Moses, the Golden Calf and the Tablets He Broke: Bible Stories, Luvvie Edition

I’m doing the BIBLE in 365 reading plan on YouVersion and I just got past the part where Moses was on Mount Sinai for 40 days (Exodus 32) and while he was there, the Israelites convinced Aaron to make them the golden calf to worship. 😒😐

And God was like “Moses, them people are being trash again.” And Moses came down and was like “IKYL” and broke the 10 Commandment tablets cuz he was LIVID at all the debauchery going on. Cuz y’all got that man good and gray talking to God but you down here blaspheming like some clowns.

Then Moses went off on Aaron cuz “BRUH WHY WOULD YOU LISTEN TO THEM?? I was up there talking to God and He was telling me what type of DRIPPP He wanted on your priest clothes and your GOOFY self made them a golden calf to worship??? Is it meth?!?”

And Aaron was all “My bad. They pressured me.” 😒

GET SOME CHEST, AARON! You supposed to be high priest. WYD?!?

Then Moses went back up on Mount Sinai and God was like “You know what?? Lemme just start over. This humanity project is trash. I’ll wipe it except for you and start fresh.” And Moses laid prostrate and told God to remember that He brought the Israelites out of Egypt to redeem them not to destroy. And basically, it’d be a flex to the Egyptians if God ran through the Israelites and those were supposed to be His chosen ones.

God was like *sigh* “FINE! On your strength and on your vouch I’ll save em.”

But God warned Moses that He doesn’t play about folks creating other idols. And if people keep doing it, He gon wreck shop.

And Moses was like “you right. That’s not cool.” So then God recreated the stone tablets with the 10 Commandments on it and told. Moses “I’m for real. Tell them to play with somebody else. I AM THE I AM AND I AM THE ONE BUT NOT THE ONE TO PLAY WITH.”

So anyway, Cheeto Satan and the AI video he posted of turning Gaza to a resort, with the golden statue in it. LORD, WE ARE NOT WITH HIM. PLEASE KNOW WE WANT TO SHUN HIM FROM THIS LAND.

Dear Sky Daddy,

That golden statue? WE ARE NOT WITH HIM. We rebuke it, decry it, forbid it.Please know that there are some of us who fear You, know you, ONLY WORSHIP YOU. And that blaspheme? We do not know that man and he is not one of us.

And we are disgusted and appalled. Send your smite to the right direction.

Thank you.

Your daughter, Luvvie

whispers to Jesus Please help us intercede. 🙏🏾

That is all for this chapter of Bible Stories: Luvvie Edition.