Whose is this?

Whose Swordfish Toenails are These?

People can be utterly ridiculous sometimes. I came across this picture and I just had to say “Why?” and blame it on human nature. Because seriously. It makes no sense.

Sword toenails

These are weapons of mass destruction and haters of shoes. The wonderful people of my Awesomely Luvvie Facebook page family had some words. And I cackled.

“She look like an effing honey badger about the feet.” – DL

“1st degree murder playing footsie.” – VL

“Hi, I’d like a manicure & a pedicure with a set of eagle talons O___O” – TJB

“This makes me want to go cut my toenails. Right. Now. I don’t even care that I did it yesterday, it feels like it must be done again.” – JW

“Take that polish off & I guarantee those toenails are black as hell.” – CC

“Her feet look like they should be used for snatching up small mammals.” – AM

“Wow and I’m over here single…I bet she’s married with kids…Smh.” – SH

“I hate income tax season…” – BJ

“Why this FUCKERY? Who said this was cute because they need a swift kick to the throat!!! Your pussy points just dropped below 50% smdh…” – AS

“um professor X you forgot WOLVERIECE lmao” – AJ

“Foh…….girl cut that them mortal kombat toe nails….not sexy at.all” – DH

“What forest did you find this sparkly animal in?” – LTS

“For some reason they remind me of a sabre toothed tiger” – MR

“Ma’am have several __/ and here one for those toes ______________/” – VB

“I’ll bet she can climb a mean tree.” – RW

“Holy Hell! Is this Blanca from Street Fighter’s mama’s feet?” – IK

“I bet she stay buying sheets and covers.” – ST

“I wanna hit each and every toe with a hammer!” – JEN

“I would like her to marry a guy who wears those Mexican elf toe boots.” – MP

“Nawww girl you ain’t coming to bed ripping my sheets and my legs up with that mess. Uh uhhhhhhhh. With those SWV nails on her FEET. HER FEET.” – VW

“All I can think of is her stubbing that pinky toe……#LifeFail..” – RNG

I love their shady asses so much. So whose knife toenails are these? Can someone explain the logistics of living with them?

Previous post

Delta Airlines Twitter Fail and the Circle of Trife: A Giraffe for Ghana

Next post

About #FelonBae and the Butthurt Brigade


  1. jcanwisegrrl
    June 18, 2014 at 4:46 pm


  2. June 18, 2014 at 4:52 pm



  3. KayMee
    June 18, 2014 at 4:54 pm

    If I walked into a salon and saw a photo of this tomfoolery in their portfolio, I’d back out the door slowly…

  4. Crissie
    June 18, 2014 at 4:58 pm

    I know! These are the feet of a Sloth and it’s Disco Night in the Amazon.

    • EJ
      May 26, 2015 at 4:46 pm

      Nooooo ! I wasn’t ready!

  5. Tracey
    June 18, 2014 at 5:14 pm

    “I’ll bet she can climb a mean tree.”

    That just made me burst out in loud ignorant laughter!!

  6. June 18, 2014 at 5:26 pm

    To be 100% serious (as hard as that is looking at nails that long), I’ve only ever seen things like this in foot-fetish photos, for the people who have the niche “talons/claws” fetish.

    Yes, I know a lot about fetishes; no, this is not one of mine…

    As far as logistics, I’m guessing (a) she remains prone most of the time [and has serious bed sores], (b) she walks in open-toed high-platform shoes all the time and/or (c) those are fake as hell and only put on for show or for play.

  7. Dawn
    June 18, 2014 at 5:28 pm

    Forget wearing shoes, how the hell do you WALK with toenails like these?? These are animal claws. Lord Jeezus, let us pray for her…..Our Father, who art in Heaven, Hallowed be Thy name. Thy Kingdom come, Thy toes be done, at a shop, not at the zoo……….

    • Bish Whet
      June 19, 2014 at 2:00 am

      YOU KNOW WHAT!!! I’m done with you Dawn! Talkin about “thy toes be done, at a shop, not at the zoo” *flatlines* _____________________

    • MsZ
      June 19, 2014 at 8:19 am

      Dawn. Madame. You are going to get me fired for laughing that loud ass laugh/snort just now! I need my job. I’m gonna need you to STOP!! You’re too much!! *composes self and continues reading*

    • Serenity
      June 19, 2014 at 8:24 am

      I am done…. dead…. completely slayed….

    • Lynn
      June 19, 2014 at 9:01 am

      Hahaha! Best response yet….

    • May 26, 2015 at 6:08 pm

      That’s a good one! I’m leaning over laughing!

  8. Mimi
    June 18, 2014 at 5:34 pm

    Look like she could swoop up dinner from a birds nest with this.

