#50ShadesofShade: I Read 50 Shades of Grey and Live-Tweeted It
On Friday evening, I read Samantha Irby’s post on her 50 Shades of Grey read and it made me laugh so hard that I was inspired. I have managed to avoid the book soccer moms everywhere have been losing their minds over, even after it was sent to me as a PDF last year. But I wanted to read it to see how truly terrible it was.
And I live-tweeted it over two nights, in the first edition of LuvviePiece Theater. Long story short: NO.
Grumpy Cat nails it.
It was so bad, y’all. SO BAD. Like my eyes wanted to bleed by the time I was done. I suffered so yall wouldn’t have to. Loyal readers unfollowed me. I lost hope in humanity. All so that I could read this awful awful awful excuse for a book. E.L. James is forever on my shit list for this. This book was 50 shades of THE WORST!
Oh and yes, I know it’s Twilight fan fiction. No less than 20 people have tweeted this to me. I KNOW. Gosh.
Either way, check out the storify below for my livetweets. I might return with another post on 10 reasons why this is officially the worst book ever in life. EVER.
If you have a hard time reading my livetweets below, read them on storify.
Whew. Terrible.
Have y’all read this book? Do you feel like cussing out everyone who told you it was good? Because I do!
70 Comments
Luvvie, you are a better one than me. I got through chapter 2 and was just like, “No. I refuse.” Thanks for catching me up on the foolery I didn’t read (and keeping me cackling for two nights).
I wish you had made a video, reading and giving commentary!
I was WITH YOU about the hardware store scene! If that didn’t tell her to “RUN FOOL” then there’s nothing we can do to help her. She’s a lost cause! Not only did he stalk her to her place of business after one meeting…but then he bought psycho-killer-freaky-Jason ‘nalia too. Naw. I’m not here for that…
She should’ve walked arount the store, found as many seats that were available, and rolled them all to Christian so that he could pick which seat to have!
“Psycho-killer-freaky-Jason ‘nalia”?!?! I cannot breathe laughing at that one!!! ROFLMFAO
I swear fo’ ham n eggz I thought it was just me! Took me 4months to read and finished it only because I try to finish what I start.
That book was not written in English. Let’s not even talk about how the plot was below amateur-ish and as far away from reality as one could get. The book didn’t follow the basic rules of English prose! There should be a clear transition when one character starts talking and another begins. It was sooooo bad. It’s like it was ripped straight from fanfiction and not edited AT ALL!!! It makes me feel bad for the children of the soccer moms that thought this was a good book. I pray that the moms find their children good English tutors…..
I totally lost it reading this…i DIED!! Lawd i had to pick my self up from the floor to write this….HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…yep i heard it was bad but your commentary makes me feel better for not reading it. What makes it funnier is that the “real” erotic authors i read were pissed as hell that this book was getting all the praise when it was sooo bad…thank you for your service to humanity.
I got an Advanced Reader’s copy through work, and after the first page I was like, “I can’t stand this girl!”. I passed it along to my coworker and she said, “I don’t know how this woman managed to make sex boring, but she did.” If you’re looking for good erotica–hell, if you’re looking for mediocre erotica, this is not it. Your live tweets and #50ShadesOfShade tag were everything.
Nope, I didn’t read despite all the hype. Number 1 reason being it’s Twilight fan fiction. Twilight isn’t exactly my idea of Masterpiece Theater to begin with so I had very low expectations of any derivative of that.
Still, I’d like to thank you for taking one for the team.
Since I’m clearly in the minority who likes the book not so much the first and third and but the second I will accept all judgement -____- still Luvvie’s recap made me howl with laughter I really wish you would do the other two…. I can only hope…..
I liked it as well, but Luvvie did raise some very good points about the writing.
I know right I was like darn you Luvvie lol
I liked it…I wasn’t expecting much going in. I just took it for what it was. I was more interested in getting to the bottom of why he was the way he was. The Crossfire Series is similar to this series.
Me too!
I read all 3, and I agree with you. Fifty Shades of Grey was just too much sex, not eonough story, but I loved Fifty Shades Darker, that was nice, Fifty Shades Freed was a bit too much for too, it got boring
I liked it.
