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Steven Tyler is Offering Women a Seat None of Us Want Because: Ew.

Steven Tyler stopped being known as the cool ass rock star from Aerosmith because he’s morphed into everyone’s eclectic aunt who never leaves the house rocking too many accessories. You’re all “But Aunt Beulah. Do you really need 5 bangles, 4 necklaces, 3 neck scarves, 2 partridges in a pear tree strapped to your 1 belt buckle for a trip to the bodega?”

Yes. That’s Steven Tyler.

Last night, Stevie decided to invite us ladies to a party that none of us want to attend with this tweet:

Steven Tyler Seat Tweet

ALL THE NOS THAT EVER NO’ED IN NOCHESTER. NO. THANK. YOU. I’d rather stand. And run in place. Or run some errands. Or lay on the ground, on some grommets. Or lay prostrate at the altar as I beg Jesus to be a fence and hold my mule.

I feel dirty now. What can I do to get this feeling off? Steven offering women to come sit on his face with that leather face got the eczema I don’t have acting up. My skin started to itch. EW EW EWWWW! Liv, come get your daddy! Inappropriate.

Talmbout “as long as I got this face.” Sir, as long as your face looks like a well-worn sofa, we will not wanna do anything but aim to moisturize more so our skin situation can be better in our wiser years. That tweet just made every Love Pocket in a 50 mile radius dryer than California.

Some folks just don’t wanna age gracefully. Steven’s the type to show up a club full of 20-something talmbout “Lemme show you some moves, young whippa snappers.” Sir, is it not late? Is Ben Gay busy? Lawd.


NOPE gif

Feel free to comment with things you’d rather do than Steve Tyler’s face.

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  1. Michelle
    August 28, 2014 at 4:08 pm

    I’d rather eat a little bit of raw Kale very single day for the rest of my life than sit on his face.

  2. Mimi
    August 28, 2014 at 4:12 pm

    I would say Jesus take the wheel….but that would be TOO kind. Instead I’ll just say, Lawd, just run me off of the cliff.

  3. August 28, 2014 at 4:15 pm

    He looks like Madame. I am serious. http://sfstandup.com/images/Madame1.jpg

    • Taj
      August 28, 2014 at 5:57 pm

      But why? Why would you post this and startle my fragile sensibilities? I did the startle jump on the bus. Got these people thinking I’m crazy.

      • FunnieBunnie
        September 16, 2014 at 12:50 am

        OMG, truth!! LOL.

    • loves2read
      September 3, 2014 at 8:41 pm


  4. Nai
    August 28, 2014 at 4:16 pm

    I’d rather get dragged by the beyhive

    • Melia
      August 28, 2014 at 8:50 pm

      Damn…that’s serious. Lol

    • patrisms
      August 28, 2014 at 11:00 pm


  5. riki
    August 28, 2014 at 4:20 pm

    I’d rather lick the extra wide parts between flava flavs extra sparse corn rows. Wait…maybe that’s a bit too far.

    • BigSmooches
      August 28, 2014 at 4:33 pm

      …and pick my teeth afterwards with a bit of his gold toof… LMAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOO

  6. Bump21
    August 28, 2014 at 4:23 pm

    No words cone to mind but PINEAPPLES!!!!!!

  7. Tiffany
    August 28, 2014 at 4:29 pm

    Here’s a few things I’d rather do:

    1. Have phone sex with Donald Sterling.
    2. Have a baby with Antoine Dodson.
    3. Let Floyd Mayweather read me a bedtime story.
    4. Watch the history of slavery produced by Tyler Perry.
    5. Have Stevie Wonder drive me to the store.
    6. Get a Brazilian wax.

    That’s just a short list.

    • ZaidahNicole
      August 28, 2014 at 4:34 pm

      ^^^ Murk it MaryMagdelene

    • August 29, 2014 at 10:20 am

      A Brazilian wax?? I wouldn’t go THAT far! LOL

    • Niki
      August 29, 2014 at 3:50 pm

      “Have Stevie Wonder drive me to the store.”


    • i'm sleep tho...
      September 2, 2014 at 3:11 am

      have floyd mayweather read you a bedtime story tho?! i hollered

    • Jeanine
      September 2, 2014 at 3:41 pm

      this is why i can’t read luvvie at work – she’s hilar, but then you have people like ms. tiffany who will literally have you screaming at your desk. folx are giving me the side eye and trying to figure out why my eyes are pink and watering.

      tiffany – if i get fired for laughing at this, i will be showing up at your door!


  8. BigSmooches
    August 28, 2014 at 4:30 pm

    Long time lurker logged in to say that I would rather have a needle in my eye, pushed through to the back and neatly tied in 4 bows. I wouldn’t get near enough to ST (never mind his ol’ nasty mouth!!!) with a 10 foot pole EVEN to poke him in his leathery mug. ::shudder::

  9. milaxx
    August 28, 2014 at 4:46 pm

    A yet that face does not stop him from dating models half his age. He is further proof of how money makes people over look fug.

    • IfYouEverComeBack
      August 28, 2014 at 7:54 pm

      I thought he was married?

