The Door: Game of Thrones Season 6, Episode 5 Recap
There are three episodes of Game of Thrones that have rendered me incapable of functioning properly for hours after watching them. They are: the Red Wedding, the one where Jon Snow died and now, The Door. I spent 3 hours afterwards cussing at random intervals. I had to force myself to go to sleep, and even then, I dreamt about it. No lie. It is impressive that a show that has spent 6 seasons punching us all in the gut repeatedly can still deal us massive face punches that we don’t see coming. Easily one of the most heartbreaking episodes of Game of Thrones ever, which we were owed.
Because last week’s episode was far too positive. We should have known payback was coming. Ain’t no sunshine in Westeros and last week’s episode showed us some rays. We had to be brought back into the dark and they did it spectacularly.
Let’s get into it. *takes deep breath*
Castle Black
Sansa is sitting there sewing and whatnot when a telegram comes for her. She reads it and Littlefinger has summoned for her. He’s nearby in a small town and when Sansa shows up, Brienne is behind her, doing her job as the security guard of life. What the hell do you want, assface?? Red Stark comes out the gate swinging. She tells Lord Baelish that he is no friend of hers, because he gave her to Ramsay, who took a part of her, repeatedly.
She describes her harrowing wedding night to him and watches him wince as he listens. Yes, he saved her from the Lannisters but he gave her to the Boltons. “You freed me from monsters who murdered my family. And you gave me to monsters who murdered my family.”
He apologizes to her, but what can you say? Don’t be sorry, hoe. Be careful. He knew all along what would happen when he left her with Ramsay, but he plays dumb about it. Anywho, he tells her that she should know that her uncle Bryden “Blackfish” Tully has conquered Riverrun from the Freys so if she is going to take Winterfell, there’s an army that could help. She tells him she has Jon’s army backing her and he slides in the fact that her HALF-brother’s army might not be enough. He emphasized that HALF as to basically tell her not to trust him all the way. He is a master manipulator.
At Castle Black, Ser Davos, Sansa, Jon Snow (and his man bun) are trying to figure out how to build an army. Which houses should they try to get on their side. Sansa takes the reins and says the houses of the North are different, and that they will come to the Starks’ rescue but Davos ain’t so sure. Anywho, Sansa tells them that Bryden has control of Riverrun so they should tap on him to help them retake Winterfell. Jon asks how she found out and she says Ramsay told her. Later on, Brienne tells Sansa that she doesn’t wanna leave her at Castle Black to go on the Riverrun mission. She says she trusts her brother. If so, then why did she lie t him and not tell him she got the tea from Baelish? MMHMMM.
As the troop gets ready to go to Riverrun, Sansa presents her brother with a fur and leather cloak she helped him make, that’s similar to Ned’s. Aawwww. As they get ready to ride out, though, Tormund can’t help but make googly eyes at Brienne, who is slightly disgusted. And I am CRACKING UP because it is the funniest shit ever.
I am totally rooting for them to get together. They’d have adorable giant ginger babies.
Oh, and Dolorous Edd is now the de facto Commander of the Night’s Watch. Can he hang?
Braavos
Arya has much to learn at Bad Ass Bootcamp because The Waif keeps putting them paws on her and beating her ass. The lesson is that she is not one of them, and Jaqen agrees. However, he hands Arya a vial of poison. Her assignment is to kill a woman named Lady Crane, who is a theatre actress in Braavos, and she has no room to fail. First, she gotta go scope it out so she goes to see a play the lady is in. Turns out that it is a play that lampoons the Lannister-Stark conflict. It’s funny to Arya until it gets to the part where they re-enact the beheading of Ned Stark, and fake Tyrion tries to rape fake Sansa. Arya looks to be on the verge of tears for the first time in years.
She sneaks backstage and watches the castmembers interacting. The one she’s supposed to kill is the only one drinking rum, so she mentions that to Jaqen. But she has her doubts. The lady seemed nice. Why kill her? He says “Does death only come for the wicked and leave the decent behind?” Nope. Quite the contrary, Jaqen. Also, she bet not question him. If she wants to serve the Many Face God, she does as she’s told.
