Things That Are Scary At Me
Mkay so we’re all family here at AweLuv right? We s’posed to be able to be open with one another. Wells, I got some confessions. Y’all already know that I’m a thug. Despite that, there are a coupla things that take me out my element and make me go “EEK!!!” These things are scary at me (c) PBG and throw my thug to the floor at a moment’s notice.
Roaches – The quickest way for me to lose ALL my cool is to see a roach or bug of some sort. My typical laidback, can’t be moved too easily demeanor leaves me completely. I become A GIRL! (No Jamie Lee Curtis. My anatomy is correct). But I become the jumping up and down and high-pitched squeal type of girl. There was a time I saw a roach like 5 feet in front of me. Instead of going in for the kill, I hopped up and down in the same spot, flailing my arms and saying “EEEEKKK!! It’s a rooooaaacchhh!!” for at least 30 seconds. The roach stood it’s ground and had a staring contest with me from the floor.
As I continued to panic, my sis looked at me like I was a mess, walked by and killed it seamlessly. At which I stopped hopping and said “Whew! Close call”. What was I close to? Probably being fully punked by the roach but I think that ship already sailed when I screamed like a 12-year-old at a Drake concert. A doggone shame. Besides, roaches got this overconfidence about them that makes me uneasy. Anything that is crushed and still moves around is nothing positive.
The Dark – Seriously, me and the dark are enemies! What’s there? I don’t know. EXACTLY! I always have at least one light on at all times. You won’t ever catch me watching a movie with just the TV on, unless I’m with someone else and we aren’t more than 2 feet apart. My night light game is so proper. Besides, I blame my overactive imagination with my fear of the dark. Something moves, and my brain starts screenwriting it’s own horror movie, starring me as the unsuspecting victim. Which is also why I’m afraid of…
Horror Movies – I HATE scary movies with the intensity of 1000 breaths of halitosis sufferers. I partially blame my sisters, M & K, for my abhorrence of horrors. When we were little and we were home alone, them and the rest of my cousins would put in the likes of “Poltergeist” and “Hellraiser”. Since I was scared of being by myself, I basically had to sit through them all and watch. I still remember the dude from “Hellraiser” with all those spikes in his face. EEEKK!!! *runs and hides*. In fact, Poltergeist is the reason why I’m afraid of…
Clowns – Between the chalky white face, the red lips painted in a perpetual smile and the receding hairline, clowns are just an all around NO. I find nothing funny about them and I think they’re always plotting something. iCan’t trust them. Everyone remembers the clown in Caroline’s room in “Poltergeist” too. NOT. COOL. And most folks remebers homey the Clown, the ornery clown from “In Living Color”. He didn’t make it much better either. iRebuke clowns in the name of all that is uncreepy and holy. Get the behind me, Bozo!!! *sprays holy water*
If you put me in a dark room with roaches and force me to watch a horror movie about clowns, you might as well start planning my funegro. As the old, present and future me would be dead & gone. First though, I’m pretty sure I’d need a change of clothes, as I’m sure I woulda pissed myself. Don’t judge me!
Despite all of this, I’m still a thug. In fact, please refer to me as Thuggie Luvvie henceforth. Kthnx.