These Suitcase Decals Are TSA’s Worst Nightmare

I was loitering at my quiet corner of the interwebs a coupla months ago (Tumblr) when I came across these:

What are these, you might ask? They’re suitcase decals that you can buy and stick on your luggage to travel with. You take these huge stickers, place them on your luggage and go to the airport.


Yes. In real life. Tons of cash, cocaine, a tied up white woman and sex toys.

I DARE someone to actually buy these (yes they’re really for sale) and go to the airport. TSA’s already legally groping folks and having their ways with them. You put one of these on your luggage and you’ll get a colonoscopy and a prostate exam against your will. Then again, if you put these on your suitcase on purpose, you may have earned them for being such an asshat.

Y’all play TOO gahtdamb murch! Anyone who actually goes and buys this (yes, they’re REALLY available for purchase for $25 each) clearly wants to be stuck in airport security for at least 2 days. AND be put on all types of watch lists for being a nuisance. NO. MA’AM.

Sidenote: I’m currently quite butthurt because my luggage was damaged 2 days ago when I came back in town. And it wasn’t even by the airline either. I was going through a revolving door, dragging my wheely carryon behind me. And a very overzealous dude was approaching the door from the opposite side. He got in the door first and pushed the damb thing with all his might. I got in the door, but it slammed right on my suitcase handle and dented the crap out of it. I cussed. Long and hard. WTF???? This is my favorite suitcase too. So because of the dent, the handle won’t retract. I HATE HIM AND IS HURRYING ASS!!! Ugh!

This is my fave luggage too! I’ont e’em know how to fix it! *cries in my tea* Ennehweighs doe, back to the matter at hand.

So, whatcha’ll think about these decals? Are these clever or just doing the most? Anyone bold enough to actually use them? And if you’re bold enough, please write back to let the rest of us know what the inside of Guan-Mo Bay looks like.

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  1. blackladyblue
    January 26, 2011 at 12:43 am

    On a good day, the decals are amusing, but Security/Customs/TSA don’t have a sense of humour no more. I’m not about to get thoroughly searched. I tape two different colours duct tape to my stuff to find it quicker and call it a day.

    Sucks about your luggage though. I can only think of taking it apart and straightening it out from the inside with something harder than the wood that fits inside the hollow bars and a hammer.

  2. Shica
    January 26, 2011 at 6:28 am

    GEE-ZUS! Your are HIGH-larious@! OMG! I am going to stop lurking and post cause you split my sides. But um yeah, the white lady one gone get somebody kilt.

  3. MimiLumpkins
    January 26, 2011 at 11:01 am

    Ever since I am such a smart a**, I would buy one of those decals for my suitcase.
    But, ever since I am not the type to fly and Grey Hound is my choice of travel (and we all know that Grey Hound do not give a f*ck about the contents inside of their passengers’ luggage)I won’t have the same type of fun.
    Sorry about your luggage, Luvvie. If I was in your shoes, I think my reaction would’ve shamed my parents, my grandparents, my ancestors and the entire black race.
    Oooh, by the way, I was recently welcomed into the Den of Iniquity, a.k.a. the Twittah, yesterday. I only joined because of you and my quest of finding ignorance.

    • January 26, 2011 at 4:41 pm

      twitter name?

      • MimiLumpkins
        January 28, 2011 at 11:03 am

        my twitter name MimiGemRose

        • January 28, 2011 at 4:17 pm

          thanks, mine is @blsdNbeautiful

          I just sent my follower request to you

  4. Ms. Heaven
    January 26, 2011 at 12:55 pm

    I’m not going NOWHERES with a white woman tied up in my suitcase! No ma’am no girl, no girl no ma’am! Back in the day it would have been funny..nowdays you ont know what they do in that dark scary room called the TSA Office. Has anyone ever come back from there? Now if it was a pic of Tyrese tied up in a suitcase, they wouldn’t care. He useless, but a white lady? Naw man…now I did giggle at the sex toys…but iCan’t.

    • Stacy
      January 26, 2011 at 1:18 pm

      No ma’am no girl, no girl no ma’am!


  5. January 26, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    I sure would love the “sex toy decal.” Just embarrassing, nothing illegal, I suppose. I want I want! I’ll be sure to let you know how it goes over.

    • January 31, 2011 at 1:04 am

      Please do. lol

  6. January 26, 2011 at 4:40 pm

    Those were funny but I wouldn’t dare put one on my luggage (even pre-TSA drama). the first two will get you robbed (and maybe kilt), the third will get you locked up and the fourth will get you raped.

    No, thanks! I was pissed when they took my damn water bottle. a WATER BOTTLE?? what kind of damage was I (at 4’8, 104lbs) going to do with a half empty water bottle? Drown my attacker, okay.

    I also don’t have those “contact info” tags on my luggage either. I learned, through a seminar, what kind of damage those things do. If I were to lose my luggage the info needed to contact me is INSIDE of it.

    I distinguish my luggage from all others with a bright colored lei wrapped around the handle.

    And Luvvie, sorry about your luggage handle. Dude should compensate you for it.

    • January 31, 2011 at 1:03 am

      Yeah TA plays too many bald-headed games for me to even try this on a dare. I like my freedom so…

  7. lilbit o'luck
    January 26, 2011 at 6:09 pm

    as if black people arent suspect enough……
    Nawl thats ok. Ill pass

    • January 31, 2011 at 1:03 am

      Pretty damb murch

  8. krocka
    January 26, 2011 at 6:22 pm

    no ma’am, no miss sally bound up in my luggage! i love my life too much. speaking of luggage, ms. luvvie, you didn’t respond to my tweet asking where you copped it….sting, i tell ya!

  9. krocka
    January 26, 2011 at 6:23 pm


  10. January 27, 2011 at 2:00 am

    OMG I love them! I wouldn’t use them but if I saw them on some one’s luggage I would fall out laughing!!

  11. bronxgirl1
    January 27, 2011 at 2:03 am

    There is no way I am dragging around a suitcase with a pic of a white woman tied up inside it. Especially if she looks like one of the missing white girls they are always showing on Good Morning America, The Today Show and every other major tv network out there on a quest to find lost white girls.

    That kind of ish would get me an colo-rectal exam from the TSA as well some water boarding from Bush & Cheney. But I bet you if I had a pic of Al Sharpton, Louis Farrakhan,Jesse Jackson, Aunt Jemima, or Harriet Tubman tied up in my suitcase that would at least get me a seat in first class.

    • Ms. Heaven
      January 27, 2011 at 7:30 am

      “But I bet you if I had a pic of Al Sharpton, Louis Farrakhan,Jesse Jackson, Aunt Jemima, or Harriet Tubman tied up in my suitcase that would at least get me a seat in first class.”

      Young lady, you just caused me to choke on my morning cup of tea! LMAO!

  12. January 27, 2011 at 2:26 pm

    I wouldn’t even dare think of getting anything like this on my suitcase. I would probably get banned from the airport. Pronto!

  13. CafeGirlsPress
    May 27, 2012 at 11:44 am

    As far as fixing your luggage handle, just get you a meat mallet and beat that mess back into place. Trust, it works.

  14. Lynn
    September 8, 2013 at 10:01 pm

    Omg. I laughed so hard. I can’t stand TSA either & actually saw them take a teenage girl who was not happy about have to remove her shoes into that room. Yes, she did return, but she wasn’t pleased. I think I’ll have to get one & put it in my husband’s suitcase…that would make it even funnier. I’ll let you know how it goes next time we fly. 🙂