Iron Isles
It is time to pick someone to ascent the Salt Throne of the Iron Isles, and the men stand outside, in a caucus of sorts. They ask who could make a claim to the throne, and since Theon is the only male heir of Baylon Greyjoy, he has the first claim. Our boy gets up there to speak and says that his sister should rule them. “She is a reaver. She is ironborn. This is our queen.”
YESSS, speak up for sis! Yara herself then says she lays claim and the men start chanting her name.
Until there’s an interruption. Euron Greyjoy emerges and says HE wants the throne. Yes, he killed their father but he did it because “he led us to two wars we could not win.” *coughs* Bush. He also takes the time to point out that Theon ain’t even got a dick no more so he isn’t man enough to decide shit. OUCH. Way harsh. Quickly, the men of the Iron Isles switch their chants to Euron for king. Shady fuckboy.
Next we know, Euron’s head is being dipped in water, as his pledge is read. Yara and Theon hop their asses into a ship and sail out. Euron is kept under water as the pledge is read, until he passes out. The men pull him out and drop him on the ground and watch. After a few seconds, he coughs and spits out water. “What is dead may never die.” Or something like that. He survived the drowning, which is the test the Ironborn do. And the moment he stands up, he asks for his niece and nephew, so he can kill them. DAMBBB!!! But all he can do is watch them sail away with most of the fleet of the Iron Isles. Euron commands the men to cut down every tree and make him 1,000 of the best ships they can.
He’s about to track his kin down and finish them off.
Vaes Dothrak
The morning after Daenerys made Khal Barbeque, she stands in front of Daario and Jorah. She tells Jorah that she has tried to banish him twice, and he’s come back twice, each time to save her. She cannot turn him away but she can’t take him back, and he tells her she has to turn him away. He pulls up his sleeve and shows her his greyscale. The Mother of Dragons, whose kryptonite is showing feels that aren’t anger and brawn, immediately gets sad. She knows what it means, and the idea that her loyal servant will be euthanizing himself makes her eyes well up.
Jorah says “I love you. I will always love you” and I wanted to cue up Whitney at that time. “If I should stay. I will only be in your wayyyyyyyy. CUZ IIIIII WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU.” He starts to walk away but she tells him to stop. Since he has pledged to always obey her orders, she commands him to go and find a cure for that greyscale, because “When I take the 7 kingdoms, I need you by my side.” Dambit. Sweetest thing EVER.
Can greyscale be cured? Yes. We know it can be done, because Shireen Baratheon is proof. Where will he go to do it? STAY SAFE, Jorah! WE LOVE YOU.
Meereen
There’s momentary peace in Meereen and it seems that Tyrion’s deal with the Slavers has stopped the Sons of the Harpy from killing anyone else. Now the challenge is getting people to think it was Dany’s idea. How is that gonna happen? They gotta get someone who folks know isn’t moved by money to spread the word, so Tyrion calls Kinvara, a Red Priestess. She is introduced as the First Priestess of the Lord of Light. Even though she presents as young, we have learned from Melisandre that she’s basically older than ice itself. She’s also wearing that same choker. This is Melisandre’s mentor and shit.
Varys, who is skeptical of all religion, side-eyes the lady so bad when she says Daenerys is the chosen one. Isn’t that what they said about Stannis but he’s super dead now? The woman looks him dead in the face and says humans can read signs wrong. He scoffs and she reads him his history. She points out to him that on the night when his penis was used for sacrifice, he heard a certain voice. Does he want her to tell him what that voice said?
No one has ever rendered Varys speechless, until her. She ends with “If you are her true friend, you have nothing to fear from me.” Oop. BLOOP. Welp.
The Cave
The Raven and Bran go to the past, and they see the Children of the Forest have tied a man to a tree. Leaf, the lead, sticks a black dagger into the man’s chest, and his eyes turn ice blue. When they wake up, Bran is pissed. So the Children created the White Walkers. WHY??? Leaf says it’s because they needed protection from men so they basically made White Walkers their weapons. Clearly, they didn’t see that they’d get out of their control. Ain’t that some shit we can learn from?
