When the Internet Calls You Teef Keef and Teef Sweat, You Lost

A couple of days ago, a picture started spreading around Instagram of a dude and his baby girl (who was around 2 years old). Folks said she had been kidnapped and asked for everyone to pass on the picture, in case anyone has seen her. Well, it turns out that the dude had faked her kidnapping because he got into a fight with his daughter’s mother. Chile… this is when Instagram went IN.

The picture of the dude with his daughter already made folks side-eye just because he had one feature that REALLY stood out: his teeth. They were veneers gone WRONG. So the minute the good and ratchet folks of IG found out he wasn’t some noble father concerned about his daughter but a bitter and scorned sperm donor, people let him have it. Look at this pic:


This man has now been renamed “Teef Keef” by the internets and I AM HOLLERING! He’s also been called “Teef Sweat.” Miss Zindzi said “that man got a mouth full of iPhones” and I fell out then too. Those are clearly Samsung Galaxy S3s. This is what happens when your dentist is a “yes” man. You go in for veneers and he drops refrigerators in your mouth, leaving you outchea looking extra bogus.

But the best thing to come out of this new meme is the comment below, which is the caption that an Instagrammer with the name @SoSayGottaChill used for the picture above. I laughed so hard I almost choked on air.

Oh Lord I come to u this morning thanking u for allowing me to see another day Oh Lord but its something in my heart Oh Lord…there is a bigger problem Oh Lord ands it’s his teef Oh Lord…I know they not real Oh Lord I know he spent a check on em Oh Lord but did they run out of medium teef Oh Lord did he have to get the XXL White Tee Teef Oh Lord…they told him he would grow into the teef Oh Lord they told him don’t sneeze with ya mouf open cuz ya teef might stab u in the chest Oh Lord the installed a row of IPhone wall chargers in his mouf Oh Lord…they called him Teef Keef Oh Lord…EMan eem said give it up for Teef Sweat Oh Lord….the man could bite a piece of bread and make a doughnut Oh Lord…the boy teef look like blank dominoes Oh Lord…his teef got WiFi Oh Lord….we don’t eem know if he got a bottom row Oh Lord…the nig got the same mouf that fish had in Shark Tales Oh Lord…he look like the dog off The Mask Oh Lord…his teef are The Last Dragon Oh Lord…if he took a bite out of crime it would be a peaceful world Oh Lord…his teef look like kilos of cocaine Oh Lord…his teef got roadside assistance Oh Lord…his teef come with free nights and weekends Oh Lord….in Jesus Name We Pray…A TEEF…I mean AMEN Oh Lord.


i Quit Ocean gif

I AM DONE! That shadeful prayer had the old, present and new me dead and ALL the way gone. It is full of so much shade and so much hilarity that I didn’t e’em finish one laugh before another came from the depths of my soul! He said his teeth got roadside assistance! I AM SO UNABLE!!! LMAOOOOO!!!

But yeah. The moral of this story is, don’t lie about such things as kidnappings because when folks find out the truth, they won’t like it. Also, get veneers in the size of NORMAL teeth. Outchea rocking fake teeth made for Goliath when you’re David. Them damb sugar cubes. Pop out 3 of his teeth when it’s tea time for the sweetness you’re looking for.

Other names he’s been called (and this list is being updated as more people add theirs):

Mouthful Luther King, Jr. | Toother Vandross | Teef Murray | Louis MouthStrong | Teeth Ledger | Smiles Davis | Dentist Rodman | Larry Toother | Teefer Sutherland | Teethcliff Huxtable | Kool and the Fangs | Ron Ivory | Bone Teef and Harmony | Patrick Chewing | Teeth Urban | Teef Harvey | Chewdacris | Stone Cold Teef Jawstin | ToothPac | Queen LaTEEFah. 


Chile I’ve laughed myself into sleepiness.

So did you all fall out too at that prayer like I did? I’ve read it about 5 times and I cannot stop laughing.

Follow me on Twitter | Catch me on Instagram | Join my FB Fan Page

Previous post

Morgan Freeman Takes an Extended Blink (Nap) on Live TV

Next post

5 Plugins Every Wordpress Blog Should Have


  1. Jay
    May 24, 2013 at 11:42 am

    So… No one noticed his hairline?

    • Deanna
      May 24, 2013 at 11:45 am

      Thank you, Jay! That’s ALL I could see!

    • td
      May 24, 2013 at 12:28 pm

      NOT only the hair line the shop SPRAY he got going on as well!

      • Ashley
        May 24, 2013 at 1:34 pm

        The crazy thing about is he is SITTING in the barbershop chair! He prolly thinking his cut is fly

    • sally
      May 25, 2013 at 12:48 pm

      Bucky BEE

      • sally
        May 25, 2013 at 12:51 pm

        Hello, I’m Mister Ed

        A horse is a horse, of course of course,
        and no one can talk to a horse of course,
        that is of course, unless the horse,
        Is the famous Mister Ed!

