My Life

Why I’m No Longer About That Black Friday Life

Black Friday is upon us, and I am spending it on my couch. The only thing that might make me leave the house today is because I feel like going to IHOP for their incredible caramel hot chocolate. Besides that, catch me in my pajamas. I am over Black Friday and I no longer participate in the madness. I have my reasons and they are below.

Been there. Done that. – I used to be a Black Friday fiend. Yes, I was one of those folks who would check out sales papers weeks in advance and then plot with my friends which stores we need to hit up. One year, me and my girl Kindred decided that we needed to hit up the Aurora Outlet Mall for Black Friday. We wanted ALL the door-busters. She picked me up at 11pm on Thanksgiving night. The mall is one hour away. Wanna guess what time we got there? FOUR A.M. 4am. FOUR IN THE GAHTDAMB MORNING. It took us 5 hours to make a 1 hour trip. Why? Because EVERYONE had the same idea we did. The gridlock on the highway was so tight that some folks decided to get out their cars and walk to the mall. And they made it there faster than we did. O___o

We did this. And when I tell you I don’t e’em remember what I bought, please believe me. What was so serious to warrant this hellish trek? I have no clue. And once we got to the mall, we had to stand in lines. Which leads me to another reason why I’m not about that Black Friday life.

black friday


I don’t do lines. – I hate standing in lines. And I mean HATE. I realize that no one is like “I love lines” but I REALLY abhor them. It’s because I don’t have the patience and get bored easily. I am not going to sit in one spot for 12 hours unless I’m on an international flight. And even then, I can get up and walk around. These Black Friday store lines are ridiculous. Some people have secured that space for like 12 hours. I am Sweet Brown to that. Ain’t nobody got TAHM for it!

I don’t do well with cold weather. – It’s November in Chicago. Doing Black Friday means I’ll be in the cold a lot. This lake wind ain’t bout to take me out as I store crawl. NO MA’AM. It’s too cold for all’at. And I can’t imagine the people who are in lines outside in the weather. That is the “One flew over the cuckoo’s nest” level of madness.

I don’t like crowds of people. – I don’t have agoraphobia nor am I claustrophobic. I’m just becoming more of a jerk as I grow up. I don’t like too many people huge crowds. When I turn around and there are people EVERYWHERE around and I have to plot my way out using Google Maps, I get annoyed. Going into a store on Black Friday is like playing the computer game “Snake.” You try not to run into anyone but it’s hard. It just makes me wanna start windmilling like LEMME OUT! So no. Plus the threat of this:

Black Friday shopping gif

It’s better for my wallet. – Black Friday’s ONLY point is to get people to spend a lot of money on things they don’t need but think they want. And this money isn’t just $20. NAWL. Black Friday will make you think you REALLY need a 63″ TV just because it’s on sale for the LOW LOW price of $156.76. And of course you need a deep freezer. You could ALWAYS store more meats! Besides, it’s only $204.32! It’s a STEAL! It’s a gadget geek’s wet dream. And I love gadgets. One BF, I bought a printer, 2 webcams, iPod touch and a toaster. All from BestBuy. Just because. O_O

Me refusing to participate in this Black Friday will save me lots of money. Ok well, not really. I’ll be buying stuff online. Speaking of…

Retailers are offering dope deals online (before Cyber Monday). – Going out at midnight to hit Black Friday door buster sales used to be necessary if you want to catch deals. Now? Not so much. A bunch of retailers are offering online Black Friday deals that are the same or comparable as their store sales. And they’re doing free shipping. So why go through all the above hassle when I can just order what I want for the deal while sitting in my pajamas and eating leftovers?


WalMart ruined it. – Let’s face it. WalMart has become the nuisance of Black Friday. The devil hopscotches in their stores across the country. This store was already KNOWN for having some of the most ruthless shoppers. People have DIED shopping there because they’ve been trampled. Babies have had their heads stepped on by people waiting to get that laptop that’s on sale for $358.23. DIED. For deals. If you die at Walmart on Black Friday, you’ll get to Heaven and St. Peter is waiting to shake his head at you. Chile… y’all can have it.