Later on, folks are sleeping and Bran wakes up. He throws a rock at the Raven in the tree but misses. He must be bored, so he crawls his ass across the crave and touches one of the roots of the Raven. He is taken to a place where the wights are all lined up. You know what you do when you see an army of the undead? Go back to where you came the hell from. But no. Not Bran’s dumbass. He walks through them, and they don’t seem to notice him there. He gets to the end of the rows and keeps going, until he is standing in front of three White Walkers on their horses. One of them is the Night’s King and he SEES Bran. Fuck.
All of a sudden, the wights turn and face Bran. The King advances and grabs his arm and Bran screams and wakes up in the cave.
The Raven asks “Did he touch you?” and Bran says “I don’t think so.” Then he looks at his arm, and there’s handprint there. FUUUUUCCCKKKK. Raven says Bran and his crew have to go. Now that he’s been branded, The Cave is no longer a safe space. The spell that kept the White Walkers away has now been broken, because he’s basically become a horcrux and shit. FUCKING BRAN.
Shortly after, Meera is talking to Hodor and notices that her breath is icy. She steps outside the cave and sees the entire army of Wights, led by the White Walkers. AW SHIT. SHIT SHIT SHIT. The Children are standing in a protective circle and Leaf tells Meera to run and get Bran as they try to hold these demons off. Hodor is on the inside rocking baggingfoaf, unable to deal.
Inside The Cave, Bran and the Raven are technically elsewhere. They are at Winterfell in the past, watching the Starks and Wylis (Hodor). Meera yells at real life Bran to wake up and warg into Hodor so he can drag them out. In the vision, Bran hears her voice as whispers and the Raven tells him to listen to that. Finally, he does. He gets inside Hodor, and gets him to drag his body. The Raven tells him “It’s time for you to be me.” “Am I ready.” “No.” OF COURSE, YOU AIN’T. WITH YOUR SIMPLE, NON-LISTENING ASS.
Outside the Cave, the Children are tossing their fire grenades, but the White Walkers walk right through them.
The Wights can’t, so those fools take the side of the mountain and dig their way in. One of the White Walkers makes it into the cave and Meera throws a spear at him. He turns to dust. It must have been dragonsteel-tipped.
The Wights start dropping in and Summer, Bran’s direwolf attacks them all until they surround him and kill him. NOOOOOOO. We hear the whimpering dog as Meera runs behind Hodor and Bran. More Wights make their way in, and Leaf tells Meera to go. She grabs her last fire grenade and stands until surrounded by the Wights. She lets it go, killing herself and them at the same time. That sacrifice was necessary. Bye, Leaf!
Bran has become such a powerful warg that he can stay in the past and view what’s happening and inhibit the body of Hodor at once. The Raven tells Bran that he is about to go, and in the Cave, a White Walker chops the roots of the tree. In the past vision, Raven turns to black dust.
He gone, man. Bran turns his attention to Wylis, who all of a sudden drops to the ground, having a seizure.
In the present, Meera has taken over dragging Bran, and they escape the Cave but the remaining Wights are coming for them still. They all get through the door but even closed, they are being pursued. Hodor has to stand guard and keep the door closed with his body.
Wylis is on the ground writhing, yelling “HOLD THE DOOR” over and over again. That is what present day Bran is telling him to do, to keep the Wights away from him and Meera as they get away.
HOLD THE DOOR. HOLD THE DOOR. HOLD THE DOOR. HOLDTHEDOOR. HOLDTHEDOOR. HOLDDOOR. HOLDDOOR. HOLDDOOR. HODOR. HODOR. HODOR.
Wylis’ words got stunted to HODOR as Hodor’s body is being punctured by Wights who want to get through. He stands strong, though. Through the pain. Wylis stops shaking, and just says Hodor.
AND MY HEART BREAKS INTO TINY PIECES. Like… I screamed. I could not deal, and my brain wanted to melt out my ears. Now only was this one of the saddest moments in a show full of nothing but sads, but the implications of it just made me wanna go lie down.
Do you know what it means??? DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS????