        Go right to the source and ask the horse.
        He’ll give you the answer that you’ll endorse.
        He’s always on a steady course.
        Talk to Mister Ed.

        People yak-it-ti-yak a streak
        and waste your time of day,
        but Mister Ed will never speak,
        unless he has something to say…

        A horse is a horse, of course of course,
        And this one will talk ’til his voice is hoarse.
        You never heard of a talking horse?
        Well, listen to this…

        I am Mister Ed

        • Randomly Jazzy
          June 5, 2013 at 1:19 pm

          #icackled not the whole theme song! lmao

        • MsRoniJ
          February 28, 2015 at 9:38 pm

          And, YES! I did sing it!! Lol!!

        • February 28, 2015 at 10:04 pm

          Lort ima pray for all ya’ll as I roll into heaven after dying from laughter

          The whole Mister Ed song …#preciouslort

    • Elle
      May 26, 2013 at 2:36 pm

      See… I hadn’t even gotten to the teeth before I heard Freddie Jackson in my head asking why somebody has stolen the Sharpie he normally uses at the shop for his Philly shape-up. Now I can’t get “Jam Tonight” out of my head. Y’all are too much for me.

    • Jimmy
      February 1, 2014 at 8:54 am

      Daaaaamn… barbers are using magic markers now?

  2. May 24, 2013 at 11:42 am

    The tears. They burn my cheeks.

  3. May 24, 2013 at 11:43 am

    I can not with that prayer!!! Now everyone around me thinks I’m crazy because I couldn’t stop laughing.

    But yeah what that Rabbit did was horrible.

    • May 25, 2013 at 1:47 am


  4. Tennille
    May 24, 2013 at 11:44 am

    NOT the XXL White Tee Teef…….. I died! I had to start from the beginning to get some composure to read the rest!! This needs to be in Sunday’s church bulletin.

    • May 24, 2013 at 4:30 pm

      The XXL white tee teef pretty much had me out. I had to regain my composure from that.

      • CafeGirlsPress
        May 25, 2013 at 3:10 pm

        Toofer Vandross??? Blasphemy!!!

        Don’t sneeze wit your mouth open coz your teef might stb you in the chest.

        *adds Depends to shopping list*

      • May 26, 2013 at 9:32 am

        HA!!!!! TEEFUS CHRIST!!!….I cant get over that one.

        • Chrissy1920
          May 28, 2013 at 2:24 pm

          Bwhahahahaha that is what took me out SMH

      • WR
        June 9, 2013 at 1:33 am
  5. May 24, 2013 at 11:44 am

    I’m writing this comment from beyond the grave because that prayer KILLED me. I’m being lowered into the ground while you read this.

    • SecretDivva
      May 24, 2013 at 12:00 pm

      Make that a Double Funeral… ::Queues “I’ll Fly Away”::

      • Nat
        May 26, 2013 at 12:27 pm

        “Meet Me By The River” & “Some Day, I’ll Go where Jesus Is” with the double clapping to “Going Up to Meet Him” Loudly!

    • Kim
      May 24, 2013 at 2:05 pm

      I said the same thing! I responded right from heaven oh lord, my funeral is next week oh lord, who’s gonna do my eulogy oh lord, pick the best pix for my obituary oh lord!m

    • Snake Eyes
      May 24, 2013 at 4:38 pm

      lol…ya’ll are killin’ me with these comments!!!!!

      • The Ghost of Shaybooogie
        May 27, 2013 at 11:59 am

        I’m about to haunt all of y’all for slaying me like this!!!!! I had to lay my burdens down once I read that prayer and then I heard “The Upper Room” playing and knew it was my time…..

        • February 28, 2015 at 10:05 pm

          not the upper room. you stop it and take a time out, no go get yourself a switch, the spirit of my grandma is upon you!

  6. tbapremier1
    May 24, 2013 at 11:45 am

    No, what has laid my soul to periodontal paradise is the bite out crime and a peacful world. Lawwwwwd they didn’t have to that to’em but they sho nuff really did.

    • Mariah
      May 24, 2013 at 12:00 pm

      The part that kills me is the fact that they said he is going to stabbed in the chest if he sneezes. His mouth does look like washer and dryer section of ABC Warehouse though.

    • May 24, 2013 at 4:29 pm

      Someone said he is “dentally retarded” and I almost broke my laptop because I was laughing like a drunk seal. I AM SO UNABLE!!!

      • QueenEagle
        May 24, 2013 at 4:39 pm

        LMAO!!! I cant with the “dentally retarded.” I’ve died twice and came back to life

        • LNicole
          May 24, 2013 at 9:23 pm

          THIS is where I lost it. I just did d a loud funeral wail that pierced my own eardrums. I am hysterical laughter and my face is soaking wet.

