LESS albums than the number of people you are following on Twitter? GIRL STAWP!
But lemme leave Kreayshawn alone though. Like everyone left her album at the store. OOP! (-___-)
What else did Kreayshawn’s album go? It surely wasn’t e’em copper. Clown in the comments like y’all love to do!
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62 Comments
Welp! There’s always cosmetology school
Pwhahahahaha, yeah I can’t stand her, she is too pressed to say that she is different, and that song Gucci Gucci wasn’t needed, she is trying to hard. I dont care if she is from the hood or not, she can’t relate to a thing forreal. She started off the bat talking way too much trash and not being able to back it up, if you ask me if all went down when she started up with rick ross haha, she better realize she gotta watch it, we already have a snonflake Eminem pretty much has the rude crap, but we love it on lock.
Anytime you’re more known for your beef than talent, you’re already losing.
Or not. I wom’t trust that chile w/ MY coiffure!
Did you say Chingy went CREDIT SCORE?! LUVVIE, why can’t I quit you LOLOLOL!
I know I been trying too
I’m just saying. My credit score is higher than the amount of records he sold.
I wanna know who in the hell even bought those 3900 albums I mean what the hell who is riding around bumping kremecorn in they ride? Is there nothing else to listen to like the sound of farts amplified? those 3900 people need to be shot with tacks.
*KREMECORN* *dead*
3,900 lost souls.
kremecorn though?
BAAAHAHAHAHAHA OMFG I do love the way you tell a story woman!!
Thanks you kindly!
Her album went:
Daewoo
JitterBug phone
Spalding Basketball Shoes
Peanut Shells
Coolio’s Hair Line
$1.37 Wal-mart Gift Card
I hate you! Get out! LOL
I forgot one:
99 Cent Store Batteries.
Daewoo! I. Am. Weak.
Lol. I was gone say Income tax check…
I rebuke you!!!!!!!!
*dead* at Spalding, Daewoo and $1.37 Walmart gift card.
Not the old folks Jitterbug phone!!! AAAAHAHAHAHA!!
How your album gonna go rented rims and act like you don’t care? Whatebs Kreysorry. Your 15way minutes had expired.
Not with that picture accompanying her resume. Even cosmetology school would make her take remedial combing classes first.
Luvvie, your blog is everything that is right and good in the world. Tofu, even. Credit score, even. Yansh, even!
I’m thinking those albums were accidentally purchased when some illiterate folks tried to buy Kreyawns for back-to-school.
LMAO!!! Not “Kreyawns”!!!
Her album went double toothpick
Who? Anywho, her album went empty food stamp book. You know that book you mom pulls out thinking there was one more brown brotha in there but comes up with nothing. I mean you werent happy that you had to carry that mug to the store but still there was candy to be had and now there is nothing. Yep like that.
certainly a catch-22…
stigma of food stamps vs the joy of junk food.
ahhh, the good ol’ days!
Her album went quadruple aluminum.
But wait! Have you read her Wikipedia page???!!!
She lives in L.A……with her cat. *crying*
Her album went Mitt Romney…nobody got time for that!
From her Wikipedia page: #DEAD “She then took a job at IKEA and the GED work program Job Corps, while selling Bammer Weed and working a short-lived stint as a “Craigslist pimp”.
Stolen from a friend… her album went child support back payments.
Her album went:
used baby wipes
empty whopper wrapper
lint
communion wafer
dried out sharpie
dollar tree shoe polish
Her album went plastic spinners on a minivan.
I thought I was *dead* at the actual article, but the comments sections has me in serious jeopardy of needing some of that 1-ply right quick! Noooo!
Credit score?
Coolio’s hairline?
Communion wafer?
EMPTY FOOD STAMP BOOK?!
I’m flatlined over hear. Y’all owe me an insurance co-pay, damn it.
So… I also was laughing too hard to use the correct homonym. Whoopsie!
Her album went:
used q-tip
stripper sweat
rick ross tittay gravy
tussy deodorant
Styrofoam
dollar menu
AOL cd
fortune cookie wrapper
NOT TUSSY! *swan dives into the shallow end of the pool*
deep finger dip and smear under the arms!
Tussy deodorant??!?! Lawd take me NAH!!!
In honor of Luvie’s post from the other day her album went Replacement Ref
Her album went fantasia and antwaun cook’s relationship
Her album went down the drain like six weeks old fish grease O_o.
This was too, too funny. YouTube is apparently not where to hunt for talent. Don’t believe me? Check her out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0f47gr60Kc
She is wrong on so many levels
Her album managed to go double wood chips and may go triple sawdust.
“Deawoo”*blink….blink* DEAWOO??? GOOD DAY, SIR. ________________________________________________ BWWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kreayshawn’s album went chitlin remnants.
Pitchfork gave her album a 3. A 3!!!! LULZ.
I stopped watching the MTV awars as of last year because they nominated her for something.
They did??? MTV must not wanna win.
Album went:
Soul Plane
Acer
AOL sold more free start up CD-ROMs than she sold albums
*DEADDDD* Not the AOL free CDs in the tin can w/ the yellow man on top! LOL
She needs to go on tour with Chingy and Soulja Boy (his album went triple dirt.) Kind of like Watch the Throne, but Watch the Food Stamp Line. Free Credit Report could sponsor it. This could make literally dozens of dollars
LMAOOOOO at his album going “triple dirt.” Ma’am, you stoopid.
Lmao @ dozens of dollars!!!! Reading all of these comments almost had me choking on my dollar menu drink. And I’m sitting in the car parked away from my building so nobody would be able to save me.
If she is so irrelevant… Uh… Why are you writing about her?
Because I want to. The end.
So you came to this here blog… Read this here title…and still decided to ask why? You had options. You chose wrong. You must be new. to life.
That dummy musta been one of the 3900…
Since she talkin, give us an album review. Or name one of the other songs on the album… We’ll wait… *Crickets*, that’s what I thought!
HAHHHHHHHHHHH!!! ROTFL
These comments are too much *dead*
I sadly had to go YouTube this crap…and I’m sorry I did.
She went 2x dumpster liquid