Charlette got Kang Jesus. At the Apple Store

I asked my Facebook fan page family to give me stuff to roast and they NEVER EVER disappoint. Their cup runneth over with ratchetness. ALL. THE. TIME.

So I was linked to this video. And I almost fell out.

What is wrong with this? Lemme count the ways!

First of all, why is Evangelist Charlette (as she calls herself) singing to the Lord at the Apple Store? I mean does she not have a computer in the confines of her own home? Fine, maybe she doesn’t.

Also, while she’s doing all this hollering, why isn’t anyone in the Apple Store snatching her out? Charlette wasn’t whispering. She was praising HER Jesus, on a borrowed, public Macbook. She’s singing with such fervor in public when ain’t nobody asked her to be on a stage. This ain’t Sunday’s Best. It’s hilarious because people really start to notice around 1:30 and they’re all looking at her like “But…” No one wanted to say anything though. I don’t think they trusted her state of mind.

Oh and when you get to 1:18 of the vid and she hits her high note proudly with the serious hand in the air??? CHILE STOP! LMAO! Charlette just KNOWS she just slayed us all with her vocal prowess. O__O

And we ain’t e’em gon talk bout how Charlotte only got 2 teeth and 1 fang up top. WE AIN’T GON TALK BOUT IT! Chile, her Bugs Bunny swag game is so proper. Miss Charlette has either been chewing on indestructible titanium, or she is a recovering crackhead. You know what crack does to dental health. Bless her. I wanna know her story. But I don’t have time.

Lemme quit hating on Charlette Jones. Long as she got Kang Jesus, she’ont need nobody else. Or couth. Or public etiquette rules. Or concern for privacy and use of equipment that ain’t hers to be recording songs on.

But at the Apple Store though? LOL iCan’t.

Whatcha’ll think of Charlette Jones and her public praise? And her side-swoop hair… And her voice, which doesn’t sound unlike a cat with cramps.

Do tell.

Edit: I just watched Charlette’s African Dance video (also filmed in the Apple Store). CHILE!!!!!!!!! iQuit!!! SOMEONE COME GET MS JONES!!!! LMAOOOOOOOOO!!!! AND she’s from Chicago. Did she film this at the Michigan Ave. Apple Store? LAWDT!

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  1. August 10, 2011 at 7:18 am

    This had me CTFU. And it’s is so true. I always see folks in there sending emails and and making videos. I am waiting for the day someone walks over and say, “mama that’s what you won’t do up in here”.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate,

    • August 10, 2011 at 2:43 pm

      The Apple Store needs more thugs in it.

  2. August 10, 2011 at 7:19 am

    So we not gonna mention her quilted patent leather jacket either? Oh.

    I CANNOT, MS. CHARLETTE! There is a time and a place! It was not the time and the place was surely not the Apple Store!!! Let me escort you ~~>>>

    • August 10, 2011 at 2:43 pm

      Chile, that jacket is just… iCan’t.

  3. August 10, 2011 at 7:24 am

    I had to come back after I saw her doing an AFRICAN DANCE in the Apple Store ~~> I quit her FOR LIFE. Only reason I can think of no one stopping her is she got prior approval. ONLY REASON. Smh… I’m going back to sleep…

    • August 10, 2011 at 8:25 am

      LLOOOOLLLLL!!!!!! and no one is stopping her!? #iRefuse!

      • August 10, 2011 at 2:24 pm

        Right. ican’t.

    • DML
      August 10, 2011 at 8:34 am

      I saw the African “dance”???? also and died a fresh death.

      • August 10, 2011 at 2:23 pm

        Gurl… that makes 2 of us.

    • August 10, 2011 at 2:43 pm

      I just think folks were too afraid of such levels of foolishness to say something to her

  4. luxurylatte
    August 10, 2011 at 7:39 am

    Now y’all know that’s probably Terrance momma down there endangering his job by popping up 3 times a week to check her MySpace and upload her video clips… Cause she gon be discovered and be the firat gospel artist on Cash Money Record. Just y’all wait…

    Blessed and highly favored indeed… Smh…

    • lexi
      August 10, 2011 at 7:50 am

      not cash money!!!no mam!!! lol

      • luxurylatte
        August 10, 2011 at 8:17 am

        She gon be on that Jesus Walks remix with Weezy and Drake.

        • August 10, 2011 at 2:24 pm

          Please don’t give her ideas.

      • MissMaryMack
        August 10, 2011 at 8:58 am

        *dies @ Cash Money* I quit you, luvvie, and The Apple Store just off gp!

