We Don’t Believe You. You Need More People on April Fools Day

Today is April Fools Day and I hate this annual tradition with the intensity of 1,000 African suns at high noon. HATE HATE HATE. People take it upon themselves to let their inner FOOLS come out and call it “pranking.” iSweahfoLAWD some people play too gahtdamb much on April Fool’s because their pranks aren’t even funny. They’re just evil.

All those who commemorate the day by lying to their parents by telling them they’re pregnant should just got written out of their legally binding will on the 2nd. Try it if you want to but ummm… don’t be mad when they leave you with one toothbrush and your childhood pictures.


For all those men who may be tryna prank their girlfriends and fake propose, remember that the kick to your gonads when you say “April Fools! I was just kidding” is gonna feel very real. Your balls ain’t gon get the joke. Also, you’re an ultimate douchebag if you fake propose.

And if you’re an evil bastid who wants to play today by saying someone died, I wish you a plague of yellow starbursts and kale smoothies and Justin Bieber’s audio recordings of his life philosophies to assault your sensibilities. There is not a thing funny about that and you’re being terrible. Go have ALL the gahtdamb seats.


I’m looking forward to seeing all the people in my Facebook newsfeeds who’ll put up fake diamonds and whatnots. Ain’t NOBODY gon get a “Like” on their news today.

Please don’t announce your engagement, new baby, new wig or arrest in the next two days. We won’t believe you and we will request that you gather more people.

If anyone has something important to tell me, they should refrain from doing it within the next couple of days. Otherwise, they will get the Ron Swanson face.

Ron Swanson Face gif

Call me a spoil sport or wet blanket but I wants no parts of the pranks on this day. April Fools jokes seldom end with BOTH parties finding it funny. Ha ha hayell. Some folks get traumatized with jokes that went too far.

Are any of y’all big pranksters? If so, are you planning on playing a joke today? Am I the only one who wants no parts of April Fools Day?

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  1. April 1, 2013 at 12:09 am

    luvvie i HATE APRIL FOOLS DAY!

  2. GA
    April 1, 2013 at 12:16 am

    A plague of Nicki Minaj stan videos!! I wouldn’t wish that on my own emmummy! the horror!

  3. Jennifer
    April 1, 2013 at 12:16 am

    I remember five years ago my husband’s father told us his wife was pregnant. We didn’t believe him and we laughed at him hard for days. Mostly cause we thought it was a poorly done prank. We were also laughing cause on the outside chance that it was true all his kids were grown and in their 30’s and he was starting way over. It was actually true. We were all like “What did you expect telling folks this on April 1? Sorry dude.” LOL!!

  4. Keleigh
    April 1, 2013 at 12:17 am

    Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, I call the cops. #aintnobodygottimefodat.

  5. Yumyumdumsum
    April 1, 2013 at 12:18 am

    April Fools is for f%cking fools… Period!!!! Any grown adult that pulls a prank on this day deserves their gonads sliced as retaliation.

  6. April 1, 2013 at 12:46 am

    I’m always scared to tell this story b/c my husband is not the fool this story makes him out to be, but I’ve tricked him 9 (NINE) years in a row in telling him I’m pregnant for April fools…at least last year he only go the “OH GOD” face for about 30 seconds before yelling, “IT’S APRIL FOOLS!” I decided to stop destroying his trust this year..but it’s sooo tempting to say it again.

    • April 3, 2013 at 9:26 am

      Lol that’s hilarious! You play too much tho….and WHY has your husband not set up an alarm to alert him that it is April Fool’s day so that he can not be there for your foolish activities??

  7. April 1, 2013 at 12:48 am

    oh, and one of the times i April Fool-ed him was just 2 1/2 months after bringing home our twins from the hospital…one had just thrown up on his lap and i found it to be the right time to tell him i was pregnant again…i’m CLEARLY here for ALL of the April Foolery. all of it!

