So I Watched the 2014 Emmy Awards Last Night: Recap

All the award shows are starting earlier this year. Sheesh! Last year, the Primetime Emmy Awards happened on September 22. What’s all this rush for?

Ennehweighs, this year’s show was hosted by Seth Meyers and he killed (in a good way). His opening monologue was actually hilarious, and that is usually the most painful part to watch in every show. The awkward 5-7 minute intro where people laugh politely. Folks were laughing for real. Seth had me rolling. Memorable lines:

* “HBO has 99 nominations, the most of any other network. HBO is the kid you grew up with who ended up doing much better than you expected.”

* “Television has always been the booty call friend of entertainment. You don’t have to ask TV ‘you up?’ She’s ALWAYS up.”

Then he introduced Amy Poehler with “Our first presenter asked to write her own introduction so please welcome my beautiful, amazing and talented friend Beyonce.”

Love. She was, of course, her usual hilarious, flawless self. She’s totally my bestie in my head. Her, Tina Fey and me have sleepovers all the time in another life timeline.

Jimmy Kimmel presented and he was hella funny too. “Why is Matthew McConnaughey nominated for a TV award? He doesn’t even OWN a TV. I know he traded his TV in for a conch full of weed.” *cackles* I believe it too. Matthew and Woody Harrelson look like all they do is smoke weed ALLATAHM. They presented together too and I bet they got high backstage.

Let’s get into the important stuff!

THE ALPHETS

* Robin Wright wore a knockout custom white tuxedo jumpsuit by Ralph Lauren and it seriously SLAYED. But her face was too bare and it looked harsh. The makeup was really bland and I think she shoulda rocked a bold lip.

I felt like Robin needed some lip chap. This makeup almost killed the fierceness of the jumpsuit.

* Lena Dunham was dressed like cotton candy (or a cake topper) but at least she looked kempt (silver lining). Still. I just want her to hire a stylist. Just one good time.

* Uzo Aduba was stunning in a red Christian Siriano gown and it was a complete win for her. And she’s my Naija sisthren so you KNOW I live! Also, congrats to her for winning the Emmy for Best Guest Actress. The award was given to her last week so it wasn’t televised.

* I was loving the men in colored tuxes that have black lapels. 2014 trend I can get with. Can they make them for women? All our tuxedo blazers are white or black. Even those are hard to find.

THE AWARDS

The huge winner of the night was the Breaking Bad team for winning almost everything they were nominated for. Bryan Cranston, Anna Gunn and Aaron Paul won winning best lead actor, supporting actor and supporting actress in a Drama.

YEAH BITCH! Aaron Paul is a perfect human and I love he.

Also, Breaking Bad came away with the big award, which was Best Drama.

The Normal Heart, an HBO original TV movie about the HIV/AIDS epidemic in New York in the 80s came away with several awards. I haven’t seen it but I am definitely planning on it.

THE TRIBUTES

Weird Al Jankovich did this medley tribute to some of my fave shows: Scandal, Game of Thrones, Mad Men and Breaking Bad. In the middle of it, someone handed George R.R. Martin (sitting in the audience) a typewriter. We do need him to quit playing these bald-headed games and finish writing the A Song for Fire & Ice series already. Because: Game of Thrones.

The part of the night that was a tear jerker was the In Memoriam. The slideshow of those who passed away is always a punch in the chest for me because I tend to forget that certain folks died. So seeing their picture gives me the sads all over again. Sad 2.0. Sad the Remix. Sad: the Sequel.

Some of the names I recognized:

Paul Walker. Casey Kasem. Meshach Taylor. James Avery. Ann Davis. Philip Seymour Hoffman. Peter O’Toole. Shirley Temple. Ruby Dee. Mickey Rooney. Marcia Wallace. Harold Ramis. Lauren Bacall. James Garner. Maya Angelou.

Every year, we lose so many of our faves.

Robin Williams received a special tribute from his good friend Billy Crystal.

The Robin Williams Tribute

It was right. Now, let’s talk about what was wrong about the Emmys telecast.

THE PROBLEMS

* As always, the Emmy Awards was a sea of white (people). There were a handful (literally 5) of Black folks who presented (Kerry Washington, Viola Davis, Octavia Spencer, Joe Morton, Uzo Aduba) but in the audience and on the nominees list, we were just a tiny sprinkle. In fact, no Black people won on the televised broadcast (last week, Joe won Best Guest Actor for being Papa Pope in Scandal and Uzo won Best Guest Actress for being Suzanne “Crazy Eyes” Warren in Orange is the New Black) so it’s like we’re not even worth the primetime acknowledgment. THAT won’t stop grinding my gears.

It was another show of white people giving other white people awards. Was I surprised? Absolutely not. However, that doesn’t mean I can’t comment on it and point it out. Last year, I wrote a piece called The 2013 Emmys Embodied TV’s White Problem. That didn’t change much (or at all) in 2014. And every year, I will continue to point out the monochrome that is the TV broadcast because it is unfortunate.

* The ickiest part of the evening came when they placed Sofia Vergara on a rotating platform as the President of the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences spoke.

But why?

It was an uncomfortable couple of minutes to watch because they literally put her body on a pedestal for everyone to look at. Who the hell’s idea was that?? What chauvinistic producer/writer came up with that gimmick and then who approved it? It was hella offensive, it objectified her shamelessly and I wish they’d stop using Sofia Vergara as the butt of jokes for her accent and as a mascot, basically. I also wish she’d stop being so agreeable to participate.

* Allison Janney and Octavia Spencer came to present an award and Allison goes “I know what you’re thinking. We’re here to announce the sequel to ‘The Help’.” O___________o Not even remotely funny. And can we leave “The Help” jokes in 2012 where they don’t even belong? Kthx.

Other stuff happened but I’m done here. This Emmy Awards was funnier than every episode of Saturday Night Live from the past 2 years. It did manage to be entertaining, which for a 3 hour show is quite a feat. It wasn’t without its problems and I want them to do better next year and the year after that. I’ma pitch a tent on their lawn to point out all of the problems until they are fixed.

But overall, I didn’t want to gouge my eyes out with a spoon during the telecast so that’s good.

Did y’all watch?