Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken: Game of Thrones Season 5, Episode 6 Recap
Gahtdambit, Game of Thrones! *fights the air* Let’s just talk about it.
On The Run Tour
Jorah Mormont and Tyrion are whoknowswhere and the Lannister is talking nonstop. He tells Jorah that his father WAS a great leader for the men of the Night’s Watch. Seeing the look on his face lets Tyrion knows that the man had no clue that his father had died. WHOOPS. Umm… sorry?
It even sucks more when he has to tell him that Ser Mormont died at the hands of his own men, during a mutiny. Jorah’s having the worst day ever: getting greyscale AND finding out his dad is dead.
Tyrion asks Jorah why he’s so dedicated to Daenerys and he recalls the story of how she became the Mother of Dragons. She walked into a fire with three eggs and instead of being crisp BBQ, she emerged with three baby dragons. Even the biggest cynic gotta admit that’s some special stuff. He says she’s the rightful heir of the Iron Throne.
The two are headed towards a body of water when they’re accosted by Slavers. Adebisi from Oz (remember him?) is their leader and he wants his men to cut off the penis of the dwarf, because it’s worth a lot of money. As you know, Tyrion can talk his way out of anything, and he saves him and Jorah from immediate death.
Head Slaver: A dwarf’s cock has magic powers.
Tyrion: You can’t just hand a dry cock to a merchant and expect him to pay for it. He has to know it came from a dwarf and how could he know unless he sees the dwarf?
Slaver: It would be a dwarf-size cock.
Tyrion: Guess again.
Head Slaver Adebisi: The dwarf lives until we find a cock merchant.
ORLY, Tyrion? Hey boo. I’m just saying. I mean… what? O_O Also, a “cock merchant” is a pretty cool job title. That whole series of lines gives me what I NEED!
Tyrion tells them that they can make money with Jorah. Take him to the fighting pits and let him slay everyone. He is one of the great warriors in the 7 Kingdoms, even though he looks all old now. Don’t get it twisted. Mormont tells them that he has killed a Dothraki bloodrider. HE GOT RECEIPTS, BRO. Keep him alive.
Arya is cleaning dead bodies. When the girl that came for her walks in, she tells her she’s sick of doing this shit and she wants to play the Game. This ain’t what she thought Valar Morghulis bootcamp would be about. The girl tells her the story of how she ended up there, with a story similar to Arya’s. And then asks her if she believes her. Clearly she did, so she ain’t ready for the game!
Jaqen asks Arya who she is and whips her as she tells him her story whenever he can tell she’s lying.. He says she’s lying. “A girl lies, to me, to the many-faced Gods, to herself. Does she truly want to be No One?”
As she’s cleaning the floor, a man walks in with a weakened little girl. He places her by the fountain and comes to Arya to say he wants his daughter to stop suffering. Little Stark goes by the water, tells the girl that she will be healed if she drinks the water, and gives the girl a bowl to drink. Next, Arya is cleaning the little girl’s body and Jaqen shows up. She follows him and he leads her to a great hall with a wall lined with the countless heads of people. Soooo this is where those people she cleans end up. They must be the Many Faces Jaqen takes on. He tells her that she is not really ready to be No One.
“Is a girl ready to give up her ears, her nose, her tongue? Her hopes and dreams, her loves and hates: all that makes a girl who she is forever? No. A girl is not ready to become No One. But she is ready to become someone else.”
Arya ain’t bout that life, yet. So, the House of Black and White is where people come to die and basically donate their heads to be used by Jaqen an’ ’em. Got it.
Lord Baelish has arrived at King’s Landing, where Scientologist Lancel stops him to tell him things have changed. Yeah whatevs. He got business with Cersei so get the hell out his way, homeboy. Littlefinger questions Cersei’s sense in arresting Loras, son of the Tyrells of Highgarden and our gal once again acts like she ain’t have nothing to do with it.
Anywho, what she wants to know is if the knights of Vale fight for the King if war comes. Lysa’s dead now and it’s her spoiled son who calls the shots. Littlefinger assures her that they will.
