These Puma Sneakers By Solange Are Dora the Explorer’s Dream
I’ve been a fan of PUMA shoes for years because they stand out and aren’t ordinary gym shoes (STAND UP, CHICAGO). I’ve had multiple pairs of their kicks, and I might even still own 1 or 2 in the back of my closet.
When Solange Knowles was announced as their Creative Director, I was intrigued to see what collection would drop as a result. If nothing else, I knew it’d be interesting. Solo is the President, CEO and Executive Director of the “I’m Different” Club and it’s cool because she clearly marches to the beat of her own drum. It’s inspiring. Her Instagram is basically the life we all wanna live. Colorful houses, exotic locations and looking like you give no dambs because you’re luxuriating allatahm. I’d totally wanna hang out with her and talk about life and whatnots.
The Solange X PUMA “Girls of Blaze” lookbook was released and folks everywhere agreed it was dope visually.
I was digging it. The dramatic lips, the ladies of all shades with curly hair and the random symbolism that I’m sure was deeper than rap but I didn’t get it because I’m shallower than a Snapple cap and that’s perfectly ok. Because: art. And vision.
The shoes looked colorful from afar, and that was expected because the day you see Solo looking anything but loud is the day we should all crowd around her and ask what’s wrong. Minimalism is not her thing. She’s known for rocking plaid, houndstooth, cockroaches and polka dots on one #ALPHET and somehow making it work. So yes, these PUMA shoes had to have some energy and “do the mostness.”
Today, I was sent a link to one of the shoes in the collection, which are from PUMA’s classic Discs, and when I clicked it, what I saw was this:
*jumps back* I’m pretty sure I’ve seen shoes JUST LIKE THIS at Children’s Place and even I thought they’d be obnoxious on a toddler’s feet and these are for full-grown people. And those shoes didn’t cost $150 like these do. Already, these shoes give me orthopedic fever. We got straps on the side, chanclatta styrofoam soles and 15 colors that couldn’t go together if they were married. Someone on the designing team was like “you know what? Let’s add ONE MORE COLOR for extra POP!”
Dora the Explorer is somewhere scheming with Swiper about how she’ll get her hands on these.
These shoes are so fugly that I’ve declared them my mortal enemies. I challenge them to a duel at noon because they’ve offended me, as a shoe-anista. NO MA’AM!
Chile… but I’m not the only one who feels like this. I posted the picture of the shoes to my Facebook fan page and the roast that ensued was just as colorful as the shoe itself.
“Did Denise Huxtable collaborate on them with Solange dawg? The Air Gordana Gartrelles?” – LV
“it kinda looks like if someone’s mama tried to make a sneaker shaped birthday cake” – PGY
“These shoes better come with an assortment of useful superpowers and nothing less!” – TMS
“Those make Crocs look good! That’s a damn shame.” – ZP
“They look like someone melted down some Barbie sets, ate it, and then threw up into a shoe mold…” – NP
“This shoe looks like everybody’s collective bad decisions!” – CT
“Why are they? What are they? Who is what? *Ugandan Kerry Washington Voice” – AD
“What happen? Why it happen? *Atlanta Voice*” – TI
“And why did they steal the laces closure thing from Johnny Quest?? This looks like ground-up daycare or preschool finger paint projects.” – NSF
“what in the name of shoe heaven is this travesty??! It looks like someone microwaved all their crayons, the put ripped up pieces of construction paper on it. No ma’m” – AG
“This looks like the sneakers that you make with all the leftovers from the other sneakers that were already made.” – GH
“They look like they’re made out of playdoh” – TH
“Air Fruity Pebbles” – KJ
“Nawl, these are for children with big feet. Like me with size 9s in the 4th grade. *hangs head*” – NB
“These made my light bill go up.” – AT
“Do they light up and play music like “Dora the Explorer” or something?” – SF
“Yuck. They look like a shoe made from vomit and confetti.” – SH
“Don’t stare at them too long. You’ll get dizzy & question your place on earth.” – CGM
LMAO! Yall are the worst.
But these shoes are sold out at many stores so people thought these were the bombest of all diggities. So I should shut my mouth WIDE OPEN! Everything ain’t for everybody and that is understood and Solange’s genius is definitely appreciated by others. In the meantime, I’ll be over here wearing shoes that don’t make me dizzy.
Oh Puma, I still love y’all, doe. I appreciate that they allowed Solange to channel the inner child in her and all of us but was restraint and editing busy? I’m just asking. No shade or nothing. I’m sure these shoes bring someone joy.
So would you wear these shoes? Speak on it.