My Life

The Temperature is Oppression Degrees Fahrenheit. It’s Hot!

Look. Last week, I was complaining that Chicago hasn’t given us a real summer. We’ve been hovering around a nice and MILD 70 degrees for most of this summer. I wanted heat and I got it. Be careful what you ask for.

Now we’re in the middle of a heatwave and it’s so hot that the temperature is pretty much oppression degrees fahrenheit, which can be converted to “GAHTDAMB WHY?” degrees celcius, approximately. I have stayed my yansh inside since Tuesday but I had to go out today for a couple of hours. I was outchea like THE STRUGGLE!

Hot Luvvie

It’s so damb hot that the devil is somewhere seeing how he can change his ways for the better. I ain’t lying. It’s so toasty around these parts that I bet Rick Ross is somewhere looking for a bra that fits so the underside of his moobs can breathe in this humidity. GAHTDAMB!

A couple of weeks ago, I came across Krissy Chula’s YouTube channel, and she posted a video about how hot it is where she is. I laughed then, but I FEEL her right now. Please watch this and CACKLE. The video is priceless.


When she asked if she gotta put her A/C on power ranger, I hollered. “WHERE THE HELL IS MOSES? Talk to Moses… I cannot DO this. I am not tropical. I am not a fucking Toucan.” LMAOOOOO!!! I AM tropical AND I’m skinny. So I’m always cold. For ME to get hot, you know it’s really gotta be something. Even I’m like WHAT IS THIS?!? But you know Krissy was truly done with her trifecta of “SHIT!” Those were from her soul.

And who are these people in her complex barbequing everyday??? “Who the hell is paying for all this damb MEAT?!” The closing prayer gave me what I truly needed though. “Jesus be a raindrop of central air, because I cannot breather.” AMEN! This video is everything. But this heat is not what my life is about.

I’m not leaving the house until it stops feeling like morning breath outside. This means I plan on having a Netflix weekend where I binge eat popsicles and put on as little clothes as possible. Babies need to be wearing nothing but baby powder and a diaper.

Folks gotta keep cool.

sweating like Sinner in Church gif

IT’S HOT, I SAY! Again, this is what I get for complaining that it hasn’t been real summer. Shit. SHIT. SHIT!

Someone (Berrie Keta) from my Facebook fan page said: “My mother said she opened her front door and immediately saw cotton. I hung up on her.” And I laughed until I needed to put on more deodorant so my SECRET won’t be told and RIGHT GUARD won’t go left.

WHOOO! We shall overcome. By laying our burdens down under air conditioning.

Is it hot where you are too? Whatchu doing to stay cool?


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  1. naturalista88
    July 18, 2013 at 9:16 pm

    This damn heat is absolutely disrespectful & I ain’t here for it AT ALL.

  2. dmaclee
    July 18, 2013 at 9:16 pm

    Girl, I was in Connecticut for a training, it was hot as hades up there. Then I came home to DC and the dang heat hit me like I stole its boyfriend. This ish is disrespectful. Even my favorite homeless man who wears a Redskins blanket 24/7, 365 was down to his bare chest.

    • KDS
      July 19, 2013 at 10:16 am

      I live in Maryland and YES!! it is super hot but I’m not complaining because I A.B.S.O.U.T.E.L.Y HATE the cold!!!

  3. mskim3000
    July 18, 2013 at 9:24 pm

    Houston.Tx. Nuff said.

    • RavenJ
      July 18, 2013 at 9:29 pm

      I live in Houston as well…

      • KS
        July 19, 2013 at 8:08 am

        I’m in Dallas, it’s hell here, so I can’t imagine what its like for yall.

        • July 23, 2013 at 2:16 pm

          I’m in Dallas too KS. Hell don’t cover it…it’s like Hell to the third power.

    • July 18, 2013 at 9:33 pm

      Houston must feel like the inside of Satan’s mouth at 6:58am. I’m so sorry.

      • TiffB
        July 18, 2013 at 9:40 pm

        Yes it does Luvvie. I’m for Houston too. #thestruggle

      • Arynda
        July 20, 2013 at 11:20 am

        It’s like the inside of Satan’s mouth at 6:58 a.m. after a bender.

      • mianna
        July 21, 2013 at 12:48 pm

        7/21: Wet morning, some sun, more rain. About 85 at noon, w/ 100% humidity. It’s lovely and tropical, especially w/ frozen margaritas.