With that out the way, he tells her that the real reason he showed up is to let her know that Sansa Stark is in Winterfell, and betrothed to Ramsay Bolton. This summabitch. Stannis is riding to conquer Winterfell, and it doesn’t matter who wins because both are enemies of the throne. Littlefinger wants to roll through afterwards with the Knights of Vale to conquer them, and then be named Warden of the North. HOLY SHIT. That’s what he’s playing at. “I’ll know you’re a man of your word when I see Sansa Stark’s head on a spike.” Except nah. I believe Littlefinger’s in love with Sansa, and this play will make him her husband. WOWSIES.
Lady Olenna Tyrell ain’t here for Cersei’s bullshit in arresting her grandson, so she tells Margaery that she will handle it. She goes to see the Dowan Mother, Cersei and tells her to let Loras go. While there, she throws so much shade that there had to be a blackout in King’s Landing that night.
The Queen of Thorns tells her that this Tyrell-Lannister alliance might don’t make it if she keeps him imprisoned and Cersei is all “these veiled threats” ain’t gon work. Olenna the Goon asks “What veil?” This ain’t a threat, bish. This is a promise! The Lannisters ain’t got money no more and it is this partnership with the Tyrells that their army, coins, food come from. They stand to lose a lot. All Cersei says is that Loras isn’t being formally tried yet. All they’re doing is an inquest.
At the inquest, the High Sparrow questions Loras about whether he’s dabbled in Peen Relations and he denies it. Then they call Margaery to testify and she says she has never witnessed her brother loving other men in that way. The damb High Sparrow pulls a Pope move and calls Olyvar out. He’s one of Loras’ lovers and that dude ruins everything by saying Margaery has walked in on them before. And what’s his proof that he’s actually slept with the Heir of Tyrell? He points out that he has a birthmark in the shape of Dorne high on his thigh. SHIT. He got receipts.
So. Loras is going to be formally tried. AND Margaery is arrested for lying. Tommen sits there looking like a lost puppy, Cersei’s smirking and Lady Olenna looks like she wants to snatch the edges off every Lannister she can find. This. Means. WAR.
Prince Trystane Martell of Dorne is in the garden with Myrcella, and he says he’s going to ask if he can marry her the next day. The two are adorable together indeed. Oberyn’s brother looks on with his guard Hota and shows foresight by telling him that he might need to use his spear sooner than later because that combination is dangerous. Lannister and Martell? People will indeed be coming for them.
Bronn and Jamie are dressed in the clothes of the Dornish swordsmen they killed, and riding their horses. So they slip into the water garden easily and unnoticed. Meanwhile, Ellaria Sand reminds her girls about the Martell motto: “Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken.” They are to go get Myrcella.
Bronn and Jamie find Myrcella and Trystane and the girl wonders why “Uncle Jamie” is there. He tells her it’s time to go and she says she doesn’t want to. Trystane’s cute and innocent self tries to punch Bronn but he ends up getting knocked out. As Myrcella tends to him, the Sand Snakes show up. A fight ensues between the King’s Landing folks and the Dorne girls and one of them grabs the Lannister girl to take her away.
Right then, the Prince’s men show up and tell everyone to drop their weapons. Bronn, Jamie and the Sand Snakes are taken away.
Sansa is minding her own business in her room when the door knocks and it’s Myranda. She wants to help her draw her bath. NAWL. Ugh. But Sansa lets her in. As the jealous girl washes the black dye from Sansa’s hair so her red can show again, she tells her about all of Ramsay’s other girls. BISH SHARRAP AND JUST CLEAN HER. Our girl shows a little bit of the smarts and badassery I’ve been hoping she has by turning around and saying: “How long have you loved him? I’m Sansa Stark of Winterfell. This is my home and you can’t frighten me.” YESSSS INDEED! She tells Myranda to get out her damb face.
It is time for the wedding, and Sansa is in this delightful cloak with fur on the shoulders and I know Tim Gunn would approve. Theon shows up at her door and says he is there to take her down the aisle. He is so pathetic, shaking his way through everything. Sansa refuses to take his hand or to touch him, and she gives no dambs that Ramsay will punish him.
Theon walks her down the aisle, outside, in the dark, holding a lamp. Ramsay’s eyes are glowing like the little devil he is, and Sansa begrudgingly says “I take this man.”
GAAAHHHH I HATE HIS FACE SO MUCH.