Bran Stark is the catalyst of EVERYTHING. Bran is the reason everything has jumped off. Think back to the first couple of episodes of the series. He is the reason the Lannister-Stark beef started, when he climbed the tower after he was repeatedly warned not to, and saw Jamie and Cersei doing things siblings shouldn’t do. So they pushed him out the tower. He didn’t die. And now, you see that he is the jump off to everything. And this invasion of the White Walkers did not have to happen. It was so damb preventable. All he had to do was listen to the Raven and not go wandering where he shouldn’t AND don’t stay anywhere too long.
Also, the present is running with past simultaneously. Hodor’s future self was rendered incapable of talking in the PAST. That continuum and its implications. Not only is it ALL Bran starting it, but it’s Bran affecting it too. Hodor became Hodor because Bran warged into him and burned Hodor into his mind. It’s like GAHTDAMBIT. I’m about to be outchea RUINT whenever I hear “hold the door” now.
The saddest part about this is that Hodor might have spent his life knowing that he was gonna die holding a door for someone he hadn’t even met yet. His destiny was to serve the Starks to death, specifically the one who can’t mind his business.
Now, about this time switch. Bran being able to affect the past has been a foregone conclusion but to see that his future self is fucking up the rotation too? Is he stuck in a loop to where what he tries to fix is just happening anyway? This also makes me think the 3-eyed Raven is really Bran from the future, tryna fix shit he fucks up. But if the same chaos keeps happening, then they’re stuck in a paradox. A loop that no matter that you do, what’s going to happen will happen anyway. In this episode, the Red Priestess Kinvara said “Everyone is what they are and where they are for a reason. Terrible things happen for a reason.” THAT REASON BETTER BE THAT BRAN GETS WESTEROS IN FORMATION TO DEFEAT THE WHITE WALKERS. Hell. Otherwise… wtf.
And all those other Brans they’ve mentioned, like Bran the Builder. Are they THIS same Bran? Has he just been coming around for centuries making bad decisions that put everyone in danger? It’s possible. It is possible. Seriously. This is a black hole of possibilities.
But ummm… Does that mean the Night’s King can track him anywhere now?? Like I said, is he a walking horcrux? Also, WHO GON PROTECT BRAN’S STUPID ASS NOW??? RAVEN GONE. HODOR GONE. THE DIREWOLF GONE. All for what?!? LIKE BRAN. WHAT THE FUCK, BRO???? YOU WERE SAFE IN THE CAVE. And you literally invited the devil in. dafuq. I am mad as hell. Whew.
Also, regular fire doesn’t stop the White Walkers but dragon fire has to, right? Because if it doesn’t? Well I’m fresh out of ideas for Westeros. I don’t damb know. Whew. But the direwolf dying, yall. Summer died, because winter is here and there is so much chill but no chill at the same time. All we got left are 2 Stark direwolves: Ghost and Nymeria (who is on the lam).
Game of Thrones is nothing if not a giant tale of “life sucks sometimes” but there are lessons to be learned in it. The Children creating weapons that they lost control of, leading to their extinction. HELLO, HUMANS. Robots, viruses, nuclear weapons. Are you listening??? We’re not.
Beyond that, this episode forced a lot of people to confront the past, and since barely anything good ever happens on this show, those retrospectives were usually hella painful. Arya had to experience the beheading of her father, through a tacky ass theater play. Sansa described her awful wedding night to Littlefinger, making him listen as she talked about being raped by her betrothed, Ramsay. Bran got to learn how the Kingdom’s biggest enemies were created. And we got to see how Willis became Hodor. Each was heartbreaking but crucial.
I just… man. Hodor gone, man. I had to send our man off right with his own fune program. Pin it, share it. Tag me to it. YOU BETTER NOT CUT OFF MY NAME FROM THE BOTTOM.
P.S. I’m currently mad at anyone named Brandon.
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65 Comments
When Euron asked those left to find trees and make boats all I could think was, “There is no time for petty squabbles, White Walkers are on the loose!!!”