        • LNicole
          May 24, 2013 at 9:34 pm

          And I have obviously become retro-literate ^^^ in the process, and proof that I have been without air for quite some time. #braindead

      • msbrome
        May 24, 2013 at 10:05 pm


  7. Em.
    May 24, 2013 at 11:46 am

    Oh my…

  8. Merline
    May 24, 2013 at 11:47 am

    Welp. I can’t. I cannot. LMAO! I’m dead.

  9. milaxx
    May 24, 2013 at 11:48 am

    I was just chuckling until I got to “take a bite out of crime and made a peaceful world”. Chile! I cackled so hard on that I scared the cat.

    • snuffy
      May 24, 2013 at 3:17 pm

      I passed out when I read that. I’ll be sending Luvvie my medical bills.

  10. sexxychckn
    May 24, 2013 at 11:49 am

    I luvvie you and hate you for this. Gon make me lose my good Damn job for laughing like this at work. Thank you. I hate you. But I luvvie you. Goodbye.

  11. Monique
    May 24, 2013 at 11:50 am

    I saw this for the first time last night. It was and is hilarious. It’s hard to pick a favorite line, but, he said “if he took a bite out of crime it would be a peaceful world Oh Lord…” Wow…I also read some of his other photo prayers. Thanks for the back story about the false kidnapping allegations. I would have thought this was straight roasting, but this was roasting with a purpose.

  12. May 24, 2013 at 11:51 am

    I have stopped laughing long enough to respond. You have rendered me unable to pull myself together for my GWFJ. I think a timeout is in order for SoSayGottaChill, albeit they were correct. That was a much needed laugh today. So thank you Luvvie!

  13. SecretDivva
    May 24, 2013 at 11:58 am

    Just bury me a “G”.. Please… Tell, I tried, Luvvie.. Tell em I tried not to call him Teefy McTeefyson, but I lost that battle… Tell I tried not to laugh at that blasphemous prayer, but I did…

  14. May 24, 2013 at 11:59 am

    he and cons (love and hip hop) clearly used the same doctor.

    • vanitaapplebum
      May 24, 2013 at 1:19 pm

      *spits out coffee* I. Have. Tears.

    • Angel
      May 24, 2013 at 1:27 pm

      I cannot explain how the depths of my soul are laffin at you So. I CANNOT! I almost spewed lunch all over my clean kitchen from this one comment. Thank you and I’m going to lay down so my soul can recuperate.

  15. Piper
    May 24, 2013 at 12:01 pm

    *Walks out*


  16. Mrs. Woods
    May 24, 2013 at 12:04 pm

    It took me at least thirty min to read due to the cycle of read, laugh til tears come catch my breath , find my phone because I threw it and reopen the post. Every time I read it a new comedian took over my mind. It went from Katt Williams, Mike Epps, Bernie Mac, to Sommore.
    I might have stopped breathing at his teeth have wifi.

    • May 24, 2013 at 12:06 pm

      Dammit, now I have to go reread it in Katt Williams voice… I’m going to need an oxygen tank.

  17. May 24, 2013 at 12:05 pm


  18. May 24, 2013 at 12:08 pm


  19. May 24, 2013 at 12:11 pm

    I’m laughing so hard, I’m wheezing and crying! The Mister had to come into my studio to check on me! Ha!

  20. Jabari
    May 24, 2013 at 12:15 pm

    All I’ma say is take the picture from the birth announcement Luvvie & Co. roasted a couple few days ago, make that lady black and above is you unholy result.

    #iQuit *packs a bag and waits for the Lord to take me home*

  21. Christie
    May 24, 2013 at 12:29 pm

    Somebody should’ve told Keyshia Cole too…are they related or do they go to the same dentist???? Lol

  22. May 24, 2013 at 12:38 pm

    Gawd damn he got some chompers in his head!! Lawd have mercy!! That mutha fucka could eat his own face with those jokers…

    • May 24, 2013 at 4:28 pm

      EAT. HIS. OWN. FACE. Kay, ma’am. You’re on timeout. Just GO!

    • May 28, 2013 at 10:13 am

      Is forever giving me life!

    • Toose
      May 28, 2013 at 10:49 am

      im crying Kay…you are on punishment!

    • Rudie
      May 28, 2013 at 3:23 pm

      I thought I could make it through by waiting a few days and then my dumbass reads the comments. At work. Ma’am. So unable to can am I… Teefus Christ, Mary in heaven I need to lay my burdens down. Real, genuine tears. LMAO!

    • June 24, 2014 at 2:46 pm

      noooooooo I wasn’t readyyyyyyy

  23. May 24, 2013 at 12:40 pm

    Luvvie for that Gif I must quit you. LMAO!!!! First you got me dead over here talkin ’bout you choking on air, then you go and bury me with that damb Gif.

