TV and Movies

RHOA Producers Still Think We Care About Kim Zolciak’s Move: Episode 4 Recap

I don’t know why but the producers of Real Housewives of Atlanta still think we give a damb about Kim Zolciak’s house problem, which isn’t really a big problem but she’s whining enough to try to convince us that it is. I am unmoved by Kim’s situation (you see what I did there). Wayyy too much time of this episode was spent focusing on the now tired story. But whatevs. I guess they’re getting her ready for a spinoff we’ll also not care about. (-_-)

Real Housewives of Atlanta

Kim is finally moving out – Kim keeps yodeling for Sweetie randomly and she’s still whining about moving out of her 20,000 sq. ft. “dream house” into her version of living poor. Apparently, the prospect of a 7,000 sq. ft. townhouse is so shabby that all Kim can bring herself to do is pout about it. I can’t bring myself to care.

Kandi is finally moving in – As Kim moves out her “dream house” Kandi is moving into hers. With the help of her mama. And unlike Kim, she’s handling this like a mature adult. She remembers Kim tryna shade her house and says “At least everybody in my neighborhood owns their homes.” OOP.

Ayden’s First Haircut – Phaedra and Apollo take Ayden to the barbershop for his first haircut and it’s no walk in park. He’s about to turn 2 so he needs this cut and he was not having it! So they got Apollo to start it off, because apparently, he used to be a “master barber.” Methinks Apollo is truly Tommy from “Martin.”

Porsha in the kitchen – Porsha and her boo Cordell are hanging in her kitchen as she cooks breakfast. And their convo is about how she thinks they need to coordinate outfits for some wedding they’re going to (O__o) and Kenya. She proceeds to shade Kenya for being butthurt about being mistakenly called Miss America instead of Miss USA. And then she burned the biscuits. (-_-)

Walter gets grilled – Kenya finally takes Walter to meet her family (Aunt Lori, uncle and cousins), even though she’s afraid they’re gonna “run him off.” Girl… O_o Walter starts off by teling them he’s the “Martin Luther King of DeKalb County Towing.” Whatever the hell that means. Lori grills him about their relationship and marriage and Walter wiggles his way out of it. He’s talmbout “he’s a little cautious” because he’s been married before and needs to be in love to do it again. And what Kenya hears is “He and I both know this relationship is headed towards marriage.” DO YALL BOTH KNOW??? She has built herself a shack made up of four walls of denial.

Ayden’s birthday experience – “Dwight and I don’t plan parties. We coordinate experiences.” And this is what they did for Ayden’s 2nd birthday party at the Georgia Aquarium. Phaedra, Apollo and Ayden entered the party on a train behind a drumline. Then the guests are entertained by a private dolphin show that seemed to run longer than folks were anticipating. Even Dwight almost fell asleep during the show.

RHOA Ayden PArty

Phaedra is the only one looking entertained

*insert scene with Kim still bitching bout moving that I don’t e’em care enough to recap here*

Nene snitches on Phaedra – Nene and Cynthia meetup and Nene tells her that Phaedra does not care about her. Apparently, Phaedra accidentally butt dialed one of Nene’s friends while telling someone how she doesn’t care if Cynthia makes it to Ayden’s party. She even plays her the voicemail. Being the shade queen she is, Nene says “I guess there is a disadvantage of having a big ass. Because now they’re dialing phones!” WELP! lol

Kenya’s desperation shows – Kenya is in her kitchen cooking Walter a nice dinner. By “cooking” I mean buys TV dinners, microwaves them and then puts them on a plate. Lady, why are you building this house of lies??? Well, as she says “I’m gonna do whatever it takes to get that ring.” When Walter arrives, she takes him to the lonely table she set up next to her pool. And then tells him “This will be a preview of what it’d be like every night.” “It took me forever to make this meal.” “I want a baby like yesterday. If I could be 9 months pregnant right now, I would be. I’m not tryna put pressure on you.”

Kenya Walter RHOA

ALL. OF. THAT??? What is WRONG with this woman??? And all he does is laugh. Ma’am, your desperado is showing. Tuck it in. This is not e’em thirst. This is pure dehydration. The poor child doesn’t realize that he won’t be marrying her. Ever.

Phaedra chickens out – Cynthia meets up with Phaedra and brings Ayden a birthday gift. And then she brings up the party and the voicemail she heard where Phaedra said “I don’t give a fuck if she shows up.” Ms. Parks, our favorite Southern Belle denies this, even going as far as saying she doesn’t cuss. Then she tries to distract Cynthia by changing the subject to her boobs. But since Phaedra is Parliamentarian of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee, this tactic fails poorly.

*More stuff bout Kim that I don’t care about in the least*

Ok so that was this week’s. ALSO! It was the 3rd week in a row that my tweet was used during a rerun from their show from last week.

Luvvie RHOA Tweet

Bravo Andy, CALL ME, ALMOND!