        • August 10, 2011 at 2:16 pm

          I’m saying doe…

    • August 10, 2011 at 2:42 pm

      *flatlines* Cole, you stoopid

    • paintgurl40
      August 12, 2011 at 1:48 pm

      she say she has a movie coming out…she doin’ big thangs!! ya’ll betta keep up!!LOL

  5. Celi
    August 10, 2011 at 8:07 am

    Wow. This video was funny but I almost died when I saw the African dance video. The look on the dude’s face in the background is priceless. I didn’t know they let folks act a folk in the Apple Store but I also can’t imagine what a conversation with her about this foolishness would look like.

    • August 10, 2011 at 2:42 pm

      Yeah the African Dance took it to a new level. LMAO!

  6. MsAllyce
    August 10, 2011 at 8:12 am

    Luvvie, you HAVE to watch her African dance!!! Its #murch more ratchet that the Kang Jesus video. iHOLLERED!!

    • Dele
      August 10, 2011 at 8:13 am


    • August 10, 2011 at 2:41 pm

      I did, and I fell out. LOLLL

  7. Dele
    August 10, 2011 at 8:13 am

    “Wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute ….. LONG! LONG! YEAH!”

    Aaand *dead*

  8. August 10, 2011 at 8:25 am

    Luvvie, you are late to the game. Charlette (a descendent of Emmit Till, as she always says) has been on the Tube for quite some time with her shenanigans. She’s since had her teef fixed. Please check out her channel. Hilarity!

    • August 10, 2011 at 2:24 pm

      You know I stay tardy for the party. She got her teeth fixed??? Link or it didn’t happen. I need to see this.

  9. Melody~
    August 10, 2011 at 8:36 am

    I’ve now watched both videos, and the second is the clear winner. She is not only a song writer, music composer and “co-ographer” (her pronunciation not mine)and she managed to do it ALL in the Apple store!

    I’m wondering if her movie “Nigerian Hustle” will be/was also filmed in the Apple store. If so, I’d be intrigued to see how she manages set changes or uses the background shelving for dramatic effect.

    She is a true star, but if she monetizes this she’s gonna have to cut a pretty big check to Steve Jobs ‘nem.

    • August 10, 2011 at 2:23 pm

      I’m so mad at her “Nigerian Hustle” doe. LOL who told her we dance like that? WHO TOLD HER? I ain’t got n’an time for Charlette’s foolishness.

  10. MsSydney
    August 10, 2011 at 8:38 am

    But why are ALL of her videos in the apple store? You can’t tell me at least one employee hasn’t noticed that she’s a repeat praiser.

    • August 10, 2011 at 2:22 pm

      I betchu Charlette e’em has a dedicated computer which is her fave to record these vids. They prolly escort her to it too. SMH.

  11. janelfelice
    August 10, 2011 at 9:08 am

    Wait a minute,Wait a minute,Wait a minute,Wait a minute,Wait a minute…….. OMG!!!! This is crazy. Them screams though. Jesus be a a fence around her vocal cords.

    • August 10, 2011 at 1:55 pm

      LOL right

  12. Chanise
    August 10, 2011 at 11:33 am

    See I am a LONG time lurker and you have had many post that almost made me break..but this ISH RIGHT HERE NUCCA *in my Katt Williams voice* is just ridiculous..I HATE YOU for bringing this into my life and to hell w/ all the background noise acting like this ish is normal *rolls eyes extra HARD*

    • August 10, 2011 at 1:53 pm

      YAYY!!! I love when folks delurk! Don’t be no stranger! Shoo… #Ennehweighs #doe… welcome!

  13. Chanise
    August 10, 2011 at 11:37 am

    Jesus WELP…She dedicated the second video to her Nigerian friends..thats you Luvvie O___O

    • August 10, 2011 at 1:52 pm

      The hell it is! LOL! Charlette and her dedications need to have a seat. lol But I can’t help but lowkey like her. She’s a perfect mess.

  14. minacakes
    August 10, 2011 at 12:01 pm

    Why do I keep seeing videos of people at the Apple store uploading their “performances” to youtube? This is hot in the streets now? mmmkay

    Folks making good use of those macs while we in this recession.

    • minacakes
      August 10, 2011 at 12:11 pm

      Now just wait a doggone minute- i checked out homegirl’s youtube page and she has

      “I have been called Beyonce HOWEVER I DO NOT KNOW OR FOLLOW HER !”

      The devil is a LIE my sista! AND she apparently ran into one of Jesse Jackson’s sons and gets him to speak on camera!!! Miss “related to Emmitt Till” is doing the MOSTEST.

      why no shout outs to Steve Job tho?

      • August 10, 2011 at 1:51 pm

        GURL… iCANNOT deal w/ her. LMAO!!! Who called her Beyonce? Was it Helen Keller? Chile…

    • August 10, 2011 at 1:51 pm

      The Apple Store needs better security, clearly lolol

  15. MsMiko
    August 10, 2011 at 1:44 pm

    Waitaminute: Did she just say “I’m only gonna give you a few steps cuz I’m a coreographer, not choreographer, but coreographer? I’m dead! Flatlined…..I couldn’t even get passed her doing the Zhane “Groove Thang” as part of her “african dance”. And the “african” head wrap?? Cremate me please….

