My Life

New Year’s Resolutions I Should Make But Probably Won’t

Happy New Year

It’s a new year and new opportunity to get my life right. Although technically, every day should be a chance for self-improvement. But anywho, you know it’s that time again: RESOLUTIONS! However, I don’t make a habit of making them, because I’m fickle and senile. Mostly senile though. I know me.

Making a list of things I’m gonna change once the clock strikes midnight isn’t for me. Odds are, I’ll lose the list or just straight up ignore it. Mind you, I NEED to make some resolutions. The Good Lawd ain’t done with me yet, so I have much about myself I need to improve. But the first of the year isn’t my automatic switch. “New year, new me?” Nahhhh. New year and the same me from yesterday,

What do I need to fix? Well in the new year, I oughta fix:

* My poker face. Or judging face. Or disgust face. EVERYTHING I think registers on my face. My poker face is as subtle as Lady Gaga’s need to be different. I have good news, and my face looks like this: ^___^, which isn’t a far resemblance from a joyful japanime character. When I’m upset, it reads all over my face, even when I say “I’m fine.” And when I don’t like someone and they walk into a room, my face becomes so shadeful and I do this O____o. All without my knowledge.

Oprah Side Eye Gif

It’s terrible because here I am thinking I have a regular expression on my face until someone pinches me and says “Fix your face.” Me: “Fix what?” Them: “That look. Erase it.” Me: *touches forehead and notices it’s all wrinkled*. So in this new year, I SHOULD learn how to keep a straight face. Should is the key word.

* My penchant for tardiness. I STAY tardy for the party and it is one of my biggest flaws. I was born two weeks late so I can’t be on time for much, only work-related stuff. I was seldom late when I had my 9-5. But getting everywhere else? Umm… yeah. But then again, it’s engrained deep in my DNA. There are some REAL truths in some stereotypes. The one that says African people (specifically Nigerians) can’t be on time for anything is nothing but TABERNACLE TRUTH! I don’t know ONE punctual Nigerian. We stay LATE. Like 4 hours late to parties. So as you see, there’s nary hope for me.

SMDH Anderson gif

Well, there IS hope. All you have to do to ensure that I’m on time is to trick me and tell me I need to be somewhere an hour earlier than I actually do. And even then, I might be 10 mins late, but at least I won’t be 1.5 hrs late. My friends did this to me last month. It worked. Smart heffas.

* My addiction to shoes. I am obsessed with shoes. I’m at 130 pairs and counting and I can’t stop myself. Some people drink, some smoke but my vice is shoes. I really have a problem. Mind you, I give away like 10 pairs every 6 months. But they quickly get replaced by others. When I was moving this year, and my aunt was helping me pack my shoes, I kept bringing out more and more and she was like “WOWWW! I knew you had a lot but not this many.”

I just love shoes. Red shoes, Blue shoes, Flat shoes, Tall shoes. I love them all. That’s why I created BUT… BUT… I don’t need to buy any more pairs because I have nowhere to put them. NOWHERE. They’re in my closet, under the bed, in front of my closet… I just need to chill on the shoe shopping. But I probably won’t.

* My vampire sleeping ways. I sleep like I live in Transylvania. I’m the one that’s up in the middle of the night, having a party of 1, while everyone else sleeps peacefully. Then daytime, I’m usually not up til noon. I’ve always been a night owl, but this has been taken into overdrive, especially since I work for myself. Who gon check me boo make me get up at normal people hours? Certainly not my alarm clock. But yeah, when people ask me “When do you sleep?,” I say 4am to noon, and they look at me funny.

Rupaul Judging You gif

Don’t judge my lifespace.

I should better myself by committing to changing these ways of mine. I REALLY should. Well, I’ll try not to be late to any and everything. I’ll really make an effort because I know it’s terrible. I’ll give folk that TRY at least. The others, though? Umm… yeah… about that… I’ma do better in 2012!

So are y’all making resolutions? What do you know you should change that you probably won’t?

Previous post

The 20 Dumbest Celebrity Tweets of 2011

Next post

It's My Birthday! And I Come Bearing Gift!


  1. conmon
    January 3, 2012 at 9:33 am

    Ugh @being late! I try. I really do. I just…*hangs head in shame*

    Cleaning up. Now my house isn’t disgusting, but I have one of those houses where people can’t just pop up unannounced. Call me when you leave your house or better yet, the day before. That way I can get all my procrastination out the way first.

    I think those are my main 2.

  2. January 3, 2012 at 9:57 am

    Ummm, yeah, I do NOT know how to whisper…I have a deep voice for a lady and it carries…And my son has it honestly, cause he is 18 and sounds like Lou Rawls….So if you walk into a room and I have no types of like nor love for you, not only will I throw shade all across my face, but more than likely, you will hear every word I just said about you…

  3. January 3, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    the one thing I should change (and will, just at a not so fast pace) is putting myself last on the list.

    Prime example? I’m doing some early planning for my birthday and my friends are constantly telling me “this is YOUR party, stop making it about other people”. My biggest worry is that I have friends who know each other but they don’t get along so I spend half the planning time worried about whether or not drama will ensue (esp. since alcohol will be had).

    I’ve made plenty of lists to help me plan and one said list is of the people who don’t get along, why they don’t get along, and how I can keep them from each other, etc.

  4. Justin
    January 3, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    Cleaning up my yard.

  5. Traci
    January 3, 2012 at 2:48 pm

    After reading this post I had to wonder if you weren’t really talking about me on EVERY one of the things you said you need to shall we say, ‘re-evaluate’ yourself on accept for the one about shoes. For that one I need to go the opposite way on. I NEED some shoes, clothes, etc for myself but when you have kids at home they always need something and once again you are placed on the back burner. This year I need to buy me some things like shoes and clothes as soon as I get my kids some shoes, clothes, books……… oh wait Im doing it again!

  6. Sharday
    January 3, 2012 at 3:56 pm

    That first one is me ALL DAY!! I wear my emotions on my face and I don’t realize it until someone points it out. I’m not changing it though. I’ve done it for 26 years… sense in stopping now lol

    This year I’m focused on looking more like a grown up. I’ve been in student mode for so long and with grad school coming to an end….I think it’s time to make that change….

  7. LB
    January 3, 2012 at 7:05 pm

    Yer Mostest Awesomelynessis,
    “check me boo”

    I thought ’bout that WAY too long …

  8. sincerelyalana
    January 3, 2012 at 7:57 pm

    My face is always telling the story that’s going on in my head. A customer made me angry one day and I tried not to show it. She looked at me and said, “you’re mad at me, I see it all over your face.” I don’t think I’ll ever have a poker face.

    I have the same problem with sleep. I’m up all night. And I sleep during the day and I nap. Lord do I get it.

  9. Jazz
    January 11, 2012 at 11:20 am

    I too wear my emotions on my face. I get it from my grandma. She can kill you with a facial expression( only slightly joking right now )

    I too am late for everything. True story- I live 1 mile from my job. 1 mile. 5 minutes away. Why am I late at least 2x a week?

    I am gonna try to do better though.

  10. Kwan
    December 31, 2013 at 9:51 pm

    You are my spirit animal I’m late, I have vampire sleeping hours as well which is not good at all b/c I’m in school and I have a lot of shoes. The latter being a family trait passed down through my mom. The same thing happened to my sister when we were moving her things except it was a neighbor “Those sure are a lot of shoes” and another man passed by who thought we were selling them LMAO! Listen all her shoes filled her Toyota Corolla NO LIE! Not nothing else went in that car but shoes and her.