My Thoughts on the 2015 Golden Globes
The 2015 Golden Globes was aight, entertainment-wise. At this point, my barometer on how entertaining a show was has been lowered considerably. On a scale of 1 to Listen to Tom Cruise talk about religion, it was at level “At least I didn’t wanna slide out my chair halfway through.” Let’s talk about it.
* The men of Hollywood won the night in fashion. None of the women showed up and slayed, in my opinion. Meanwhile, the men learned that with a beard, even Jake Gyllenhall can look sexy. Beards are magical. Grow them, fellas. Thank me later. Well, everyone got the note but Benedict Cumberbatch. I don’t get sexy from him like y’all do. I get shifty, like he can’t be trusted. To his credit, he looks like a white dude who uses lotion in the winter. Applaud.
Even though he was beardless, David Oyelowo was looking like a fine piece of chocolate, all smooth and yummy. Honestly, I was really watching just to objectify my favorite celebs.
* The women didn’t slay like usual. Let’s talk about the ladies’ alphets, doe. Kate Hudson (and her banging body) was in a tight white Versace gown with many cutouts and it gave me Instagram boutique realness and I was sad. Because the dress went the way of cheap when it didn’t have to. Salma Hayek was wearing what looked like a wedding gown (strapless, ball gown) in a light silver. So it was like she was getting married for the 5th time and didn’t feel right wearing white or ivory. So gray!
Felicity Jones did rock a super pretty green Christian Dior dress but her hair wasn’t doing much for me so I couldn’t give the entire look a thumbs up. Same with Jennifer Lopez. She was in a banging dress but her hair was all gelled down in the front and big in the back. NAWL. WRONG. Kiera Nightley’s dress woulda been really chic and adorable if this were 1870.
Even my cousin AdeKerry Washington and my boo Lupita Nyong’o didn’t BRING IT like they usually do. I felt like Kerry’s face and hair was BOMB (no one does understated elegance like Mrs. Asomugha) but the length of her dress was awkward. Lupita’s dress was cute but her afro helmet wasn’t hitting on much. But she’s Goddess Nyong’o so that too shall pass.
* Amy Poehler and Tina Fey should host everything. This is my annual observation. They’ve hosted the Golden Globes for the last 3 years and they’re really the main draw. Award shows are notoriously boring but with these two at the helm, they’re a bit more tolerable.
If only.
Amy and Tina’s monologues are always on point and this year, they pushed it to the edge. My favorite zingers?
“The movie #SELMA is about the American Civil Rights Movement that totally worked and now everything’s fine.”
“George Clooney married Amal Alamuddin this year. Amal is a human rights lawyer who worked on the Enron case, was an advisor to Kofi Annan regarding Syria and was selected for a three-person U.N. commission investigating rules of war violations in the Gaza Strip. So tonight, her husband is getting a lifetime achievement award.”
And then they went IN on Bill Cosby and the rape allegations. You can tell that the people in the room didn’t know if they should laugh. Mind you, Amy and Tina have done Bill Cosby rape jokes back when they did “weekend Update” together. To them, this wasn’t new territory.
“Sleeping Beauty just thought she was getting coffee with Bill Cosby.”
WHEW. They definitely took it there.
* The North Korea bit should have been left behind. Part of the joke in Amy and Tina’s monologue was “Tonight we celebrate all the great television shows we know and love as well as all of the movies that North Korea was OK with.” It got chuckles. Then throughout the show, they did different skits with Margaret Cho who played a North Korean rep who was there to monitor affairs.
WOMP.
Margaret had on powder that was 2 shades lighter than she was and spoke with an exaggerated accent. I can’t imagine how it came across to Asians but it made ME wince. I wish they would have just left the bit at the monologue line.
* Gina Rodriguez’s speech was my 2nd favorite. For her role in the show Jane the Virgin, Gina Rodriguez won a Golden Globe for Best Actress in a Comedy Series. Even though I’ve never seen her show, the moment they called her name, I cheered, because I’m here for anytime a Black or Brown person wins an award in the sea of white.