        If you’re scurred of the heat, DO NOT come to Houston in August! You get off the plane, choke on the humidity, fry in the heat, and praise Buddha once you get fully inside the airport.

    • Corndog11
      July 19, 2013 at 1:46 pm

      From Austin. Bad enough, but you Houstonians could grows RICE. Indoors.

      • RavenJ
        July 19, 2013 at 2:56 pm

        That is funny!!!! I think Texas as a whole is just HOT!!!

  4. KemaB
    July 18, 2013 at 9:27 pm

    Alls I know is someone went and pissed off Mother Nature got her all up in her feelings and she’s like I’m not turning on the air until y’all do right by me. Cause she’s petty

    • Mrs.Woods
      July 18, 2013 at 10:15 pm

      She heard that Scandal wasn’t coming back until October. They tried her and now we all gotta suffa. Got me walking around in a swimsuit in the house. Damn the mail. I ain’t checking it until September.

      • KemaB
        July 18, 2013 at 10:26 pm

        Lmaooo right blame shonda

      • Lexi
        July 19, 2013 at 1:30 pm

        DEAD at not checking the mail. I had to keep my laughter from escaping in the office lol!!!

  5. July 18, 2013 at 9:28 pm

    The temp read: Swelter. Roast. Melt. No. Wait. Bake. Fry. Rotisserie. Repeat.
    All gat damn day.
    I just bought 2 boxes of Popsicles and I guarantee between me and the kids they won’t make it to Saturday.
    I promised my kids and my niece and nephews I would take them swimming today.
    At the outdoor pool.
    I reneged like I was in the World Championship of Spades at the National Black Family Reunion.
    My 10 year old niece burst into tears when she found out we weren’t going.
    It’s too damn hot!

    • Mrs. Woods
      July 18, 2013 at 10:18 pm

      Draw them babies a cold bath, get the water guns out and let them play in the bathroom…not the National Black Family Reunion.

    • Nono
      July 18, 2013 at 10:30 pm

      Girl yes!! The heat index in Richmond got so high today they shut down the damn swimming class at the outside pool. SHUT DOWN THE POOL.

      Satan done turned his magnifying glass on us and made us the ants.

      • That Dude
        July 18, 2013 at 10:42 pm

        How hot does it have to be to shut down a pool?!

        This would be fighting weather if anyone had the energy to go outside…

    • Renners
      July 19, 2013 at 10:59 am

      Here in D.C. too and I’m cracking up!!! Bet you won’t be making any promises anytime soon.

      And for the Houston/Texan commenters. My condolences. That heat down there makes you wanna shank anyone and hate everybody.

  6. Shayla
    July 18, 2013 at 9:29 pm

    It’s so hot in Brooklyn even the roaches tryna open the fire hydrant to cool off. The subway smells like hopelessness feels. HELP!!!

    • July 18, 2013 at 9:32 pm

      The NY subway already smells like despair, must and corn chips on a COOL day. On a hot day, it smells like “No.” Simply “no.” You haz my sympathies.

      • Max
        July 18, 2013 at 10:09 pm

        Fact. I was just walking past one and it smelled like the inside of Satan’s ass. This weather is just rude.

  7. Barbar
    July 18, 2013 at 9:31 pm

    I am a Phoenician. While that sounds all exotic, it means that 6 months out of the year I live in Satan’s taint. I ain’t complaining (except for when he forgets his Gold Bond powder) cause it is better than when I lived in Idaho Falls.

    • July 18, 2013 at 9:33 pm

      Satan’s taint. I AM GONE. This is a ghost typing b/c I ain’t make it.

    • RavenJ
      July 18, 2013 at 9:39 pm

      I’m sorry…did I read that correctly? Satan’s taint?
      LAWD!!!!!!!!!! ____________________________________________

    • Nono
      July 18, 2013 at 10:32 pm

      Satan’s tai- *collapses*

      Is there a corner in here for you to go sit in and think about what you said?!

    • Renners
      July 19, 2013 at 11:02 am

      i am completely done. satan’s taint. that cannot be topped!

  8. RavenJ
    July 18, 2013 at 9:35 pm

    Around November it will cool down to the 80s, but right now…shee-it…everyday we are looking at mid 90s in temps and the heat index hits triple digits. Humidity is no joke!! Can’t even rock a fly twist out…

  9. Erica
    July 18, 2013 at 9:36 pm

    I’m in raggedy need to be boycotted (when I leave) Florida its hot and humid as hell and my boys have on wife beaters and boxers/Pampers daily!