Book reader here. This was the first time I was like, “Well damn. This is how the non-book readers feel.” I’m so deep in my feelings right now but I gotta get these coins so…
I think Bran is Bran the Builder and the Raven. He goes back to build the Wall and implement the rules that a Stark must always be on the Wall and at Winterfell because he knew shit was going to go down. The Raven is old and dusty Bran who has somehow survived the 2nd Winter War and is chilling with the COTF when he decides to try and go back, warn everyone and try and change the outcome but remember Dany’s vision in season 2 at the House of the Undying? She saw dust and snow on the Iron Throne which tells me the White Walkers win y’all. Her dragons ain’t enough…
Bran can’t be the 3 eyed Raven though: All the other Brandons including the Night’s King are Starks. Bran the builder, bran the breaker, brandon who fought in the mad king’s war, etc. all Starks. So Bran the Destroyer of all that is Hodor can be any of them, but not the 3 eyed Raven.
The 3 eyed Raven is Brynden Rivers, he is a Targaryen. He is Maester Aemon’s younger brother. He is also Dany’s uncle, he is brother to Blackfyre and Egg. He is also rumored to be related to the Blavkwoods through his mother. He can’t be Bran the destroyer.
People keep saying the Raven is Brynden Rivers. Maybe in book but remember, THE SHOW IS DIFFERENT. He could be future Bran. Everything you just listed? Well, the show hasn’t made ANY suggestion towards.
You are right, the show is massive different. But if Bran is Bloodraven does that mean he can exist in the same timeline as himself? I’m not sure how the physics of that works, but the implications of that is massive. Basically whatever he goes back in time to fix, another younger/older Bran will screw up in the same timeline. Eh… my brain hurts now.
I think that dust is Dany and snow is john snow.
maybe the ‘dust’ was ‘ash’ because Dragons be burning errthing and the ‘Snow’ is our bae Jon.
Girl listen. I went to sleep heartbroken. I woke up heartbroken. I’m sitting here at work heartbroken wondering why they asking me to do things and shit. HODOR DIED MUHFUQQA! And I die a little inside every time I see a door.
I’M THEW! My insides are permanently in the fetal position.
Jesus keep my near the cross.
this episode was the hardest I cried because of a Game of Thrones episode.
And it was slow, agonising, death. RIP Hodor. The only good thing to come out of Winterfell. The rest are just stupid. Killed mostly by stupidity.
Slow hand clap
I. Simply. Cannot. This. Morn’ting. The thought of Hodor loving his entire LIFE knowing that he was gone die holding the door for that dayum stupid B. Stark…no wonder he had no can anytime something started to pop off! He was gone have to hold the door :-/ And anyways, if Bran was black, that last vision would’ve been about 1.346 seconds cause as soon as we saw alladem dead haints, wouldn’t have been no walking through the children of the corn to see what had happened. Ummmmm nope. That’s a future we wouldn’t seen. A brother woulda warges back to the tree lickety split, grabbed a snack of moss and grubs, and kicked it on the weirwood until old Raven woke up whilst singing old negro spirituals. Imma pour a little likka out for hodor this week…
You ain’t neva lied!
????????????????????????????????
I screamed so loud I woke my baby up lol. Dropped to the ground and everything saying ‘Hold the door’… They got EVERYONE good.
I really thought hodor was going to die without us knowing why he was hodor.
The white walkers are the scariest things ever. Scarier than Freddy, Jason, Michael Myers, the Kardashians…
Yep yep.
To ensure I survive the week, I will be living inside the Brienne+Tormund gif. Anything else is too painful.
Yup. Same here.
Bran & the Blood Raven cannot be the same person, as the Blood Raven was a legitimised Targaryan bastard from a few generations prior to the Mad King. When he tells Bran ‘You will become me’, he most likely means a powerful Greenseer, not literally become the same person.
I do believe that at some point a Greenseer tries to alter the past, however alternate universes will ultimately lead to the same conclusion. Even if Bran hadn’t been thrown from the Tower by Jamie; by that time LittleFinger & Cersei had mastered the murder of the previous Hand of the King, John Aryn. Cersei’s children were still bastards which would inevitably lead to war…. Even if Bran whispered in the Mad King’s ear, from the books we know the Targ dynasty was failing, there hadn’t been dragons for hundreds of years which significantly weakened their hold on power. There is the ‘Southron Ambition’ Theory also. *Spoiler Alert*
I think the what this storyline will illustrate is that because of the selfish and destructive nature of man, chaos in pursuit of power is inevitable.
He had the first chapter in the books. The story is ultimately about him, I think.