  8. Kim
    April 1, 2013 at 12:53 am

    You expressed ALL my sentiments, Luvvie! I’m not believing a damn word out of ANYONE’s mouth until April 4th, and even then I want 3 references and a Works Cited page because I will NOT be caught up this year. No ma’am!

    • Tee Cee
      April 1, 2015 at 10:50 am

      Haaaaaaaaa! Works Cited? HAHAHAHAHAHA!

  9. KayMac
    April 1, 2013 at 11:45 am

    I’ve been saying all week, that my coworkers BET NOT do any April Fools jokes on me. I am not here for it, and I will ack a fool…howeverrrr, I’m cool with any April Foolery from the homies…weird, huh? lolol

  10. April 1, 2013 at 11:54 am

    I’ve got nothing against the stupid people that do still “celebrate” the day…but I’m too old for April Fool’s and the bullshit that comes with it.

  11. Tonia
    April 1, 2013 at 1:16 pm

    I thoroughly hate April fools day. I am a teacher and I’m so glad we’re of a spring break today!

    • Tonia
      April 1, 2013 at 1:17 pm

      I was trying to say that I am glad we are off for spring break. This spell check on these phones are ridiculous!

  12. HowlingBanshee
    April 2, 2013 at 2:48 pm

    Oh crap. I actually am preggers and due in less than two weeks, but I’ve been mum about it on Facebook. Only people who see me in real life know about it.
    I totally meant to announce my pregnancy on Facebook yesterday just so #errbody who didn’t know could tell me to stop lying, but I was too damb tired. Probably won’t work if I try to announce it today. Oh well.
    I’ll just stick to plan A and keep hush about it and then BAM! out of nowhere, pictures of my ugly, elongated-headed, alien-looking, naked, wrinkled, mysterious-white-stuff covered son — swollen balls and all. #Talmbout “Isn’t this truly the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen? If you disagree then you’re a hater and you’d best unfriend me expeditiously”
    Nah, I’m just playing. I really am the opposite of the STFUParents brand of oversharing moms, bless their hearts. I’ll probably just make his little footprint my profile picture for one day and leave it at that.
    Anyway, Happy Spring! And thank you for all the laughs and pop culture tea.

    • Adwoa
      April 4, 2013 at 2:44 am

      ahahahahahah! i am deeply not a baby person, and have been feeling secretly guilty for thinking my friend’s newborns are ugly little motherfuckers (because seriously, they look like alien frogs for at LEAST the first six months unless you’re related by blood). THANK YOU for this! and i’m sure your son will be gorgeous and perfect, bless his heart. ha!

  13. Asia E.
    April 1, 2015 at 10:53 am

    LOL yall have no sense of humor. While I don’t immediately foresee any good targets, I love it. However, my friends participate in funny pranks that do not involve death, or massive cleanup efforts.

    On second thought, I may tell my kids we hit the lotto and we’re moving tomorrow.

    “Sike your mind!!!” – Eddie Murphy, Holy Man

    Enjoy it!

  14. April 1, 2015 at 11:21 am

    I love a good practical joke. Keyword “Good”. I don’t mind the fake pregnancies , the fake engagement announcements (although not very original) but what I wouldn’t like is an “prank” in which someone told me someone I cared for has been harmed. That’s not clever, funny or tasteful. So I’d agree on a swift kick to those fools!

  15. Maria
    April 1, 2015 at 9:49 pm

    I teach 8th graders and the morning started off with a rubber snake in my desk drawer.I have an intense fear of snakes so I was kind of proud that I didn’t react by screaming profanities and jumping out the window. I spent the rest of the day on high alert.

  16. cake211
    April 1, 2015 at 10:42 pm

    Real talk, I stopped doing Aprils Fools jokes on people after my freshman year of college when I pranked this one guy I was involved with by telling him I was pregnant. It was hilarious in theory cuz I was so committed to playing the role, but telling a black man thats getting his edumacation on that there may be a monkey wrench in his dream machine and hearing his heart breaking on the phone was enough for me lol