  10. TeeNikki
    July 18, 2013 at 9:37 pm

    The heat index in DC if over 100. This right here ain’t no kinda good. I almost burst into tears every time I open the door, which was only twice this week cuz I ain’t crazy. Mother Nature needs to get some or somethin cuz this heffa is in heat and we’re all dealing with the fall out. JACK FROST COME LAY HER OUT SO WE’S CAN BREEEEEEEEEVE!!!!!!!!

  11. July 18, 2013 at 9:37 pm

    It is H.O.T! Where I live also and I must say that I get angry everyday that I have to get up and get dressed for work. Who has time for real clothes in this heat? I hate the summer, and I will frown until summer is over.

    • July 18, 2013 at 9:41 pm

      People think that because I live in Los Angeles, CA that we don’t get hot because of the ocean. Damn the ocean, it is not keeping me cool, and I work in a place that is basically the desert. So PLEASE cry for me Argentina!

      • July 19, 2013 at 6:00 pm

        And you know it’s hot when downtown LA is hot. AT night.

  12. July 18, 2013 at 9:38 pm

    In Naptown it’s too hot to do anything other than sleep until October. This heat is uncouth, unnecessary, and uncalled for.

  13. TiaBia
    July 18, 2013 at 9:44 pm

    I am in TEARS!!! My day was not what it was suppose to be and this video changed all that! Delegating to Moses, Jesus be a raindrop… YES!!! I have a Trayvon Martin Rally on Saturday, I can’t preach change and not show up so I’m hoping for some of those Jesus raindrops!!

  14. July 18, 2013 at 9:52 pm

    My people faced the middle passage, a revolution and it will be this heat that does me in. Now let Krissy Chula lead us in prayer to get rid of this devil breath -

  15. Rachel
    July 18, 2013 at 9:53 pm

    It’s humid as hell in Minnesota. I didn’t see an ounce of life outside until 7pm tonight (my family and I included). Not a nare bee, child, nor a breeze ran through this mofo today. My town looked like a zombie apocalypse hit it. But once that sun set, people were scattering about like roaches in a dark kitchen.

  16. IfYouEverComeBack
    July 18, 2013 at 10:46 pm

    Listen I feel yall, I like the Bahamas and we too be having a heatwave, its called the whole damn summer, in fact from like March the temp has been on fuck yall and yall life space. Sadly my parents refuse to turn on the A/C cause they say the bill is already too high Like I care, man lets worry about that later.

    • IfYoueEverComeBack
      July 19, 2013 at 6:42 pm

      *Live in

  17. kris
    July 18, 2013 at 10:57 pm

    New Orleans here.

    Mild summer for us. 92 degrees, 90% humidity.

    Wear natural fibers only. Don’t do anything that forbids you to have iced coffee in your mouth. Don’t go outside between 8am and 8pm until September.

    • Shalaya
      July 19, 2013 at 12:49 am

      I’m from Louisiana too & the heat struggle is REAL lol

  18. Christel
    July 19, 2013 at 12:05 am

    I was standing at a bus stop in DC eating a snack size McFlurry from McDonald’s and I swear everyone at that bus stop looked like they wanted to jump me for my treat. I would have gone down fighting like Sophia vs Harpo. All my life I had to fight….. for my ice cream. Ice cream ain’t safe at bus stop full of hot ass negroes.

  19. Ronnielynn
    July 19, 2013 at 12:49 am

    Hot as fish grease! That’s how hot it’s been here in Arkansas. But we’re about to have a cool spell next week (low 90’s)! The humidity makes outside feel like a wet wash rag. 😛

  20. Tameko P
    July 19, 2013 at 3:03 am

    It’s 4:00 am and it is too hot to sleep. I’m going to give PECO my whole check ’cause this isn’t right. Me and my cats are staying right in front of the downstairs AC.

  21. Brandi
    July 19, 2013 at 7:50 am

    Giiiiirl. Austin, Texas has been trippin’ something fierce. All week we’ve been having these random thunderstorms. You’d figure we’d get some relief, right. Hell to the ever loving nawl!!!!!! Mother Nature been dropping big, fat ass acid tear drops and hot cheeto breathe all damn week. Ima need her boo or whoever pissed her off to apologize immediately and make shit right. We shouldn’t have to suffer from yo teenage love affair!! FIX IT!!