  9. June 18, 2014 at 6:42 pm

    Ok so this is going to sound crazy, but when I was in SE Asia I saw women with toenails like this. It was BIZARRE!!! Like the comment above said, made me want to clip my toenails E-MEEE-DEEE-YET-LLYYYY!

    I saw them walking around with these talon ass toenails bent like “BUT HOW!?!?” #FixItJesus

  10. Ash
    June 18, 2014 at 7:05 pm

    All I hear is Sheneneh yelling “Gina, you got to go to work on Myra’s feet!” o.0

  11. deprogrammed
    June 18, 2014 at 7:59 pm

    Ghet-toes. Imagine the sound they would make if she walked down the street. I say if because this must be some kind of princess whose feet never touch soil. Maybe Queen of the Yetis.

  12. June 18, 2014 at 10:56 pm

    That Mortal Kombat comment was a flawless victory!

  13. Leo the Yardie Chick
    June 18, 2014 at 11:37 pm

    ISTG, I’m evil enough to fire shots into the air just to see how she’d run.

  14. Serenity
    June 19, 2014 at 8:22 am

    Ok… I’m a admit this…..

    I have gotten tips on my toes before…. But not to this extent! I was taking a trip with lots of open toe sandals and my toenails grow funny. So…. I got tips with French manicure…. They were BEAUTIFUL and served their purpose. But I my feet didn’t fit in to my close toe shoes so a week after the trip was over… I had them soaked off. But I would get them back if the same need arose…. They were so pretty…..

  15. Tracey
    June 19, 2014 at 9:03 am

    She probably has her own kitty scratching posts placed strategically around her house @-@…

    • EJ
      May 26, 2015 at 4:50 pm


      But why?!!

  16. misstish
    June 19, 2014 at 12:45 pm

    Questions? I have several…

    1) Does she sleep alone? If not, does he/she wear shin-guards?
    2) How long did this pedicure take?
    3) How many bottles of polish were used here?
    4) What kind of protective clothing did her nail technician wear? Were
    goggles and lead gloves involved?
    5) Lastly, how much did this foolishness cost?

    • May 26, 2015 at 10:25 pm

      I can guess….
      1) she does, because he/she would not want to sleep with her. If were them, I would be afraid that I would die in the middle of the night from puncture wounds.
      2) 2 weeks. a day for each toe.
      3) 10 bottles. one for each toe
      4) Cannot guess, BUT if I was that tech, I would have protection in the groin, stomach, boobs (got to protect the girls, always), and head (especially the eyes-those things can poke an eye out, and you never know how high the girl can kick)
      5) $10,000,000. $1,000,000 for each toe. This makes some 20-something retire for the rest of their life.

  17. June 19, 2014 at 1:55 pm

    I bet she sounds like a litter of puppies running across a tile floor when she walks.

    • jimmy
      June 20, 2014 at 1:27 am

      I have come unglued! That is too funny!

  18. June 19, 2014 at 2:02 pm

    how does one buy shoes for feet like this? you have to be wearing shoes a size and a half too large

  19. June 19, 2014 at 8:50 pm

    I guess she’s a master of the lost art of heel walking? She could get around on a pogo stick, too.

  20. jimmy
    June 20, 2014 at 1:12 am

    Sigh…….You know this fool don’t work either. I want to lock her in a furniture store and turn off the lights. May her talons find every table and chair leg with relentless accuracy.

  21. John
    May 26, 2015 at 1:43 pm

    Cut em Christ!! Pedicure em Peter!!! I caaant!! I won’t!! Jesus be a nail filer!! Right now I pray!!

    • EJ
      May 26, 2015 at 4:53 pm

      Here lies EJ…

  22. Monique
    May 26, 2015 at 3:38 pm

    Cant sneak up on nobody. Tap tap scrape…. Tap tap scrape… Here she come yall! Act surprised!

  23. Jada07
    May 26, 2015 at 4:16 pm

    My first thought was “who in the entire hell would do that?!?!” But then I though, what if this person is disabled and unable to walk. If that is the case I say “rock on” cause you don’t need shoes or and can’t walk anyway…

  24. Simine
    May 26, 2015 at 7:57 pm

    β€œHer feet look like they should be used for snatching up small mammals.” – AM
    Rigor mortis….DOA

  25. May 27, 2015 at 9:36 am

    They look like tips to me…this better be some fantasy art! One person shouldn’t be forced to laugh this hard and loudly! iCackled so hard, it hurts!!! iCannot with any of you!!!

  26. May 27, 2015 at 2:07 pm

    Wait a second… Are her feet propped up on the toilet for this photo? I think this just got a million times worse.

  27. Mariah Romero
    May 27, 2015 at 4:38 pm

    These look like acrylics…. Who is responsible?