A Letter to Michael: Moonwalking on the Clouds
My kids WILL know that “Billie Jean” was not your lover while “Jam”ming. We won’t “Stop Till We Get Enough”. Michael, you made “HIStory” and that is undeniable. Now that you’ve “Eased on Down the Road” to meet Him, I “Cry” because you’re “Gone Too Soon”. We thought “Heaven can wait” but it apparently couldn’t. Your music “Heal(ed) the World” and for that, you “Rock my World”. I “Never Can Say Goodbye” but I do I hope you’re resting in peace.
Dear YouTube, You are the Enabler of Unproductivity
This weeks letter isn’t that stern but it must be said. YouTube is tryna ruin me. And excuse me for the link whoredom in today’s post. Dear YouTube, iHate that iLove you. Like for real. There is a reason why most of the time, when folks send me a link …
Dear China, You Blocked So Much Internets!
This week’s sternly-worded letter has been earned by China (yes, the Republic of). And to anyone who is even THINKING about making some a “Are you sure you’re not from there?” joke because of my super slanted eyes, SHARRAP! Just shut your mouf wide open! Anyway, moving on… Dear China, …
Dear Angelina And Madonna (and Other African Kid Adopters)
This has been on my mind for a minute but I haven’t written about it. Then I found out that Madonna is going to Malawi to adopt yet another child. Dear Madonna & Angelina (and other African Kid Adopters), I would temper this with “No Offense” but I know it …
Dear Baby Bangs Creator
Mkay so I thought I was gonna be done with the baby hairhattery foolishness for real, but apparently not. Yesterday morning, the creator of Baby Bangs left a comment on the blog I wrote about her idiotic product, so y’all know I gotta respond in a letter to her. I …
Dear Future Mini Luvvie
Everywhere I look now, people are having kids. It’s like the 2nd Baby Boom. I’ve counted no less than 50 of my peers with kiddies in the past year. I have so many baby showers lined up that it makes no sense. Whatever’s in the water, I’m not having it. …
Dear Kanye West, Are You Ok?
Y’all already know my fondness of letters, and just as I poured my heart out in thanks of the Hat’s Aretha (it is no longer Aretha’s Hat. The hat is now so awesome, that it is considered the owner of Aretha, instead of the other way around), I’m writing a …
A Love Letter to Mama Retha’s Inauguration Hat
Because Aretha Franklin’s Inauguration hat was everything. Aretha: Mmhmm! You can’t tell me SH*T. I know you see me! Don’t hate. Appreciate. Dearest Ms. Franklin’s Hat, You came, you sang (on top of Re-Re’s head), and you conquered (the hearts of a whole nation. Hell, a world). You somehow came …
Hair 1, Comb 0
An Open Letter to my late Comb. Dear Rattail, I’m sorry you had to go like that. Twas a demise that was unexpected, and I am still shocked that you’re gone. Yes, I know I was wrong to wash my hair the day before I decided to braid it but …