8 Reasons Why I’d Be the Worst Fashion or Beauty Blogger Ever
If this blogging game were high school, fashion and beauty bloggers would be the jocks. They’re the cool kids who people flock to, and they’re totally hot. They get a lot of perks and people just can’t help but stare at them because they make anything look good. I don’t know what humor bloggers would be considered but we’re probably the kids standing against lockers cutting class and making fun of everyone. Yes. That fits.
Anywho, although I have a shoe blog, I couldn’t do what fashion and beauty bloggers do. For many reasons. Some are below.
Reasons Why I Cannot Be a Fashion or Beauty Blogger
I’m not a fashionista – I have my own style but I don’t claim to be a fashionista. I do rock clothes that look good on me and I know what silhouettes flatter my little shape (Structured. Pencil. A-line. Nothing too flowy because I’m little and it will swallow me). Too bad they’re all the same outfits over and over again, just different colors. My uniform is jeans, a tank, a tailored blazer and fierce shoes. Now picture that in any combination of colors. That is me by default.
If I was to have a fashion blog, people would throw tomatoes at me for being a walking cartoon (like how Bart Simpson’s closet is nothing but the same tshirt and shorts). But my shoe game IS sick and THAT is what I consistently switch up and share.
I don’t wear makeup often enough – My idea of makeup on a regular day is lipgloss and lotion on my face. TA-DA! If it’s not a special occasion like the Academy Awards, Red Pump’s fashion show or me meeting Idris Elba (one day, LAWD!), I’m barefaced. I’ve even been on TV with nothing but lipgloss on. Chile… I’d be the worst beauty blogger, taking pictures with dark circles under my eyes while rocking lipstick. That brings me to the next reason.
I’m ok with seeing bad pictures of myself – Life becomes less stressful when you get used to seeing yourself looking busted in pictures. Really and truly. There are countless pictures of me looking like struggle out there now, because of all the conferences I go to.
One day, I saw a particularly bad one and shrugged my shoulders and went “oh well.” I looked like someone punched me in the face and caught me by surprise. What do you do? Not a damb thing. Beauty bloggers be looking FIERCE allatahm. That’s a lotta pressure I’m not willing to live up to. I wanna be able to be ugly in peace. I be all:
I’m too inactive for outfits of the day posts – I don’t go out often. Yes, I travel a decent amount but when I’m in Chicago, I’m a hermit. So I don’t really be going nowhere. I couldn’t do outfits of the day posts more than like once a week, unless my outfits are my various pajamas.
Monday, I’d post up my pajamas with the purple hearts. Tuesday, I might need to post up the same PJs because I’m still rocking them. Wednesday, I’d switch it up to the yellow and pink flannel PJs. And then Thursday, you’ll see me in the gray sweatpants. Friday, I might throw on jeans with chucks because I had to run to Walgreens right quick. And then twice a month when I’m out of town and in actual clothes, I’ll forget to take pictures of my outfit and just put up a post describing what I had on talmbout “I was kinda cute. Trust me on it.”
Well, Summertime, I leave the house more often. I’ve even posted a coupla my alphets on my Instagram in the last week. But I’d be the worst fashion blogger ever for like 9 month out of the year. O_O
I’m not a great poser – I feel like to be a fashion blogger, you have to know how to pose. I only have 2 poses: me holding up the peace sign and me with my hands on my hip. Yes, I have the photo-taking skills of a 7-year old. Or a rapper from the early 90s. I be in pictures like:
Bloggers be posing with their legs crossed while standing up, looking away, and just looking downright unimpressed that the camera is there. I tried the leg crossing thing once and almost face-planted. But then I tried it again and I MIGHT have it. As long as I’m holding on to something. Either way, I will stay in my lane.
Update: I now know how to do the standing up while crossing your legs pose. WHOOT!
I tire of selfies quick – There is actually a limit to how many times I want to see myself up close making random faces to a camera in a time period.
I think this automatically takes me out the fashion and beauty blogger running. By the time I take the 3rd picture of my face from a different angle, I’m ready to apologize to my phone or camera for wasting its time.
I suck at painting my own nails – A lot of beauty bloggers do nail polish swatches and I envy them for their skill in painting their nails so well. The pictures look flawless, like their favorite Vietnamese manicurist makes house calls every day to hook them up. Me? I’m pretty terrible at nail painting. Since I’m right-handed, my left hand will look semi-decent, but my right hand will look like a work of abstract art. Nail polish be everywhere but on my actual nail beds. It’s like I never learned to color between the lines in kindergarten.
The few times I can focus enough to even get it done, I smear it within 3 minutes. Without fail. No one wants to see a picture of that. Or a tutorial called “How to have the worst looking nails ever. Every time.” Not nobody. Also, I go months without manicures sometimes. Unless my beauty blog will be called “The Cuticled Chronicles” it will be a complete mess.
Fashion Week is my Kryptonite – I’ve been to fashion week a couple of times with Afrobella. Usually, I just go to do hoodrat things with my friends and to be at the after-events. But every time I go, I walk away with confirmation that it might not be for me.
Like September 2012’s fashion week. We were at the Mercedes Benz Center and I had passes to go to a couple of shows. What I did instead was sit in the garden at the back and take a nap. I’m really not kidding. I put my feet up on the table and found a throw pillow on one of the nice chairs and hollered at a 30 minute extended blink. It was awesome. And I preferred to do that than watch the skinnier than me models rock clothes with no expressions on their faces.
But to be fair, that nap DID hit the spot though.
And a bonus reason: I can’t detect undertones. My eyes aren’t as sharp as y’alls so my knowledge of color isn’t up to par. Beauty bloggers be outchea doing swatches and telling us the difference between two purple lipsticks or yellow nailpolishes, which look the exact same to me. Since MAC’s Riri Woo came out, folks been doing the side-by-side comparisons of the two. I’ve seen so many of these and they look like replicas of each other. MAC is hustling!
So yes, kudos to you fashion and beauty bloggers. Not only are they great for letting me know where I can get the cheap version of celebrity alphets, but they are great for finding the less ‘spensive dupes of high end makeup stuff.
And thanks to them for making the rest of us look bad by showing us that you can indeed look amazing everyday while standing on random sidewalks. Y’all are too fly and fancy for me! On the days when the best I can muster is a matching gray tshirt to the gray sweatpants, I look to your sites for inspiration, that one day, I will get my life together and look decent for more than 2 days at a time in one week.
So, who are your fave style and beauty bloggers? And do they make you feel like the bum that you are? Let a G know.