Myranda is watching, mad as hell that it ain’t her. Afterwards, in the bedroom, Ramsay asks Sansa if she’s really a virgin, and she says yes. Mind you, Theon is standing by the door. He goes to leave and the bastard Bolton tells him to stay. “You’ve known Sansa since she was a girl. Now watch her become a woman.”
He tells Sansa to take off her clothes, and she isn’t doing it fast enough. So he rips them off her, and we see her face press down on the bed. The camera pans to Reek’s face, as tears fall down them and Sansa’s cries echo around the walls.
Bowed. Bent. Broken.
And my heart breaks into pieces for her innocence. And I want to fight everyone and everything because she didn’t deserve that. And in the Game of Thrones, there are no real winners. Life sucks sometimes.
In summary: Ramsay gotta die. Cersei gotta die. Save Tyrion. KILL EVERYONE, ARYA!
I need Ramsay’s death to be ESPECIALLY slow, torturous and vicious. He needs to suffer for a while before he can be lucky enough to meet death. He needs to feel Reek’s pain 1,000 times over and then somehow, death will come. But it must be SLOWWWWW. He makes Joffrey Baratheon look like Elmo. HE. MUST. SUFFER. Valar Morghulis. Especially the Boltons.
Now, on to Cersei, who should know better. SHOULD is the keyword here. Why is she feeling so froggy and protected right now? She’s putting a lot of weight on the Sparrows but she is giving giants papercuts and when they saw her hand off, she’s going to be surprised. Olenna Tyrell is going to shake all the tables because now her grandson AND granddaughter are in jail. Cersei’s cruel but not clever and her comeuppance will be so correct and I cannot wait.
Did they have to do that to Sansa, doe?? I’m so sad for her. If there’s a wedding on Game of Thrones, there is guaranteed tragedy. Sheesh.
We didn’t see Jon Snow this week. That doesn’t mean we don’t get a gratuitous GIF of our bae:
Anywho, discuss! Those of you who’ve read the Game of Thrones books. SHUT YOUR TRAPS ABOUT SPOILERS TO COME IF YOU’RE COMMENTING ON MY BLOG! Don’t make me fight you and block you from ever commenting here again. That is all. JUST DISCUSS THE SHOW UP TO THIS POINT!
I am beyond vexed at Ramsey. This boy has overtaken Joffrey which I never thought could be possible. “He gots 2 pay! He gots 2 pay!”
“He makes Joffrey Baratheon look like Elmo.” Grabs Kleenex to wipe coca cola sprayed on monitor during the reading of THIS line. All hail Luvvie, Giver of No Dambs, First of her Name.
I have been waiting for your recap. It took me 3 hours to go to sleep after that closing scene. Someone on twitter said the Starks are the NFL Detroit Lions of Westeros, 0-16. Man, Ramsay Snow Bolton has to be tortured for at least 2 seasons to make up for this tomfoolery. I need Jon Snow to know what’s going on at Winterfell and come save his sis… this don’t make no sense… why even introduce us to the Stark family if all they were going to do was maim, torture, kill, behead, victimize. I think I’m still in shock that they went there.
I felt so empty after the screen went black! Sansa keeps going from one crazy fool to the next. I havea feeling that the pain Ramsey will face will be at the hands of Theon Greyjoy. I think this was the final straw for him because deep down he knows The Starks are his true family and this will not go unpunished, and I can’t wait!!! Cersei dumb ass wil regret this Jim Jones revial mess she has started….the queen of all sinners seems to have forgotten that having the sexxe with her cousin AND twin brother would be considered a heinous sin to many…she must think incest is not one of the top 5 answers on the board! More importantly she has come between a pimp and his money….and we all know Littlefinger don’t play that! The next few episodes I expect ish to go down!!!
WAIT!!! I forgot about the cousin and he is one and the same. oh yea he is coming for her, she ain’t have to send.
Cousin Lancel was King Robert’s squire as well, and Cersei got him to get Robert drunk which lead to his death. Then he became her lover when Jamie was captured by the Starks. She is a real piece of work, and I think it won’t be long until she gets what’s coming! Lady Tyrell doesn’t play!
