Maybe It’s Time to Lose Your Trash Friends

This post is a transcript of my video from Instagram.

I’m in a DM (direct message) conversation with somebody who wants to know how they can educate their white friends and let them see that racism exists. And to that I say, THUNDER FIRE THOSE FRIENDS. Thunder, let it fire them. Because in 2020, how do you still need to convince somebody that racism is a thing? Whoever is not convinced is willfully ignorant and, frankly, stupid. Dumb as fuck, and that is not the person you want to be friends with.

In this process of anti-racism, let us be clear that you’re going to lose friends. White folks, some of you too. Actually, especially you. If you’re doing it right, you’re going to lose some friends. Why? Because I can’t trust you to be my friend, to stand in this world in the gap for me, when you deny my lived experience.

I can not trust you and break bread with you when you will look at me and say what I’m telling you, and the pain I’m feeling, is somehow made up in my head. You know what’s made up? Santa Claus, that’s made up. The Tooth Fairy, that’s made up. Racism is not made up.

People gotta be ready to lose friends. Don’t be an ally that’s like, “I understand both sides.” Ain’t no both sides! Racism is terrible, prejudice in the US is awful, and the US has a debt to pay Black people. Clear.

A lot of folks are talking out right now because it’s safe. Everybody is saying, “Black lives matter” and a lot of them were people who, last week, were quiet. I respect it. Thank you for speaking out now. But the real work is going to come and it’s going to challenge people you love. It’s going to make them uncomfortable.

You’re going to lose friends. And if you have any friends in your life who dare tell you,  or make you feel like you have to convince them that the pain you’re feeling is real, dump them. Thunder fire them. They are trash. Yeah, I said it. If you have family members who don’t believe racism exists also, thunder fire them too. Also trash.

trash friends

What we’re not doing in 2020 is being like, “I can’t say that because this person’s going to be upset.” The fact that saying BLACK LIVES MATTER is a controversial statement is actually mind-boggling to me.

To those who are like, “I don’t want to rock the boat with people I love,” or, “I want to convince somebody…” NAH!

Also, and very important. It’s not Black folks’ job to educate white people that racism exists. It’s not our job to even give resources, but here we are every day, gifting people stuff because we are a gifting people. We are a kind, generous people. The fact that the US is currently not all the way burned down should let you know that Black people are the kindest people on the face of the Earth. Black Americans have put in so much work for a country that just keeps stepping on necks.

So if your concern during this time is whether Sally is going to invite you out to brunch, fuck Sally and the horse she rode in on. Remember that, because the people who are going to stand next to you in a fight are not the people who get offended that you affirmed the life of somebody else. The people who I’m going to trust my life with are not the people who get their feelings hurt when you say, “Hey, United States, how about you treat Black people like humans?”

Do you actually want these types of people in your life? You don’t. You don’t. They’re trash. So in case you’re wondering and feeling bad or don’t want to lose friends, know that you’re going to lose friends if you’re doing this right and. you’e white.

Black folk, shout out to us. I’m not asking more of us at all.

Lose the trash friends.

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  1. Karen
    June 3, 2020 at 10:12 am

    If those “friends” don’t see that racism exists then nothing anyone can do will change that. Google is free and right damn there but they choose not to educate themselves.

  2. Heidi
    June 3, 2020 at 9:57 pm

    ” it’s not up to Black folks job to educate White people that racism exists…” Was just in a convo w/ a “friend” wanting to know about how to talk to her child about racism. I gave a PC answer of ” be honest” that I now regret. This question is the equivalent of saying show me how to solve this complex math equation. You have to come with some knowledge of the subject and I can only explain so much of the answer. After that it’s up to YOU to do the work to get to the one correct answer.

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