The Overalls and Jumpsuits Struggle is So Real
Sometimes, we let fashion really inconvenience our lives. I get why, too. Because we see cute things that we wanna rock and we put them on and deal with the fact that our day probably just got a bit more difficult. Overalls are those things.
Overalls are great for the inner carpenter in all of us. They’re back in style too, after over a decade of hibernating for everyone except babies. Let me take this time to pause and talk about just how cute babies look in them. OMGIJUSTWANNASMUSHYOURFACEINTHOSEOVERALLS.
Back to the regularly scheduled… so I have to admit that I was pretty pumped about overalls being the new thing of the season. I even bought a new pair from Express, and they were skinny and cropped. ALL THE TRENDS, BATMAN! ALL IN ONE! I wore them and felt like a walking throwback poster and one of my friends asked me if I was seriously rocking them proudly because if I was, he’d be ashamed of me. Jesus had haters too. (-__-)
However, that day, I remembered why these don’t stick around for too long. They are so damb inconvenient! Going to the bathroom was a test of patience. Overalls are a logistical nightmare when you have to pee because there’s no easy way to come out of them. And there’s way too many ways for it to be a disaster.
Anyone ever went to the pee while rocking overalls and one of your straps fell into the bowl? F your life (and day) at that point. If both straps make their way into the toilet, just cancel your day and go home. You #minuswell, because there’s nothing left for you. Your choice is to strap them bad boys back up and walk around with a wet, pissy shoulder with a matching wet pissy attitude OR you can just slink your way back home and change, understanding that your day is on “reset.”
I really think adult overalls should come with crotch snaps like babies’ do. It would make life so much easier.
Even so, I am not ashamed to admit that I still own my Tommy Hilfiger overalls from high school. It pays to remain the same size for 15 years (skinny girl problems are real, though). One of these days, I’m going to break them out and won’t nobody be able to tell me nothing. I’ll just know that I shouldn’t drink too much liquid on that day so my trips to the bathroom can be few and super far between. I’ll be sure to Instagram a picture so y’all can witness me looking overgrown. And like 1999. You’re welcome.
That brings me to jumpsuits. Those things have never been my friend. I’ve been trying to make fetch happen with them for so long but they just aren’t for me and I need to accept it. First of all, I’m built like a 12-year old and I don’t have the BOOM BAM POW curves needed to pull off most jumpsuits. The waist will need to be cinched for life and the chest area will need to respect my membership to the IBTC (I bring the chips to our monthly meetings). Basically, I need to get all jumpsuits tailored or custom made.
If I jump that hurdle, then there’s the wedgies that they tend to cause. Those are the days where girl boxers come in handy. I own 5. I’m ready. But back to the logistics of being outside in jumpsuits. They’re even worse than overalls when you need to pee! Getting out of them is even more of a chore than overalls.
You’re in a public restroom disrobing but also not wanting your outfit to touch the ground. So you do the hover squat as you clutch your long onesie in your hands.
Then comes time to wipe. To get toilet tissue means letting go of your jumpsuit. To not get it means having to twerk something so you can shake off the excess pee. Or your crotch might end up wet and then you will look like a soggy-bottomed mess. You are standing/squatting in a stall in your bra and panties, with your jumpsuit near your feet, realizing that you might have be an honorary member of Team Bad Decisions on that day.
Also, your hamstrings aren’t as strong because you’ve skipped yoga and pilates for way too long so in trying to make your decision, you start to shake because your thigh muscles can’t take it anymore. In that moment, you wonder why you didn’t rock a simpler #alphet. Look at your life and look at your choices.
It’s just a lot of fashion and a lot of work. I’m not saying I won’t do it. I’m just saying that the struggle is real and I gotta think twice and thrice before making the decision. IF you were to find me at a club or at wine night, I will not be in nobody’s jumpsuit. That’s the worst time for it.
You know I love crappy charts. I made one to help you make a decision that is wise. You’re welcome!
This has been a PSA from your friendly neighborhood blogger.