  24. Jussme
    May 24, 2013 at 12:54 pm

    I am writing this from the upper room, as I have been slayed by this prayer. I’m actually on his IG bc of mutual friends, and I followed this situation from beginning to end. I thought I was going to hell because I couldn’t eem concentrate on that baby being gone because I was blinded by his teefies. I was thinking maybe he accidentally ate her…

    • blackbutterflyny
      May 27, 2013 at 11:33 pm

      You are dead A$$ wrong for this one!!!! Lawd take me now. CTFU!!!

    • Gdo
      March 1, 2015 at 11:04 am

      No ma’am NOOOOO!!!! Just go in the corner now!!! Why did I even come read comments? No I need a timeout myself.

  25. Endia
    May 24, 2013 at 1:04 pm

    I could NOT get through this article without goin on to glory…. and i didnt even get to the first few words of the comment without laughing even harder….moral of this comment is….i found out i could laugh 2 octaves higher than usual. thanks to mouth almighty “teef” everlasting… ROTFL.

    • LNicole
      May 24, 2013 at 9:36 pm

      I know whatchoo sayin’ I’ve been deafened by my own laughter, too.

  26. lila
    May 24, 2013 at 1:50 pm

    Teef murray cam here ta party y’all!

  27. opal
    May 24, 2013 at 1:52 pm

    “Don’t sneeze with your mouth open you may stab yourself in the chest. #dead

  28. Patrice
    May 24, 2013 at 1:57 pm

    xxl white tee kilos of cocaine, and blank dominoes, yeah im done i am at my damn desk with a headache from holding in my laugh so i wouldnt get in trouble, THANK YOU TO WHOEVER WROTE THIS I NEEDED THAT LAUGH BAD!!!!!

  29. ASNYC
    May 24, 2013 at 2:10 pm

    He didn’t get those “teeth” from a dentist, he robbed gravestones and stuck them in his head.

    • May 24, 2013 at 4:27 pm

      LMAO!!! Them some ultra white tombstones in his mouth, huh?

    • blackbutterflyny
      May 27, 2013 at 11:35 pm

      Oh gawd!!! I just pissed my pants, dayummmm you!!!

  30. Ericka
    May 24, 2013 at 2:11 pm


  31. May 24, 2013 at 2:16 pm

    As soon as I got to …”but did they run out of medium teef…”, I was DONE.

  32. JosieGyrl
    May 24, 2013 at 2:17 pm

    Oh Lawd…I am sitting at my desk in my office LOLing so hard, I am crying. Real tears. Lawd. But serves him right for his foolishness!

    My favorite line…”his teef come with free nights and weekends” and agreeing with tbapremier1…”if he took a bite out of crime it would be a peaceful world….” Chile. idied.

    *looking at pic again*

    Those mugs are so damb big! Can you imagine gettn’ downthere lovin from him??? Hells no! He might get up with some of your lady parts *you know what I mean*

    But, I am curious…are there teef in da back or just those fronts? He can’t have molars back there…Nawl!

    • May 24, 2013 at 4:27 pm

      He will DESTROY your Love Pocket and turn it into a Hate Purse. NO MA’AM!

      • Erin
        May 24, 2013 at 4:42 pm

        HATE PURSE?!?!?!?! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! You’re tryna get me fired right beofre the long weekend, huh?

      • AC
        June 24, 2014 at 3:30 pm

        OK, so you already got me with this entire blog. But did you just say hate purse?? Ma’am!!! I have laughed so hard…my co-workers think I am going crazy…I got tears and I had to go pee. I can’t take no mo’!!!! OMG…this is beyond hilarious. I ain’t e’em got words!

      • February 28, 2015 at 9:25 pm

        I have never, EVER commented on your blog…even as I love it SO! But HATE POCKET? Luvvie? #reallyu2murch4datone #perfection #keepdoingitsis

  33. May 24, 2013 at 2:33 pm

    That ninja must soak up a pillow every night ’cause his lips cannot possibly close over those choppers.

    Probably talks real juicy. No way can you get in his vicinity to converse.

    • May 24, 2013 at 4:26 pm

      Roz, you gotta go. You not gon come up in here and slay me like this. YOU WILLL NOT!!! LMAOOOOOOO!!!!

    • Jamie
      May 24, 2013 at 5:11 pm

      BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I didn’t think I could laugh any harder at this. Then I read your comments. *dead*

    • Toose
      May 28, 2013 at 10:52 am

      BOOGIES FLEW OUT MY NOSE!!!!!!!! Yall gotta chill pleaseeee. Im at work lmao

    • Vonetta
      May 28, 2013 at 2:48 pm

      Dangit, y’all got me over here fightin’ the damn air—I hate’chall!

  34. G
    May 24, 2013 at 2:49 pm

    The dentist calls his teeth a lip rest. He probably couldn’t even participate in any sports that required a mouthpiece.