“This award is so much more than myself. It represents a culture that wants to see themselves as heroes. My father used to tell me to say every morning: ‘Today is going to be a great day. I can and I will.’ Well, Dad. Today is a great day. I can and I did.”
I appreciated the real emotion, instead of the Taylor Swift surprise face. Shoutout to her.
* Prince showed up and that alone was magic. He strutted onstage looking the the legendary giver of no dambs that he is, with a cane and a fluffy afro. Prince be looking like Lisa Bonet and then he speaks and James Earl Jones comes out. It’s so perplexing. His cool ass only goes to award shows where he’s being honored and he can wear a shirt with his own pic on it so for him to grace folks with his presence. It was for something special.
Everyone knew it too because people freaked the hell out, and Allison Janney could not keep her cool. HA!
* Common dropped a WORD and gave my favorite speech. John Legend and Common won the “Best Original Song” Golden Globe for Glory, their song for the brilliant movie SELMA. Brother Lonnie from Chicago got on that stage and made it really count.
“The first day I stepped on the set of SELMA, I began to feel like this was bigger than a movie. As I got to know the people of the Civil Rights movement, I realized I am the hopeful black woman who was denied her right to vote. I am the caring white supporter, killed on the front lines of freedom. I am the unarmed kid who maybe needed a hand, but instead was given a bullet. I am the two fallen police officers murdered in the line of duty. ‘Selma’ has awakened my humanity.”
Ugh. Have my babies, Common. Keep talking like that and I’ma just have to propose to you and buy you a short set with a matching bucket hat. Hey boo.
* We are all one because of Patricia Arquette’s Struggle Ponytail. Patricia Arquette won an award (that I’m too lazy to even look up) and she gave a cute speech (that I’m too lazy to quite). And then she turned around and we all saw her stingy ponytail and I hollered. White people be rocking Struggle puffs too? See, yall? Sinners got souls too. WE ARE MORE SIMILAR THAN DIFFERENT!
I’m looking for a picture of it to show yall but it might say “404 Error Not Found.” Just miniscule. Bless it.
WAIT. FOUND IT!
The little ponytail that couldn’t even. It was unable to even.
Anyway, other things happened. Kevin Hart refused to speak in an inside voice, George Clooney won his award, and a movie not named SELMA won “Best Picture.”
At this point, it’s tradition for me to side-eye the Golden Globes for their monochromaticness. So here is the annual diatribe on the state of race at this show.
SELMA won one award at the GoldenGlobes and it was for music. Hollywood is nothing if not consistent, and Black culture is only good when it entertains white people and allows for some shucking. And that is bullshit. I’m glad “Glory” won but Ava DuVernay and David Oyelowo should have won also. The movie itself should have won. No, we’re not surprised. Yes, we can create our own show. But we will continue to say “BITCH, YOU TRIED IT.”
And yes, we can create our own award and we DO have our own awards (See: NAACP Image Awards). When there’s a list of “50 Best Writers” and they’re all men so women complain, do people say “hey women. Just shut up and stop looking for the approval of men. Go create your own?” Because every time we point out these awards that purport themselves to be about BEST FILMS AND ACTORS AND MUSIC snub Black people, all I hear is “well stop begging for validation.” Nope. We are not. Because I don’t place the worth of our movies and our stories on how award-worthy they are or how many accolades they get. SELMA is no less brilliant now than it was yesterday.
Go see this film! Bring tissues.
Automatically saying that we need to just “create their own” is to assume that we aren’t working hard enough to do just that when things like lack of funding and lack of access often prevent.
“I want that candy!”
“WELL GO GET THE CANDY.”
“But it’s on top of the fridge and I need the step stool.”
“Oh. Well I’m using the step stool. BUT GO GET THE CANDY AND STOP COMPLAINING.”
Ava DuVernay won my heart, and that’s totally better than a Golden Globe. Although my heart isn’t pawnable. Whatevs. I was all types of butthurt last night. Then add to the fact that 2,000 people died in Nigeria senselessly at the hands of Boko Haram. No one said “I AM NIGERIA” at the Golden Globes but how many JeSuisCharlie did we hear, though? Yeah ok. We’re excluded in everything! I wrote about this for TheGrio. Check out my piece on “Let’s declare #IamNigeria to honor nation’s 2,000 lives lost to terrorists.“
Anyways, another year and more of the same. Amy and Tina looked over the show themselves. If it wasn’t my job to watch these things, and if my people weren’t on it AT ALL, I’d be able to ignore it better.