  22. Dexter
    July 19, 2013 at 8:55 am

    But why won’t the folks turn the air on… It’s not supposed to be the same temp as outside right??!? Talm bout wait til after peak hours!! Where am I suppose to escape to? *Hits an epic wall slide* Damn the bill

  23. July 19, 2013 at 9:07 am

    I’m deep in the heart of central Mississippi so I have been feeling her pain since April!! Where is winter when it gets down to 45 degrees, lol. These people who say that global warming isn’t real don’t EVER come to Mississippi. It’s too hot!!

  24. Can't
    July 19, 2013 at 9:24 am

    When I moved to the UK I was excited as FUGG because the weather is milder than tapioca pudding.

    *pause* I must have been mistaken because the Sun parked its ass over here last week, lit a match and said ” bring yo country into the 21st century and invest in some air conditioning cause I’m bout to burn errbody.”

    Tanning salons in Scotland are going out of business as I type this, it’s that gatdamn hot over here.

  25. LaToya
    July 19, 2013 at 10:51 am

    Being overseas is horrible

    I understand what all of you are saying but until you lived in 138 degrees daily..I don’t want to hear it b/c that is what it is over here. On top of that to wear military equipment and combat boots along with carrying a rifle ain’t what that is. Its so hot I think they(iraqies/ afghanistan decendents)ain’t trying to have no war…..for it to be 102 degrees is a cold front in overseas….so be thankful. The highest its been thus far is 151 degrees…..yep satan is sitting on the curb in the shade sweating fanning himself complaining about this heat. I think I over heard him say he is trying to get his life together…lol

    • lnedykstra
      July 19, 2013 at 11:31 am

      Thank you for your service!! LOL at Satan sitting on the curb fanning!

    • lnedykstra
      July 19, 2013 at 11:32 am

      I’m in Portland, OR and it’s gorgeous here in the summer. Temps rarely exceed 95 degrees (it is mostly 85) and the humidity is rather low! But … we have to deal with gray and rain for 7 months!!!

  26. Terri
    July 19, 2013 at 11:56 am

    I live in Michigan and it is hot and beyond humid. It’s 93 degrees with a heat index of 101. Yesterday I took my 1 year old niece outside with me in her diaper for a few minutes. That baby gave me the most epic side eye I have ever received! If looks could kill I would’ve been done and she would have crawled back into the central air and left me on the lawn to bake #itsHotYall

  27. Jasmine
    July 19, 2013 at 12:28 pm

    I think I’m more disturbed by the people who have AC, but have the nerve to have the damn thermostat at 80+ degrees (to conserve energy) asking YOU if it’s hot in their house. Because they DON’T know their house smells and feels like hot @ss?

  28. July 19, 2013 at 12:37 pm

    I’m sure that I could probably better cope with the heat index causing it to feel like Death Valley, even though I live in Baltimore, under normal circumstances! BUT…being 8 months pregnant in this triple digit mess is a whole ‘NOTHER ball of wax! I’ve been trying my best to wear work-appropriate outfits but I’m starting to fail! Lately, as long as my parts are all covered, I feel “work ready!” Temps like these let me KNOW that I gotta continue living my life for Christ…cuz I won’t make it in hell if this is what “regla summers” feel like these days!!

  29. pup
    July 19, 2013 at 12:43 pm

    This heat is the struggle personified. It’s thisclose to people walking outside & bursting into flames. Satan is somewhere trying to hook up a fan & an air conditioner because even he doesn’t know heat like this..

  30. Jabari
    July 19, 2013 at 12:43 pm

    Chile, I was out running the streets last night at midnight in Chicago (yea, I’m a little bout that life)…..Tell me why it felt like fuck love in the afternoon #NoChrisette….This oppressive heat struggle is real outchea, chil’ren!

    @KemaB and Mrs. Woods: That damb abusive ass Shonda!!!!! I say we boycott and make Shonda put it up to next month!!!!! That’ll solve all our problems!!!

    • Lexi
      July 19, 2013 at 1:51 pm

      lmao at #NoChrisette!!!! lmao

  31. Eve Tey
    July 19, 2013 at 12:50 pm

    Girl, I live in Houston and the devil abandoned us for Hell a long time ago. The humidity makes it feel like you’re breathing soup!

