Things That Take Me Longer Than Betty Shelby’s Time in Custody

Betty Shelby is the officer who murdered Terence Crutcher. The “big scary Black man” was having car trouble as police showed up. He was unarmed, and not making sudden moves.

Terence Crutcher should still be alive.

Terence Crutcher should still be alive.

He complied with police but Darth Becky (word to Very Smart Brothas) ass Betty, in all her damsel in distress, unglory felt that her life was in danger. And she shot this father, husband, pastor, uncle, son down. She acted like he was King Kong, who would swoop through a window and kidnap her.

That man is dead, simply because he was Black and for white people like Betty, that is a crime punishable by death.

A couple of days ago, we were all surprised as she was indicted and charged with manslaughter. There was a warrant issued for her arrest. The fact that it was an exception to the already fucked up rule lets you know how fucked up this system of injustice is.

So, Darth Susan was officially arrested at 1:00 am on September 23. She got booked at 1:11 am. By 1:23am, she was out on bond.


13 minutes is all she spent in custody. For killing an innocent man. She wasn’t even assigned a cell. So she was just standing by their desk as they stamped her free, huh? Wow.

You know what has taken me longer than this poor excuse for a human spent in custody for her crime of ending a life?

Washing my hair

As you may know, I had locs that were to the middle of my back up until 6 months ago, when I cut them all the way off. It used to take me 15 minutes to wash my hair. Even now that I have really short hair, I gotta condition it so it’s nice and soft. It takes me more time than this racist asshat spent in jail for snuffing out a life.

Picking out shoes

I have a lot of choices. Any #alphet I wear can go with like 30 pairs of shoes I own so that’s a process.

Waiting for an UBER

Even though the app says it’s 5 minutes away, somehow I end up waiting 15 minutes for the lost ass driver to find my address. WHY DO YOU FOLLOW FAULTY GPS DIRECTIONS?

Going through security at the airport, even with my TSA pre-check

I didn’t even have to take off my shoes, but here I am spending 20 minutes in line. What type of shenanigans?

Deciding what to watch on NetFlix

I mean, yes I still need to see Luther but maybe I should finish season 2 of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt first. Or should I rewatch the latest season of House of Cards? So many decisions.

Going down one aisle in Target

Because I want everything they have but I know I don’t need any of it. Especially the beauty aisle. Do I need one more red lipstick?

Writing this blogpost

This post took me 40 minutes to complete. It took me three times as long as Betty Shelby spent in custody for murder.

Then you wanna add insult to injury? See that her bond was only $50,000. That means she only had to put up $5,000 to be released. FOR KILLING A HUMAN BEING. People have had higher bonds for protesting. And it was all arranged for the middle of the night. The shit that most people could never have the choice to do. Talk about peak bullshit.

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How few fucks can they give about Black lives? Well, you can quantify it. You kill one of us, and you will walk free. When they do charge you, you can use money sitting in your checking account to walk out of jail. Wow.

And let’s be real. Betty isn’t going to see jail again. She is going to have these charges dismissed. Nothing must feel as good as white privilege does.


13 minutes. Wow.

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  1. Kaitlin
    September 25, 2016 at 10:13 am

    I’m raising two black boys… It’s sad when I have to unhope for the day they were born in fear of the day they may die.

  2. Diva
    September 25, 2016 at 10:37 am

    I’m convinced the only reason they were so quick to release her name and arrest her is because she’s a woman. It took me longer than 13 minutes to enter this on my phone.

  3. Nicole
    September 25, 2016 at 12:12 pm

    It would take me longer to hashtag #AllofTheNames of police victims that we HEARD about this year. She shoulda’ got the green bologna like any other citizen, but this deplorable was done before her tv dinner. Jesus, be some sense!

  4. Julia Francois
    September 25, 2016 at 12:36 pm

    We need an in depth interview with the voice from the helicopter! !!!!!!

