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Whose Head is This? I Have Many Questions

I was doing what I does when I does it (read: nothing) when I stumbled upon the picture below. I blame Thembi for this.

No that is not a mannequin. That is a grown man with tattooed cornrows.
*blinks twice*

I have many questions and not enough answers.

Is this what we’ve come to as a people? As a species? As a human race? We now think it’s ok for people to tattoo hairstyles on their scalps? And of ALL hairstyles… this dude picks the one that no one over the age of 21 should even rock. Does he not want anything better for himself? You can only go so far in life with a scalp covered with tattooed braids.

How long did this take??? This had to take HOURS upon HOURS because it is highly detailed. There’s all types of shading and everything. This idiot actually sat through this. And the tattoo artist looks like he was more than enthused to tat individual hair strands on Mr. Clean’s head. And how much did this cost? Lemme find out dude used his entire life savings to fund this.

In fact, who is the tattoo artist who agreed to do this? Can his license be revoked? This has got to be a crime somewhere. He’s accessory to some sort of illegal deed. Aiding and abedding the tacky-nification (yeah I made it up. Say something) of society.

Why are those ink braids so tight? Y’all see that red. Looking at his scalp makes me remember the days I used to get my hair braided. The first 2 days, they’d be so tight I’d look like this: ^__^ even when I was relaxed. I’m getting a headache just thinking about it.

Why are those cornrows so short? They coulda tattooed some drapeage on them braids. Sitting up there looking like Brian from Day 26 (who managed to have the SAME length braids for 5 yrs. And they barely touched his neck). Only thing worse than cornrows on a grown man are cornrows that won’t grow…man (see what I did there? You see it).

How is this gonna look when he’s 85? I mean, it looks UTTERLY and COMPLETELY ridiculous NOW. Imagine what it’d look like on a wrinkled old head. That’s gon be someone’s granddaddy one day. Chile…

IDK, but listen… WHOSE HEAD IS THIS??? What tattoo artist agreed to this? And are we afraid of where we’re heading as a species?”

Discuss.

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57 Comments

  1. Arra
    May 11, 2011 at 7:08 am

    i dunno what to say. u can find me weeping in the corner and weep for this human race of ours.

    • May 12, 2011 at 2:41 am

      I’ll join you, Arra. *gets in fetal position*

  2. mochazina
    May 11, 2011 at 7:13 am

    oh, for shame!
    *joins arra in weeping*

    • May 11, 2011 at 10:55 am

      *hands you both tissues as I bust out a wall slide*

  3. Gwen (@ashlee1969)
    May 11, 2011 at 7:17 am

    At what stage in one’s life does a person have to be to say the following: “I think imma go get me some cornrows tattooed to my head!”???? … I’m confused like a mugg. Where they do that at! AND who was the tattoo “artist” that said, “Yeah dude. I will eff up your head and your entire LIFE for a few dollars? SMH!!! Is this what we have become? Welp, I guess so. Luvvie, girl, this made my head hurt. I have to go back to bed! LMAO

    • May 11, 2011 at 10:54 am

      GURL… this is what losing looks like. Or not getting hugged enough as a child. I’ont blame you for taking to your bed after seeing this.

  4. May 11, 2011 at 8:13 am

    Damn, they look real as hell too. Scalp red, braids tight at the front..yeah he’s an idiot

    • May 11, 2011 at 10:53 am

      Right! The tattoo artist is clearly gifted. He just needs to direct his talents to tats that aren’t guaranteeing that the person will live a life of subparity.

  5. Theonly1
    May 11, 2011 at 9:31 am

    …least you won’t be able to see it when/if his hair every grows back! <—my attempt at positivity.

    He don't have nothin to live for so he just gonna shame himself to death!

    • May 11, 2011 at 10:52 am

      Yeah you tried. I don’t think the Dalai Lama could find a positive in this foolishness.

  6. Shola
    May 11, 2011 at 9:48 am

    All i can do is LMAO…hilarious! People go to many lengths to be FOOLISH! iCant!

    • May 11, 2011 at 10:51 am

      And I don’t understand. A MESS.

  7. DiaShoni
    May 11, 2011 at 9:55 am

    I…OK. Drugs are bad, people. I have to believe drugs led to this decision, or I’m going to have to just break down and become a hermit.

    • May 11, 2011 at 10:51 am

      *sigh* Something tells me this was of free volition without drugs involved. People are becoming that stupid.

  8. Tracy
    May 11, 2011 at 10:52 am

    You know the conversation started with “You know what would be hot?”

    • Naturally Alise
      May 11, 2011 at 12:13 pm

      YASSSSS! or like, “So yo check dis out…”

  9. Deetzi
    May 11, 2011 at 10:59 am

    Can I just say in his defense that at least it is on his head? He can (hopefully) grow hair to cover it when (if) he comes to see the foolishness of his ways – or wear a wig or get hair plugs. What gets me are those facial tatts that say “ima be so successful I won’t ever need a paying job”.