    His teeth are a graffiti writer’s wet dream…looking like blank canvases.

    • May 24, 2013 at 4:26 pm

      *DEAAADDDDD* I am crying laughing.

    • Courtney
      May 24, 2013 at 8:10 pm

      I was comatose, but this comment got me slayed.

    • Yoki
      May 24, 2013 at 11:32 pm

      OH gawd…please…where is my oxygen! DWL!!

    • blackbutterflyny
      May 27, 2013 at 11:39 pm


      Just DEAD!!!!

  35. Helen
    May 24, 2013 at 3:19 pm

    EVERY WORD of that prayer did me in. I have now gone on to collect my heavenly reward. It’s a modified Denman brush.

    • Endia
      May 24, 2013 at 3:35 pm

      I am done with this comment. lol

  36. Achanti
    May 24, 2013 at 3:22 pm

    It ain’t even that funny. Corny

    • May 24, 2013 at 3:23 pm

      Dang. Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed today?

      • Mina Symone
        May 24, 2013 at 3:39 pm


      • Trina
        May 24, 2013 at 4:15 pm

        I smell a side chick, or his dental hygienist. Either way baby we laughing. Its funny all day and twice on Sunday’s, especially with that prayer.

      • May 24, 2013 at 4:20 pm

        Are you the guy in the pic? Sitting on the edge of your bed swinging your feet? He is angry they have been going on his grill. Mouth looks like those giant piano keys in that movie Big.

        • May 24, 2013 at 4:23 pm

          Giant. piano. keys. I CANNOT LAUGH ENOUGH, LAWD!!!

        • Jamie
          May 24, 2013 at 5:13 pm

          O…M…G…what you just said. RozB is killing me!

        • Yoki
          May 24, 2013 at 11:33 pm

          naw mehn…a graffitti artist’s wet dream…lawd have mercy…I am dying!

        • Jabari
          May 24, 2013 at 7:41 pm


    • MrsMe
      May 24, 2013 at 3:54 pm

      I been laughing all day…shared it with my friends and laughed with them too…still CTFU! XXL White Tee Teef‎….WHAT???!! LMAOOO!!

    • May 24, 2013 at 5:30 pm

      I know Ashitty ain’t trying to go for someone’s throat….

    • BB
      May 25, 2013 at 7:24 am

      I didn’t think so either Achanti. iChuckled but not all the ROTFLMAOCTFU and the rest of the acronyms

  37. PrincePoP
    May 24, 2013 at 4:11 pm

    Before I nearly choked from laughter, I was thinking what woman actually let him father a child on her with those teef and hairline? Having oral sex with him had to be like looking at a life size hungry-hungry hippo going down on her. Seriously, what did his real teeth look like before he thought he got the bomb hook up with these?

    • May 24, 2013 at 4:35 pm

      Okay the tears are running, head hurts, chest burning and then I freaking read “life sized hungry hippo” I canNOT with you people. Simply can’t. I hate you all as the tear LITERALLY runs down my right cheek. I gotta go meet a coworker about bidness in 5 minutes. I’ve got to find an ounce of composure somewhere.

    • February 1, 2014 at 12:48 am

      “the bomb hook up” *is unable*

      You just KNOW that one shifty friend was like “yeah, I know a dude fix them teeth. I gotchu.”

    • Nathalie
      June 28, 2014 at 9:54 pm

      #Having oral sex with him had to be like looking at a life size hungry-hungry hippo going down on her.
      My family just dialed 911 because I am now screaming like a banshee monkey and unable to can catch my breath.

  38. DMario
    May 24, 2013 at 4:13 pm

    Bite Tyson

  39. DMario
    May 24, 2013 at 4:14 pm

    the best one you left off,

    Patrick Chewing

    • May 24, 2013 at 4:24 pm

      Just added it! The list is gonna be updated as more come in.

  40. Tekiebelu
    May 24, 2013 at 4:44 pm

    One word came to mind when I saw that pic: Chiclets
    Then I read that comment & my spirit hurt because I laughed so hard. Then I shared it with my hubby & he had to have a seat while he calmed himself. I will spread more cheer…

  41. May 24, 2013 at 5:03 pm


  42. May 24, 2013 at 5:07 pm

    Toby Teeth

  43. Jamie
    May 24, 2013 at 5:20 pm

    Them some JUMBO marshmallows in that mouth!

  44. Justlikehoney1
    May 24, 2013 at 5:24 pm

    King LaTEEFa, Oral Redenbacher, Andre 3000 TEEF

  45. Kimproving
    May 24, 2013 at 5:26 pm

    Tim “The Toothman” Taylor. Mouthy Magee

  46. jgalyn
    May 24, 2013 at 5:36 pm


    This fool righchea is the reason you should NEVER piss off your dentist. Homie is laughing heartily right now. Again.

