The Temperature is Oppression Degrees Fahrenheit. It’s Hot!
Look. Last week, I was complaining that Chicago hasn’t given us a real summer. We’ve been hovering around a nice and MILD 70 degrees for most of this summer. I wanted heat and I got it. Be careful what you ask for.
Now we’re in the middle of a heatwave and it’s so hot that the temperature is pretty much oppression degrees fahrenheit, which can be converted to “GAHTDAMB WHY?” degrees celcius, approximately. I have stayed my yansh inside since Tuesday but I had to go out today for a couple of hours. I was outchea like THE STRUGGLE!
It’s so damb hot that the devil is somewhere seeing how he can change his ways for the better. I ain’t lying. It’s so toasty around these parts that I bet Rick Ross is somewhere looking for a bra that fits so the underside of his moobs can breathe in this humidity. GAHTDAMB!
A couple of weeks ago, I came across Krissy Chula’s YouTube channel, and she posted a video about how hot it is where she is. I laughed then, but I FEEL her right now. Please watch this and CACKLE. The video is priceless.
GIRL! SPEAK ON IT!
When she asked if she gotta put her A/C on power ranger, I hollered. “WHERE THE HELL IS MOSES? Talk to Moses… I cannot DO this. I am not tropical. I am not a fucking Toucan.” LMAOOOOO!!! I AM tropical AND I’m skinny. So I’m always cold. For ME to get hot, you know it’s really gotta be something. Even I’m like WHAT IS THIS?!? But you know Krissy was truly done with her trifecta of “SHIT!” Those were from her soul.
And who are these people in her complex barbequing everyday??? “Who the hell is paying for all this damb MEAT?!” The closing prayer gave me what I truly needed though. “Jesus be a raindrop of central air, because I cannot breather.” AMEN! This video is everything. But this heat is not what my life is about.
I’m not leaving the house until it stops feeling like morning breath outside. This means I plan on having a Netflix weekend where I binge eat popsicles and put on as little clothes as possible. Babies need to be wearing nothing but baby powder and a diaper.
Folks gotta keep cool.
IT’S HOT, I SAY! Again, this is what I get for complaining that it hasn’t been real summer. Shit. SHIT. SHIT!
Someone (Berrie Keta) from my Facebook fan page said: “My mother said she opened her front door and immediately saw cotton. I hung up on her.” And I laughed until I needed to put on more deodorant so my SECRET won’t be told and RIGHT GUARD won’t go left.
WHOOO! We shall overcome. By laying our burdens down under air conditioning.
Is it hot where you are too? Whatchu doing to stay cool?