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25 Comments
Amy and Tina are the lesbian couple I wish adopted me at birth.
Common. Mmm. All that social intellect. So segsy.
I didn’t really care about anyone else.
I totally forgot to watch. I’m seeing that I didn’t miss much except for a couple of memorable speeches. A few years ago, I loved this award show because the actors got good and tipsy and made the show less stuffy. Now, I am so bothered by the establishment’s treatment of OUR art that I can’t bring myself to give a single, solitary damb. I figure we won too many awards last season, so they have to right the ship… somehow. I mean Ava had to reimagine dialogue and keep it true to the message since the Kings sold the rights to Spielberg years ago. That, by itself, should be recognized. A British actor made himself into one of the ultimate African American icons. The story and message is too powerful to be ignored, but their peers are doing their damnedest to make it so.
Fashion-wise, I just clicked through a million pictures and decided that I loved Lorde’s pantsuit – slick hair combo and Kelly Osboirne’s fitted sheath. Everyone else was underwhelming.
Sorry. I’m upset.
” The legendary giver of no dambs.” Has to be the best description of Prince EVER!!
I agree with everything, Luvvie. The wind was let out of my sails long before the show started when Goddess Lupita showed up looking good, not the GOODGAWDALLMIGHTY I’ve become accustomed to, so I was just watching to see if Selma could pull off any upsets. Was REALLY hoping for just one more award, but it is what it is. I’ve watched a couple eps of Jane the Virgin and it is funny and has heart. I screamed when Gina Rodriquez won because I too love to see when ‘minorities’ kick butt. And her speech had my eyes sweating like a lil bish baby. And Common. GLORAY!!!! I lost my gathdammed mind when he went all spoken word on us. I was throwing my drawls at the tv and I’m usually a classy lady. He had a sister outchea feeling all weak at the knees and such. Mercy!
Also, I’m pretty sure Prince walked out to the opening verse of Stayin Alive, even if he and I were the only two who could hear it. Just struttin’ like ‘Yes, I have deigned to grace you with my regal purple presence.’
I don’t know how much difference it makes, but examining who’s doing the voting is very telling. HFPA isn’t even really industry awards; they’re voted on by a group of, what, 90 some-odd international journalists. The Oscars just put out a demographic assessment of its membership, and I’m afraid if I tell Luvvie how the numbers skew, her skull might explode (the AMPAS is majority white, majority male, and majority elderly; within the largest branch — actors — is largely former winners/nominees). Voting is inherently subjective within those demographics, and voters aren’t under any obligation to even screen all the nominated films before voting, so “outsiders” with expectations of objective fairness (or even objective quantitative/qualitative standards or assessments) are inevitably going to be frustrated.
Absurdist is absolutely correct. The pool of voters is the reason why Boyhood won. They can relate to it. It speaks to them. Older, white males and that tired, self-serving story about personal realization or whatever it is that gets repeated over and over. I’m assuming and I haven’t even seen the movie. I don’t have to. They had a similar issue w/the Grammy’s. Same damn voters, getting older and older. They changed the demographics of voters a bit and the awareds changed as well. Then they messed that up by jerking around and modifying the categories, but that’s another story.
Another factor is the timing of the movie. Selma had a late release. If the HFPA received the movie close to voting, there’s a chance they didn’t even look at it. Yep. Many members cast their votes without seeing all of the films, not even bothering to see all of the highly touted films. There was an article last year or the year before where some of the Oscar voting members admitted this. Anonymously, of course.
Exactly. None of this surprises anybody who’s paying attention. The only thing novel about Boyhood is the fact that it was shot over 12 years using the same actors, rather than aging the parents with makeup and replacing the child actor at different ages/stages of life. Gimme a break, Hollyweird!
That ponytail! Lord..it couldn’t even, odd or integer…cause that thing is imaginary!!!!