    Ole Yamaha face looking smug as ever, while Spongebob can’t find his front teeth. Walking around with a mouth full of cabinet doors.

    • February 1, 2014 at 12:45 am

      Not Spongebob, though! *laughs* *falls of chair* *is eaten by piranhas*

  47. Toya
    May 24, 2013 at 5:36 pm

    Would somebody tell him to return my pillow cases please.

    He looks like he is trying out for the orbit gum commerical.

  48. Jen
    May 24, 2013 at 6:08 pm

    My first thought was Teefus Christ.

    • Christie
      May 26, 2013 at 8:32 am

      Best. One. Ever.

  49. Kendra
    May 24, 2013 at 6:19 pm

    OMFG I think I’m going to faint!!! This mess may have made my 2013 so far!!!

  50. Stephanie
    May 24, 2013 at 6:34 pm

    Woe betide the woman who he chooses to give head to. He’s gonna fuck around and give someone an early hysterectomy.

    And I thought Tiger woods had big ass teeth. #SabreToothTiger #JimmyChew

    • May 24, 2013 at 6:52 pm

      Christian Chewboutons

  51. MsZ
    May 24, 2013 at 6:40 pm

    I’m so glad I didnt read all this at work!!! I’m here CTFU!!!! I think I just burned 1000 calories from laughing!! My belly hurts! Oooh…I needed this today!

  52. May 24, 2013 at 6:46 pm

    He probably gets no love when he asks for a bite or sip of anything.

    “Nucca get your own damn apple. You ain’t destroying my shit!”

    He can’t even use a straw because he can’t close his lips. Wanna sip? Betta just tilt your head back and pour. If he’s too thirsty he might drown.

    • Mrs. Woods
      May 24, 2013 at 8:00 pm

      I’m gonna have to log off from the world now. Heading to Amish country

      • Toose
        May 28, 2013 at 10:56 am

        take me with you :packs a bag:

  53. May 24, 2013 at 6:56 pm

    Christian Chewboutons

    • Jabari
      May 24, 2013 at 7:42 pm

      You Just Don’t Have No Chill!!!!!!!!!

    • jgalyn
      May 25, 2013 at 7:09 am

      Jimmy Chew?

  54. Keta
    May 24, 2013 at 7:17 pm

    A. MOUTH. FULL. OF. CABINET. DOOOOOOOORS?!!!!! Said he can’t play sports with mouth pieces. Might give you a hysterectomy at sexy time. I’m so far past done. This has made my entire week. I thank you all.

  55. May 24, 2013 at 7:25 pm

    Is it me, or does his teeth look like some closet doors? Them thangs big, long, and white.

  56. May 24, 2013 at 7:54 pm

    His dentist had to find a curved section of a highway median to make them choppers.

  57. MyNameIsWhitney!
    May 24, 2013 at 8:06 pm

    Damn it y’all! I ain’t had an asthma attack in 4 years, and I am on the verge. I blame all of you!

  58. Fatima
    May 24, 2013 at 8:50 pm

    Ok, so thanks to this website, these comments. ..I peed on myself and now my daughter is making me wear depends. ..All because I peed on her sofa while reading this damb blog, I. Just. Can’t.

  59. Amber
    May 24, 2013 at 8:52 pm

    Y’all this was the best birthday gift ever!! I swear y’all are complete fools for this! I swear I laughed so HARD at this, i’m still in tears from laughing so hard!!

  60. Kofdizz
    May 24, 2013 at 9:12 pm

    I thought someone stretched Dwight Howard’s picture horizontally lol

  61. lktolaff
    May 24, 2013 at 9:19 pm

    1.Freddy Chewger
    2.He look like he has a mouth full of bathroom tile
    3.Liberace could play his mouth
    4. Don’t lie about kidnappings, the Tooth shall set you free!!

    • January 31, 2014 at 5:50 pm

      The Tooth shall set you free?!!! Yes! I’ve been crying and my children keep asking me what is funny. There is no explaining this to an 8 year old. I am just sitting here reading and crying and shaking and laughing. Thank you all.

  62. sygnus
    May 24, 2013 at 9:23 pm

    Wow…..some poor girl is gonna get a hysterectomy..:(

  63. LNicole
    May 24, 2013 at 9:41 pm

    His slob probably looks like white out.

  64. Chele88
    May 24, 2013 at 11:34 pm

    Lmmfao!!! He childish, his teeth childish and his hairline hella childish… I know dude be droolin his ass off at night with his teeth out like tht. I bet when he bite a piece of bread it turn Into bread puddin. He walkin round with his mouf wide shut with his extra bitter scorned my baby mama don’t wanna play with me and my reindeer games lyin ass!

