Louis XIII Liquor Costs How Much?
I walked into this DOPE Walgreens they just opened on State Street here in Chicago, and got my LIFE. First of all, the Walgreens is 2 floors, and they got everything! They even have a sushi bar (where the chef makes it for you to order) and a fro-yo spot where you can get flavors like coconut and strawberry banana. You know a place is fancy when it has frozen yogurt!
This Walgreens is LAIDT like a baby’s blanket. And I lost myself in it for like an hour. So on the 1st floor, there’s a whole section for “wine and spirits” and it was extensive. They had every drank (yes, drank) you could want. The day I went, they were even giving our Ciroc the day I went. FREE LIQUOR AT WALGREENS, Y’ALL! Yes, this place is everything. If they had a DJ and women in leaning kitten heels and fishnet, it woulda been a club!
So I walked around just looking to see all the names of drinks I didn’t know. There was a section that held premium liquor, in locked glass shelves. So to get any of the drinks in there, an employee would have to open it with a key. I started seeing names I recognized (because rappers talked about them). Courvoisier, Crown Royal, Cristal… Hip hop taught me these are what the cool kids drink, so I wasn’t surprised that they were hella expensive. $249, $449. DANG! But those were clearly small timers compared to the one that took ALL my attention.
Apparently, he’s not just a French king, but eternal life in cognac form. It was the bottle highest up, and it’s display looked a bit more glowy. Why? Because the label under it said $1,999.99.
Do they mean pesos? Are those in dereon dollars? 2,000 AMERICAN dollars for one bottle of DRANK? FOR WHY? WHAT??? Why does it cost so much?
Does it guarantee immortality?
Does it help banish Voldemort?
Did someone scoop Moses’ desert sweat and call it Louis XIII?
Did one drop of Jesus’ tears fall into a batch?
Does one drop of this drink get me drunk AND high?
Is the glass unbreakable?
Does this thing pour itself?
Is this the Fountain of Youth in a bottle??
Do Louis the first through the twelfth come out and sing as I enjoy this cognac?
I have so many questions. For reasons.
Seriously. Can someone explain why this one bottle of libation cost a ton of dollars? I need to know. The bottle is all:
If I ever buy a drink that costs that much, I won’t share it with a soul. NO. MA’AMS or SIRS. Folks would ask me for a sip and I’d be all “HELL NAWL! You know how much this costs?” and then I’d mean mug them for even having the audacity to ask me. I’d be all:
I might not even share it with myself. Do I REALLY know me that well? I’d have to have a conversation with me, talmbout “Now Luvvie, if I give you some of this, I need to know you got my back for life.”
Shiiidddd a $2,000 drink better run a background check on everyone that comes near it. I’m just saying.
But really. Why does it cost this much? I ask. For reasons. I hope you know.