Anyone else wanna offer Kenya a drink of water though? Homegirl is PARCHED.

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  1. Lalarochelle
    November 26, 2012 at 5:11 pm

    It seems like Kim is just trying to stay relevant with pretend problems. And is it just me, or could Kenya be renting a house for the show? I’ve NEVER seen a kitchen more empty? I mean there wasn’t even paper towel on the rack!!! I’m just saying…

  2. Luxurylatte
    November 26, 2012 at 5:24 pm

    As soon as Walter took his first bite, he knew that was Trader Joes. That’s a single man so i’m sure he had that exact same entree tucked up in his freezer somewhere. I know he wanted to laugh in her face. And moscato? Girl… why not just pull out some boxed wine? Or some fla-vor-ice pops?

    Did anyone else catch Dwight licking his lips real quick when the dolphin handler came out at first during the show? I’m just saying.

    Phaedra, that baby is 2. He ain’t gonna remember much of none of that. That’s mostly for everyone else. I ain’t mad, just saying.

    If Kim spent as much time actually doing something then she does walking around in circles spinning bs she might actually get ish done. She was too pressed for everyone to know she wasn’t evicted. But, as everyone else noted (credit is important, even for WP) the only person she was fooling was herself. Just trash. I’m mad this heffa still on the show but folks just as broke and busted *cough Sheree* got the ax.

    • Dinasty
      November 28, 2012 at 2:38 pm

      Make no mistake, Kroy is keeping her relevant on that show. If her credit is truly in the shitter like the rest of us, Kroy’s NFL status is the only thing keeping her afloat. Otherwise, she’d have been nixed right along with Sheree.

  3. viimo
    November 26, 2012 at 5:25 pm

    Kenya needs a little something more than water thrown on her, she needs a bat across the face with the words HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU written across it. Her desperation is quite sad but his many faces of disinterest make it even sadder. In fact at one point during the dinner he kinda gives her the hand…..I really like.Porsche I think she’s cute quite an airhead though and I’m not really sure how she’ll get past this “265 days a year” comment next week. PHAEDRA is a terrible liar she should’ve just owned up to the comment and in loving this new Hollywood Benefits quite hilarious. I totally agree that no one cares about Kim and her house foolishness you mean to tell me that her nor kroy have a high enough credit to actually keep the house? All of it is just messy

  4. November 26, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    I’m so glad I DVR’d this because I spent most of my time fast forwarding through everything. I don’t understand Porsha. She’s so fucking ditzy… entitled and with a nice pedigree, but dingy as a bat! Geez…

    Kim and her moving struggles are beyond me. I fast forwarded through EVERY scene she was in lol…

    Kenya…oh, Kenya. She’s what, 45? Dare I say her eggs have turned to dust! Everything about her life is one huge struggle.

    I’m not really into this season, to be honest… and yes, I’m tired of them treating these boys like women. I’m all for you having whatever sexual preference, but playing dress up in women’s clothes doesn’t make you an actual woman! The “miss” this and “miss” that is getting out of control. Sir, you have a dick…

    • Kelly
      November 26, 2012 at 7:05 pm

      CTFU @ “sir………”!!!

    • Tarah
      November 26, 2012 at 10:51 pm

      The best line ever award goes to South Loop, “Sir. You have a dick…” SAY THAT!!

  5. BE
    November 26, 2012 at 6:23 pm

    Loved how Kim kept complaining about how hard moving was and ain’t even lifted a damn thing. Not even a box of fluffy towels. I hope the moving people break all her shit.

    Lmao at Kenya swirling some little pasta in the sauce pan to make of look like she cooked. I wish I could make chicken alfredo with just one pot. She could have at least had her cousin deliver food from the restaurant.
    I know walter tuned her ass out and started listening to them frog instead.

  6. Delita
    November 26, 2012 at 10:11 pm

    I love how Mama Joyce was throwing hints about getting out of that house she lives in lol.. Kim please go away and take all those nasty synthetic wigs with you… Phaedra and her chocolate titay distraction was hilarious… Cynthia got her good and oh how I love Nene and her 27 piece messiness. She gives me life. Kenya you are the weakest link, goodbye. Lawd Porsha should just smile and nod and play the beard she is for her husband. How you doin?

  7. November 26, 2012 at 10:44 pm

    Kenya can’t convince me that she doesn’t suffer from some form of mental illness. Ma’am. You “didn’t have time” to cook and that’s fine. Why would you lie about marinating some chicken and it taking all day. *side eye* Also: that man is just sticking it in you until he finds someone new who isn’t obsessed with marriage and babies. But they need to keep her thirsty self on the show because she is entertaining and makes me feel better about myself.

    Phaedra is a FOOL for trying that distraction tactic. With her EXTRA self. That party looked wack but I’m also not a fan of kids birthday places.

