Anguished in Anguilla: The Kenya Moore Story. RHOA Episode 8 Recap

Kenya Moore’s Real Housewives of Atlanta behavior is of that person who says “I like your dress. I want one just like it.” And you tell  her “Thanks. I like this dress too.” And then 4 days later, she wonders why the dress isn’t in her closet yet. And it’s a shame. And she should get her life and stop embarrassing herself.

Kenya’s History is Revised – Kenya is telling Walter about the fight she and Porsha had the night before, and she’s ranting about how she demands respect. Apparently, Kenya is a part of history and Iunno which one she’s talmbout because she’s like a dust speck in the Milky Way of Relevance. Then she gon say all Porsha ever did was lay on her back and get a ring. At least SHE got a ring for it. And you, sir? O_O

Nene’s Fight Recap – Nene decided to give Kandi a recap of the Kenya-Porsha hoopla since she missed the entire thing. She twirled until she got dizzy, showing Kenya’s “Gone with the Wind fabulous” demonstration. iHollered. And then the ladies talked through some of their issues and I was all geeked. I want Nene and Kandi to be friends so it was cool seeing them talk to each other all nice. Then Gregg came in with his flooding pants and red chucks and did his “40 and fabulous” twirl. I’m liking him more.

Porsha’s Version – While telling Kordell about the fight, Porsha tells him that Kenya started it by pointing out that she has a lower back tattoo. “How you gon say I have a tramp stamp when you have been behaving like a tramp on this trip?” Porsha, YESSS! Kenya… OOP.

Oh, the Thirst – Kenya’s all giddy because it’s their last day there. And she’s convinced that it’s the day Walter’s gonna pop the question. You mean the same guy who sees you flirting with other men and calls it “networking?” Ma’am, he ain’t committing a business card to you let alone a ring.

The Non-Apology – As the couples get ready to leave for an outing, Kenya calls the ladies for a chat. She starts by giving Porsha the worst apology ever. She was basically on some “Sorry you made me call you a bitch” steeze. She’s a terrible apologist, and Porsha said her face looked like a mean raisin. iHowled! The convo was long and drawn out and of course, pointless. The ladies didn’t e’em much care that the men were baking as they sat on the bus waiting for them to finish. Peter tried to rush them but he got cut off and cut short. Welp.

Kenya’s Shadeful Gift – At the beach, everyone sits down to eat lunch and things are cool. Until Kenya presents Cynthia with Vanessa Williams’ new book, talmbout since Cynthia didn’t know history, she wanted to make sure she educated her. Ma’am, I know pageantry is important to you, since you won your title TWENTY LONG YEARS AGO, but SHET UP! It was so damb shadeful. Cynthia should buy Kenya the book “Woman Thou Art Loosed” as a return gift. (-__-)

Nene’s Horse ride – Everyone got a chance to ride on horses at the beach, and Nene wasn’t that enthused about it. She got on one and soon hopped right back off for a drink, acting like she was about to die. Then she said “I’ve rode some horses in my lifetime. They just ain’t have 4 legs. OK?!?” *Z-snaps* LENETHIA, I LOVE YOU!!!

Cynthia Critiques Kenya – Cynthia pulls Kenya to the side and tells her how she doesn’t much like how couthless she is, especially going back to the “Coochie crack” stunt she pulled at the Bailey Agency. Being the fool she is, Kenya doesn’t really listen, and goes on the defensive. Cyn doesn’t back down and it reaches the point where Kenya starts rolling herself in sand so she could stop. That girl got some issues.

Dinner and Disappointment – That night, everyone sits down for the final dinner in Anguilla. Kenya is geeked up because she just knows Walter’s gon propose. Chile… WOMP. Walter ain’t here for that. So much so that someone pointed out to him that their outfits kinda matched and he looked straight up disgusted. Like someone told him the 90s called and said it wanted its haircut back.

Peter starts off the dinner by making a toast to each couple there and they’re all sweet. Until he gets to Walter and Kenya. The first thing he says is that “I didn’t believe you guys were a couple.” I almost fell out. Then he puts Walter on the spot asking when he’s gonna propose to Kenya, since rumor is that it’s gonna happen at any moment. Uncle Ben is MESSY and I’m here for it.

Walter, being the giver of no dambs, asked them where they heard that rumor, and that he’d like to set it straight. He turned to Kenya and said he never said if or when he’d propose, throwing a proverbial egg on her face and plans. Her salty started seeping through. Then, the discussion at the table turned to the men saying how they proposed to the women. With each story told, Kenya started looking like she lost her puppy. Po’ lil ting ting.

When the envy bubbled up in her throat enough, Kenya left the table. Walter unenthusiastically followed her and asked what was wrong. She tells him that she’s ready and they talked bout marriage but he shuts her down on that quick. He even raised his voice and Kenya wasn’t having it. Walter talmbout “I’m yelling because I want you to HEAR me.” She storms off and instead of going after he, homeboy tells the crew “make sure she gets on the bus okay” and goes back to dinner.

Gahtdamb, dawg. I’m embarrassed for Moore. She’s been reading into everything Walter has been saying, thinking it meant he’d marry her. The man could say “the sun is beautiful” and she’d be all “see, he’s saying the sun, which is a gold ring. HE GOT ME AN ENGAGEMENT RING!!!” NAWL, Kenya.

This pic captures their relationship perfectly. He looks disinterested and she’s all up in his face.

Walter goes back to the table without Kenya and Phaedra gets up and goes to find Kenya. That chile is crouched in the grass sobbing about marriage and how she wants it. Lady Parks says “Everyone knows the only person looking for a husband is a person who never had one because hey don’t know how much work it is.” Come on and give wisdom, Phae!

Bless her heart. Kenya is losing.

P.S. I’m Coming to America fabulous.

More pics and gifs to come for this post!