Yes Ramsey must be taken down.. Sansa survived so long without being taken and to basically be raped on your wedding night…..thats tew murch! Theon may actually man up and revolt after seeing that (wishful thinking). Tyrion is my lil boo #thatisall
Can Ramsey go but we bring back Khal Drogo (fione behind man)? This scum bucket did that because he wanted to get at Theon to see if he would save Sansa. I hope Theon’s man parts tingle and grow back magically and he decimates that punk. Or Bran comes back as Summer and tears him apart. Either or……………………
I for one am grateful that Sansa’s wedding night did not reach the levels of disturbing that the equivalent scene from the books did. Ramsey is one of the most deranged characters ever written and I cannot wait for karma to ride for him and bite him in the ass
Ramsay gotta get his eyelashes and finger nails plucked out one by one with dull, rusty garden shears! Poor Sansa. That scene irked every cell in my body!
I’m telling you Sansa gon’ rise up. She already told that raggedly Myranda to shet up. She ain’t gon take Ramsey’s rude abuse but for so long. I am #TeamSansaWreckShop. I want her to find her power!
Me toooooo!!! All this ish she’s been going through is creating a monster. She is going to find her power and burn errthang to the ground. All of it.
But my favorite was Cersei’s face when she tried to punk Peter Baelish, he responded “Well companionship is a peculiar thing.” Phhhaaaaa! Peter Baelish be like “Yeah careful bish before I out your incestuous azz!”
Ugh, Ramsey irked every last one of my nerves in that final scene……Sansa I’m here for you boo (wipes away tears). Tyrion is hilarious, I love him but the Sand Snakes/Xena Warrior Princess-esk choreographed dance-fight made me shake my fist at the air, just NO!
in the books, Ramsay was so much worse on the wedding night, if you can believe it. he wasn’t to wed Sansa (this is where the show went left of the books), he was to marry a fake “Arya”. but it was GROSS. but this still triggered me, because Sansa’s weeping was just…. if that didn’t cut you, you have no soul. i had nightmares, tbh. i don’t think i can watch that scene again. for this, Ramsay’s death will be glorious. i want Melissandre to sacrifice him and Roose to the Red God when Stannis makes takes Winterfell. that would be glorious.
Cersei is smug as shit and i can’t wait for her comeuppance. she’s forgetting that its widely known she humped Jaime and its believed that Tommen is illegitimate. that is a big fucking gun that Olenna has and she’s not afraid to use it. i lived for that conversation though. apparently, GoT is trying to show that whores ain’t loyal. first Shae, and now Olyvar.
Unless I missed something isn’t she still married to Tyrion?
Sansa and Tyrion never consummated the marriage, so in the eyes of the law, no, she’s not married to him. I’m sure right about now she wishes she had consummated with Tyrion though.
I find it ironic that any other time on this show, whores ain’t shit, but when it comes to whores testifying in courts, suddenly whores are taken seriously??
Either Cersei is dumb, or she’s got a master plan. Marjorie’s daddy was named Master of Coin and he was headed to the Iron Bank to talk to them about the LANNISTER’S debt…not the Tyrell’s. I could’ve sworn that people said the Iron Bank does not play when it comes to settling debts. Tyrion was dead on the shitter, so the bank is not giving them any more money. Once the daddy gets wind of his kids in jail…I can’t wait to see what happens next.
I love this show so much! I’m shocked at how FAST gossip and news travels on this show.
I hate Ramsey…I really do.
Gossip does travel fast throughout Westeros!!! And they have no cell phones! I was amazed by that myself.
Those ravens ain’t no joke. I should ditch my computer and get one!
LOL @ LLJ!
FRFR, if Ser Meryn Trant doesn’t kill Mace Tyrell, Lord Tyrell will wreck financial havoc on Cersei. Lady Goon Olenna would be the one I keep my eye on!
Ramsay needs to stay alive long enough for Littlefinger to get to him. He does not play about Sansa. He told Ramsay he didn’t know a lot about him but now he will. I hope Sansa or Theon kills him though.
Sansa, nooooooo! This episode was hard for me to watch, as disturbing as the Red Wedding scene with Rob & mama. Afterward all I could do was curl up in a ball and pet my puppy in my canopy bed.
I ain’t even got no puppy…no canopy either. Come to think of it, I’m not sure who’s house I was at.
That’s how shaken this episode had me 😐
I agree. It left me feeling the same way. Very disturbing episode.