    Kim…yawn. I was so annoyed that I didn’t record it because I have been fast forwarding all of her scenes the last two seasons. How did they NOT go ahead and buy a house yet? He must be a premium bench warmer. Sweetie doesn’t look so downtrodden this season but why won’t she go and find a real job? If Kim is getting evicted, Sweetie can’t be making too much money.

    Still #TeamKandi! Everything is going so well for her and she deserves it because she is humble, works hard, and a nice person.

    Porsha: So cute but so spacey.

    • Lalarochelle
      November 27, 2012 at 2:26 pm

      That’s because Sweetie is trying to get her own reality show “the real help of Atlanta”

  8. Shelley
    November 26, 2012 at 11:15 pm

    I’m glad you noted it. I did think, “we are STILL talking about Kim’s move?” Her dream house that one of the reasons why she needed it was so AJ could run around on the basketball court? Dream House to worst house and back to dream house.

    Girl, find a nice little home for you an family for when Kroy gets cut from the team.

    I can’t wait for next week and 265 days a year.

  9. golden
    November 26, 2012 at 11:17 pm

    I was crackin up when Porshe referred to her Miss USA/Miss America mix up as a “fradulent slip”!

  10. Shevonne
    November 26, 2012 at 11:17 pm

    Cackling at Apollo being Tommy from Martin. I mean…just WTF is a Master Barber?! Who she think he is…Sweeney Todd?!

    Kenya’s eggs are hard boiled. She better take her old ass to China and get a baby girl. Kim is a non-factor. And they need to bury Sweetie’s wig in the backyard.

    • November 27, 2012 at 1:55 am

      High fiving you right now.

    • Mak
      November 27, 2012 at 9:57 am

      a master barber is a really title, just saying… Glad to see that he has something to fall back on.

      • Mak
        November 27, 2012 at 9:58 am


  11. Qiana
    November 26, 2012 at 11:21 pm

    This!!!! I don’t even have to watch now… #freedvrspace

  12. Nonya
    November 27, 2012 at 9:05 am

    Yasss! Mah Matron Saint of Ratchet Recaps don delivered the gawspel. This here +the comments is more entertaining than the gahtdamb show!

    As I said before, how crazy is that I was about to watch RHOA but stopped and came on here to read your recap first, like that should be the natural order of thangs?

    You better start that sideline biz with TV peeps paying you to recap their shows (charge extra for ratchet sauce). Shoot, I can probably donate a recap of Downton Abbey; iLive for that show and find myself simultaneously translating it into ratchetese while watching it.

  13. Serenity
    November 27, 2012 at 9:25 am

    I just have a series of whys?

    Why are we supposed to believe that this is Ayden’s 1st cut. He’s 2. If he never had his hair cut before it should all be braided up. And Why if Apollo can cut hair (I suspect he learned that trade in Jail) why doesn’t he have his own clippers?

    Why does Kendra NOT see that Walter ain’t checking for her? He just wants to hit that Miss USA bootie.

    Why are we supposed to be caring about Kim? She paid 100’s of thousands for movers, let them move damnit. Her irrelevant ass…

    Why is NeNe being so messy? Is she jealous about Cynthia’s relationship with Phaedra?

    Why Phaedra spend $20,000 on a birthday party that child won’t remember?

    And most importantly… Why do I still watch this mess after swearing it off every year?

    • Kenzie
      November 27, 2012 at 9:31 pm

      Apollo did have his own clippers. He took them out of the bag to give to Ayden when they were going inside the barber shop. And Phaedra said it was his first “real” hair cut. I’m assuming she meant in the barber shop.

      Am I the only one who had a problem with Porsha frying bacon with a bare nekkid stomach?! I mean, really… She OBVIOUSLY doesn’t have a clue… burnt biscuits and all…smh

      • Luxurylatte
        November 28, 2012 at 5:49 pm

        Right! Who cooks something like bacon with their midriff showing? Girl… lol. I like her though. A little off the mark but a lot of young women raised in that upper middle class bracket are like that. At least she’s not running around trying to give etiquette lessons while tossing dollars in the air. Ahem..

  14. November 27, 2012 at 11:18 pm

    YOU CARE – the next episode will be Kim’s last on RHOA. She quit, but she’ll have a spinoff

    I’m mad the grease didn’t pop when Porsha was cooking in a bra. Girl, WHY?

    And this Miss America/USA situation – who invites someone to an event and shades them? Don’t invite Kenya at all, or get it right. She stooopid.

    I’m SO mad Marlo’s not on this season. Her + Kenya = ratchetness

    I hope Nene’s granddaughter is on. I don’t know if she was born as of the taping but she’s CUTE

  15. mz niecy
    December 1, 2012 at 11:06 am

    If Kenya don’t go sit her dry ass down somewhere….thirsty is not the word for her….we should telling girls to stop being KENYA lol…make her ass a damn adjective