“It couldn’t even, odd or integer cause that thing is imaginary.”
I DON DIE. HERE I LAY. BURY ME A G. *howls*
LOL – Awesome blend of fashion commentary and nerdy math joke. You win! 😀
I knew that Sis. Ava and Bro. David were not going to win after Gina, Common and John won. The minority quota was filled when they won. Add in the awards for the transgendered show and you knew dayum well we weren’t getting those awards for actor, director or movie.
One more thing: My 9 year old let out a scream when she saw Little Miss Quvenzhane. I absolutely LOVED seeing her there last night–even if she didn’t win. Our children are just as precious and talented as other folks’ kids and deserve to be celebrated, too.
Miss Luvvie,
Everything you said was so right, but I really want to applaud what you said about the whole JeSuisCharlie thing. First of all, the whole Charlie Abedo thing was a horrible tragedy. However, I didn’t see any of these people walking around talking about I am Ferguson or I am Eric Garner. I didn’t see any of these people shouting Bring back our girls! The whole hypocrisy of it pissed me off beyond imagination.
did you say unable to even? How many times must I quit you? I choked!
You should watch Jane the Virgin
I admit I only watched the beginning of the show to see Tina and Amy. They should host everything because they bring the kind of sarcastic “I don’t give a damn” I like from women comedians. Golden Globes are going to have to bring someone awesome to replace them.
That ponytail…why didn’t she get a piece?
Luvvie, I live in South Korea and I didn’t know anything about the North Korea skit at the Golden Globes until this afternoon while I was sitting in a South Korean waiting room. Talking about awkward! I looked up at the TV, which was of course on Korean cable, and thought what the what, wait is that Amy and Tina, oh Hell. All I could hear was All Eyez on Me (in my mind) because I was the only American in the building, and the only African-American in a ten mile radius. So I’m thinking, although I don’t speak a lick of Korean, it did not go over well with Asians…you are right on point, as always! Love your recaps!
The show was way too long as usual, and Margaret Cho ran that bit into the ground. It was offensive and not even a little bit funny.
I mainly watch for the fashion, so I was tired of everything and everyone after 90 minutes.
I am not mad at ‘Pita becauae she was flawless all last year, and anyone can have an off night. I did like the glasses though.
Prince had those folks giddy and didn’t even have to break out the azzless pants to do it. I really wanted him to stomp and holler “Sexual Chocolate!”
I watched because I love all things pop culture, including awards shows. I completely agree with everything you wrote regarding the awards show politics.
Common won my heart and I literally tear up every time I read what he said. Same thing with Gina Rodriguez. I don’t watch her show, but I’m going to check it out based on her speech alone.
I said this on facebook, but I’ll say it here as well. Glass ceilings are made to be broken. It was important for Common to say what he said, it was important for Gina to say what she said and it was important that Matt Bomer thanked his husband and children. These 3 people stood up there accepting awards and poking at the glass ceiling that would not have allowed them to be up on that stage, speaking their truth much less winning awards. If we don’t hope and expect stories about us to be deemed worthy of winning awards, it will never happen. Selma deserved to win. That is not asking for validation, that’s stating fact.
Was Stephen Collins mentioned at all? I know Cosby was roasted, but seems hardly fair( wrong choice of word I know), that he has essentially been given a free pass. Do not get me wrong, rape is not to be joked about but if you were going there, why not go after everyone’s favourite pastor?
Name recognition. Stephen Collins is just not as hot a topic as Bill Cosby because he isn’t nearly as famous… And Tina’s been going in on Bill Cosby and his shadiness for years.
Child molestation is apparently fine and forgivable in Hollywood, see, Roman Polanski.
I was done with the NAACP Image Awards when they awarded one to Frank “I’m gangsta-deal wit it” Sinatra. Colored, indeed.
Amy and Tina are two BOSSES! Love them. I am still laughing about their Cosby smackdown, “I put the pills in the people”………… just brilliant I tell you. They need to host everything!
You might not get sexy from Benedict Cumberbatch, but your girl Lupita Nyong’o did. They had a fling a while back.