Luvvie,
Thanks for the two-night live tweet. It was all I needed not to read the book.What astounds me is that James has a degree in English literature & has worked for the BBC. For her to have written something that poorly is a slap in the face to romance/erotica authors and those in the television industry. One would assume that someone with her resume would’ve at least edited that mess or have a grupo of people read it.
Also from what I’ve read James blocks people on twitter for saying that the plot is displaying domestic violence. She has even accussed people of trivializing the issues and that Ana is an empowered woman.
BS!
Sooooo, I haven’t had a need to read this book and thanks to Luuvie’s hilarious tweets….I don’t have to! I am dying laughing reading these tweets.
I had so MANY qualms about this book. I can’t even fully express my issues right now lol but I’m so glad to see I’m not the only one who hated it. I also had the pdf version and I kept asking myself, “Is this the real book? Is this what everyone else is reading?” and then trying to assuage myself with, “No, can’t be. Must be something wrong with this pdf version.” I force fed myself the first two books and I just couldn’t take it anymore. I’ve ALWAYS finished books after I start them, and I have never read only PART of a series. But I cain’t do it! I won’t! And hell NAWL I don’t care how it ends!
So a friend who thought it was beyond awful loaned it to me and didn’t even want it back. That should have been my first clue. I’d avoided it cuz it sounded dumb. I quit a quarter of the way through. It was the worst book ever. The sex scenes were lame. I still wish I could UNREAD it!
I am a fan of erotica…..that mess is NOT erotica. Why that woman has made some much money on a poorly written boring book about a control freak man and a pathetic excuse for a woman is beyond me. I wish I had thought of it first and made the money. Dangit!
Loved this, loved this! I heard about it in Entertainment Weekly when it was released and downloaded the sample. It was so lame I deleted it and forgot about it. THEN it becomes a best seller? (I get the the Brit-speak but seriously it is just awful. I enjoyed the bodice rippers of the 70s and claim it but this was so poorly written and so lame. I’ve read better short stories on Literotica.
I borrowed the whole series from a friend. Read 4 sentences and decided I couldn’t bang with the writing style. Books sat on my coffee table forever and then I gave them back. So glad I didn’t waste my time! All the folks who rarely read thought this was the best book in the world and talked about how amazing it was…. Life Lesson learned – wait for Luvvie to recap EVERYTHING 🙂
I too read the e-books version of this hot mess of a series. Only difference is I did read the whole series and was mad at all the fools who told me it was good. I kept reading hoping and praying that it would get better. It didn’t! Where they leave off at the end of the first chapter is basically how the whole series ended. WOMP WOMP! The worst part was how verbose this lady wrote the books. I found myself skipping pages and still having not missed anything but a swoon and a hand tied up. Thank you for live tweeting your thoughts b/c they were shared by MANY! WORST.SERIES.EVER!!!
I could NOT get passed the first chapter of the second book! That girl annoyed me to the degree of infinity! I would mind a Christian in my life though!! o_o just sayin…
**would NOT mind**
OMG, as usual I was dying laughing reading your recap of 50 Shades. You HAVE to read the rest of the books, just to do a commentary because just when you think it can’t get any worse, it REALLY does, lol.
I read all 3 and I think the soccer Mom “sluts” who love it are kind of tired of having sex with the same penis for 10-30, so they imagine that this book is how crazy a fantasy sex life would be without actually doing any of the nasty and downright abusive stuff described in this book. So, if you are already thinking in your mind its a fantasy, you suspend belief on the actual contents of the book and you can “imagine” how cool/sexy this would be, kind of like your first visit to a strip club, on TV it looks ultra sexy and cool but in real life it smells like ass, desperation and destroyed dreams.
There is actual good erotic fiction out there so don’t let these books turn you off, Sleeping Beauty by Anne Rice is one that I heard was real good, you know, from a friend, lol. Cough.