Girl, you said what we’re all thinking, “Ramsay gotta die. Cersei gotta die. Save Tyrion. KILL EVERYONE, ARYA!” Amen.
I need to know if Ramsey and my boo John are related! Have I missed something? Both of them are named Snow. Did they both have the same bad ass momma that only screwed powerful men??? *in my DMX voice* Somebody let me know!!!
They aren’t related. All the bastards in the north have the last name Snow.
‘Snow’ is a given last name for bastards. Daddy Bolton finally gave Ramsey his proper last name to make things with Sansa more legit. No relation to our boo, thankfully. And remember a few episodes ago when Stannis offered to give Jon Snow his rightful name of Stark if he fought at his side?
I find it a little hard to believe that Littlefinger isn’t aware of Ramsey’s psychotic episodes-he HAD to heard about it from somebody. Which makes him leaving Sansa with the Boltons even harder to understand.
Where’s Brienne of Tarth? I was hoping she’d save her!
OK, thank yall. I’m good now!
According to the HBO producers, they said that Littlefinger does not know of Ramsey’s sadistic nature. I’m not sure why since he seems to know everything else.
I wondered about that. It seems ridiculous that Little Finger wouldn’t know that. I thought he wanted Sansa for himself too, especially after his shenanigans talking with Cersie, but I can’t imagine him leaving Sansa with that maniac.
Also, I really wish the writers would have had Sansa mentally in the game on the wedding night to manipulate Ramsay right back. If she played along, knowing she had something up her sleeve, I could take that a lot more than seeing a scared girl raped. I’m about done with this show. We know Ramsay’s a cretin, did we really need to see Sansa hurt yet again?
Yep, and bastards in Dorne and in warm places are named “Sand.” Their last names are usually based on where they live (e.g, “Woods” and “Lake”).
A bastard name primer for all who are confused
most people in the seven kingdoms don’t have family names, unless they’re highborn. a bastard of a highborn lord or lady (cus they hump people who aren’t their spouses too) can’t have the family name, so they get a bastard name depending on the kingdom where the lord or lady lives
Iron Islands- Pyke
The Vale- Stone
The Crownlands- Waters
The Westerlands- Hill
that’s why Jon and Ramsay have the last name, Snow, but they aren’t related. thank the gods.
its also good to note that only acknowledged bastards get a bastard name. there are a lot of of unacknowledged highborn bastards running around (like Gendry and all King Robert’s bastards Joffery had killed in season 1)
I’ve been waiting for this recap all day…..
Ramsay needs to be FLAYED like his house sigil says! Pure EVIL…and go on and flay Myranda too!
I felt so bad for Sansa but I believe she will eventually rise to the occasion and Theon will get some balls back and help her. I want all the Stark kids to come back and flay/whoop some Bolton butt! In fact, join up with the Martells and just whoop errybody that’s against them in Westeros! Dany is alright…they can all get along.
I read your recap and you are on point. I need Arya and Sansa to meet again and wreck havoc on those heathens. Please don’t get me started on her betrothed. He needs to be flayed on hot coals like the sadistic devil he is. I feel for Sansa, though. She escaped on sadistic arse to meet a worse one.
ONE: I didn’t think anything could trump the red wedding. They cut me open with this Sansa scene!
TWO: The most peaceful wedding has been between Sansa and Tyrion. Bloodless. Nobody died.
THREE: I bet Sansa will get her ass up that tower and light a bleeping candle… but then again, it’s Sansa- prone to suffer in silence.
Been waiting all night for your Recap Luvvie, thank you!
Oooh, that’s right! I forgot about the candle in the tower!!!
Damn, my heart broke for Sansa! Whyyyyy can’t anything good happen to her???
This recap was perfect word for word! I was distressed at the end of that episode and there is nothing that I could add to your recap that would do it justice. Lem’me just add a few observations: (1) I thought I was the only one who thought “Hey, Adebisi from Oz!” (2) When did Sansa dye her hair and why is the dye finally rinsing out? Does that mean that she hasn’t washed in months? (3) The Sand Snakes were better in the books. This just seems cheesy. (4) For minor characters, Grandmom Tyrell and Bronn are among my favorite characters!
