We All Deserve to Be Whole: Sending Love and Resources

This week has been rough. Two wealthy people, who seemed to have the world at their feet, pursued their dreams and were living their best lives, decided to take their own lives. Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain took their own lives, 3 days apart, rocking our world. I’m especially stunned about Bourdain. I don’t even have adequate tribute words for either of them. I owned many bags and my main wallet is Kate Spade. I’ve watched countless hours of Anthony Bourdain’s shows. I respected the hell out of both of them. And I bite my fists at how little we all knew about them, truly.

Everyone is stunned. Maybe at the realization that money, that thing we chase so much, can’t save us. Maybe it’s the realization that we have so little control over those we know, cuz I’m sure some of the people who knew these two powerhouses in real life are shell-shocked from how unexpected it was. Maybe we all realize that something feels broken and we don’t know how to fix it. My goodness. We really never know what people are going through. I’m hoping this country can prioritize the treatment of mental illness as much as it does other diseases. We all need to be whole.

What I wanna say to you is that: I’m glad you are here. That you are someone in this world, being loved and loving people around you. I admire you for walking through all the walls that stood in your way so you can be here. The world is better for you being here.

Self-Care is Mind Care

Honestly, the biggest takeaway for me is that what is the point of success if we aren’t happy or whole?

I started going to therapy last year, because I realize that I was excelling at work and nothing else. My toolbox was sparse and I wanted to make sure I was putting as much effort into my well-being as I was putting into my business’ well-being.

Every week or every other week, I spend one hour in therapy.

I go to therapy to stay happy and whole.

I go to talk through random things with an objective 3rd party.

I go to therapy to make sure whatever baggage I have isn’t being carried into every room and every conversation I’m in.

I go to therapy because self-care is mind care.

Me after my therapy appointment this week.

We all post our sweaty pics after we go to the gym (those pics, which, btw, I wish y’all didn’t post such closeups. I feel like I can smell you through the camera. Abeg back up a little bit. We don’t need to see every droplet of sweat). I digress…

I just want us to talk openly about these things more. I need us to remove the stigma. As a prominent Nigerian, I think it’s important for me to talk about going to therapy because so few of us are open about it. So few of us go to therapy. And our culture does not encourage seeking out this type of self-care.
So yeah… let’s normalize it. It will only be beneficial for us all if we do.

Worthy Read

Suicide Rates CDC

CDC: U.S. Suicide Rates Have Climbed Dramatically | NPR | June 7, 2018

Suicide rates have increased in nearly every state over the past two decades, and half of the states have seen suicide rates go up more than 30 percent.

Suicide is a major public health issue, accounting for nearly 45,000 deaths in 2016 alone. That is why the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta decided to take a comprehensive look at suicides from 1999 to 2016.


National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals.  Call 1-800-275-8255

Open Path Collective

Open Path Psychotherapy Collective is a nationwide network of mental health professionals dedicated to providing in-office mental health care—at a steeply reduced rate—to individuals, couples, children, and families in need. Since their founding, Open Path has matched more than 10,000 clients across the country to affordable psychotherapeutic care.

Therapy is For Black Girls

Therapy for Black Girls is an online space dedicated to encouraging the mental wellness of Black women and girls. So often the stigma surrounding mental health issues and therapy prevent Black women from taking the step of seeing a therapist. I developed the space to present mental health topics in a way that feels more accessible and relevant.

Check on your friends, check on your family, and most importantly, check on yourself. I challenge you to chase joy. I’m sending you much love and light. ♥️♥️♥️

This post was originally the newsletter I sent out to my subscribers this morning. I’ve been getting such loving feedback about it that I decided to make this a post. In case you need to hear it again and again: THE WORLD IS BETTER BECAUSE YOU ARE IN IT.

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  1. Melissa Ebanks
    June 8, 2018 at 2:36 pm

    Thank you for this Luvvie. My heart aches for Kate Spade, Anthony Bourdain; their families and friends. I lost a great friend to suicide a few years ago and it is a heartache that never really heals. Love and light to you and all of everyone <3

  2. Dominique
    June 8, 2018 at 3:13 pm

    Hi Luvvie,
    Thank you for posting your stories and those helpful resources. I just wanted to say, that Kate Spade death really touched me. I don’t own any of her handbags nor did I know her personally, but somehow her story resignated with me. Sometimes it’s not just a mental health issues which causes someone to want to take their life, sometimes it’s just sadness. It baffles me how the same people who were cruel and showed limitless care about the victim, are the first ones to be “heartbroken”. You have to be careful what you say and how to treat people. What may roll of the shoulders for one person may cut deeply for another.