And this year, they’re being the douchiest of bags by having BF start at 8pm on Thanksgiving. So they forced employees to come to work instead of enjoy time with their families. The employees they’re paying about $125 a week. Gahtdamb WalMart.


I’m not about that life at all. If I wanna get trampled, I’d go to the bull run in Spain. But no shade to those who are partaking in Black Friday. Tell me what you bought so I can live vicariously through you! Did y’all do it this year? Why or why not?

If you’re also not about that Black Friday life, TWEET this post! Tweet

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  1. November 23, 2012 at 4:20 am

    I have never, nor will I ever, participate in Black Friday…mostly for all the reasons you gave in your post…and also because I think that it’s a major waste of time (and money) because that same crap will be on sale again–most likely for even cheaper–after the first of the new year. I’m not about to stand in line for hours on end for anything that I have to come out of my pockets for.

    • November 23, 2012 at 12:54 pm


    • November 30, 2013 at 1:58 am

      right, i’m already paying money..y’all oughta line up fuh MEEE!! n that’s exactly what internet shopping is have some good deals on quality products or i’m goin to another site that does. wait in line fuh why?!

  2. Dee
    November 23, 2012 at 5:09 am

    Um, where was this 63in tv for $156?I’m asking for a friend

  3. November 23, 2012 at 5:16 am

    I stopped doing Black Friday YEARS ago. Instead I put up my Christmas decorations, sip hot cocoa with marshmallows, and watch Lifetime Movie Network.

    I have also discovered that if you still want the in-store shopping experience, wait til around 3 or so. There is no traffic, the stores are replenished, and the sales staff is fresh and calm. And there you have Black Friday without the ugliness of the crowds wearing pajamas and Uggs snatching stuff from your hands. You’re welcome.

    • November 23, 2012 at 5:20 am

      *3 in the afternoon. :-}

  4. November 23, 2012 at 7:09 am

    “It just makes me wanna start windmilling like LEMME OUT! So no.”

    this. all day. i used to work for Target. the people who work retail on those days don’t deserve it. also, WM is evil & i never shop there.

    • Shauna
      November 25, 2012 at 2:25 pm

      I was about ready to windmill my way through Kohl’s Friday AM to get through the phalanx of grandmas getting boots for the babies. They must have all been Uggs ’cause I wouldn’t wear them in a whiteout. Some of them look like Alice the Goon castoffs..

  5. Calliepeach
    November 23, 2012 at 7:20 am

    I’m a PROUD BF zhopper! I plan stay within my budget .I purchase items for my kids I refuse to to pay fjll price for during the year ..I also can afford nice gifts for the grandparents and teaxher..The Walmart I shop at is very organized with visible police presence! (Don’t start nuffin won’t be nuffin)

    • Calliepeach
      November 23, 2012 at 7:23 am

      Forgive the typos..I’ve been up all night!

  6. milaxx
    November 23, 2012 at 7:51 am

    nope, not for me. I have always been a bargain shopper. I will catch a sale throughout the year and stash stuff away. Now internet shopping makes hitting the store even less of a necessity.

  7. November 23, 2012 at 8:33 am

    “I don’t have agoraphobia nor am I claustrophobic. I’m just becoming more of a jerk as I grow up.” Luvvie, you are MY PEOPLE.

    I’ve done BF approximately once and it was fun, but not fun enough to want to do it again.

  8. moReniKB
    November 23, 2012 at 8:46 am

    Stop tryin to fake like Nigerians couldn’t always use an extra deep feezer! Go on and get yours. I won’t judge. 😛

  9. Kelli
    November 23, 2012 at 8:50 am

    I don’t mess with black Friday,but I had to cave this year. Target had a Christmas tree on sale for 30. While everyone else lost all their sense trying to get electronics I calmly got my little tree and was done in about 20 minutes.