I’m with you on the Sleeping Beauty series. Anyone who asks me if I’ve read 50 Shades I say the same thing “I can name 5 authors from past centuries and this one who wrote better erotica than that drivel”
I read Sleeping Beauty and it was OK, though I like her usual vampire/witch books better. I don’t like the S&M books, so that immediately turned me off and made me never want to read this story. I am especially traumatized because I read “The Story of O” and was depressed for weeks. I was angry, I cried and was totally into my emotions for a minute. Why people lie and say it was such a good sexy story? Might as well had read Hostel.
” you suspend belief on the actual contents of the book and you can “imagine” how cool/sexy this would be, kind of like your first visit to a strip club, on TV it looks ultra sexy and cool but in real life it smells like ass, desperation and destroyed dreams…”
OMG….ROFLMAO @ smells like ass, desperation and destroyed dreams…
OH SWEET BABY JESUS…..!!!
I haven’t read it, but after reading Luvvie’s tweets and the comments, i WILL NOT!
if you want ‘erotic’ writing, just see Zane & Co. , (IJS)
This “series” was just bs and more bs piled on top of it. My friends that defended it were telling me that its the fantasy of it all. *sigh* I get it. I do. They actually started strife in their relationships because they wanted their own Grey in their mate. Say what now? There is NO way on EARTH a real person could say and/or do that to someone without some protocols first. It was just horrid. Absolutely horribleeee. smh.
Hahahahahahahahahahahaahhahahahahaahahahahaahahahahaha
I had heard it was bad and your recap had me screaming. Thanks for the laughter and the tears. I’m sending you the bill for my oxygen come morning
Luvvie, I’ve been in the process of reading it – for the past year. Some parts are ok but…ummmm…yeah, everything you said. It never takes me this long to get through a book! Now, I saw another book – “Fifty Shades of Chicken” – in Target the other day and THAT looks like a good read – and you get to eat as a result of reading it! LOL
I just read a sample of 50 shades of chicken and it is hilarious. I am definitely going to purchase it. Speaking as a vegan that is saying a lot about this book…LOL
I returned this crap to amazon 2 chapters in and got a refund. All my coworkers were dying over it and begging me to read it. It was bad in every way. Not well written, not edited, and NOT SEXY. Cacti could have thrived in my “inner goddess” while reading that mess. I lost so much respect for my friends that liked it. I guess my inner goddess refuses to function in the presence of bad writing.
I almost spit my food out at “Cacti could have thrived in my ‘inner goddess’ while reading that mess.” ….Bwaha!!!
You just made me loose my shit at work. I just howled at that! 😀
I’m glad that I was instantly repulsed by the novel and never gave it a try. This is confirmation!
So happy to hear it wasn’t just me that wasn’t impressed. I definitely wasn’t gonna pay for it!
I knew this book was gonna be bad when I couldn’t even get through a detailed SUMMARY of it. Bless your heart, Luvvie, for reading this book and warning humanity — at least those of us who haven’t read the book yet.
Couldn’t make it through the book, but Samantha Irby’s post and your Tweeting it were MAGICAL.
Skip this trash and read Eric Jerome DIckey and James Earl Hardy for some real porn.
I’m in publishing and got all three books for free and read them over a weekend. It was little better than V.C. Andrews (remember her? She wrote Flowers in the Attic, which I read when I was 12) and to me this was slightly more adult with the same simpin storyline.
Your commentary was wonderful and I laught out loud so many times, folx was giving me curious looks in the courtyard.
You made me almost glad I read the book and could follow.
Luvvie, Luvvie, Luvvie you are the best at turn absolute tripe and drivle into something funny. These books are a stain on literature, Jane Austen et al real witers would howl and weep at the moon in despair that this is what “romantic” writing is considered to be.
I read two paragraphs of this trash and eas ready to throw a through a window ( silver linings style) and only didnt because I was in a public place held my arm back. Stupseeeeee
The word that plucked my last nerve was “clambered.” This chick never sat down or got up, she “clambered.” Who uses that word?! I read all 3 of those stupid books and I want to know who EL James’ editor wasn’t because all three of those books could have fit in to one. I hated them. I only made it to the end of book 3 hoping one of them would meet their demise in a fiery accent of some sort. Truly two of the worst inseped characters ever created.