    • August 10, 2011 at 1:51 pm

      Yes she did, girl. lolol Charlette ain’t wanna give us everything at once. O_O

    • ABG
      August 11, 2011 at 9:42 am

      Okay…I almost fell out of my chair @ work when she said “coreographer”, mainly cause my friends & I hv a running joke w/coreographicar. Yes, someone said that. Sadly, because we are always jokn bout it, I hv 2 catch myself 2 make sure I’m pronouncing the word properly. FUNNY!!!

  16. Jeanette
    August 10, 2011 at 1:53 pm

    I read all of the comments before watching the video and still, NOTHING (and I mean nothing) could prepare me for what I saw and heard. I am just floored by the foolery…there are just no words -____-

    • August 10, 2011 at 7:20 pm

      LOL has your life been changed by this level of tomfoolery? I think so. Betchu went to watch more vids of Charlette and her side swoop.

  17. August 10, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    *silence*…..*blinks at screen*

    Had I worked at this particular Apple Store, I woulda been out of a job that day cuz i wouldnt have been able to do it.

    • August 10, 2011 at 2:02 pm

      But the cautious disclaimer tho!!? “I fell two yrs ago and lost my talent and my good sense…O_o”

      no ma’am. I quit on everything for the rest of the day. I will never be able to walk into another Apple Store without bein paranoid that Missionary may be lurking…

      • August 10, 2011 at 2:08 pm

        And that man’s face behind her from 2:02 to 2:12…DEAD!! He walked off like naw you aint about that life bish. smh. I CANT!!

  18. TB_BT
    August 10, 2011 at 2:00 pm

    I’ve seen a bunch of her videos. She is a regular in the store; they NEVER say anything to her. Now all kinsd of people do this in the Apple store. Check them out on Youtube. My little cousin goes to the Apple store weekly. I told him I better not EVER…EVER…EVER see a video of him like Charlette’s.

  19. August 10, 2011 at 3:36 pm

    Jesus did not walk on water, so people could make youtube videos at the Apple Store. Imma need her to get one of those party tents and some fold up church chairs; and take her sermon outside on the vacant lot, next to the neighborhood corner store.

  20. Taiya
    August 10, 2011 at 3:48 pm

    OHEMGEE! I can’t with Aunty Charlette, I just caint!!! Please tell me this isn’t the foolishness that is going on down on the Mag Mile no wonder they were flashmob robbing folks Aunty Charlette was in the Apple store doing praise and worship and calling the gods down. The Nigerian Hustle hmmm? Chai :-/

  21. Cheekie
    August 10, 2011 at 6:52 pm

    LAWD. I’m mad she’s singing every single part of the entire gospel choir when lawd knows she shouldn’t even be singing HER part. And aside from the staff not escorting her out, I kept looking at all the folks just browsing the iShat like it was just a normal day. Some folks were laughing, but that one dude who kept looking at a product like that lady wasn’t JUST in front of him caterwauling about Kang Jesus? Sir.

    And the African dance one! She shouted out her Myspace fam too! And she jut matter-of-factly mentioned she fell down some stairs a couple years ago. And did she call the dance the Nigerian Hustle?!!! *dies* Apple needs to make an app of her. Just all Charlette airthang. iCharlette.

    • August 10, 2011 at 7:19 pm

      ROTF!!! You’re SO right, Cheekie. Charlette’s tryna sing alto, soprano, falsetto, conchetta AND concerto all at once. Can’t deal w/ her. She’s just tryna live out her QWA dreams. Bless her heart.

  22. Melissa C
    August 10, 2011 at 7:41 pm

    To this day all I have to do is tell my niece that I was a co-wog-gra-fer and she just busts out laughing.

  23. Margaret
    August 10, 2011 at 7:49 pm

    2 teeth and 1 fang?? YOU ARE KILLIN ME!!

    Ms. Charlette is PUTTING IT DOWN!!! One night I watched all her videos and was still laughing the next day.

    Someone told me that she is in Chicago. We REALLY need you to scour the stores and find her. Please, do it for your faithful readers.

  24. JMarguerite
    August 10, 2011 at 9:57 pm

    But…did you notice how she fixed her hair at the beginning? Then the employees just looked at her and carried on their business, which CLEARLY means, she does this all the time! LOL. I’m bout to go to the Apple store and start using their free computers and internet like at the library!

  25. JMarguerite
    August 10, 2011 at 10:10 pm

    Ok, so I commented before I saw the second vid! Why? Like…seriously…I’m just…I can’t take it!