LMBO @ “Baggingfoaf”. Okay, Madea. lol
Hodor going away STINGS…the last remnants of the Stark’s childhood were already gone and now even the people that tie them to the MEMORY of their youths are disappearing; the direwolves, Hodor.
Dis TEW MURCH!
I didn’t think anything would top your Prince post but this. THIS!
I’ll be looking forward to your recaps on Mondays from now on!
#RIPHodor
Game of Thrones is a unique show for me I that, as much as I love it, I will NEVER go back and watch old episodes. It’s too painful once you know what’s coming. I can’t ever see Hodor saying “Hodor” again…that would be awful.
And filed under, Truer words were never spoken:
“You know what you do when you see an army of the undead? Go back to where you came the hell from. But no. Not Bran’s dumbass”
EVEN if I have the certainty that they can’t see me, White Walkers are freaking TERRIFYING. I’d just let the Raven dude give me the Cliffs Notes version without the visuals, thankyouverymuch.
Something positive to think about: I think that Iain Glen, who plays Ser Jorah, will be off the show for a while and then at some moment in the last season when Danaerys is threatened, he’ll ride in, all cured, and save her (again).
Your reason for not going back to watch old episodes is the same for me not reading the books. I read the first one and it was hard knowing what was coming for Ned. I finished it, read part of the second and gave up. It’s not in me and it was too torturous.
When GRRM started writing, he said the whole book was supposed to be told from Bran’s perspective. He is the main character, everyone else is just living in his world. That little nosy piece of greenspit.
Also because he has been marked by the Night’s King, he is going to go beyond the wall and destroy the warding on the wall and allow the wights and walkers to go beyond the wall too. I am really starting to dislike Brandon and his curiosity. You’d think that since his whole life has been shit, he learn to be more cautious, but nah.
RIP Hodor, Leaf, and Summer.
DUDE. you’re right about him being marked now and magic of the Wall.
shit. shit, shit, shit.
WINTER IS COMING AND BRAN STARK IS THE HARBINGER OF DEATH.
good job, bran. good. job.
I thought I was the only one who read the books…in any event, both versions, book and tv, piss me off. The unpredictability is great.
Chile everybody was getting read this week!
The only bright was Theon (ironically) growing a pair and standing up for Yara. I laughed when they stole Euron’s entire fleet while he was getting drowned/anointed as King. It’ gonna take them a minute to cut down new trees, sew new sails, etc… I hope it gives them a chance to catch up and align themselves with Jon.
Poor Hodor!
Bran pisses me off. He could use his powers to prevent his fathers execution… Prevent the red wedding…. Prevent his own damn fall… But noooooo! He ruins a servants life for 40 years…. Asshole
I was too mad at Bran to sleep soundly…
Jesus be a fence!! I hadn’t thought about the 3-eyed Raven being Bran from the future trying to fix Bran from the past. Oh Lord… now I’ve got so much on my brain that I’m gonna have to watch this episode ONE MORE TIME (which will be Time #3) to see if it all finally falls together! My life is so affected by GOT. I want better #FirstWorldProblems
The Children of the Forest aren’t the only ones who created a weapon only to lose control of it and have that weapon threaten their own existence. Miss Cersei had the bright idea to use High Septon and Faith of the Seven to bring Queen Margery and the Tyrells down only to have them turn on her, jail her and Now the Faith militants are threatening to take over Kings Landing.
Poor Theon and Yara, they showed up at the choosing with their bachelor’s degrees and got schooled by a guy with like three PhDs and work experience. PLUS he’s totally down with being a murderer. Yara’s “we’ll be badass sailors if I’m queen” doesn’t quite win the day against “yo, we’re gonna build ships and go get this Targaryen warrior queen so we can both beat the crap out of Westeros.”
I felt bad for them both but maybe they need to get away, you know?
I’ve read the same theory in other sites. About Young Bran being the Three Eyed Raven as old Bran. But I just can’t see this happening. If this was true, would the old three eyed Raven still have the same mark that the White Walker put on him as young Bran? If so, why didn’t the White Walkers storm the cave sooner? (if in fact this mark was what broke the protection spell). I still want to go with the book explanation that the three eyed Raven is the Targaryen dude….for now.