I got tired of reading the word “gaped” every three pages. :-/ For Ana to have received a degree in English her vocab was very limited. LOL! That being said…I didn’t hate it.
This book was Fifty Shades of kindling. After reading less than 1/3 of this tripe, though I’m usually against it, I was moved to start a book burning and celebrate not getting to the end. I know this work originally started as a fanfiction between the Twilight characters Edward and Bella. Then this ish was published with only the characters’ names changed. Those soccer moms must real hard up if this is what passes for erotica over there.
I read the trilogy. The movie will be interesting, because I’m not seeing how it can get anything but an NC-17 rating. The casting of the movie has been disappointing. The only thing I liked about the book was that Anastasia wasn’t a stereotypical blonde…so, what do they cast?
a stereotypical blonde.
Yeah…I pictured someone like Alexis Bledel (not her because…well I’m not sure any well known actress would have taken the role), but I guess they had to get who they could
*de-lurks momentarily*
“Clambering”…..lawdt.
How about “mewling”……i’ont eem WANT ANYONE “mewling” in my ear fo’ nuffin!
I borrowed this…..book…..for a total of 5 minutes from my cousin…..NEVER AGAIN.
I’m seriously disappointed in Charlie Hunnam (Jax from Sons of Anarchy) taking the role of….what’s his jawn…oh yea….Christian Grey.
Anais Nin….sista, arise from the grave and come fetch yo’ people…..
*re-lurks*
I read it. Actually I read the entire trilogy. It was….yeah.
I’m late to this post but I hate this series with the heat of a 1000 suns. Words are inadequate. My friend suckered me into this bullshyt and I stopped talking to her for a hot minute. I’m a bookworm and hearing that this series is so good makes me want to punch a baby. And I super puffy heart love babies. And the onliest thing that would make me give half a damn about the movie is if Chris Hemsworth’s sexy self played lead. And even then I’d bootleg it.
I just don’t see how this made any literary sense whatsoever to anyone who ever read past the 1st grade level. What editor gave this crap the go ahead? And, yeah, I’d watch one of those Hemsworth boys act out the Toilet Paper Trilogies. Their DNA is gold plated diamonds.
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I. Am. WEAK!
I’m in the minority. I loved the series. 50 Shades Darker was my favorite. I had to give myself a minute to stop reading the tweets because I swear I feel like my head is gonna explode from laughing so hard. The commentary is hilarious. If (and I know it’s a BIG if) you decide to read the second one, please send out a blog/tweet/pigeon carrier, something…I wanna be there for the live tweet recap. These are the funniest tweets I h
ave ever read.
The author of that book should be ashamed! Not of the sexual content but how poorly written it is. NO ONE talks the way her characters talk. And her grammar … an 8th grader could do better. It’s amazing that a grown person could write so poorly and, yet, sell actual books to actual people! It’s in print now, believe it or not. But it’s also inspirational. If she could do it (so badly) and succeed, so can someone with more talent and a better grasp of English grammar.
This was HI-LARRY-US! I haven’t laughed so hard in so long. I am an avid reader and some of those quotes were just so unbelievable and just badly written. I don’t read that smut and don’t pollute my mind with images of a male using females for his own sexual gratification by inflicting pain. Thanks for the memories!
Hmm it appears like your site ate my first comment (it was extremely long) so I guess I’ll just sum it up what I wrote and
say, I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog. I too am an aspiring blog blogger but
I’m still new to the whole thing. Do you have any tips and hints for
newbie blog writers? I’d definitely appreciate
it.
This review had me dying. I never actually read the book- but I remember when it was all the craze. You inspired me to actually try and give it a shot, just to see what the fuss was about and to see it for myself – especially since the movie is coming out now. I am surprised I actually made it to page 58 (don’t know if that correlates to the paperback because I read a pdf online). My two cents –
WHAT GARBAGE. I was also hella mad someone got paid off this. My writing is better than this when I wake up and free-write with my eyes half-closed. Even more shaming that the author has an English degree… from where? I wouldn’t claim that if I were her- wouldn’t admit to the fact that I am terrible at the very thing I went to school and spent thousands of dollars to be trained in.