  65. Yoki
    May 24, 2013 at 11:40 pm

    OXYGEN!! OMG! The comments! Whoo! Lawd, an early hysterectomy! I am laughing in my sleep! I. AM. DEAD!! Lord of the TEEF! Fellowship of the TEEF!

  66. Lilah
    May 25, 2013 at 1:11 am

    Keep reading this over and over in Sweet Brown’s voice, lol. Lord give me the strength…to read it again

  67. Sean
    May 25, 2013 at 1:35 am

    Teefasaurus Rex…that hairline, my nigga….

  68. May 25, 2013 at 1:56 am

    This the Newest Klingon …..Chewteef? Or is he Chewbaka’s illigitimate son Chewfrontal?

  69. pup
    May 25, 2013 at 5:37 am

    Teefus Christ?! Really?!? I’m so done. Utterly done! Still laughing!

  70. jgalyn
    May 25, 2013 at 7:07 am

    As white as them blank dominoes in his mouf are, you know that ninja’s breath prolly stank. Surprised he don’t have white crust on the corners of his lips since he hasn’t closed them in a long ass time.

  71. Daking
    May 25, 2013 at 10:13 am

    The boy got a mouth full of bathroom tile in his mouth.

  72. ZaidahNicole
    May 25, 2013 at 10:15 am

    I swear to Bob and the ‘eleventeen deciphers, ya’ll ain’t shyz. I got a 6-pack of abs thanks to laughin’ so hard at this mess. “Take a bite outta crime…”, “dentally retarded” #iCant

    Luvvie gon’ be brought up on charges of aggravated manslaughter ’cause she kilt a whole buncha folk ded, swoll & stankin’!


  73. May 25, 2013 at 11:52 am

    HA!!! I am so glad that was a Hoax! His teeth took all the attention away from his daughter.

  74. Mark
    May 25, 2013 at 2:04 pm

    His daughter didn’t get kidnapped, she was jus hidin’ behin’ dem teef!

  75. Jaronimo
    May 26, 2013 at 2:19 am

    John Wilkes Tooth! Every time he smile, a Soccer mom presses the garage door opener. This brotha brushes his teeth with a Boar bristle brush…His gums got waves. This negro make Gary Busey look like he still got baby teeth. Do this nigga use windex and a squeegie to squeaky clean them mofos? This bruva got a mouth full of toilet lids!

    • cocoberrie
      May 27, 2013 at 10:19 am

      Nooo!! You did not mention Gary Busey!!! LMAO! I’m done…

    • ZaidahNicole
      May 28, 2013 at 10:44 am

      Gary Busey, tho?

      *throws head back and HOLLERS*


    • January 31, 2014 at 5:52 pm

      Toilet lids! Gary Busey! LOLOLOLOLaaaaaaaaaah!

    • Ruth
      March 2, 2015 at 8:41 am

      Attention Everybody: look closer, all of these teeth ARE the BOTTOM ROW……

  76. DeWayne
    May 26, 2013 at 7:32 am

    Toother Vandross LOL.. I’m done with y’all.

  77. May 26, 2013 at 8:12 pm


  78. The Ghost of Shayboogie
    May 27, 2013 at 12:31 pm

    His teeth look like the tile from the Billie Jean video, where’s Micheal? ….. OK, I’m done….

    • C. Tveit
      June 24, 2014 at 3:21 pm

      I’m so done! I can see Micheal dancing on his teeth singing Billie Jean right now!

  79. Heiress2013
    May 27, 2013 at 12:44 pm


    I have laughed harder than I had in a looooong time!

  80. May 28, 2013 at 10:14 am

    That prayer is going to get me fired! I literally screamed at my desk reading it!

  81. May 28, 2013 at 1:14 pm

    OMG this has me in stitches. But I must say Luvvie isn’t that .gif kinda dark? LOL

    I’m not sure how many people other than me are nerdy enough to know this but that .gif is from one of the episodes of Supernatural after Castiel has housed all those leviathans and his body has just about given out, he goes and wades in the water to die…Death by my body being ripped from the inside out? It just seemed like a harsh way to quit LOL….ijs

    • January 31, 2014 at 5:58 pm

      Your nerdy episodic television trivia expertise just blessed me. Now I kinda wanna see that show… 🙂

  82. May 28, 2013 at 7:51 pm

    my name for music has been teef sweat for 2 years….awkward

    • ucity88
      May 29, 2013 at 6:27 am

      And, scene…

  83. Christie
    May 29, 2013 at 7:18 am

    Tooth Dogg!

  84. Jeff
    May 30, 2013 at 1:10 am

    Damn i didnt know if them were halloween teeth, dentures or if he had in a mouthpiece..

  85. RLR
    May 31, 2013 at 11:29 am

    He bites a piece of bread and makes a doughnut oh lord

    Lmao whaaaaaaaaaaat!