    • Kelly
      September 25, 2016 at 3:23 pm

      Her husband? Probably not going to be anything we’d want to hear.

  5. Stacy
    September 25, 2016 at 12:57 pm

    Everything you just said is entirely on point, as usual. We all know she about to get that back pay when the “not guilty” comes from the jury.

  6. Ette-Bread
    September 25, 2016 at 1:46 pm

    12 minutes. Why bother arresting her? Why even charge her?

  7. Spencer grace
    September 25, 2016 at 2:02 pm

    I have mostly black shoes and it takes me longer than 13 minutes to pick one.
    Tying my headscarf
    Deciding if i want to deal with my stb ex husband.
    Putting on lotion
    Brushing my teeth
    Turning off my alarm clock
    Calling my mom back
    Coming up with an excuse, why I ain’t call her earlier
    This list don’t even include my kids..shiiit.

  8. Fonda Summerville
    September 25, 2016 at 3:24 pm

    I was stunne to read this. I was so relieved that they charged her with anything aht I stopped and concentrated on the Charlotte madness.

    I am the mom of 4 grown men…one who travels by car 90% of the time for his job. Guess what he’s getting as his birthday gift? A dash cam! Not a cure all but perhaps it’ll bring me and his wife peace of mind.

  9. Tansy
    September 25, 2016 at 3:27 pm

    They only arrested her as a pacifist move. It’s a “See we did something,” move. People don’t want them to do something, we want them to do the right thing. Justice needs to be served.

  10. Lorna
    September 25, 2016 at 4:27 pm

    It takes me longer to brush, floss & water pic my teeth than this MURDERER spent NEAR a jail…but not IN it.

    So what do we tell our children? We have five young Black men we’re raising and how do we instill a sense of value in them when they are consistently shown by society and the injustice system that their life is worth nothing?

    12 minutes and $5,000?!! An amount that even my broke ass can come up with?! That’s all she gets?!!! “I am disgusted” is now nominated for the Understatement Of The Year Award.

  11. Tameko P.
    September 25, 2016 at 7:08 pm

    What really got me was the “heat of passion” part of the charge. Really? Sigh.

  12. Tracy
    September 25, 2016 at 11:44 pm

    Shit…I’ve had bowel movements take longer than the time she “spent in jail”. What, they put in a fucking drive-thru for her, or what?!?

  13. Renee
    September 26, 2016 at 11:24 am

    takes me about 15-20 minutes to eat a Big Mac meal…

  14. Fuschia
    September 26, 2016 at 1:44 pm

    What a travesty!!! I totally agree that they did this just to “prove” they did something, and it’s supposed to make us shut up now. Not!! I also liked your comment about Target, it made me giggle cause it’s true. lol

  15. Lorraine
    September 26, 2016 at 2:52 pm

    I had a whole bunch of friends celebrating when she was arrested. I said, “Let’s wait and see, shall we?” SMFH.

  16. September 26, 2016 at 10:11 pm

    I am in shock, and -having just finished watching the presidential debate- I seriously hope Americans know who not to vote for.

    Peace to the families

  17. Shay
    September 28, 2016 at 12:37 pm

    You only own 30 pairs of shoes?
    Girl, may your blog be so successful that you own 300 pairs of nice shoes.

    Betty Shelby Being in custody for 13 minutes? I am surprised it was even that long.


    • September 28, 2016 at 12:53 pm

      Girl, I own 200 pairs of shoes. I’m saying that every outfit I have has AT LEAST 30 pairs that can easily go with everything.

  18. D
    September 28, 2016 at 5:30 pm

    I get being upset about the timing. I woke up the other day, my heart heavy with grief for the violent demise of men, women & children I did not & will never know. However I want to remind people that it’s not over: the whole process of book & bond is part of arrest. It’s just the beginning. Now let her walk out of a courtroom acquitted or suspended time or a lesser charge–therein lies the basis for outrage.

  19. October 5, 2016 at 4:16 pm

    This was sadly hilarious.