    • May 12, 2011 at 2:40 am

      No you cannot say that in his defense. (-___-) lol

  10. May 11, 2011 at 11:04 am

    Wow…I know there are white people who wish they were black…but this really takes the cake, pie, cookie and any other dessert…

    • May 11, 2011 at 4:50 pm

      That’s funny right there, I don’t care who you are

      • May 12, 2011 at 2:35 am

        Funny must mean unfortunate. You’re right, Cougar. #LettucePray

    • May 12, 2011 at 2:39 am

      I’ont e’em know if that’s what dude wishes. Maybe he just always wished he could be braided up. Who knows?

  11. JROC
    May 11, 2011 at 11:21 am

    definition of a midlife crisis= this mans head. However on a more positive note. I feel that the entire African American race should be awarded at least 1500 cool points cuz, of all the foolishness we can be accused of THIS ISH RIGHT here AIN’T NEVAH been on the list of our foolery. Hopefully it never will be.

    • May 12, 2011 at 2:39 am

      I did feel REALLY good that is wasn’t one of us that did this. That is the one reason I might have fist pumped. But lemme see someone colored w/ this tat. I might just have to quit everything.

  12. May 11, 2011 at 11:25 am

    Hmph. All I know is this mess absolves my soul of any past misguided hair decisions. You know what I’m talnbout, Luvvie…

    • May 12, 2011 at 2:38 am

      I know not what you speak of.

  13. May 11, 2011 at 11:58 am

    I saw this last week and I naturally (no Alise) died a thousand deafs. Along with Brian’s, his braids are rivaling Flava Flav’s… whose braids I’m pretty sure come to the middle of his head.

    • May 12, 2011 at 2:37 am

      #StruggleBraids

  14. Margo_Brown
    May 11, 2011 at 4:09 pm

    This is a complete mess. And I’m mad he has the picture of a dude with the cornrows he wanted in the background. I bet the conversation went something like this:

    Stupid Man: *walks into tattoo parlor* Hey, can y’all do this? *shows picture*

    Tattoo Artist (Stupidity Enabler): Uhhhhh, you know this is a tattoo parlor right, the hair salon is two blocks….

    SM: Naw, I know, I know. I meant I wanted these braids tattooed on my head.

    TA: *o_O* You want ’em tattooed on your head, like your head, head, like your scalp??

    SM: Yeah man, I just like the way they look, you know, like, they look cool. And I figure, hey, if I get ’em tattooed on I won’t never have to worry about taking ’em out cuz they always ‘gon look fresh, ya know. I figure hey, if ladies can get they mascara and fake moles and all that sh*t tatted on and made permanent, why can’t I get some cornrows???

    TA: *still giving severe side-eye* So, you want me, to tattoo, some cornrows, on your scalp, for real?

    SM: Yeah man, I’m willing to pay whatever cuz I want ’em just like they are on the paper, real life like, like some reality type sh*t.

    TA: And you said you’re willing to pay whatever???

    SM: Yeah.

    TA: *seeing dollar signs* Okay, well come on back, we’ll shave your head and get started….

    I bet that tattoo artist went home like “Maaaaaaan, you won’t believe what I tattooed on somebody today…..”

    • May 12, 2011 at 2:35 am

      The sad part is I know this is EXACTLY what happened. I just knowed it. 🙁

  15. May 11, 2011 at 5:02 pm

    Listen Luvvie, though this is indeed an ENTIRE mess…look at it this way: this man made a very well thought out financial decision. After years of going to the hair salon to get his hair braided,and you know white people’s hair don’t stay fresh for a long time…so this was probably a weekly ordeal for him. He was probably dropping like $40 a week to keep these fresh. It’s a recession, nobody’s got time…he found a creative solution. more power to you, bruh.

    • May 12, 2011 at 2:34 am

      *throws tomatoes at your bright note* NAWL TALIE! I won’t accept that. NO MA’AM!

  16. May 12, 2011 at 1:22 am

    This man…

    *prays*

    • May 12, 2011 at 2:32 am

      *throws holy water*

  17. Bronxgirl1
    May 12, 2011 at 1:24 am

    Oh these are supposed to be cornrows? I thought it was the layout for the board game Chutes and Ladders or Candyland. Does Hasbro know about this? He may be violating some copyright laws.

    It also looks like the race course for the Hot Wheels toys. I am fighting this insane urge right now to race little toy cars and model trains around on his head…LOL

    • May 12, 2011 at 2:31 am

      LOL!!! I used the play the heck outta some Chutes n Ladders. This fool got a labyrinth tatted on his scalp. Gurl…iCan’t.