  32. Tracey
    July 19, 2013 at 2:00 pm

    The kids on my block popped the fire hydrant last night and I was seriously thinking about blindside tackling one or two of them so I could get more of the water on me. For real. It’s too hot to share. Then I realized I’d have to walk outside to get under the water, so I changed my mind. It’s too hot to open my front door, much less walk or tackle. For real. Ain’t nobody got time for sweat.

  33. July 19, 2013 at 5:13 pm

    I am CRINE at this video! I am not here for Satan’s taint and five degrees out. I joked that the real reason that there were record numbers at gay pride parades wasn’t because of DOMA, it’s because it is socially acceptable to be nude in public cuz it is hot as hell

  34. Tamara
    July 19, 2013 at 5:47 pm

    Girl it is so hot my eyelashes are sweatin

  35. Jabria
    July 19, 2013 at 7:29 pm

    My thermostat read 90 degrees at 7 o’clock this morning. 7 IN THE MORNING. Me and my bro have resorted to sleeping beside our vents at night, it’s so damn hot. *sighs* But at least it’s not raining on and off all day anymore. This past month and a half, it was so humid outside, curly/nappy hair didn’t stand a chance. I braided my baby cousin’s hair last week, she went outside and came back in ten minutes later with those braids lookin like dreads with beads.

    • Ramblin' Wreck
      July 20, 2013 at 10:40 am

      Girl, I’m in Louisiana trying to maintain a profession natural hairstyle at a catalyst plant. I’m outdoors for at least half the day in a hard hat, jeans, and safety boots.

      Eco-styler, girl. Get the clear, colorless one. That stuff was sent directly from the Lord himself for us.

      Ain’t no need to add hair to this heat struggle. Ain’t NO need.

      • Jabria
        July 22, 2013 at 12:19 pm

        Two words, girl: Thank. You!

  36. cocoberrie
    July 19, 2013 at 9:19 pm

    I will not complain one bit. I’m trying to soak up every bit of sun that I can. When it’s -20C, then I will complain. Summer is so short…enjoy it! What I don’t understand is why people think it is okay to leave their children and pets in the car…WITH THE WINDOWS ROLLED UP!!! smh

  37. ATL
    July 19, 2013 at 9:32 pm

    I don’t know what Atlanta did right this year, but we just started breaking the 90 degree mark this week.

    However, we have had monsoon like weather here this summer.

  38. Christie
    July 20, 2013 at 9:41 am

    I’m in Va. and the temp here is hotter than hell’s back door; which means all day it smells like armpits and assholes. We’ve been in a heat wave for a week and have been strongly advised to stay inside during the hottest part of the day I.e. day light.
    You know what especially sucks in the summer? Burning your hands on your steering wheel.
    Please make sure you’re all hydrating, as well as staying cool. Drink lots of water, Gatorade and Poweraid, especially if you’re working outside in this unfortunate weather/Satan’s butt crack.

  39. Kwan
    July 20, 2013 at 2:46 pm

    I’m in north Florida so trust like Mister’s daddy say you haves my deepest sympathy I am here with you all. I haven’t even left the house to go get my eyebrows done. At that point you know it’s hot if I’m willing to give up that essential need. My city is like the butt of many weather jokes b/c it literally be on some Bullshat. When it was raining everyday you could see steam rising from the tar LIKE A FREAKING SKILLET! Let’s not even discuss the hair struggle in this damb heat.

    I love Krissy she is hilarious that video has been going viral for a couple of weeks. We all share her pain.

  40. march pisces
    July 22, 2013 at 11:27 am

    DOA…..i can’t finish reading b/c of this>>>>>>It’s so damb hot that the devil is somewhere seeing how he can change his ways for the better. I ain’t lying. It’s so toasty around these parts that I bet Rick Ross is somewhere looking for a bra that fits so the underside of his moobs can breathe in this humidity. GAHTDAMB!

  41. […] been busy enjoying this heat like the rest of ya’ll (*most of yall), trying my best to escape from social media (‘cept for Instagram of course). Did I see you at […]

  42. Shakira
    November 20, 2013 at 5:15 pm

    I live in Vegas (been out here since April) and I endured the summer out here. Don’t ask me how. Once the weather man was talmbout “temperatures will be coolin down to 98 degrees today”. I had to stop myself from throwin a blunt object at the TV. I just might have if I had the energy. And the Monsoon season will have you ready to kick a puppy. How is it hot as all hell AND raining at the SAME DAMN TIME??!?! Mother Nature is schizophrenic.