I cried tears, actual TEARS last night. Still affected by this today. The next time I see some able bodied person let the door close on someone, I am going to go awf!! You better hold that damn door! Hodor held it! The feck! Game of Thrones is really not good for the soul.
In other news, why does Arya look like Sam Smith with that braided hairstyle? No bueno.
Lmao! Sam Smith though…icant!
That was awesome! Thank you
Brb, running down to the courthouse to legally change my son Brandon’s name to ANYTHING else.
LMAO
[…] You to Luuvie of AwesomelyLuuvie who has made the fune program for our beloved Gentle Giant. Hodor was a G! May he rest in […]
Hate to be #wellactually guy but Theon called his sister a REAVER not a river..basically called her a really good murdering pirate
Great work bud.
PS: Summer’s a guy
LOVE this review. I haven’t laughed this hard, or cried this hard (RIP Hodor. . . sigh) in a long time. Thank you.
It took me hours to fall asleep after I saw this episode, just like the massive battle with the White Walkers last season. Ugh. I hate this show and yet I can’t seem to pull myself away. Great recap Luvvie!
I think we are finally going to see Coldhands aka missing Uncle Benjen who is going to help Bran and Meera. In the books Coldhands leads them to the cave but can’t enter it. I believe since the Night King is a descendent of the Starks, if a Stark becomes a Whitewalker then they still keep their mind. So uncle Ben was turned but he not getting in formation.
Ancestor not descendant…. Ijs
You right LOL! Blame it on reading this first thing when I woke up and not on my lack of grammar. But IMDB did say the actor playing Benjen is supposed to show up next episode, so I may be right!!!!
This is by far the funniest recap you’ve ever written. Brava! Now for my two cents no one asked for. I also think Bran Stark is Bran the Builder and maybe even Bran the Destroyer. We now know that Bran is powerful enough to manipulate the past (when he shouted and his father turned around, when he made Wylis lose his mind and become Hodor). I think in the future Bran really does go into the past to build the Wall in order to try to prevent the Whitewalkers of the present from moving any farther south than they have (thanks to him!). He manipulates the past in order to save the future, but as we’ve found, things don’t always go to plan. Things are definitely getting interesting and thought-provoking, which is a refreshing change of pace for a TV show.
I believe the black spear with which the Child stabs the man was made of dragonglass. That may be the reason dragonglass can kill the White Walkers..it was used to create them.
How Valyrian steel comes into play..I have no clue!
I just shed some more tears reading your review Luvvie.
I really hope Ser Jorah finds that cure tout suite. Nobody deserves to be by Dany’s side more than him. So glad he finally spoke his truth.
I hate the way GoT kills off the dire wolves like they were some any mongrels! It’s bad enough killing off the Starks but every time a dire wolf dies I remember the scene when the Stark children chose their pets from the orphaned litter. 6 cubs for 6 Stark children, now where are we? Humph!
Can’t talk about Hodor, *whimper* severe allergies. I want to step in Bran’s throat everytime I think about it. What a mindphuck growing up knowing how your end will come. I would have pushed Bran out of one of them towers myself if I was Hodor and then gone and joined the Night’s Watch.
Bran is the Game of Thrones equivalent of Carl from the Walking Dead. Neither listen and everyone dies.
Well, I never watch the show but I always make time for Luvvie’s recaps. That said, why Hodor? Why?!?? I thought only this amount of dislike could be aimed at early Sansa in this show (still not warmed to her yet), but Bran? Oh he’s on an entirely different level now. It’s all your fault Bran!!! EVERYTHING is all your fault!! If Jon dies again because of your foolishness …. I can’t. I need to go build a tree for Hodor or something. A tree that will never be cut down and made into a door.
I still give Sansa the cold shoulder….she finally escapes hell only to listen to Lord Bullshit aka Little Finger, the one who put her in one of those hells. I have this unsettling feeling that she is headed to another one wherever it is that her uncle supposedly is with an army smh
Sansa is an idiot and I doubt my opinion will ever change. She has to do something truly epic to redeem herself. At this point I’m rooting for Tyrion and the Dragons. Jon ’cause he’s pretty. Everybody else can be devoured by White Walkers.