  10. KayMac
    November 23, 2012 at 9:01 am

    Reasons why I don’t do Black Friday:

    I HAVE NEGATIVE PATIENCE….LIKE NONE AT ALL, AND THEN MORE!! And I will go straight South Side Chicago on a mofo for pushing me, or stepping on my awesome sneaks, trying to get to a laptop before I do…NAWL!!!! I don’t need a criminal record in my life.
    But, I’d probably go if the stores had a skybox, where I can watch all the crazy Black Friday action from a safe distance…lol

  11. Charlotte
    November 23, 2012 at 10:35 am

    I’ve worked in retail during Black Friday, so HELL NO. My employers treated us well (free food at work all weekend) but it was still hell on earth dealing with sleep deprived customers who were mad we ran out of something. People have no patience on Black Friday. And I went shopping on Black Friday once (we didn’t camp out but we did go very early in the morning) and I didn’t like it; I don’t like going shopping when the store is super crowded. is my best friend, lol.

  12. Mikki
    November 23, 2012 at 11:21 am

    I am sitting on this couch just like you, girl! Looking at mattresses for sale! lol

  13. Saran
    November 23, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    I usually never go for all the reasons you mentioned but this year I broke my pact. I had already planned to get my boys the Nabi 2 (it’s a tablet but for kids). It normally retails for $200 but Walmart had it for $130! I mean damn! That’s a $70 savings and for me it was $140 savings because I needed two. In the end, instead of paying $400 for two I spent $260 for two. Sorry but that was worth me going out. The Walmart I went to in Burlington NJ was very civil and organized. We got there at 6pm for the 8pm sale and they were already open allowing people to line up at designated points throughout the store. They rolled out the Nabis and then handed them out. We got in line (that was less organized) checked out and went the hell home!

  14. Vroshell
    November 23, 2012 at 6:21 pm

    This was my first BF and I went to Bestbuy and Walmart and both were organized and civil and my standing in line was minimal…..

  15. Bpurpleb001
    November 23, 2012 at 6:54 pm

    I did black Friday once. I don’t celebrate Xmas so I was mainly going just to get my kids some jeans that were on sale. It was me, my mom, and my 3 kids. We went later in the day got the clothing we wanted and left. No problems.

    I don’t understand people that do BF with their young kids. People act like complete jerks at those sales and the first person to yell at or hurt my child would get a black eye for their black Friday experience.

  16. Hattie
    November 23, 2012 at 7:18 pm

    Did BF once years ago. Never again.

  17. TeeNikki
    November 23, 2012 at 9:27 pm

    You couldn’t pay me to do BF. All it does is send the message to the world (who already doesn’t like us) that Americans ain’t sh*t because they will Jackie Chan you for a 73″ plasma TV/microwave/steamer on sale for $57.82 and won’t care that they did it in front of their kids, God and News Channel 8. BF is an ugly illustration of America’s material values and I’m not here for that.

    And I hate huge crowds too. Too many people in one place at one time is irksome.

    • Kopa
      November 25, 2012 at 4:56 pm

      Don’t worry, the world doesn’t really care or even know what Black Friday is.

  18. Christina
    November 26, 2012 at 7:42 am

    Target opened at 9pm on Thanksgiving Day….I know because I was there. LOL! I love Black Friday, but I think most people are doing it wrong. I don’t go to Walmart (that is what crazy people do) but I do love some Target and stood in line. The lovely Target workers were passing out Luna Bars to all of us in line. It was great. We were laughing and and chatting….and I only got in line at 8pm. No crazy over night campers like Best Buy, just reasonable folks that enjoy late night shopping. When the doors opened a few people ran like they were crazy for the electronic, but I went a different way….to the movie section which Target strategically place in the boys clothing section….yep, no where near the electronic madness. I really enjoyed the experience and plan to continue to hit Target on Thanksgiving if they open.

  19. KC
    November 26, 2012 at 4:19 pm

    I definitely do NOT participate. I was talking to someone I know, and as soon as you say the words “Black Friday”, her ass lights UP, then she asks if I’m gonna go with them to shop. I lost my job at the beginning of the month, so…no. Yeah, I got one of my last paychecks, but I gotta try to save, you know? So she then says they really don’t have anything to get, nor does she really have the money either. Wait…what? That brings up 2 other reasons I’m not about this BF life: people like to live beyond their means to keep up with the Joneses and they get a thrill out of BF.