  10. August 28, 2014 at 4:54 pm

    I would rather walk through a pack of wild pigs and rottweilers, butt nekkid, with a raw steak tied round my nether region, whisting Dixie than sit on his face—-EW EW EWWW!!

  11. Andra Renè
    August 28, 2014 at 4:57 pm

    I’d rather get a face tattoo from Stevie Wonder then go to Ferguson dressed like a Crip.

    • August 28, 2014 at 8:44 pm


    • Scotian Queen
      August 30, 2014 at 9:13 pm


  12. notconvincedgranny
    August 28, 2014 at 4:57 pm

    I’d rather piss glass and fart fire.

  13. Mrs. Moultrie
    August 28, 2014 at 5:05 pm

    And here I was thinking Auntie Steven was gay. #binditbeulah #makeitstopmercifulfather

  14. Shar
    August 28, 2014 at 6:08 pm

    I’d rather walk in an all white neighborhood at dusk with a hoodie on and call the cops on myself! #jerryrigitjosephsstepson

  15. Kitty
    August 28, 2014 at 6:39 pm

    Sorry ya’ll…all I have to say is…”what that mouth do Mr.Tyler.” hahaha I can overlook his look but that mouth is LEGEND.

    • Anita
      August 28, 2014 at 9:08 pm

      That mouth will surely leave your love pocket bumpy, and discharging unless you use a dam. That’s how legendary “that mouth” is.

      • August 31, 2014 at 1:11 am


      • Kayla
        September 3, 2014 at 9:38 am

        When I tell you I HOLLERED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  16. August 28, 2014 at 6:55 pm

    I’d rather listen to Kanye talmabout his greatness and his entitlements and why we should all wanna sit on HIS face instead of ST. “Imma let you finish, Steven, but…”

  17. Shelly
    August 28, 2014 at 7:29 pm

    I’d rather go joy riding through Dade county after dark with George Zimmerman.

  18. felicia
    August 28, 2014 at 8:01 pm

    He looks like Linda Perry.

  19. Candace
    August 29, 2014 at 3:53 pm

    I’d rather sit on a truck stop toilet seat lol

  20. Bre
    August 29, 2014 at 6:04 pm

    Drier than California? LMAO- Was that “drought shade” tho! LMAO I can’t stand you! We ouchea tryin to stay moist Luvvie! \o/

  21. Annette
    August 29, 2014 at 11:37 pm

    You got me at “Is Ben Gay busy?”

  22. Scotian Queen
    August 30, 2014 at 9:11 pm

    I didn’t see this tweet and if it wasn’t for the LOVE of this blog I wouldn’t be seeing it now #TMI O____O
    I would rather sit on ANYTHING other than his face!! No, just no.
    I actually feel like I need to take a VERY hot shower….

  23. whynot
    September 1, 2014 at 9:17 pm

    hmmm…idk, I’ll think about….

  24. September 4, 2014 at 12:54 am

    But well-worn sofas are so comfy, aren’t they?

  25. murgle
    October 16, 2014 at 10:56 am

    Here I am thinking, “How can he please anyone with dentures? Don’t those things come loose? I don’t want someone’s teeth to start wobbling and come after me…”

  26. November 11, 2014 at 11:10 am

    I need to go back to that Scandal recap and ask the Senator if he has some extra diapers, ’cause I damn near just peed on myself hollering at this. No “Love In An Elevator” for you, sir…..this is a thing I WANNA miss, thanks.

  27. Sher
    November 11, 2014 at 11:23 am

    I’d rather sit on a rotating dildo made from an Arizona cactus. No thanks Auntie Steve.

  28. November 11, 2014 at 11:35 am

    I’d rather fly pay to fly the dreaded SPIRIT AIRLINES.

  29. Miz Boop
    November 11, 2014 at 11:36 am

    “PAY TO FLY”

    …See how upset this post has me??

  30. Freshie85
    November 11, 2014 at 11:39 am

    NO. NOPE. NOPEINGTON! I rather sit on a nyc subway rat before EVER sitting on his dude looks like a lady face! WTF?!?! Steven, please go be a grandfather & leave the riding the face to others.

  31. corine
    November 11, 2014 at 12:14 pm

    I rather go running through cactus with no clothes on……… Thanks but no thanks. …..lmao

  32. Kath
    November 11, 2014 at 12:24 pm

    Madame Tussaud asks that you not sit on the waxworks.

  33. Diva
    November 11, 2014 at 12:33 pm

    I’d rather grow a full bush, dye the nappy dugout hot pink, have it cornrowed and add beads w/ foil at the ends then accept that seating arrangement.

  34. Tristan
    November 11, 2014 at 2:29 pm

    Truth is Luvvie… I was tired when you said “But Aunt Beulah”. I don’t know about the Aunt Beulah’s you know. But the ones I know in the Caribbean? *side eye* Gypsy-Pirate-Voodoo looking Trinket beings with gold teeth and waffle house yellow eye shadow! So yea… I was tired when you said “But Aunt Beulah”.

  35. Steph
    April 21, 2016 at 8:42 pm

    I’d rather seal off all my orifices with a blow torch. No Thank You Aunty.

  36. Bia
    November 17, 2016 at 6:38 pm

    I’d sit on his face without even thinking about it, any day, any time. He could literally just call me and I’d go running.