    • Judy
      June 8, 2018 at 8:08 pm

      It is really sad but true most people are hurt deeply by those closest to them. The hurt cuts deep because they know all your pressure points and use them at their own pleasure. I hope we all have the strength required to get from under those who push too far or too hard. Sorround yourselves with those who nurture you and it may not even be family and that’s ok, but seek your tribe and protect yourselves.

  3. Deshi
    June 9, 2018 at 8:15 am

    Thank you for this. As an African it’s extremely hard we are suffering in silence because of shame and fear of looking weak. Idk I had my first therapy session last month as much as I thought it would be useless.. boy was I shocked to realize how many things I’ve hurried over the years without even realizing it, sitting on that couch alone had me in tears before I could even say a word. Talking to a third party is so liberating. Little story – I remember going through a lot because of a breakup and I asked my friends if they ever thought about committing suicide and the way they shut me down so fast with nonsense like “ only white people do that” without realizing my cry for help. In that very moment that’s when I knew I had to get therapy and process my feelings with an individual that would fully understand me without judgment for my temporary weakness caused by unfortunate events. I’m no longer ashamed!!

  4. June 10, 2018 at 12:16 am

    […] If you need a list of resources, check out Luvvie’s awesome post. […]

  5. Mich
    June 13, 2018 at 10:31 am

    “I go to therapy to make sure whatever baggage I have isn’t being carried into every room and every conversation I’m in.”

    This is so powerful and true … This is a good way to encourage people to go to therapy … it is not just for “cray-cray people” … Lots of us may have some triggers that we are not aware off

    Thank you Luvvie …

  6. ciecie
    June 13, 2018 at 12:05 pm

    When you feel like you can not make it another day…don’t give up…make it to the next minute, then the next, make it through 5-10-15 minutes. Half an hour into a hour, then 24 hours, next day may hurt but not as much… can walk through the fire, you may be alone, but you don’t know that life will get better if you check out. LIFE ALWAYS GETS BETTER. You must give yourself a fighting chance. Seek out a therapist, clergy, bum on the street, but talk to somebody…sometimes just voicing the thoughts in your head is freeing, and life doesn’t look as daunting. Don’t ever give up!
    Fight, cuss, fuss, pray…but you are worth living for. Fearlessly and wonderfully made, love yourself, hang in, hold on, and know that life will get better.
    If you are “cray-cray”, ashey, ugly..whatever…hold on, life gets better. You have the ability to turn it around. Take it one day at a time…taste and see how great life is. All that negative energy, can be transformed into positivity (is that even a word)anyway HOLD ON….DON’T GIVE UP

  7. RebeccaA
    June 15, 2018 at 10:33 am

    Thanks for the reminder that therapy is not something to be ashamed of. You seem so put together from the outside and I forget that the outside isn’t all of us. And going to therapy isn’t just for the crazy and doesn’t mean we are crazy.

  8. 1Chiq
    June 15, 2018 at 6:09 pm

    Amen for this post!

  9. Ms. Willie
    June 24, 2018 at 7:57 pm

    Your a fake and thief, you have stole my people story, your a little rich girl from Africa who knows nothing about being poor or disadvantage, I know about that NAACP Scholarship award you had no business receiving, I’m gonna make it my business to let the world know what you have done, acting to be African American, my ancestors died at the hands of the white man, and it wasn’t for you to come here and get rich.

    I will be send a letter to To Ted talk first, and whom ever will listen to me because, I will be judging you.

  10. Dee
    June 29, 2018 at 11:59 am

    Luvvie, thank you for sharing your story.

    Can we please treat ourselves and one another with kindness and reverence, and if we need help, can we reach out to those that can assist us, and make no apology for it to anyone! We need to recognise that there are times when we need to be treated extra gently as we deal with some of life’s trials which come in all shapes and guises. There is absolutely no shame in this. We never really know how life events are impacting on a person, even if on they outside they seem smiley, bright and shiny. It may even take us a while to realise that something that we “got through” has impacted us more heavily than we thought. Be kind, be kind, be kind.