    I was at the doctors office in a waiting room full of lol trying my damnedest not to laugh loud as hell lol, the greatest laugh ever oh lord!!!

  86. Muthoni
    June 10, 2013 at 6:38 am

    LMAO…Jesus christ…that prayer!!!!shaaade for days…
    I’m dying here :””D

  87. Elle
    June 11, 2013 at 12:32 pm

    Jesus be a corn on the cob… O>……….M……….G

  88. June 12, 2013 at 4:25 pm

    I haven’t had a laugh like that in a long time lol….. the photo caption/prayer had me dying!! It’s so mean yet still so funny lol

  89. Hooblah
    June 14, 2013 at 10:02 am

    “Started from the bite’em, now ve-neer”

    • July 19, 2013 at 8:05 pm

      Hooblah?? ___________________________ Gheezus Wept….This done kilt me!!!!!! ROFL!

  90. Laurie
    July 19, 2013 at 7:03 pm

    Someone cue “In the Upper Room” because I’m out. That prayer made my head and stomach hurt from laughing, I couldn’t get through it all in one go. Luvvie,I’m done.

  91. beth
    July 28, 2013 at 12:35 am

    Toofer Grace! Them teef need not EVAH be near any love pocket! #enteratyourownrisk

  92. […] his refrigerator-sized veneers need to have an everlasting seat some damb where. He reminds me of  TEEK KEEF aka TOOTHER VANDROSS (if you click that link, you will CRY laughing. Do not do it while you’re at work because I […]

  93. JMoTill
    September 26, 2013 at 1:00 pm

    I just HAD to be hard headed and open this at work. I’M IN TEARS! This has killed me, reclaimed me and killed me again. I laughed so hard my face hurts!

  94. September 26, 2013 at 3:54 pm

    Crying. I can’t even.

  95. Royal
    November 9, 2013 at 12:46 am

    John Wilkes Tooth

  96. […] When the Internet Calls You Teef Keef and Teef Sweat, You Lost – This dude not only tricked folks into thinking his daughter was kidnapped, but he had the […]

  97. […] Just so damb priceless! This reminds of the prayer for Teef Keef (you have to read that. HAVE TO) that had me unable to behave for a good 3 […]

  98. nishadoe2
    January 31, 2014 at 8:54 pm

    MY stomach muscles hurt, so freakin bad right now..No more laughter.im not even gonna scroll up to leave this page because if I do. i may burst..thank you

  99. mistyfee
    January 31, 2014 at 9:12 pm

    This will never not be funny. He looks as if he is wearing equine dentures

  100. Felicia
    June 24, 2014 at 1:37 pm


    • MsZ
      June 24, 2014 at 2:23 pm

      Nooooo!!! I wasn’t ready!!!!

    • justice84
      June 24, 2014 at 2:50 pm

      Best comment yet

  101. June 24, 2014 at 2:14 pm

    I know I know this is tmi but damn I gotta change my underwears I’m too old for this,LAWD I can’t take it,a bite out of crime world peace , y’all is waay off. MS LUVVVIE LUVVIE YOU,

  102. Dawn
    June 24, 2014 at 2:24 pm

    Toother Vandross had me HOLLERING! I can’t even finish my lunch. You are going to get me in trouble at work and I won’t be able to read you anymore here. Lol.

  103. Serena
    June 24, 2014 at 3:03 pm

    I had to drop my iPad rite quick….thought I was having a heart attack with the “bite a piece of bread and make a doughnut” comment. I looked at him and my first thought was kinda gross…..hope he don’t give his woman a hysterectomy….

  104. Butterpillar
    June 24, 2014 at 3:14 pm

    He’s got white grills. Wow. Teeth look like envelopes.

  105. Mamasup
    June 24, 2014 at 3:39 pm

    Only a Fix It Jesus remix will stop all this foolery


  106. Matador1015
    June 24, 2014 at 5:46 pm


  107. crlsweetie912
    June 24, 2014 at 6:40 pm

    Omg I laughed so hard I choked and saw the white light and Gabriel and nem…..lmbo

  108. Silk!
    June 25, 2014 at 1:35 am


    I bet he has to take a week off from work to get his teeth cleaned. Using a jackhammer.

  109. Steph
    February 28, 2015 at 10:00 pm

    That’s Ray Mills. He’s one of the men that ran from Atlanta to Ferguson.

    • ucity88
      March 1, 2015 at 7:46 am

      He ran from Atlanta to Ferguson ON THEM TEETH, AMIRITE?

  110. Glendon-Tyler
    March 9, 2015 at 11:23 pm

    He had those teeth made special to try and balance out that forehead.

  111. shay
    May 31, 2016 at 2:25 pm

    Toother Vandross


  112. TeeJay
    October 13, 2016 at 11:01 pm

    I’mma call this mug McGruff .. cause he could seriously take a bite outta crime… LAWD TA-DAY!