My main pet peeves were 1) how the f*&^ do you not only use the same adjectives over and over… but repeating entire damb sentences?? Really? I wouldn’t accept an essay from my HS students written so stupidly. The writing comes off not just that she’s an idiot – but that she thinks her audience are idiots and won’t notice that she’s cut and pasted half the story over and over 2) The dialogue is agonizing. I can’t imagine any live human being actually saying or uttering the things she writes for these characters… 3) I don’t see how the author can say ANYTHING bout this character is empowering. Anastasia Steele is a groveling, stupid, idiotic, desperate, trifling, immature mess. She don’t recognize red flags, she don’t realize when her stereotypic latin b-friend is trying to date rape her -she run from him to sadomasochistic dude, her internal dialogue is idiotic trifling bullshit, and she clearly doesn’t KNOW WHAT THE F*&^ HER SUBCONSCIOUS IS. Sorry <<< psychology major here, and the whole thing with the subconscious is that it's SUB, which means you ain't aware of it. If you're aware of it – it's not your subconscious – because you are CONSCIOUS of it! The character sounded so stupid mentioning her "subconscious" every five seconds when clearly neither she nor the author actually knows what the fuck it means. That was the last straw, the character confused her inner voice with her subconscious for the hundredth time and I closed the tab on my computer. I was fifty shades dumber by the time I got to page fifty.
Bravo to you Luvvie for being able to finish it!
Luvvie,
Just read this post. So glad you made the sacrifice for those of us who haven’t (and won’t) read the book. Girl!!! Just no. Based on your quotes I feel like I did read it and want to know how to “unsee” what I saw. Thanks for all you do; love your work!
No ma’am. I did not read the book. Nor will I. Unless all of the books in the bookdom get raptured and Jesus leaves without me. And even then, I might just write my own book to read. That’s how much I’m not reading this book. I listened to friends I trusted when they said the writing was awful and then put some friends on the “I don’t know if we can be friends no mo'” list for saying they loved it.
But this recap? I adore it! We should start a book club where we live tweet. I will be all over that! 😉
“ONE stroke and she has an orgasm?!?! Christian must have bathed in the essence of Idris Elba and unicorn tears.”
BEST LINE EVER!!!!
I refused to read this for so long and was weakening because I have extra time on my hands. Thanks for taking one for the team and saving me money and aggravation.
Please please PLEASE for the love of all that is good and holy PLEASE read the next two books and live tweet them. Because this right here? This was a masterpiece. Beautiful. Had me on the floor dying the entire time. I can not with you Luvvie. I have MIGHTY need to hear your comments on the other two books
So, I’m late to this party, having followed this here from your live tweet of the Sound of Music (which, yes, Best. Movie. Ever.)…but thank you, thank you, thank you. I have never laughed so hard as reading through your live tweets on 50Shades. So not sure how its being made into a movie after being such a gawdawful book. Please, please, please read books 2 and 3 and give them the same treatment. Although….I’m not sure I’d inflict having to read them on anyone…!!! Fantastic!
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[…] Luvvie’s #50ShadesofGrey Live Tweet. WAY more entertaining then the movie! Take random selfies and wait until 6pm to post on Instagram […]
I just came across your blog via the “Struggle Ponytail” and thank you for echoing everything I felt while reading this book. I was rushing for a flight, forgot to download a book, and the clerk at Hudson Bookstores (why would I trust someone who works at an airport bookstore) said I would love this book. I need to see someone because what in my demeanor said I would love this book? I was so angry by page 12 because I was all sorts of uncomfortable on the plane because I couldn’t throw the book at someone without getting in trouble and yet I had to finish it at that point….shenaggafuckery at it’s finest…
This is one of the funniest things I’ve ever read. I don’t usually quit reading a book, but if I do, it’s because the writing was complete and utter crap. I couldn’t get past the first sex scene, and the writing alone was just making me more angry at this person for creating this piece of garbage for fan fiction. Thank you for sticking it out and entertaining us with your commentary!