    One year I went with an aunt and some cousins to an outlet mall for BF, and Luvvie, like you, we were also in traffic. There was a bad wreck where people had to be life-flighted to the hospital…after that, I was like HELL NO! It’s not that serious!

  20. MarvyMds
    November 29, 2013 at 12:35 pm

    I have not gone out for a Black Friday sale in years because it’s not necessary. The couple of times that I did go it was more about the fun of the experience of being out early shopping with my sister moreso than any actual deals. But people are too foolish now and it’s just not the same.

  21. November 29, 2013 at 12:54 pm

    I’m responding live from the remnants of Black Friday, as I type. This my second one. The first was last year and I swear I almost lost my mom in Wal-Mart. She literally went around the corner to ask about a TV we were looking 4 and seconds later, it sounded like a reenactment of Mufasa’s death scene with the hyenas! I was SCURRED! Sears was speedy, but much more civilized. This year, I’m still tired from yesterday’s Itis breakout and I’m slightly in my feelings from seeing cute clothes that don’t fit, so I’m not about this Black Friday life…unless I’m getting electronics and a cookie from Great American Cookie Co. Don’t judge me.

  22. November 29, 2013 at 12:56 pm

    I used to do Black Friday; I have stood in lines in the cold in Chicago and Wisconsin, before I decided that I really did not need anything that badly. Now, I just hunt sales online from my couch. I already got 3 great deals between yesterday and today, and will visit only 1 physical store today (in the afternoon)

  23. Brandi
    November 29, 2013 at 1:15 pm

    Unfortunately, I am in the midst of working Black Friday (on my lunch break) and this is utter chaos. I’ve been in retail over 7 years and it does NOT get better. I have to deal with coupons, crying kids that don’t want to be there, irritated customers that been up since 1 am trying to use coupons on shit that don’t apply. It’s all not needed. The only plus is we were closed on Thanksgiving. Other than that, customers, take yo asses home! I’m tired! I don’t care about your $79 tablets and $10 dollar off coupons! I can’t even buy the deals we’re promoting! (eye twitches) Sorry yall..had to get that off my chest. For the ones not shopping, I forever thank you lol

  24. Amanda
    November 29, 2013 at 1:50 pm

    I’m not enough of a goon to do BF more than once. I’m too nice for the crowds. I’m afraid I would get shanked for a $20 DVD player and I like my life.

  25. Afropickme
    November 29, 2013 at 2:13 pm

    The one time I did Black Friday (why the hell is autocorrect capitalizing this) with my friends they wanted televisions from sears. I should have known better I get anxiety in enclosed spaces. When those doors opened I felt like the crowd picked me up and I had to roll tide. I don’t know how I made it there but I ended up sitting on the ground in the towel section and waited for my friends to tell me that they got their satan made televisions and were ready to go. Never. Again. I now enjoy Black Friday from my couch with my coupons and codes.

  26. Morgan
    November 29, 2013 at 2:36 pm

    I work in the mall and the shift I had was From 7pm Until 4:30 am,and the store will stay open until 10 tonight, I didn’t spend dinner with my family because It would have made me late for work,But hey they Might give me time and a half for it.

  27. Tracey
    November 29, 2013 at 3:04 pm

    If people were this ‘passionate’, about voting, maybe our country would be in a better state! Our priorities are so mixed up!

  28. mmeetoilenoir
    November 29, 2013 at 11:12 pm

    So many people are in denial about this day. They don’t get that the CEOs are sitting up in their offices on White Saturday, laughing their asses off and lobbying for legislation to do more crap to the supposed unwashed. They’ll keep pushing, pushing, pushing, because people love their bread and circuses.

    Black Friday is a damn joke.

  29. Camille
    November 30, 2013 at 12:07 am

    I used to do black Friday years ago, before people lost their minds about it, and before Amazon. And the fact they’re starting on Thursday afternoon now is pathetic. Why wade into foolishment and danger when you can shop from home and have it delivered to your home or, even better, gift wrapped and delivered to your loved one?

    Unless I’m casting a ballot, I don’t wait in hours- and blocks-long lines for anything. If you catch me in a line that long outside of election day, I’m either saving the lives of my husband and children, or waiting to meet the Sweet Baby Jesus.