Meera and Bran are about to be all Deus Ex Machina by Benjen. He will arrive and save the day. Book Readers recall Coldhands, but one more zombie in the show may cause peeps to riot, so Benjen is gonna arrive and save the day.
I think D&D will also hang some plot points on Ben and he will be armed with some special knowledge about the WW. Some back story about him traveling up to the Lands of Always Winter and learning something about the Nights King.
Also I would sort of like a Tower of Joy Part 2 soon….we also will probably find out Three Eye is the one who caused the Mad King to burn everyone with his “whispers.”
Oh, you read it here first:
Cersi is gonna go full Mad Fire Queen and burn down King’s Landing in the finale. Qyburn (….burn?) will discover the hidden cache of wildfire and because I think we will soon see that the Faith Militant are craftier and stronger then they appear–she decides she needs to just burn it all…
Last seasons opening shot will be Danny arriving at a destroyed King’s Landing. This will set up the idea she thinks she is there to conquer but is really there to save the realm from total destruction.
A song of ice and fire……
Aw Luvvie . . . Aw mannnnnn…… Y’know what’s so sad about this show? Once it became clear there was no way to jam shut the door, that Hodor would just have to . . . you-know-what it, I just fell back into resignation. There was no screaming and running around in denial from me, just an empty, numb acknowledging that life was pointless and everyone dies and GoT would never refrain from making us miserable. I’m so use to being bummed, I could only exhale all my air and bitterly mutter… “Well… that IS a SHAME.”
And it is.
Sigh. Group hug?
[…] Hodor’s death ripped out a lot of viewers’ hearts, one astute re-capper saw it as the moment of the reveal for a huge catalyst that has triggered an enormous part of the show’s storyline. […]
1. She’s a Reaver. She’s Ironborn. This is our Queen.
2. They didn’t take all the ships, just the fastest/best ones. In the scene all you see are small and rotting hulks which are moored in the bay.
3. Three-eyed Raven isn’t Brandon Stark. Just no.
This is the part that fucked me up the most: when the zombie orcs start coming into the cave, Hodor sits down and starts Hodoring. He’s rocking back and forth like “Fuck this. Nope nope nope fuckit fuckit fuckit”. He only gets up and helps the escape after Bran wargs into him. His eyes go white while Bran is at the helm. His eyes go back to brown while the zombie orcs are tearing into him through the door and Meera is fucking off into the night with Bran.
Jojen Reed? Willingly sacrifices himself to save Bran.
Summer? Willingly sacrifices himself to save Bran.
Leaf? Willingly sacrifices herself to save Bran.
Raven? Willingly sacrifices himself to save Bran.
Hodor? Has no fucking choice. No agency. No willing sacrifice. Bran made him hold the door. And he had 40 years to think about it. And still tried to nope out. Then Bran made him save his dumb ass anyway.
YOU BETTER BE WORTH IT BRAN!!! DO SOMETHING UNSHITTY ALREADY!!!!!!
Everyone’s talking about Bran’s stupidity and whatnot, but what about Sansa…had us thinking she grew a back bone wanting to go to war and take back what was theirs. But, NOPE. Instead she falls back into Little Finger’s aka Lord Bullshit (or Baelish if you prefer) convoluted-deathsentenceforthestarks schemes… Why does did she even bother to listen to and BELIEVE any word that falls from his lips??!!! Don’t get me wrong Hodor’s passing hit me hard and Bran’s curiosity made me want to reach through the TV and punch him in the face, but what’s been looming over my head is how Sansa is going to screw over the few people who are left on her side in the north
I just watched this now and read your recap right after. WHY DON’T Y’ALL STARK STUPID DAMB CHILDREN LISTEN. I’m going to cry in the corner now and be angry at all children named brandon and all red-headed girls. ALL OF EM.
Bran may have been the voices that made the Mad King mad. Bran whispered and the King heard. Hummm…. Coincidence? Dambit Bran.
This episode took me a week to watch. I watched the show halfway, then read your recap halfway. I just finished watching the show in tears, like boohoo tears. After watching this show for six seasons, I don’t think I’ve ever cried this hard, this literally messed me up. Now, I’m almost afraid for the next episode…
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