Luvvie congrats on the book, you deserve it and more. 😉
Cersi is such a fool and a half, she heard that woman basically promise her that her threats were not a joke, then she goes and have that jim jones wanna be lock up both children, one is is also a much beloved queen of Westeros. I think Cersi has finally over played her hand at this ultimate game of poker, and I can’t wait for Lady O to show her how much of a boss she is, and when she is ready reveal that it was her who killed Geoffrey that sadistic horror of a son, (imagine if Geoffrey had lived long enough, he would have become just as evil as Ramsay, oh the horror)
I need for Theon to regain his theoretical man parts, confess to Sansa that he did not kill her little bros, and plot to seek revenge on that creature from the black lagoon Ramsay and tear him up, that scene had me all in my feels, why can’t Sansa just get one win, this poor girl has been in it, through it and now underneath it. I need for Arya, Sansa, Jon, Bran and the other one to come together with Dany and have the dragons burn everything to the ground and salt the ashes, so that level of evil could never regrow and prosper.
Huck and Quinn need to get written into the show to take care of Ramsey. He takes “bastard” to another level…
My question is where was Brienne of Tarth the Trill when we needed her? She and Theon are going to make Ramsay wish he was being hunted by dogs like those whores he uses and abuses.
As for Cersi, I wouldn’t mess with the Queen of Shade and Manipulation, grandma Tyrell. She plays no games about her grandchildren and will have Cersi’s incesteous, plotting ass rotting in jail somewhere.
Guys, I couldn’t deal with that last scene. My heart just broke and I actually got up off the couch and walked in the bathroom to wash my face because that scene had me all up in my feelings.
What happened to Bran?
The gratituous use of rape in a historical fantasy novel got me looking at Martin and the HBO screenwriters like….
“So which one of you doesn’t have mommy issues? ‘Cause y’all seem to have the same amount of hate toward women.”
“Scientologist Lancel”…Girl, you are too much. I literally laughed out loud!
why is that 99.9% black people on this show are depicted as slaves and now slave traders? Is anyone else sick of this?
I guess anyone from a ‘Summer’ climate has to be dark skinned -_-
Tywin Lannister was a cruel man but he was no fool. Cersei is not as smart as she thinks she is, the woman is a damn idiot. Why in the hell would she give the high Septum the power to arrest a Queen? Has she forgotten all the shit she has done because trust me no one else has. I love the Queen of Thorns, I cannot wait until she comes for Cersei. This fool is basically writing her own arrest warrant.
The Sansa scene was rough.
I’ma need Ramsey to be jumped by Theon & Brienne, held down, skinned alive (slowly) then given a salt body rub, shot in both kneecaps w/ his own feces rubbed into the wounds to let them fester, sodomized with the Starks’ king’s staff…THEN, castrate his ass, carve that ish up in front of him & force feed it to him like a Thanksgiving dinner. With mashed potatoes & cranberry sauce on the side.
Yeah. That should just about get things started.
Can you tell I dislike Ramsey just a little, lol?
Myranda was over there singing and swaying to “Congratulations”
Ramsey makes me sick with his smug psychopath face. But I knew he was going to be rough with Sansa…when she was undressing, I was thinking “oh, girl you need to hurry up”.
I really hope they follow Cersei’s downfall like they do in the book. When you come for people the way she has, you need to make DAMN sure they cannot come for you.
DYING!!! “Congratulations…I thought it woulda been meeee!”
Hating ass sidepiece.
I need SO many a dem to DIE!
And by “dem”, I mean Ramsey and other characters. Not sidepieces in general. Sidepieces, carry on…
First of all, I’m new-ish to your blog and I LOVE it! You are awesome.
Secondly, this was an amazeballs episode of GoT for sure. I love my snarky characters, Tyrion and Lady Tyrell were on top of their games for certain.
Thanks for the very entertaining recaps! You rock!
The Game of Thrones (show) has officially gone rogue and I don’t know if I’m here for it; …poor Sansa and why on earth did they give Jorah greyscale?! X_X
1) But yeah, Ramsey needs to die.
2) Cersei is gonna get hers, sooner rather than later and it’ll be GLORIOUS.
3) I will never not be here for Lady Goonlenna Tyrell and the shade she brings. I die every time. She is even shadier in the book and I always die!
4) Cock merchant. Girl I guess. X_______X