  26. Chet
    August 10, 2011 at 11:48 pm

    I am sorry ..but she should have practiced singing that gospel song with her top lip gently wrapped around that upper broken disrespect.. : )-

  27. LikeRamona
    August 11, 2011 at 1:27 am

    I’m sitting here, with tears streaming down my face, mad at myself for clicking that damn play button! I knew there would be foolishness when I say the title of the post but trust & believe that I was in no way prepared for what was in store!!! No way, no ma’am, no how!

    Mahalia Jackson did not die so this woman could go caterwauling in the apple store!

    And then what did my ignant azz do?! I’ll tell u what…I clicked on that damn African dance vid. My stomach & eyes hurt! I’m going to bed with this imprinted on my mind…Luvvie, iQuit u!!!!!!! (I’ll be back tomorrow #doe)

  28. LikeRamona
    August 11, 2011 at 1:30 am


  29. ABG
    August 11, 2011 at 9:45 am

    At first I thought she somehow superimposed herself into the Apple Store cuz it did not appear as though anyone was really paying attention to her. But then I saw the guy in the blue shirt tryn to bust a couple of the dance moves. THIS IS SOME FUNNY STUFF!!

  30. Shay
    August 11, 2011 at 10:15 am

    *DEAD* Please don’t have her sing and dance at my funegro! OMG, if you haven’t please check out her youtube page and Chicago people she will be on our TV screens Aug. 23 on channel 19!!!

  31. Jfloyd
    August 11, 2011 at 10:23 am

    I had to post the link to this one because she said she had a black planet page too! Who knew black planet still exists?

  32. _prettybrwn_
    August 11, 2011 at 2:03 pm

    i died and was revived only to die again…. i just can’t deal with this….in the apple store lookin like she been whippin her hair back and forth a few too many times….OMG the craziness

  33. Akua
    August 11, 2011 at 5:44 pm

    I just laughed so loud that I woke up my husband and my cat. The singing had me giggling, but the dance. The dance laid me out. If nothing else, Ms. Charlotte has passion.

  34. August 11, 2011 at 8:02 pm

    In the apple store? SERIOUSLY?? OMG..Imma need us to do a Kickstarter and raise her a computer fund and a dental plan? Can we do that? And then the AFRICAN DANCE! Yo..who did the sound editing on this?? They gone add some rachet “African” dance music but not edit that background noise? OMG…this is a hot mess. And

  35. paintgurl40
    August 12, 2011 at 1:37 pm

    when you said let the rachetness commence luvvie, i didn’t think you would go in like this!!!

    the nigerian hustle had me weak…dead..given life and dead again!!!

    i gotta show my hubby this mess!!

    • paintgurl40
      August 12, 2011 at 1:38 pm

      she said in the beginning of the second video that she was in the new york apple store….they’re probably used to the nutters that wander in off the streets.

  36. lola zabeth » brunch buffet: mineral oil, Missoni, Lauren says adios to Polo & more
    August 13, 2011 at 8:57 am

    […] Charlette got Kang Jesus. At the Apple Store: Is it OK to bwaaaaah at someone praising the Lord? No? Well I guess I’m going straight to hell. […]

  37. Angryshivy
    August 16, 2011 at 11:00 am

    The 2nd video made my day. I love the fact that the guy in the blue shirt was dancing in the background

  38. August 24, 2011 at 6:37 pm

    This is why Steve Jobs retired, y’all.

  39. ConshusMama
    October 10, 2011 at 9:12 pm

    she is dead serious.

    When she started bussin it down with her dance for her friends in Nigeria and Africa, she ain’t had no shame in her mouth, or teeth either.

    I would have LOVEDED to see that live and in person.

    bless her heart.

  40. Liz
    August 31, 2012 at 7:29 pm

    I had to pause this video multiple because I am ALL kinds of embarrassed. She could’ve at least borrowed a friends computer. Y’all… please don’t hold her mule anymore.

  41. Kaila S
    October 17, 2012 at 10:31 pm

    You have no idea how much my mama and I just laughed at this woman! Chile go sit down! The killer? In her other vids when she gives herself the title of “relative of the late lynched Emmett Till! I really can’t with this!

  42. MsZ
    April 13, 2013 at 1:23 pm

    I know I’m hella late to this one, but Ms. Charlette. Sigh. Ms. Charlette need to head over to Lane Bryant and get a bra with a little more support. She is jigglin and jigglin, and that’s just not lady like. I got nothin else to add. Thank you for your time. -__-

  43. Tosh
    May 4, 2013 at 2:37 pm

    She needs King Dentist

  44. Limner
    May 4, 2013 at 3:27 pm

    I could not laugh. She is sincere. With a dental make-over and voice lessons,she could become a singer. She has base talent. It needs refinement. And she needs her own Mac.