  18. sincerelyalana
    May 12, 2011 at 2:23 am

    “Only thing worse than cornrows on a grown man are cornrows that won’t grow…man”

    Listen… *laughs*

    *looks at picture*

    *cries*

    WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!

    • May 12, 2011 at 2:31 am

      Chile… I have NO idea why this is happening. Alls I know is, it need not. Shame

  19. May 13, 2011 at 9:05 am

    See this is what I’m talking about. It’s just crazy, because the tat artist did the braids too doggone tight! Scalp about to bleed and every thang. Ain’t no amount of Tylenol or Motrin gonna relieve that.

    I gotta give it to the tat artist, for the detail. But what I want to see a few years from now is a tattoo of the traction alopecia that those tight ass braids gonna give him! SMH

  20. May 13, 2011 at 10:49 am

    Luvvie you are just plain crazy. Where do you get these things. I’m so trying not to pee in my pants with laughter while reading this blog. Luv u girl, keep em coming.

  21. lilsoulsista
    May 15, 2011 at 6:37 am

    This whole situation is tragic (and hilarious). At first glance, I actually thought it was a pic of braids! But what I really don’t understand is why they’re not perfect cornrows. It’s a tattoo so why does it look like someone didn’t square out his braids properly? And then that weird braid across the forehead… o___O That’s why they’re called cornrows…they’re supposed to be perfectly straight, like rows of corn. I don’t get that. Well I don’t get ANY of this but that really concerns me.

  22. Ebony
    May 15, 2011 at 7:37 am

    Wow. I’m seldom speechless. This is one of those times. Reminds me of the “lace front baby” but worse 🙁

  23. itsonandpoppin
    May 24, 2011 at 3:11 pm

    OMG, OMG, OMG! I’m sleep!!!

  24. July 28, 2011 at 11:51 pm

    Girl I laughed so hard at this post that I literally cried…you are too much, but soooo right you are about this travesty of a tattoo…smdh at everything!

  25. iluvluvvie
    September 9, 2011 at 8:24 pm

    it’s his dead brother’s hairstyle. heh. but seriously, not funny. crazy. we’re devolving..

  26. Bobbie C
    December 12, 2014 at 8:43 pm

    Wait. I used to have a tube top with that exact pattern, and my grandma said it disappeared. Back in 1980something. Could it be? Sparkles, that you?

  27. taymur
    December 12, 2014 at 9:20 pm

    What I needs know is how a plan for this tomfoolery take shape? AND how no one, not nobody can stop it?! Then what happens when in the aging process this fool becomes partially bald. …..Picture it half hair/half tatted faux conrows!

  28. dollphace
    December 12, 2014 at 9:39 pm

    Ok so what happens when he wants to switch the pattern up?

  29. autumn
    December 12, 2014 at 9:55 pm

    Did you peep the photo of a man’s actual braids on the table??? That was the inspiration, I guess. :-/

  30. Nina
    December 12, 2014 at 11:45 pm

    This was a tattoo done at dudes house…the table has a jar of peanut butter and some takeout on it. This is how foolishness happens! This stupid man and his tattoo artist friend hatched this plan over takeout and peanut butter sammiches…I’m done.

  31. December 13, 2014 at 12:12 am

    I have been blessed/cursed with a very vivid imagination. This is making my head itch. I feel like I need to take several showers, rub some nice soothing flaxseed erl into my head, and call my nana to console me.

    o_o *itch*itch*
    That man ain’t right.

  32. Victoria
    December 13, 2014 at 5:24 am

    *passes out various strong beverages and potent “herbs” to everyone who saw this article*

  33. joe
    December 13, 2014 at 9:04 am

    Identity crisis maybe…nawww!!!! This man’s mama was a drug addict/alcoholic and he was born with brain damage (fetal alcohol syndrome) or he was bored in prison and was trying to become part of a gang that would protect his back so he could remain alive…that’s all I got folks. I have to make sense of this b/c it’s soooo messed up (hotassmess) I can’t even go there if this isn’t the case…sigh* 🙁

  34. Miz Boop
    December 13, 2014 at 9:20 am

    Looked closely at the pic… again.
    This dude clearly got some age on him. (see dem crow’s feet?)
    Therefore I am convinced that this was his response to a mid-life crisis after suffering thru a dark night of the soul.

    Yeah. thass it.

  35. December 13, 2014 at 9:31 pm

    Well this tattoo artist and all his skills decided to do this one day wow just wow I suppose he doesn’t plan on getting a job where he can work without a hat

  36. December 14, 2014 at 6:04 pm

    Not my baby Brian from Day 26!?!?! Lol I swear he had some struggle braids

  37. Eve
    December 15, 2014 at 12:20 pm

    What would be even more sad? If he grew his hair back in to cover it, but now he’s bald, just on the TOP.